|
|
| Issues? |
| Yes |
|
100% |
[ 6 ] |
| No |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| What do I care? |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:53 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:04 am
I suppose I should be welcoming you to my Journal...
Well, what? You actually expected me to welcome you?
)~Contents~(
I. The First Halloween
II. Ah, The Days of Youth
III. The Second Betrayal
IV. Playful Banter
V. Finding One's Voice
VI. A Battle of Words
VII. Bar Job
VIII. Winds of Torment
IX. There Was a Barber and His Wife
X. Forgiveness... Denied?
XI. Cold Blooded Reflection
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:13 am
)~The First Halloween~(
Tolfitken sat anxiously trying to build up the nerve to tell her mother what she had done. She gnawed on her ear, an odd habit she had of doing when she was nervous and couldn't decide what she wanted to do. She looked down at her paws, which were currently coated in sticky frosting. Her mother had told her not to go near the cake, but she had decided to try to be sneaky and look at it anyways. It had been beautiful, covered with little icing bats and pumpkins in front of a big, spooky icing castle. The pumpkins in front of the castle had been modeled after the Jack O'Lanterns she and her siblings had carved. She looked over to her other side, where her Jack O'Lantern was currently sitting. She had thought it funny to make a Jack O'Lantern of a Jack O'Lantern, the little smiling face that was now carved into the little pumpkin on her Jack O’Lantern now smiling at her with the glow of a candle. The pumpkin only made her think of the remnants of the cake. She looked at it now, only clumps of cake and frosting spread all over the floor, the rest of it coating her paws and belly.
Nerving herself up enough to try to talk to her mother, Toliftken looked up again. Her mother was busy with her siblings, who were currently fighting and playing over something or other. She had started to pad forward when one of her siblings sped past her, spinning her around. Trying to look dizzily around for her mother she called out, "Ummm... Mother...?" Another of her siblings dashed past, spinning her around until she was facing the door. "Mother?" she tried to call over her shoulder. Her mother's back was still facing her, her other siblings still running aimlessly about. Trying to fight back little tears of embarrassment and anger, she dashed out the door, her paws slipping on the floor and leaving little frosting pawprints behind her. Out in the fresh night air under the full moon, she slowed to a walk, watching the other Namrah and admiring their costumes.
The act of which, in turn, only reminded her of her own costume, now heaped desolately beside the ruined cake. It had been a little dress of orange and red and brown. The fabric had been cut into little leaves, the midsection fully orange with a little Jack O'Lantern smile, making her look like a Jack O’Lantern sitting on top of a pile of leaves. She had thanked her mother and told her how much she had loved it when she put it on, but her mother had only said, “Good,” and gone to give her siblings their costumes. Then she had thought to sneak a look at the cake and tripped over her costume, ruining both her costume and the cake at once.
Tolfitken hadn’t been paying attention to where she was going, too absorbed in remembering her costume and the cake. All of a sudden she found herself tangled in a heap on the ground with another Namir.
“I’m sorry!” the Namir said, “I wasn’t paying attention!”
Another Namir laughed, “That’s because you were paying too much attention to your candy, Brightshadow!”
“I was not!” Brightshadow replied hastily, untangling herself from Tolfitken and standing up, “Are you alright?”
Tolfitken sat up and looked up at the two Namrah standing over her, “I’m fine…” The one called Brightshadow, an anthro Namir, was dressed as a cat, with whiskers painted on her face and her fur coloring already matching that of a calico cat’s. The other Namir was covered in so many pond weeds that Tolfitken couldn’t tell what her actual coloring was.
“I’m Chaos!” the one coated in pond weeds said, “And that’s Brightshadow! Who are you?”
“My name is Tolfitken,” she replied, peering into the weeds.
“Tolfitken? That’s a cool name!” Chaos said, “Oh! You must be one of Edelweiss’s kits! You look just like her!” Tolfitken looked down at her paws at the mention of her mother’s name.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Brightshadow asked, “You don’t look very happy…”
“Yeah! And you’re not wearing a costume! You can’t go Trick or Treating without a costume… Do you want us to bring you home so you can change into one?” Chaos asked.
“N-n-no!” Tolfitken stammered, turning and pelting into the nearby forest.
“Hey! Wait!” she heard Brightshadow calling after her, the sound of pursuing pawsteps gaining on her. She tried to run faster, once again not paying any attention to where she was going, until suddenly the light of the moon was cut off from above and the walls of a cave loomed on either side of her. She skidded to a halt, the walls closing in on her until she could no longer see where she was going. The sound of pawsteps echoed into the cave and she heard Chaos call her name. She looked around and saw a pinpoint of light entering the cave farther in. She padded as quickly and quietly as she could over to it. The light was being made by the moon shining through a crack in the wall, its beam resting on something heaped on the floor of the cave. Cautiously, she crept forward and sniffed at the heap. When it didn’t do anything she pushed it over with her paw, the heap toppling to reveal a small traveler’s cloak. It was beautiful, with patterns of orange and black along the main body of it and an orange hood. It was just her size, and seeing as there was no one around to claim ownership of it, Tolfitken decided to try it on. It fit her perfectly, almost as if it was made for her. She sat down, chewing on her ear as she thought about what she should do next. Was she never going to go home? She couldn’t just hang out in a cave for the rest of her life… She was gnawing on her ear so hard it started to bleed, making her flinch at the taste of blood and at the thought of never returning home.
Brightshadow and Chaos appeared, panting from their chase after the kit.
“There you are!” Brightshadow said, her whiskers being made to droop by the worried frown on her face, “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to go home?”
“We won’t make you go anywhere if you don’t want to,” Chaos added quickly, seeing that Tolfitken was about to bolt again, “But wouldn’t it be better if you told someone what’s wrong? We might be able to help.”
“Really?” Tolfitken asked. When both of the Namrah nodded she started hesitantly, “I wanted to see the cake, but mommy told me not to, but I snuck over to see it anyways and I fell on it and I ruined my costume and the cake, and their probably finding it now and getting mad at me ‘cause I ruined Halloween!” She finished her story with a yell and started crying into her cloak.
“Is that all?” Brightshadow asked with a small smile, kneeling next to her, “You didn’t ruin anything, it was an accident, Edelweiss will understand.”
“Yeah, Weiss isn’t mean, and she’s probably worried now that she can’t find you,” Chaos said.
Sniffling, Tolfitken burrowed into Brightshadow’s arms as the anthro picked her up, “But she didn’t pay any attention to me when I tried to tell her before!”
“That’s because you don’t attract enough attention,” Chaos said, her eyes glinting mischievously out from her weeds, “The next time no one pays attention to you just yell something crazy until they start listening.”
Brightshadow laughed, “Yes, like this: PUDDING!!!”
Chaos laughed and joined in, “I WANT PIE!!!”
In spite herself, Tolfitken laughed and joined in as well, “IMA HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!!!”
Laughing, the three began to walk out of the cave and back to Tolfitken’s home. When they arrived Tolfitken hesitated, just sitting outside of her home after Brightshadow set her down. Brightshadow and Chaos gasped in awe, staring at her cloak. Confused, Tolfitken looked down at herself, discovering that the patterns on her cloak were scraps of black and orange cloth in the shapes of leaves and pumpkins. The intricate pattern wove the colors and shapes into each other so that her cape said “Halloween” across the back of it. She put up the orange hood, smiling a little at the cute little Jack O’Lantern face that rested above her face when the hood was up, smiling out at everyone she looked at.
She asked Chaos and Brightshadow if they would stay for a while, until she was sure her mother wasn’t going to chase her away for ruining their Halloween.
“Sure,” Brightshadow said, “And after you get everything straightened out maybe you can come Trick and Treating with us.”
