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 Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:35 pm
I don't know if it's just me but a lot of the posts i've been seeing recently in forums agree about how adoption is "soooooooo much better and less selfish than having a child." I was just shocked. Also the fact that everyone posting was agreeing that having children was just as much abandoning those non-adopted children.
I have nothing against adoption. I do plan on having my own children though. I know there are people out there who can't do that. It's a gift, not a selfish desire.
The thing is too, most of these posters will never adopt children. I know very few people who have adopted children. When they do, they do adopt several though. (the people i've known anyways). Many of these people are those who had no partner, or could not or could no longer have biological children. Many of these posters opinions is that they will never have children, they will simply adopt. I don't really believe them but it just seems as if they could have a pro-adoption standpoint without insulting people who want to have children.
Does wanting to have biological children make us selfish? Please tell me no. I really don't think it is. I just feel somewhat frustrated by these posters.
Sorry, just had to get it all out. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:58 pm
I dont think its selfish to want to have your own children. I believe having children is a gift. If my hubby and I cant have kids we may addopt, but we want our own kids so badly.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:17 am
That's what I thought. It's a personal decision what others think. