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 Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:37 am
  What was once her favorite thing to quickly became her habit. What was once her habit quickly became something she could no longer control.
And what she couldn't control, pissed her a great deal off.
Who said that crying constantly would eventually turn her into an emotional explosion? Who said that using a few innocent tears here and there to gain attention would eventually be the thing that drove the said attention away? Who said that letting her heart and her mind stand on her sleeve (in a figure of speech) would eventually tear her up so harshly that she felt she never could use those organs again?
No one, that's who. No one warned her of the dangers of letting herself become so emotional. No one bothered to tell her why she needed to toughen up and stop letting little things like getting bit by a bug make tears flow down her cheeks. Not even her Papa! He'd gone through hardships in his lifetime, many of them revolving around his now-mate, Astia, but he got over them, did he not? It was because he was brave. Her Papa knew what he was getting himself into and quickly drove out before any real damage could be down. It was too late for her, the damage had been done the moment she shed her first tear.
And now it was just getting downright pathetic. And oh boy was she aware of that fact.
But tears were her specialty, and faking happiness was another. Not every soquili she ran into was frightened by her appearance. (As it was, her mane and tail both stuck out of the braids like someone had pulled on them so hard in opposite directions, split ends were obviously visible, and braids were no longer....braided, and mud caked to her legs like she just came up from the earth.) And so the mare needed to learn a thing or two about pretending to be a cheery young, flirty little mare like she once was. It worked very rarely, but since it worked she had perfected the fakeness to it's best.
But she wished it could stay. She wished she knew how to flirt for real again, to attract a handsome stallion by her looks and not her attempt at getting him to stay and sympathize with her. Although the company was better than it was before (as she at one point couldn't even get CLOSE to a stallion) she still longed to be attractive.
What was once a mare who could drive stallions away from their mates, and 'cheat', if you will, could now only make the pair love each other more. After seeing someone like her, the stallion's would surely be grateful they had a beautiful mare and want nothing to do with her. It made her happy to see others happy, but it also made her incredibly jealous.
If she had the will, and the guts to kill, she would have. She'd make herself the only mare to walk the lands so that no one could turn her down again. She'd make sure they all apologized for their harsh words, and she'd be the object of affection once more.
But it was deemed harder than it looked, to kill...she had actually witnessed a Kalona mare do it once, when she found out that her mate had 'gone off with her instead...and it was brutal.
But what needed to be done, needed to be done, right? RIGHT!
Abattie giggled to herself as she walked down a pathway in a clearing, happy to be up and about for once. The mare was usually found wallowing in her own self pity by any type of body of water so her tears could easily be mistaken for water.
Today was different though, she felt confident. Or...not, she never felt confident but she definitely felt different, good different...
Maybe today she'd bother washing the mud off her coat? Maybe...
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:43 pm
Day...100? 120? Christ if he knew, he'd been stranded so long on this forsaken land that he'd lost track of the day he arrived and how many long days had passed. Hope of ever getting back to civilization was beyond inprobable at this time; the ship he'd been sent away on had all but tossed him overboard as was the apparent orders. Maria...thats who he could have imagined would have preconceived such an elaborate and foolproof plan that not even he could get out of. If only she hadn't, if only she allowed him to stay at her side instead of trusting so much on the scientists she'd called her family friends.
Well, she'd be alive then today; and Shadow wouldn't be lost.
It was she that showed the stallion there was more to life than being an experiement; that he had the free will to go against what he'd been essentially created for...to create his own objectives in life. She gave him a consious when he was certian he had none and shown him a life beyond a weapon. He had been, what did they call it....fond, of the two legged youth; yet her father...his creator would have nothing to do with his offspring tampering with his experiement.
If he ever saw the Doctor again, well....murder would be the least of the two legger's concern.
Armed with only a wish to keep him preoccupied with somewhat of a life's mission...Shadow often found himself walking alone; day and night. Sleep came rarely to the stallion; finding his energy was usually stable even after a day or two with no sleep. Observation is how he'd spent the last few months, taking in information on the other species of life which roamed those desolate and strange lands of foliage, trees and mountians instead of concrete, steel and bustling humans. He'd seen some two leggers in strange triangular homes; but there were nearly as primitive as the beasts which roamed the very lands.
I want...a world were everyone can be happy! I want you to be happy Shadow; and have life free of orders and missions!
Maria...he'd remember her words for the rest of his life, and try to see fit that he accomplished her wish. It was the least he could do for the one person he could call a friend on this planet. Often the stallion wondered what his life would entail if she hadn't taken a liking to him when he was a test tube foal...yet there wasn't any benefit to past probabilities. It was merely a waste of daylight.
Stepping out of the shadows of the woods; the large stallion followed an old animal trail across the flatlands. The day was usual for the current weather trends of the mid summer, gentle warm southren breezes occasionally swaying his mixture of quills and hair. Oh yes, Shadow? He was part hedgehog. While his tail still held mostly horse hair, his mane and back quills were clearly traits of the little rodents...mostly why they unusually defied gravity and stuck upwards. Back hooves had been altered with rubber and other materials to allow him to run on all terrain with such ease it was almost pathetic.
Much to his curiosity; a yellow form had caught his eye up ahead on the same path. What he concluded was a mare by her more slender figure was walking amongst the tall grasses. He did not change course to avoid her; for even the analytical stallion knew a pretty mare when he saw one. Her colouring was pleasing; the hue a mix of a daffoldil and sunflower; and as he drew near his ruby eyes picked up the soft dappling of her flank and albiet messy braids and feathers in her hair. Work of the two legged he concluded. Her hygene was a bit lacking, split ends, mud caked to her legs and he believed around her eyes the fur was a tad bit matted; perhaps evidence of tears?
Pausing in the middle of the path, he awaited quietly till she was at a close enough proximity to strike up a conversation; perhaps any other stallion would have been too nervous to do so...but it helped when one didn't have the same emotional baggage. If he had emotions at all.
"Good day, Miss. Are you simply strolling...or is anything of the matter?" He cast a look to her legs momentarily. Perhaps she was in a scuffle and needed some assistance? She held no bold evidence of battle; but one could never be so sure and he assumed it was the least he could do to just ask anyways.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:19 pm
Love and friendship were not things that everyone could be experts on, especially when one had an immense amount of emotional baggage, but family matters were considerably different. Through the hard way, she learned that one didn't have to love a brother, or an aunt or a cousin, nor did one have to tolerate speaking to them. Family simply meant that you happened to split genes with another, that you happened to have the same eyes or the same smile. It didn't have the 'happy-fro-fro' meaning to it anymore, the one that everyone else seemed to believe.
At one point (and this, although sadly, took place even long before her emotional breakdown) the mare could be approached by any and asked if she was happy with her life. Her answer? Of course! For she had a Mama, a Papa, two siblings, grandparents....a bunch of aunts and uncles and even more cousins! The list went on, and she would have no problem bragging. Back then family was a wonderful thing to have, in her eyes. They were there for her to count on, to give her love and adoration...they were there for her to prance upon and have a jolly-ol' good time.
Not anymore. This situation boiling in her mind was just a tad less important than her 'no-stallion' issue, as Attie tended to have priorities mixed up to the max...but nevertheless, it was something to get the tears flowing. It had been eons since the beautiful sight of her young mother graced her ever so perfectly, or even her younger more hip and stylish sister. Heck, hadn't it been since she teased adulthood? Just barely smaller than her Momma, and POOF! she was gone forever. And having her Papa for a dad didn't help the little upset.