“I’m sure Edelweiss and Teddy would love the help!” Chaos added with a smile.
Putting the hood back down, Tolfitken braced herself to see her mother again. No sooner had she stepped inside then she was engulfed in a hug, her mother telling her how much she loved her and scolding her for running away and asking her what happened and where she went all at the same time.
Tolfitken looked up at her mother, “But, but aren’t I in trouble? I ruined the cake… And my costume… And Halloween…” Her mother tried to scold her and told her that her punishment was to never leave her mother’s side for a whole month. Her father and siblings then appeared; her siblings all coated in frosting and cake and chattering all at once. They all gaped in awe at her cloak and told her it was amazing and then asked her if they wanted some cake.
“But I ruined the cake,” she said, her brows knotted in confusion. Her siblings all started laughing and her father brought out another, more roughly made, cake. Their father had used it as a distraction, making everyone chip in to keep them from running out the door in search of their sister.
After the fuss had died down Tolfitken remembered Chaos and Brightshadow still standing outside, “Can we go Trick or Treating?” She was surprised her question was heard, but soon everyone was outside and climbing over Brightshadow and Chaos, eager to raid every home in Namiah for sugar.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:23 am
)~Ah, The Days of Youth~(
I'll admit it, I was a hyper-energetic little fuzzball who always had to pounce and/or climb on everyone who came within my sight. Shimofuri was a favorite, because she was made of sugar and edible. My other favorite was Obsidian. I would always hide away in her hood, calling her my 'Obbimutti'. My real Mutti had ceased to talk or come near me after that Halloween, or come near any of her children. My Fatti, on the one occasion that I saw him, encouraged me to play with matches and I wound up burning my paw... To fill the void of my first betrayal Obsidian stepped in, letting me hide the peanut butter and jelly I had gotten from Seth as a bribe not to attempt to eat Tama's tail anymore, or hiding from my mutti the few times she tried to talk to me again, in her hood. And then there was the adventure I had with Sherbert, playing detective and trying to find out what a shiny mirror with a hole in it was used for; we later found out from an out-of-breath Talitha that it was something called a CD that played music... As my human put it, I was 'a very energetic and loving kit' who she had fallen in love with to the point where she wantd to make me a perma-kit. Unfortunately those wonderful exciting and carefree days could not last, as my human decided to let me grow as a normal Namir.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:40 am
)~The Second Betrayal~(
You may very well know that my first betrayal was from my Mutti, who seemed to have no time for me after our first Halloween together. My second betrayal came from Obsidian, my Obimutti, and hurt a lot worse than being left by someone who I had only known for a few days as a kit and had quickly and lovingly replaced with Obsidian. After I had grown just a bit too large to fit into her hood anymore she fell in love, even making me the godmother to her kits. I'm not sure on the details, but apparently there was another who loved her and challenged the one who had just bred with her to a fight, which I tried to step in on at the same time Obsidian decided to go evil. Even after her opponent was beaten her flame remained black and she tried to attack her mate, and when I stepped in again she attacked me as well. I searched for her afterwards, for a long time, trying each time I found her to get her to remember her family; the two daughters and the mate she had left behind. When I finally succeeded she rushed back to them, forgetting about me. I followed her again numerous times and tried to get her to know who I was, but each time I approached her it was as if she saw right through me, only calling me by her pet name of 'Tolly' and walking off again. I can understand how she could love her real kits more than me, but I felt as if I was her kit for a while and I couldn't understand how even now, when her kits are fully grown, she sees through me. I guarded her kits silently as they grew when they're mutti was absent, loving them feircly from the shadows and only emerging to help them out of trouble. They still don't know who I am, just as their mother no longer knows who I am.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:46 am
)~Playful Banter~(
Recently I have met a strange Namir, Pokemir actually, named JoJo. All we do is banter, exchanging insults and comebacks and insulting eachother's comebacks. It's very odd, but sort of fun. It helps me to forget about Obsidian for a while. Though since then she has not been the only one to leave me; Treasure has gone off confusedly trying to figure out if the person she likes likes her back, Brightshadow is off trying to her find Clan, and Chaos spends all her time at the pond playing with Adaire. Even Kirsa, my sister, the only person out of my original family who I actually spoke with, has gone off and found herself a mate. It seems lately that bantering is all I can do, in fact, sometimes it's what I look forward to. I just find it very odd.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:05 am
)~Finding One's Voice~(
Hear Some Here!
