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 Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:14 am
Name : Fred Goon
Gender : Male
Age : 15
Year : Third Year
House : Ravenclaw
Ethnicity : British
Hair/Eye Color : His deep, Blue staring eyes, glistening in the light. With bleach blonde hair, just over his eyes, bright enough to light up the whole of hogwarts.
Pet : His extremely hyper cat, Gingie, with beautiful, golden fur will sneak anywhere and do anything just for a nice, juicy rat. (Usually one of the students.)
Home Life : Living in a busy, muggle city wasn't easy for Fred, he couldn't show the speck of magic as he would be locked in the shed by his muggle father, Jim. Jim wasn't all too keen on magic, he was very strict with it and wanted fred to live 'muggly'. Freds mum was a witch, but sadly she had died, frazzled on a dragonslaying mission. The house Fred lived in wasn't all that bad, he had his own room, and his own toys. But the thing Fred didnt like was that he had to forget about magic, and be like a muggle. He wasn't even aloud to use his owl, which was locked up in the small cage they had, along with the family budgie.
Diving deeper : Most people see Fred as a kind, helping teen. His grandma of course would give him sloppy kisses for this when she visited, and Fred hated this, unlike her sticky toffee pudding. some days Fred would just sit and talk to gingie, his cat, but of course she didn't talk back But he was sure she understood him. In the muggle world, Fred liked going to the cinema, but in the magical world, he liked to play quidditch.
Reading wasn't the thing for Fred, he hated it! he would cringe whenever he passed the school library, or was that because of the horrid librarian? Fred was a very intelligent young wizard, as he would be in ravenclaw, he loved learning new things through touching things, Fred was also a very fast wit.
Taking a closer look : It was a dark gloomy night when it happened, the moon shone bright, and the owls sang loudly. It looked like a normal night, but it wasn't. Sarah was sure it was going to be round a corner. whilst Fred was full of confidence, overcoming the fear.
'I hear it breathing,' Whispered Fred,
'Can't we just go back and tell the teacher?' Sarah replied although they knew too much now and had already seen the secret. The monster must have been up to something, it wasn't just outside for nothing.
'What if its hunting' said Sarah with fear in her voice. Fred wasn't listening, he had seen what Sara hadn't, she was looking elsewhere. But stood, looking down at Fred, was the monster...
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:29 pm
Your acceptance has been put on HOLD for the following reasons:
Not detailed very well. You gave a brief glimpse of his home life
(that he lived in the muggle world by force and doesn't much like it)
but not much else. You need to explain things more. Like why is his
father like that, what is Jim's job, does he have any other family
members that are magical or is he the only one? Things like that.
The diving deeper section seems more like an extension of
his home life and not a look into his personality.
When you describe his personality more, be sure to include some sort
of evidence that he has Ravenclaw traits. So far, I'm not seeing it.
You can't put that his mother was the only female quidditch player,
because she wasn't.
Keep an eye on your grammar.
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