Bairn's family was one to be looked at and awed. Every last one of them were incredibly family oriented, so Attie grew up with the same mind-set, and...when her Momma and sister took off, it tore her up so bad she vowed never to forgive either of them. It was just going to be her, her brother and her Papa.
But then Kiefer took off too. Started his own family, left the mother of his children to fend for their daughter and stole their son...what was he thinking?? Her Papa was upset just as equally, and the two of them (well, actually it was only her, as Bairn would never degrade a family member) refused to see him for a while.
And then she moved by herself. And then started the whole stallion obsession. She was alone, lonely....looking for a way out of this mess, but ended up digging a deeper hole. So her life from day one of adulthood was nothing but tears and heartaches and upsets. She knew nothing of real happiness like her Papa believed he still lived in. He was obviously in denial, but she had not the heart to tell him that.
The mare was right back where she started, nothing really changed.
Her mind was in the middle of sorting out the issues so it wouldn't all clutter into one, when the voice of another rang through her ears. It was deep, masculine...a stallion! A quick flashy little smile formed on her face and it faded just as easily as it appeared when she turned around to look at him.
Different, to say the least. Like a creature within an animal. Oh, but no! She shouldn't be judging...he had stopped to talk after all. And he must have been a little off his rocker if he actually WAS talking to her instead of a different mare close by, since he said the first word. Hadn't he seen her, before he spoke?
Well, whichever the case, her manners took over as her golden-hued yellow eyes took in his handsome figure and she forced a pathetic, pity-begging, half-hearted grin and answered him.
Although he seemed to suck horribly at conversation. Or maybe she was just picky.
"A little of both, in a way. I was trying to get my mind off a few things, but now that you mention it, I haven't cried in a while."
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:09 pm
It really was strange that two things so similar as they could be worlds apart without even knowing. Her world of family, emotions, drama was like a foriegn language to his ears for good reasons though. In the same retrospect, perhaps his own life of machines, battle and being emotion-less was just as strange of an idea. Sometimes, he too felt that his progress in life hadn't passed the starting point yet or even that he'd taken a few large strides back from him first arriving on these lands. His knowledge base had expanded expidentially but otherwise he was no closer to his goal than he was trying to forget about Maria.
Trying to forget his failure.
Needless to say, the pair had one thing in common...they both were very much mentally consumed in their lives almost to the point of it being an understatement. Expressing was never something Shadow could fathom doing, even to Maria...why let on such weakness to another to up the percent of exploit or blackmail? It was a foolish notion, which was why he'd adopted such a placid look of general dis-interest on his face. Of course this cracked once and a while despite him being very interested in many things in life...but otherwise he'd mastered the look completely.
The sunshine mare's smile worried him slightly, and peaked his intrest as it dissapeared just as quickly as it came. To say the least he was different, and perhaps this dissapointed her to an extent; or maybe she was expecting him to be another? Senarios were endless, yet they were here face to face...perhaps she'd take it as it was being given to her?
Wait...crying? Whatever the hell for?
Double taking his originally look of her, his evaluation came back the same - she had no injuries that he could tell that would warrant tears. Thats what they were for right? A sign of infliction of pain, yet with no blood, bruises or scars the stallion was unable to process why she'd need to cry.
"Cry?" He echoed, his deep voice laced with an odd mix of curious concern. "Who has harmed you to warrant tears and pain...I see no scars on you. You must have good healing properties if they do not show even after a while."
Whomever had hurt this mare...well, they can't have been noble in the slightest. Given perhaps this hybrid shouldn't be preaching something he himself couldn't help at times; battle was battle....but this mare didn't seem the type to be out brawling and causing trouble. From what he could see from their momentary meet and greet thus far, she couldn't have been provoking to be hurt in any way.
"If you're in trouble...i'll eliminate it." He spoke sternly, his eyes narrowing immediately. When Shadow meant buisness, well....he meant it. It probably was the closest thing he could get across as showing his more caring and humanitarian side. Probably not the best of ways....but hell, no one was perfect!
Oh right....that formality thing. He guessed he should probably not come off a complete lunatic despite it seemed she might have already guessed it from her earlier look.
"My name is Shadow....by the way."
Better late than never?
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:45 pm
A world with no emotion (although in reality probably horrid) was one to be desired. With pain that dealt not with mental capability, but physical...it seemed like it did not exist. To the rest of the world, having feelings was simply the greatest achievement, to her, it was a disaster. At first it was fun, but emotions to her no longer included happiness, love, friendship...or any of the things she longed for. It was all dark, and she could not escape it.
Yes, it was amusing that the two beings that stood there were so alike, yet somewhat completely different. Their lives were not ones to be looked greatly upon, and yet that's all they've ever known. Were they to ever learn the others halves? That happiness could come from all things big or small, if one was willing to stop and see?
The stallion before her had an expression that on a normal occasion, would have given the mare an excuse to start acting like a darn fool just to get him to give her more attention....but this one was different. Was he truly concerned with her state? Or was he just another one of those annoying nosy hot-shot young stallions who thought of themselves highly. First glance, he didn't look like it, and Attie wasn't one to make a judgment on someone based off suspicion.
But oh! He thought her tears were the effect of an attack? Had he not seen her? Or did he choose to look beyond that and see the mare? Surely he could see she wasn't hurt, but deeply saddened, correct? Another smile crept onto her face, this time it was sincere and it stuck.
Did he just vow to protect her? Or at least, destroy her enemy? Well, if he wished to eliminate the attackers, he'd have months worth of battles on his hooves. The stallion wanted to know the reason for her tears, and had jumped to the conclusion it was physical. If he wanted to get rid of the reason for her tears, she'd guess, about half the percent of the stallion population would have to get wiped out.
And well, there was no fun in that! Although she couldn't have them, they were still mighty fun to look at.
"Ah, sir the tears I spoke of are not the result of pain. Well, physical anyhow. I'm afraid there will be no fight today." She giggled, a quick little mental picture of this stallion trying to fight an even bigger creature popped into her head. Boy was it amusing. "Just, um...having emotional problems. It's basic stuff, really, nothing to gloat about."
She did not wish to burden him with her speech of life's torture...it would take far too long.
"And it's a pleasure, Mister Shadow. I'm Abattie. And might I say, you're the first I've seen in a long time...well, to stay and talk to me at least."
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:32 pm
Once more her smile drew upon her lips, one which stayed longer as if the very sun had broke free of the clouds and remained against clear skies. So many in this land smiled...even back in his homelands the two leggers always had something to smile about. It was rare that his own lips turned up in such fashion from the mere fact he couldn't determine what he should be smiling about or perhaps that it just felt odd to be using such lethargic, untrained muscles in his face. He was once told it took less effort to smile, yet then why did it seem he was stuck with a frown or otherwise placid appearance?
Besides, how stupid would he look if he was smiling when going into battle?
"Not physical?" Now, he was truly complexed...but a bit relieved that he wouldn't need to end some lives today. This mare spoke of emotional problems and immediately his mind took a course back to what he knew. All of the emotional 'problems' he knew of involved some sort of physical anguish, which really wasn't helping his case at the moment. Frowning and looking to his hooves for a moment to ponder, his look of severe concentration broke when he gave her the closest thing to a clueless look he could give.
"There is nothing basic about emotional problems as a problem means things are not well...yet I cannot think of anything which does not come from physical pain. Shock...brain damage, lack of air getting to the brain...." All of which would need some sort of violent act in order to happen, unless of course it was an accident and this mare wasn't letting on because of embarassment? No...her cheeks would have flushed by now if that was the case or her voice would have given it away.