I recently followed the Pokemir I usually banter with, JoJo, wondering where he disappears off to so often. Well, what I found out was amazing, it was singing! Not just Neko's Orchestra, or the strange sounds most humans call 'singing', but actual pure singing. It's called Opera. The only way to describe it is as the most beautiful thing my sensitive ears have ever heard. But then JoJo found out I had followed him, there was a tense moment or two, but I was enraptured by the song he had just sung and wasn't really aware of it. We eventually got to just talking, no bantering, just talking about the music. And he sang more of it, for which I don't think I ever thanked him properly. It made me forget all about Obsiian and my Mutti and the others, and when the song ended I found out that I had been crying during it! Then we got into a discussion about what music was and what it could do for the soul. And then I asked the impossible question... Could I sing, too? I tried it, and he agreed to give me singing lessons! He told me to meet him further into the woods, "You know. To sing. Meet you there."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:10 am
)~A Battle of Words~(
Not much to say here... I met another Namir who liked to talk scathingly superior to everyone, and grew to highly dislike him... We traded words, but it was no where near as light-hearted and fun as bantering with JoJo. There may be many who don't exactly like me, but this would be my first solid enemy. His name is Eric and he's so overly arrogant it's tangible. Which makes it hard for me not to take his arrogance and shove it where the sun don't shine... stare
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:20 am
)~Bar Job~(
I was dragged into Namiah's first bar the other night, and I found I didn't like it much... Chaos had been looking for Treasure, and we found her heartily having a drinking match with her mate, Romsca. I found the whole thing smelly, repugnant, and boring. So much to the fact that I fell asleep soon after arriving. When I woke up later I scurried out quickly, but for some reason I came back again the next night, when it wasn't so busy. I reconnected with one of my brother's then, having a pleasant conversation about what was happening and whatnot in eachother's lives. He even got me a job there as a waitress. I found it to be a happy experience, though it made me sad that I no longer spoke to Kirsa. I must find her again so we can talk more; I heard she just had kits, one of them is Lana Leonry who likes to hang out with her father, Vana, a lot. I think the other's names are Leona Ayodelle and Lanzo Leonobi, a lot of "L's" and "Leo's", huh? Well, I hope it continues to go well and I hope I can continue to reconnect with my family. Some of my family, at least...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:46 am
)~Winds of Torment~(
To Follow or Not to Follow?
I don't know what's happened... I don't know what to do and I don't know what I feel. It started out wonderful, I was able to sing and I was happy and sad and everything the song filled me with. But for some reason JoJo didn't seem happy; he seemed curt and short, like he didn't really want to be there. I surprised him by singing in French, and it seemed to please him. But after that I guess I said something wrong, making him angry. I don't know what it is that I keep saying wrong, but every time it seems like we start to enjoy singing or the music or something I make him mad. Which makes me mad and sad, which makes him apparently guilty as he tries to fix it, which makes me sort of releived he would like to fix it but worried that I would do something worng again, and then I do do somethign wrong again and it all starts over. I'm so confused. And this time it went further, driving each of us deeper into a dark pit of which we couldn't seem to dig ourselves out. I don't know what I did or how I made the sound, but I cried with my voice, my singing voice. It filled me with such despair, no, it did not fill me, I filled it. I had made something so beautiful turn so dark and dismal and it made me sad that what had begun as a fun and exciting learning experience had gone downhill so fast.
That's not the big part, though, the big part is the tornado. I'm still not sure what happened, but he tried to get me to leave and I wouldn't. I cannot just run and hide when someone I know is charging headlong into danger. The tornado raged and apparently he was late to warn the people in its path, those people being Chaos, Treasure, and Romsca. JoJo said I didn't trust him and asked me why, but in my veiw he didn't trust me. I'm an adult, I can decide what I will and will not do, my human is in training to become a storm-chaser so I know how to handle myself in one, and if he had just trusted me to know what I was doing in following him he wouldn't have been late. I suppose it's both of our faults, though who actually did or did not do the trusting is beyond my scattered mind and emotion's ability to figre out. I guess Romsca tried to explain it to me, but I didn't understand, as what I heard was in his opinion it was all my fault that JoJo was late. It. Was. Not. Just. My. Fault. I take responsibility for my actions, he should take responsibility for his. Romsca said it was some 'damsel in distress' or 'helpless woman in need of rescuing' concept. I'll say it just once; if he ever tries to play me as a damsel in distress I'll make sure he has no mouth which to call me as such. And the threat may be the anger talking, but either way, I am no 'helpless woman'.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:30 am
)~There Was a Barber and His Wife~(
(Will be filled out when the rp is finished)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:47 am
)~Forgiveness... Denied?~(
Obsidian came to me today. Of all the times I had gone to her and tried to talk to her, this time she came to me. Why did she have to come when JoJo and I were finally having fun? She said she wanted my forgiveness, that she was sorry for all the things she had done and that she didn't really know what they were because of Dragus, but I didn't beleive her. I told her all she had done, I told her how she had tried to kill me and all the trouble I went through to reunite her family with her and how once she had remembered them she brushed past me like I was a ghost not even worth a name. I had understood that at that moment her real family was more important to her. But even after they were happy and together she still would not remember me. When I finally got her to talk to me she mocked me, smiled at me, called me 'deary'. I don't remember what happened next; my masochist blood had begun to boil and I was enjoying the feel of my claws tearing into her and hers into me and the flames that surrounded us both. It was JoJo who had brought me out of it, in time for her to throw me into a tree and burn him. I told her I hated her for what she had done, that she was a monster who had sacrificed her own children for her own petty reasons. And then Artemis came out at me, spat at me and called me the monster. Am I a monster? I have my mother's masochist and madscientist tormented blood in me. I tried to protect them from the shadows while their mother was gone, and when they still pined for her I brought her back. How could she expect one who is not a mother to know how to act like a mother? My real Mutti abandonned me, Obsidian abandonned me, how was I to know what I should do? I was only their godmother, I did the best I could, I tried. And I'm a monster. Even when Obsidian tried to kill me the first time I loved her as my Mutti, when Artemis called me a monster I still loved her. But when Obsidian hurt someone else close to me she had crossed the line. She broke down crying, but I didn't care a whit. She called Arty off and admitted that she was the monster, I didn't blink an eye. But no, she had only just begun to realize the extent of her remorse. I could not forgive her then, I told her so. She was the monster and she had realized it. And then she had come to me. My Obimutti came back to beg my forgiveness and I did not grant it to her... Maybe I really am the monster Arty said, only filled with Hate and Rage...?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:57 pm
)~Cold Blooded Reflection~(
I don't know what to do anymore... I think I'm going mad. Halloween helped me to hide it, as I was dressed as an already somewhat mad Mrs. Lovett and my mind focused on maintaining her character. But now I have to face my own self again.
In front of the pond here is a perfect place to do so - not the one that Chaos lives in, or the one that the other Namrah frequent - but a nice, secluded pool of mirrorstill water surrounded by nothing other than open trees. I learned from JoJo's singing hideaway that the fewer shrubs and bushes there are for someone to spy from the better. JoJo had a wonderful secret to hide, one that really needn't have been hidden, and was virtually harmless to others.