How...confusing.
"You are not in shock, are you?" He doubted it, she would have been shaking and pale if she was but better just ask anyways.
Oh! If her circulation was hindered, maybe the lack of blood to the brain was causing this emotional distress - which could be why she might not even realize she was in trouble. Closing the gap between them with a quick step he methodically lowered his head and pressed his ear against her chest to listen for a heartbeat...not really paying attention to the little voice in the back of his head screaming about some personal space issue which could arise.
Shadow however just was unwilling to accept that anyone would or could have a problem with his sudden proximity if it was for medical reasons. Even if probably the majority of Soquili in these lands were unaware of the methods of two legged healing and medical findings. While listening to the steady beating of her heart, he spoke up as she too introduced herself.
"Abattie....I find that hard to believe. I see no reason for anyone not to, is it not the polite thing to do in these lands?" Deeming her healthy, he raised his head back up to its original height and gazed down to her with his ruby-hued orbs. "From what i've seen stallions are very eager to gain the affections of mares like yourself."
He spoke the truth at least, perhaps even though he did not understand the full meaning behind 'emotional problems' that she had, he could see nothing the matter with her that would drive off stallions or other equine. Despite her rugged looks, not everyone could spend hours preening and grooming; if it was not for some of his own mane being quills and not fur he assumed his own state of appearance would be more ghastly than it already was.
"Your heart is normal...perhaps it would be wise if you just explain these problems in a little more detail, I don't understand what you mean by...'emotional problems'."
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:17 pm
It was true, the world somehow knew how to smile. Even when the situation at hand did not call for such actions, one never failed. It was as though, subconsciously even in the darkest of times, there was light to be found. Or perhaps the world was a closed book, and the upside-down frown was just another way of telling someone they didn't want them to know their business.
Whatever the reason, a smile could always be found.
And the mare knew that, which was why sometimes she wished she couldn't. It seemed as though no matter how horrid her life was, she could still smile. A sincere, good-hearted smile, when need be. And it pained her. Why smile when it was a lie? Why not just let the others know how she truly felt?
Now, wait what? Was he serious? His expression, although incredibly hard to decipher (luckily for Attie, facial expression were her strong point) told her he didn't know what she meant!
Not physical?
Well, darn. Was he disappointed that he hadn't run into a mare dripping in blood and covered in bruises? Or did he not understand how one could be in pain because of the power of the heart? Not physical! Ugh! Honestly! She huffed a bit as she gazed at him, golden eyes almost carrying a harsh tone.
"Basic emotional problems. You know....saddened. Let's say you wanted the rain to fall, but it didn't. And then you're sad. That's basic." Of course her issues were, on a scale, much MUCH worse than the rain not falling, but he need not know that yet.
The stallion was serious. She could tell. Physical pain! How could the example she had given him come from physical pain? How could anything come from physical pain!?!
"Um, in shock?" She giggled again, slightly amused that he would make such an assumption. Well, shock was the closest thing to what she was, if he wanted to put it in the 'physical' category. "Not in that sense of the word, no...but I am surprised."
When the stallion approached her, and pressed his ear to her chest, it did nothing but surprise her even more. Now, if he was pleased, she really was in shock. What DID he think he was doing? Oh! Not that it bothered her, no, of course not...any stallion willing to touch her was good enough for her. Heck, any stallion willing to LOOK at her was good enough. The mare jumped a little, all too sudden, but nothing extreme. Would he find that she was speaking the truth?
"I assure you I'm not lying. And yes, it polite but I don't know....stallions just tend to stay away from me when I look like this. I'm a wreck, an emotional baggage wreck, no one needs that." It was her turn to frown after his next statement. Very eager?! Yes indeed, if she happened to be one of those gorgeous, prissy, young...ignorant fools...but she was far from all of those. "Like myself? I could only hope! But it's not true either."
Had she known that he didn't judge her look the way most did, it would have pleased her greatly. At the moment he could just be deemed crazy, but perhaps blind? She didn't look like the typical mare, even though behind it all, she was.
"Ah, alright." Here goes. "I already gave you one example...about the rain. But that's very basic. Others can get upset and cry over a family member dying, or simply leaving and never returning. Even more get upset and cry when they don't get what they want...be it something and small as an apple for food, or as large as a stallion for a mate. Harsh words get exchanged often, and some do not know how to handle it so they cry. See it's all mental, or emotional. None of that is physical. It's a kick to the flank, or something of the like, that's physical...not watching a family member die. Oh! And one's emotional or mental level varies on the creature, so not everyone gets upset as easily....but everyone does."
She paused for a moment, and tore her gaze from him, to the ground. Surely he'd ask then, what was upsetting her, and well, she didn't want to go there.
"Me, I'm just...going through hard times. Nothing that a little company won't fix! I think I need that more than anything."
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:05 am
Perhaps another good word for Shadow to describe him was serious, really...REALLY serious. Jokes, playing, laughing (in of course a non demeaning mannor) were all something he never would fathom doing. He wasn't programmed to do so, that wasn't his purpose in life. Well - he supposed his destiny had changed drastically from his initial blueprints since he was here now and not off at war; yet still. Like he had any idea what life could have in store now that he had to create his own path.
Examining her eyes in a techincal matter her pupils had shrunk as she exhaled a huff of air; was she upset, irritable? Perhaps she tired of his inexperience on this emotional matter...whatever the extent of her frustration was he'd find out soon enough. The ebony stallion knew enough body language to tell she'd either shrug it off or become more irritable; which would be his sign to leave.
Yet no...Abattie decided to explain a bit more on these emotions.
"Saddened....but, there is always a possibility for the rain not to fall; why would anyone become so attached to a phenomenon that they'd cry if it did not happen. That seems a bit foolish to me..."
Anger. Revenge. Rage. Cruelty.
That is what he understood; that's what he knew how to feel. The power of these emotions were amazing in battle, for that was when adrenalin began to pump. What use did he have for sadness in life if all it did was slow down responses and made his eyes blurry from tears? Maybe if the enemy was crying it would be a slight advantage...
Yet that was neither this nor that. Raising a brow to allow a sceptical look to cross his face, sure...she was a little run down. Anyone who walked alone would look as such, did stallions in these lands really base so much on looks? No wonder the population of abandoned and unwanted foals ran rampant; there was no honor or nobility amongst these stallions who gallavanted after a pretty tail only to turn their own tail as soon as concequences arose. Pathetic really; if spawn was undesired well - what did the human's like to say?
Oh yes - keep their leggings on....or something to that effect.
"A stallion is not a true stallion if a little matted fur and debris would have them turning tail from a mare. You shouldn't desire someone who's more girly than a mare anyways who views are only for things that are pretty. These......Marellions sound like a waste of time if they cannot see anything past a pretty face; even if it is a little worn from travel." Shadow snorted, folding his ears back and tossing his head lightly. His short spiked tail have a shudder, sometimes he was glad he was engineered instead of procreated; heaven forbid he gained any of the traits that 'Attie spoke of.
He might of just had to kick his own flank.
"Why even desire someone who can't handle the weight of a little....baggage? Someone strong to carry that sounds more appealing to me, but I am no mare." Perhaps it was just a girl thing, girls liked pretty didn't they? Maria did - but she was also a human.
Keeping quite as she explained herself, Shadow watched with keen intrest to her; almost hanging on each word as it drifted from her lips. Locking the information away, the hedgehog stallion took a moment to allow it to sink in and find varrying comprehension.
"It varies? Interesting....perhaps that is why it has been difficult to find my answers..." Did he even have a degree of emotion? He knew the negatives associated with anger....but nothing of this sadness, of happiness. His eyes dropped to move along the ground in serious thought. "I have no family, I am the one to speak harsh words....I don't know what I want....is that why I cannot feel what you and everyone feels? This sadness which results in tears....if you have no level of emotion does this mean I cannot feel or cry like you speak of?"
Completely serious, he turned his intense gaze upon the small mare in a unintentional foreward mannor. Answers - this is what he wanted! There were always so many questions in his mind and no one up untill now seemed to be able to answer him. The last mare he'd met had been unwilling to even talk to him, let alone give him any sort of valuable information. Yet this mare....Abattie....she knew exactly about his questions; so it seemed obvious that she would know the answers then too!
Wait...back up. Taking a step back as even he realized how close and in her face he'd gotten in his excitement for the answers, he cleared his throat and cast his glance to the side. Catching that look though, he didn't wish to be rude to her as he listened to the final thing she had to say. The sunshine femme seemed rather sensitive about why she was having 'emotional problems'....if she didn't want to talk about it; he wasn't going to ask.
"Attie...." Oh.....hold up. Company was the key to fix it?
Maria....his promise! Oh this mare got better and better by the minute. Probably the first actual soul that didn't waste his time since he'd gotten here, Answers, a step towards his promise, interesting...what else did she have that put her above the rest in his eyes already?
"Company will make you....happy?" Shadow spoke pensively, tossing an idea or two around in his head. "Then walk with me..." Without a second thought he'd turned and taken a few steps down one of the less trodden paths amongst the tall grasses; pausing and looking back. "Well...I mean come, walk and talk with me if that idea pleases you; I want to know more."
More about this mare, more about these emotions, anything she could enlighten him on really.
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:22 am
If only he met her before she ended up like this. If only he could see the kind of mare she really was, or was back then...what kind of a turn would the conversation take? She'd be able to control her emotions, and darn well she wouldn't look anything like she did now. The tears that she learned to create with such artistry would be more of a game to her. Instead of standing there trying to sound her best, trying so hard not to let the little trigger in her brain that set off the flow of water-works...she could easily hold it back, and only let it out if she saw fit. Right now, if right now happened to be back then...Attie would have already cried in front of this stallion, intent only to get more attention.
But as the moments passed, and situations got worse, she saw that crying wasn't a way to get anyone's attention. It worked solely on parents, and even that was sometimes hard to come by. So the mare knew what a ridiculous amount of emotions could do to one's self, but did she care? If she were to ever return to her normal state, would she learn...would emotions no longer apply?
One could only hope...but then again, one never knew the future if it took the right turns.
"Foolish, perhaps." The mare stated quickly, okay so her first example wasn't the greatest, but who could think that fast when asked what is an emotion? "Although most don't get upset that easily. There are some..." like me "who cannot control what comes from the heart."
The heart, indeed.
Everything that anyone ever did, any decision made, or any tear cried....it all came from the heart. Even as this seemingly battle-obsessed stallion talked, he had a heart, did he not? The choice to not know how another could get upset by something other than physical pain....that came from the heart, right? Or rather, lack of heart, but still...originated in that area? Did he not know how powerful that organ could be, if one just listened to it? To stop and relax and give the mind a break...?
And as for the stallions that resided in these lands...they were all well...she would say disgusting, but it did so happen that the mare was stallion-crazy, therefore most weren't disgusting. Just....rude. Rude for not giving her a second glance, rude for laughing at her if she attempted to woe them...rude for turning her into the beast of a mare she was now.
So they had no heart. Their decision to block it out from contact with the world was their own...but they all still knew of pain, did they not? Even the toughest of Kalona's could cry! Antony protested to that!
But the words he spoke somehow stung her. It took a mighty amount of strength to keep the glistening water in her eyes from falling, and she just listened. That's when her Papa's voice popped into her head.
'Abattie darling, if you cannot find a stallion who likes you for you, no body is worth it then. It's better to be single forever, then have a mate attracted only to your looks. Imagine how your children would feel if their Papa didn't really love their Mama.'
He told her that once, before she took off on him, right in the start of her stallion-crazed adventure. Of course at the time he was just being a protective Papa, not wanting his little girl to grow up and find a mate. But now, as the voice replayed the words, did she really take them in.
Bairn hadn't meant to tell her he didn't want her having fun, he just didn't want her to end up getting hurt. Emotionally. And well, look...isn't that exactly what happened? She was foolish in her youth, that's what....she knew love was a great feeling, but didn't know what it entailed.
"I don't fall for stallions like that, anymore at least." She finally said, her gaze not moving from the ground. "I've actually avoided any confrontation in a while...I don't really want my situation to get any worse. The risk of getting hurt...and not physically," she quickly added in, with a little smirk, "is too great."
It was a girl thing, to fall for the bad boy stallions, the ones who only went for something soft and wonderful for the eyes. "I suppose I just never really thought of it that way, but I have yet to meet a stallion who wants me so I really cannot say."
So it was true...he did not know what emotions were...except the ones associated with battle. Anger, revenge...and the like? And he wanted her, perhaps easily deemed the queen of emotions, to explain to him what it all meant!? Oh, the thought of it all just made her laugh out loud!
"No family? Don't know what...." She trailed off, trying to find the right words, "Perhaps. I've never met someone who claims to have no emotion...I...if you truly do not know what it's like to be saddened then yes, I'd say it's the reason. But I sincerely doubt that you cannot cry. Have you ever lost anyone dear to you? Doesn't that upset you?" Everyone cried, and she knew it. This stallion, if she pushed hard enough into that outer shell, could eventually feel the way she always felt.
And if he wanted answers, she could do her best to provide them. Emotions were her specialty, but never before did she have to show someone what he meant to have such feelings. Coming from a soquili who practically drowned in it all to one whose never experienced any, well....it was sure to be amusing as to what would happen.
Could she do it? Prove to him that everyone, no matter who you were, had all types of emotions? As long as a heart and a mind were in place...
But when he spoke up again, her thoughts got all jumbled up, and she forgot what her plan to do with him was. Company making her happy? Indeed, but didn't company usually make even the grumpiest of creatures even the slightest bit more welcoming? Oh! Oh, oops she forgot. He had no emotion, or so he claimed, so no, happiness he did not know. "Alright, thanks." She giggled, as she watched him almost robotically turn down a path. "And it pleases me very much." It was, after all, the only thing she ever really wanted.
Screw the stallions that broke her heart, screw the so many failed attempts to get them to notice her. She just wanted someone to talk to, someone not afraid to talk to her.
"What do you want to uh...know more about?"
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:48 pm
If he had met her before it all...this very conversation or meeting would have been impossible. Not just the fact they would have been on entirely different lands, but the fact he was still controlled greatly by missions and objectives by his creators. To simply put; he'd have no need to even glance her way unless she was a target or civilian casualty. Maria tried to teach him that everything happened for a reason, and he was trying very hard to keep that in his thoughts each day.
"Cannot controll? Is it really so difficult to controll something like emotions? They are just a state of mind and physiological chemisty....and you tell me there are individuals who; lose it?" Really now, he'd seen the unbridled fury of angry and resentment in action...and who could of course really controll the feelings of revenge from completely consuming one's life.