Mine is not so. It started with the word 'monster' - one would think that ironic if they had seen one of my spats with Obsidian and were not to read my next thoughts. In some ways I still see it as ironic, though cruelly so. In my mind, it began before the incident, but after that word was exchanged it expanded to further than just a simple silent inward argument.
I should probably explain my family's curse before I explain my conflict. Both my mother and my father are masochists, that is, they are obsessed with and take enjoyment from the feeling of pain. I think most of my siblings either inherited their curse as mental, and I think blessedly Kirsa was passed by it all together, living now with a happy little family. I'm glad at least one of us escaped our parent's plight. I, however, was hit with the full brunt of it. I love and sometimes long for the feeling or enhancment of the feeling of blood as it is drained from or simply how it circulates through the body. I could sit for hours watching and becoming entoxicated by the weakening of my body as my blood flows freely from some wound. I am disgusted by it. Utterly disgusted not only with the silent whispers of possibly enacting the pools of blood as seen in my mind into my flesh, but in actually failing to block out the seductive voice and falling into enacting those thoughts. I've nearly killed myself more than once... I am beginning to despise myself.
Bringing my attention back to the pond, I look in the water before me and I can see my scowling reflection. I think it may be a trick of my mind, but instead, but instead of one blue and one red eye glaring back at me there are two red and no blue. My mind's gaze can see a powderblue-eyed me looking fearfully down at a bloodred-eyed me rippling slightly on the surface of the water."Well?" The red-eyed me says in my voice, "Are you going to try to get rid of me again?"I try to sit taller and nod back my reply to the reflection."You know it's no use," I say, "You can't get rid of yourself; no matter how hard you try I will still be you.""You're not me!" I reply, "You're a bloodthirsty monster...""Don't you mean 'we're' a blood thirsty monster?" I ask."No, just you," I answer, though my voice is starting to quaiver as I know where the conversation is going to go, where it has gone all of the many times before now that I have come to this spot to begin the conversation."Oh, but you are me, see?" my reflection grins, "Anything I am you are as well. It was not me who broke down when Edelweiss returned, who fought with Obsidian and wanted to tear her apart." I grin even wider, "Well, it was me, but it was you before me.""Shut up," I say, trying to shove the horrifyingly rhapsodious feeling of the blood running down my back, and the vision of JoJo as he yells at me worriedly, out of my mind, "You're tainted." I'm trying to hold on, to hold out, to not let my darker side win over the argument again."But you enjoyed it," I say with a raised brow and a smirk, "You still felt the excitement and the pain and you did not stop.""You-!" I was going to say 'wouldn't let me stop', but we both know it was still my decision, "You gave me those feelings! You tricked me into acting that way!"I laugh, "How can I trick you if I am you? You felt what I felt and I felt what you felt because I AM YOU! We cannot change that and we cannot be expunged of ourself, so for the last measure of sanity that is left in our miserable little existance will you just give it up?"I turn away from the water, trying not to let my reflection get the satisfaction of tasting my tears. I begin to walk, trying to hold my head high, to not long for a caring figure to loom over me and cast stones into the water until no scrap of my red-eyed self remains. It would do no good; neither Obsidian nor Edelweiss was anything like a comforting figure to me anymore. And even if they were I would not accept their help. I would try not to accept their help... It would be tempting... To have an offer of care and motherly protection that hadn't been felt in what seemed like ages ago. But I could not, not after they had already abandonned me, I would not. I refused to bother or scare JoJo like I had before, and I do not think he deserves anymore trouble in what I have seen of his life so similiar to mine... So there was no hope of finding salvation from another.
Yet I cannot destroy the reflection of myself; I am not strong enough to cast me out upon my own. I do not have the power to do so. I am trapped. And as I retreat my reflection remains upon the rippling water, laughing.New Theme Song pertaining to this stretch of Tolfitken's Story
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