....but to be upset, sad, or even happy to a point where one couldn't even controll? That thought was just too radical for even Shadow to try and comprehend, let alone understand what on earth that could even start to feel like.
The dark stallion kept his pace casual to allow the mare to catch up the few steps before walking at her side. Almost methodical as he kept exact pace with her own delicate steps even though he was more used to his near military march. He paid little mind to the gentle tickling sensations at his sides as the long grass crept across his ebony pelt; his eyes remained to the mare and on occasion a quick glance to the path before them.
Yet what was this?
Narrowing his orbs slightly, he noticed her eyes had began to sparkle more than before. Perhaps she had allergies to this tall grass?
"Attie.....your eyes are glittering. Are you feeling alright or is something giving you a reaction?" Perhaps this field path was not the best and they should have just stuck to the dirt trodden trail?
Yet he listened; as patient as ever as she spoke. At least she wasn't one of those prissy, young mares that he felt guility about thoughts of leading them to a Kalona's den when they gave him a headache from their high pitched....shrills.
"I see..."
Perhaps that was what it was all about...she was hurt about some stallion who perhaps she should have just ignored. Tilting his head up to the skies as the soft fluffy clouds rolled by lazily; he knew that if one didn't take risks that they would never accomplish anything. Yet fear was definately an emotion he'd heard about, and did posesss a great deal of power behind it. He had yet to experience it as it conflicted with his training to always be in controll; even in the face of death he'd kept his cool. It was in a way amazing what the mind could to if properly trained to take steps to situations; pushing emotion aside to let logic through.
He could feel....he had a heart. He knew that it was impossible to live without a heart; yet why could he not cry at sadness. Why didn't he cry at the death of the only one in his life who gave a damn?
"No...I wasn't born conventionally; you could say. I had a friend though; she was a two legger named Maria. I know I can feel....but it is very limited to battle type emotions. She was killed before my eyes and I failed her....but I could not cry. I didn't feel sad..." He trailed off; even now her memories only brought anger at himself and at the Doctor. "Im not upset; but I wish to kill her murderer someday. I wasn't taught to be upset, I was taught to complete my missions and await for the next..."
Well; okay....she might not understand what he was talking about, but at least he was trying. It was clear to see that he wasn't much of a conversationalist.
"I guess what im saying is....I can see the emotions on others; but from what I can see I have never experienced them myself. Like....you say this walking pleases you....all I am experiencing is that we are walking; it is an action we're doing; but you say this is making you happy. Am I happy? What am I supposed to be experiencing if I am happy....perhaps I am experiencing it but I do not know what it is that I am feeling..."
He sighed lightly; more out of frustration than anything else.
"I want to know why something so easy for you is so difficult for me. What training did you complete to be able to accomplish and experience these emotions of which you speak?"
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:11 pm
If everything happened for a reason, it would be so much easier to accept life. If she could find a way to believe that stupid saying that adults said to their children just to get them from stop complaining...well, then perhaps she wouldn't have these issues. Surely she'd understand then, that all the heartaches throughout the months, even years only meant that something wonderful would come of it.
But alas, that was not the case.
Nothing happened for a reason, and if it did, said reason was unfair. Life was nit picking at the only mare who probably didn't deserve to live the way she was.
"Yes. Emotions are very uncontrollable sometimes. Let's go with anger as an example. How about someone who lashes out physically for even the silliest of reasons? You said you're the type to use harsh words on others, what causes that? Can you not help what you say? And surely none of that is caused from physical pain, it's all emotional. Your heart is telling you that you're upset, so you express it with words...or violence." Of course, she was only speaking based off what he told her about him, he could have just been talking.
"Others, or...most others express themselves through tears. And it can even happen in a positive way! Ever hear of optimism? Or enthusiasm? Some creatures are so full on life, so hyper and naive that it just consumes their actions. They live a life that knows not of pain...and so they have no control over it."
Alright so she wasn't the best teacher, and she frowned as she stumbled across her words, trying to explain. But in her defense, Shadow did catch her off guard. "Emotions are a part of life, that is after all, how one gets by. Love is an emotion...and love is the simple greatest feeling...or so I've heard."
Her eyes darted from his hooves as they marched on the hard ground, what rhythm he had! A very attractive stallion he was turning out to be, lack of knowledge on emotions or not...he was interesting. Had he been...oh what did that two-legger call it? A slave, in his past life? Attie wondered if she barked out an order, would he follow it? Oh, but she couldn't do it now...she couldn't risk the only company she may ever get just because her flirty...foolish side wanted to take over.
"I'm fine, honest. Something you said hit a nerve, but it's gone. I just..." Well darn! Why was she confiding in him something that was none of his business?! "My Papa's voice rang in my head and I think I finally understood what he meant. It just...'touched' me." Just like his concern, although possibly fake, had touched her. He was willing to move location if she was allergic to the grass? Ha! He had emotions and he didn't even know it! The mare stopped for a moment, almost abruptly and nuzzled him quickly at the base of his neck, and pulled away. "But thanks anyways."
Ignored the stallions, indeed. If back then she hadn't care about any of that, if she hadn't desperately wanted to be loved, she would have. But back then, she didn't care. She wasn't afraid of what the outcome would be if she pulled herself to the limit. Failing wasn't an option back then, she did whatever it took to get what she wanted.
And look where it got her. She LIVED in fear now. She lived in a pool of emotion and couldn't find the ladder to get out.
A two-legger? Ears perked forward in interest as she listened. He had a two-legger friend, and a she at that? And he claimed to know nothing of emotion? Weren't two-leggers supposed to be experts on that? "Then th one who created you was the one lacking a heart. Who could let a creature live with a battle-brain, but nothing else?" Honestly, Abattie found herself almost shocked that he admitted he didn't cry when this Maria character had passed. Or even get upset? "Do you...miss her, at least? You feel resentment toward her murderer, and wish to kill it. You're obviously upset, whether you know it or not. Anger and sadness are close cousins, I'd say you're borderlining both. If murder is on your mind, the you miss her. And if you miss her, you're upset."
Man, this was proving to be a rather difficult task...but it was entertaining to say the least. They could both learn something from each other. "Happiness? Well, it's rather like a little flutter in your heart, like no matter how hard you try you cannot help but smile. Like you felt at that moment nothing could ever go wrong." It's like walking in a field of daisies, but geez...like she'd ever say that out loud. "Content is also happiness, and if you have no worries, nor pain or thoughts...that's being content. If nothing is bothering you, and life is just...life...then you're content."
Training, what? Not everything had to do with battle! He needed, if nothing else, to at least learn that not everything was a fight! "I was born. I grew up. I experienced life. Simple as that. You need to-!" Oh! An idea hatched in her mind as she spoke, would it be worth it to at least try? For educational purposes?
Attie leaned in towards him again, nuzzling in the same spot, only this time added a little bit of flirting manners, and lingered longer. Oh dear please let this work! If she could not get even the tiniest grin out of him, she'd have to try harder...
"Wha'dya feel? Explain no matter what it was."
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 7:34 pm
Anger. He knew that emotion well, probably too well.
Although he did not show it, the very mental image of his slain friend seethed dangerously in his soul. Never peaking, never dissapearing...it was always there; awaiting like a dormant volcano for the moment he caught sight of the Doctor himself. Anger had allowed him to be a better soldier for the Doctor, it gave him strength and to Shadow...it was the closest thing he had to being real.
Real beings had emotions, so if he could experience them too; he could convince himself otherwise that he too was real.
Perhaps he was upset...Maria usually came up in thought on a daily basis; and this meant he missed her? It was different not having her around, laughing, smiling and teaching him. Even though their time together hadn't been more than a year; she didn't deserve to go like she had. This was...compassion wasn't it?
"I do. Its a tactic to demoralize and cause doubt or draw out other negative emotions in an enemy; making them succeptible to attack. I can help it....I must think of what to say to make them feel most vulnerable and shaken." So, if he understood right....he caused them mental anguish with his words. Unfortunately, once again thanks to his training he was more adapted to block out any banter with the enemy.
Shaking his head 'no' to ever hearing those words before, he assumed they were more on the 'happy' side of the emotional scale. Maria liked that side and made it clear she wanted everyone to be on that side; even someone like him.
"My heart could be telling me things....I just don't think I can hear it anymore after blocking it out for so long..." Years of life didn't go away in an instance, he knew that. Apparently so did Abattie, but he felt there was progress - and Shadow always liked to be going forward.
Love though...he'd definately heard of that. From one emotion could spawn thousands, even lives. Watching her quietly as it seemed she was sharing something important, he curiously wondered too why she was sharing such personal thoughts. Given he'd been a little suprised of his own sharing since he'd met her. He'd touched her? Obvious right away he realized she was talking about emotionally, had he said something like her father had? How strange...yet perhaps he and her father shared some of the same opinions and ideals?
"Well....you're welcome then." He said plainly, nothing more needed to be adressed on the personal revolution. That was....untill that happened. Immediately he tensed, was this some kind of suprise attack? No...she wasn't like that, especially one which involved her nuzzling his neck. Commanding his muscles to relax almost as quickly as they tensed, Shadow raised his brow at the mare in an almost stupid glaze; as if the cloggs in his mind were racing but not clicking into place. Now what in the seven hells was that!?
None the less, he kept walking, still thinking back to that moment when she began about his past.
"It was what I was made for, Abattie. It wouldn't make sense for a battle horse to be made to be emotional; its impractical. There are times..." He paused, wondering if he should indulge her....but she had given him personal information; it was only polite to do the same was it not? "I was told that I was nothing more than an experiment; possibly not even the real copy of my design. I wasn't a real creature...or at least I thought such untill I met Maria. It was too early for her death, so I guess you are correct; I must be feeling upset, and remorse."
So...if he had nothing to think about, and he wasn't doing anything...he was classified as content? Well like that would be happening; what a unproducitve means of going about day to day life. He couldn't see himself being so lady to be content....asides from missing her point completely on how to be 'content'.
Slowing as the mare seemed to have stopped, he too haulted and turned his frame back to look at her. "Simple? Well when you put it as such yes. Yet what is your purpose; were you not told that when you were creat- I mean; born? Did you not have any missions, or tasks to uphold? What did you do with your time if you had none of those?"
Shadow just couldn't wrap his mind around it and accept it....perhaps he was already hardwired to always need to be doing something, to have a feeling of getting ahead. How could you gage success if one did nothing??
Hold up!
Something, and most definately a disturbing something rose up in the stallion as 'Attie nuzzled him again. It was the same action, same location; but somehow it was different; he could feel it. Almost like when wounded in the same spot again would be more painful than the original....minus this wasn't painful at all, of course. Uncharacteristically his eyes widened in a mute suprise, yet he did not move and did not flinch at her touch.
How how on earth was he going to explain that?
"I...." He paused, not wanting to sound like one of those stuttering fools he'd been talking about earlier. Clearing his throat, he continued on.
"It was like...touching static off someone's pelt, that shocking sensation." He narrowed his eyes, actually trying to concentrate on his symptoms. "My stomach, its knotting....almost like I could be sick or what do they call it....had swallowed insects and they're moving in there?" Whatever that fluttering was, it was foriegn and he wasn't sure he was all too happy to be experiencing it. It was so much a distraction he could barely be articulate let alone battle!
"Needless to say...its distracting. Is that normal and healthy? What is this called?" Pursing his lips to make a curious look, his face was a rather odd mixture of unnerved, inquisitive and down right weirded out....yet; still. It wasn't unpleasant.
"Is that the tactic mares use on Stallions to mess with their minds in courtship? I can see why there are so many blundering idiots out there..." Of course; he was immune....sort of; but he had more pressing matters to attend to!
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:09 pm
If she could convince him he had emotions just like every other being, if she showed him the truth...to her it would only mean that she succeeded in something....completed a task for once in her life. To her it would mean that her little 'gift' was able to help others...and if she could do that well then...
Bring on the water-works.
It was a tactic to do...what? He used words to harm others? Ah, well...mentally harm them sure, but to weaken them physically? You could do that? A battle could be won just simply by saying the right thing. Ah, well then he was attacking the heart. Did he not know that? Did he not know, because of him, there could be creatures out there wallowing in fear...living pretty much the same life she was, only for a different reason.
No compassion! He never heard of those words before! A shocked expression formed on her face as she watched the head shake. No way! It was one thing to be ignorant of the meaning, but another to not even be familiar with the word! Oh boy she had a lot of explaining to do. "Real quick. Optimism is when someone cannot see anything wrong with pretty much everything. They always find something good out of every situation. Enthusiasm is when someone is so uh...happy, or uh, excited to be doing something, or being somewhere. Like energy."
At least he was admitting to his heart having emotions. But, all he had to do was stop and listen! Exactly! Oh boy, oh boy! "Then just listen to your heart. I know it sounds insane, but if you took a moment and cleared any thought from your mind your heart eventually takes over."
Progress, yes. But this was basic stuff. He didn't know anything, by the sound of it...would she have to dig deeper?
Attie had never really been much of a conversationalist herself, she was much more of the flirting with body language and touchy-feely type mare. So she wondered how far she could go before it was all too much? How much more would she need to explain before it all hit her like a train, and either 1) her emotions took over right in front of him and she'd become that scary mess or 2) she'd come to realize that all this pain was all a joke? She did not know of the outcome of this talk, but she didn't want it to end just because she was scared.
So the mare put on a smile and kept talking.
"It's-!" Oh lord! His reaction was one she honestly was not expecting, it almost frightened her into running off. Not the most rational decision, but why had he acted so tense? Did he not want her touching him? It was simply a friendly gesture, nothing else! Instantly her cheeks turned a crimson shade of red. Ah, darn! If only she had a different colored pelt, surely he couldn't see it that way!
And then the tears came again. This time though, her bottom lip quivered, and whenever that happened, it was close to impossible to hold back the tears. But she managed to hold most, only a few lonely ones made it down her crimson cheeks. He disapproved of her gesture, and now, even though he was acting gentlemanly and continued to walk and talk, he was probably awkwarded by her!
"I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry." She whispered softly, to herself.
Ack, no time to be a fool! This conversation was about helping him find his emotions, and she'd do that...she really, really wanted to! "Not.....tech...nically, Shadow." She choked out at first, but it was starting to come back. "If a battle horse was made emotional, wouldn't it only make them that much stronger? I realize that um...some emotions are unnecessary but if one had love, or compassion then they'd be more uh...willing to kill their enemy?" She hadn't known anything on the subject of battle, but she could do her best? Judging by how Papa always stood up for himself in front of a Kalona, and he was pretty in-tune with his emotions...couldn't a fighter do the same?
"That's really horrible, I'm so sorry that had to happen to you. But who ever told you that you were nothing more than a silly experiment was wrong. You're here now, aren't you? If you were an experiment, you wouldn't be free and live in these lands. You're a creature, a real creature like the rest of us. Maybe one that has...to learn a few things about being free...but you're free. It's your choice now whether you want to be that 'experiment' anymore or not. Let yourself miss your Maria, let yourself mourn her passing. No one here is going to judge you for doing so, since everyone does. And if you don't know how, like I said...just stop, wait, and listen."
Where that all came from, she couldn't tell. But nevertheless, she said it and couldn't take it back. Every word that was said was true, after all...he need not be this battle-beast that he made himself out to be. He was here, not back at the....well, wherever he was.
Golden yellow orbs glanced up at him, such a complex being. He was like a foal, having questions for everything! "Everyone has a purpose, I'll give you that. But not one that you would think. A purpose would be to...grow up and start a family, or join a herd. No one knows their purpose in life until it unfolds before them, so no, I wasn't born with a specific task I needed to uphold. And as for passing the time, well...as a foal I played with my siblings and other foals...I did what normal children do. As an adult I traveled, and mingled. You never know who you might randomly run into one day."
There were ways to be content, or happy when one happened to be doing something, or course....it was just easier to explain the simple way of life. If he needed more, she'd give it all.
Attie watched his reaction to the second nuzzle, this time promising herself she wouldn't get upset no matter what the reaction. This one was simply an experiment, and she hadn't meant anything by it. A giggle rose to her throat as she gazed at him, boy was he not like any stallion she ever met.
What a refreshing change.
And what an excellent explanation! Oh! He had felt something, whether he knew it or not, he felt something alright! It was almost adorable, but no...she couldn't think that...she was his teacher, he was her student! Oh!
"Ah, the butterflies. Always a very unnerving but pleasant experience. You, my friend, just got the jitters. Your hormones took over, and well...I don't mean anything by this comment, so please excuse it but..." She paused, would he take this okay?, "it's like what one feels when they've met a pretty mare...or handsome stallion, and they cannot help but feel happy when they're around them. Happy, and nervous. That's where the stomach twist is coming from...your nerves."
Distracting? Oh! What fun this turned out to be! "Distracting is very normal. When one gets the butterflies, it tends to make the situation they're in a bit awkward, and that's all they think about. It's called attraction, admiration...a crush...love."
And hey! She giggled again, the words she spoke not clicking in her mind just yet. There were a ton of blundering idiots, but there were also that equally amount of females. "Stallions use it too, but not the touchy thing I just did. They use...words."
And then all of what she said hit her.
Oh. Butterflies? They managed to find their way into her stomach too now. Not again!
Crap.
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Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 7:52 am
Quickly stowing away the definition in his mental dictionary of optimism and enthusiasm, the brute wondered if he'd meet anyone who lifed like such. Imagine being so naive and blind to not see the evils and sadness in the world, it was an obsurd thought to the hedgehog hybrid. Even he who didn't fully understand his own emotions could see it on others as their faces were as easy to read as books.
Reading was easy...but it was trying to read yourself which was deeming to be the hard part.
He had no previous definitions of what he was feeling at times and like all towards the unknown wrote it off as simply not happening. It didn't exist, or was a fluke. Perhaps he would be feely, know more about the simple aspects of living if it were not for preconcieved orders and lessons about how his life was going to be led that the thought of how others lived just never came to mind.
"When I do not have anything else to be concerned about, all I hear is beating...if I run faster, my heart beats faster to support my energy. If you're not doing anything physical....isn't it unhealthy for your heart to waste energy on racing from emotions alone?" Then again....the body was a strange, strange thing. If Attie was telling the truth about all emotions being powerful ones; then surely it would affect the body just as much in the physical sense.
That was when he was in for a bit of a suprise.
What normally was a golden hue suddenly stained with crimson; and from first glance he had thought her tears were sweat! Dear god how did she manage to catch a fever in such a short ammount of time!? Was she sick all along?
But wait - No. They were from her eyes, and even Shadow knew what crying meant from what he was just told. She was sad, or upset....or both? It must had been something he'd done since nothing else had happened to her while he was watching.
"Attie...." He began, well....he really had little clue where to begin. Didn't really help his situation that he hadn't a clue what he'd even done to warrant such a display of emotion. He tried to allow her to finish what she had to say, wondering if him interrupting would increase the water works but luckily for him she seemed to be struggling to gain controll.
"I wouldn't know if it would make a warrior stronger...I have not experienced this love emotion to my knowledge. From what you have said thus far it seems logical; yet I can assume in my experience why change something if it is already working fine?" He had gotten the job done no matter what; other than Maria's wish to make him free the Doctors seemed to be satisfied with his success and didn't need to teach him of emotions.
"What's done is done though. I cannot change it, but I can right a few wrongs. It may take the rest of my life but i'll finish what I started." Plus the fact he had no clue on how to get back...yet he wasn't in no rush; besides he did have a mission to complete here.
"If it wasn't for Maria I wouldn't be here, I really owe it all to her. I...think it would be beneficial to mourn her, it sounds like a fitting tribute anyways. How does one mourn? Is it difficult?" He hoped it wouldn't interfere too much with his current mission; yet since it was for Maria he knew he'd get both done without failure.
Abattie seemed to have what he'd deem to be a very normal life; playing, traveling and the works. A curious thought passed by him and wondered what he would be like if he too had an existance like that; but that was quickly dismissed that he wouldn't have been born period. Being a hedgehog/Equine hybrid of sorts didn't really work out in the natural worldly order of things now did they?
"Has your purpose unfolded yet? To start a family, join a...herd?" It was strange that here you had to wait for life to give you something...he almost thought it was easier just to be told; seemed more productive. Yet it wasn't free, as she stated; and it seemed everyone in these lands enjoyed freedom more than they would a life like his.
Jitters? Butterflies? Nerves?
Frowning slightly as he soaked in all the information and tried to make it logical; he got that it all pertained to the birds and the bees things that the parents were telling their children in these lands. This...Jitters must have been the initial stage of the whole courtship routine.
"So let me get this straight. By you touching me; I got these jitters....which are called butterflies for their symptom like effect on a stomach but is really caused by nerves? It doesn't happen if say another male is to touch me or an ugly mare? I did not think that looks were such a factor in all of this; is the chemistry different from a pretty mare to an ugly mare?" Everyone looked the same; had mostly the same genetic structure...this must have been due to preference; like Attie has said earlier with some stallions wanting nothing but pretty mares.
"I see..." It certianly was a lot to take in, what with this causing that but really was this which was called this, this and this....
"So since I felt that from you; it is because I am nervous with the crush on you? It seems strange they would use such a violent sounding word for something you said was a good thing..." Yet now; how on earth could you use words to have the same effect on someone? It seemed so very physical to him, was it something only mares could do?
Wanting to test out his theory, he'd forgotten to gain permission before using his cheeks to rub against her own; clearing away the tears he'd noticed erlier which still clung slightly to her sunny pelt. Had she felt anything? Or was words really the only way? He took a side not that she did smell pleasantly like the woods and meadows; probably from traveling. The Butterflies were not as bad now that he was in controll of the situation and expecting it; yet there was still a bit of that tingling sensation left on his now slightly damp cheeks. Yet his fur was black and thus near impossible to notice wetness on it.
"There isn't anything to be sorry about...and someone with such knowledge as you cannot be an idiot. I think I understand this touchy thing now; I wasn't prepared before." Really; who was prepared for that kind of stuff? ......oh yes; those who've grown up with being touchy.
"Did you feel anything 'Attie? Or are stallions supposed to use the words and not the touching when having or wanting to induce butterflies and crushing?" Perhaps if Shadow wasn't Shadow he's be laughing at how serious he was taking this whole conversation, putting something so natural into a methodical and near scientific study to be memorized and reviewed so he wouldn't forget.
Besides; if he was going to be staying in these lands he might as well learn some of the normal customs. Who better to teach him than this smart, pretty mare with emotions? Standing before her he waited for an answer or some kind of sign that would tell him what he needed to know.
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Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 4:27 pm
Reading others was extremely easy. Even the most ignorant of creatures could tell when one was happy or not, as most of it was all in the eyes. But she need not go that far with her 'teachings' just yet. If he asked, she'd tell...otherwise it was unnecessary to go into reading someone's eyes.
Although she didn't know he already knew how to do that...if she had...well, perhaps the teachings would be easier?!
Ears perked forward, they took turns listening to each other, the conversation making a strange turn as they kept...almost contradicting one another. She'd say one thing, trying to explain what she meant, and he'd say something else, making what she said beforehand seem so pointless.
But at least it was fun. He kept her thinking! "I don't know everything, Shadow." Abattie stammered, almost surprised at his words. How would she even respond to that? "But I suppose you're right...a little too much of anything is bad for the heart. And yes, that includes battle related thoughts and actions. An even healthy dose of everything never really hurt anyone! Silly stallion....you don't literally listen to your heart cause then all you would hear was beating! Don't think about what you're doing, don't think about anything, and eventually your heart takes over."
Ah! What was she telling him? She certainly knew emotions, but not love. Every time she met a new stallion, she claimed to be 'so much in love', and yes...every time. It wasn't love if you fell more than once, and certainly not if you didn't even now the stallion. So her heart, at the moment, was her enemy.
Oh dear, oh dear! He had noticed her little display of pathetic emotion! She didn't need that, she didn't need that! Did he think she was stupid for being so sensitive?! Had he even known what he did?! "I'm fine." She choked out, almost laughing along with it all. She was fine, she just needed to calm down...and all this talking and thinking was doing the trick just splendid!
"Sometimes change is good. I hate to be repeating myself, but change also makes someone stronger you know. Change has a tendency to make someone a more well-rounded being, or 'all-knowing'! True why change is, but I don't know...change is good." The Doctor might as well be the most annoying, most ignorant creature she'd ever heard of! Limiting one's ability to a specific group was just foolish! The mare snorted to herself...if she was to create (and god only knows how someone like her would be able to) her own little creature, she'd certainly make her it excelled in every bit and portion of life! She'd make sure not to leave one possible thought process or emotion out of the equation.
But she knew nothing of science, nor where Shadow really came from. He said he was 'created' not born...perhaps the gods brought him down? Ah, but then wouldn't he have those amazing Angeni wings?
"Even if you right one wrong, Shadow...it's worth it. Take every little bit of life one day at a time...one random act of kindness at a time. Don't go trying to make the world a better place, then you just seem conceited. If you are the reason someone smiles...then that should be enough!" She smiled after she made that comment, and her eyes widened. He was the reason she wasn't alone and crying today...the reason why today seemed so perfect! "You helped me, whether you know it or not...I'm not alone right now."
How does one mourn? Well, they cry of course! Attie gave him the expression that read 'duh', but was quickly reminded that he had been completely ignorant of all that has to do with anything other than...anger. "You don't know how to cry, do you? I...cannot explain that. I cannot even begin to try to explain that. Crying is just so...natural. Sometimes the sadness within you is too much to handle, and tears flow. But you can mourn without tears I suppose. Just um...give her a silent moment, and don't let her leave your thoughts."
If she could be enlightened with the life he lived, it would only seem impossible and unfair to her. Unfair because he was sheltered from living fully, and impossible because it was so unique. A hedgehog hybrid? A hybrid, she knew...was a cross between two species, but the only hybrids out there were Kalona's and Wind's or Flutter's or Unicorn's. She would find the fact that he wasn't even a full horse just that much more amusing. How could something like that happen?!? Perhaps she'd learn, once he learned of what he needed to know...
Perhaps...only if he stayed with her.
She shook her head no to his next question, trying to wrap her mind around the idea of having her future already planned out. Now where would the fun in that be? "I haven't found anything in my life worth...it just yet. But once I find that something, I'll know and my purpose shall be revealed!"
Ah, the birds and the bees. If Abattie knew that's what popped into Shadow's mind when they started this conversation, she would have found it absolutely hilarious. A stallion like him, knowing what all that meant?! It was one thing for a foal to now at such a young age, but someone who lacked knowledge on that subject? And even giving it the little nickname! What joy she would have if only he used it.
"Yes. Well, to the first part. They're called butterflies, and you get them when you're nervous. It doesn't even have to happen between a mare and a stallion, you could be meeting your parents for the first time and still the butterflies will come. As for the second part, that just sounds so bad! No, the chemistry is not different, it depends on how well a mare and a stallion like each other. What may be pretty to you, may be ugly to another...there is no specific definition of 'beauty'. It's in the eyes of the beholder, as they say! And no, I don't think another stallion touching you would cause you to get the jitters...that's...not how it goes. But a mare, sure! It's just your male hormones talking."
Oh, boy...had she saved herself from that one?! It was all based off preference, but she did not want him thinking she was one of those mares who only went for looks, nor did she want him thinking himself in that was either, based only on what she told him! Personality and 'sparks' played a huge role in the love department, and she knew that well.
Stallions were all the same to her, anyways...being so crazy for them and all.
Oh! Oh! Oh! OH! OH! Abattie hadn't meant to react in such a manner, but he spoke like he came from another word! Such foreign knowledge, and it was quite amusing! Her cheeks puffed up, holding back a choke of laughter, which proved to be useless as it all exploded as one. A balloon had just popped in her mouth it seemed, and she couldn't stop laughing. The crush? The crush? She must be doing something right if he admitted to having a crush. Ah, but darn....he probably didn't know what that meant. It took a moment to recapture herself, and she sighed. "As amazing as that comment is, Shadow...no, you're not 'nervous with the crush on me'. You just aren't used to the shocking feeling of a possible erm...love interest." She was making herself sound like he loved her, or that she loved him...and it was all getting just a tad awkward...would he notice?
"And a crush is not exactly that. A crush means that someone you know is extremely attractive to you, be it looks, personality or both...and you like them. And not just like as in tolerate, but like as in....love. Not really sure why they gave it that word, really...it does sound violent!"
Stallions could crush too, in fact...didn't stallions usually crush more than mares? Mares were the ones who knew they could get anything and everything they walked, it was just every stallion wishing it could be them!
Ack....but wait, what? Her mind had wandered off elsewhere when she thought about the stallions crushing on her...in her own little fantasy world of course. It would only be so wonderful if every creature of the opposite gender wanted her as their mate! So as she was dreaming, she felt his cheek on her own, and felt it linger. Was he doing his own little test, or was he returning the favor? Crimson red returned to her sunshine coat, and she blinked up at him.
"Thank you...I...." What was she going to SAY?
"Stallions can use...actions, erm...uh, touching too if they....wanted, it works both ways but uh....sometimes stallions like to...woe a mare by telling her she's....beautiful. Sometimes, that's really....all it takes...I...uh...um..."
At the moment, she wanted to avoid his first question, finding herself at a loss for anything remotely worth saying. He didn't know what he was saying to her, didn't know the hidden meaning behind it all, did he?!
"I've got...butterflies, really big...butterflies."
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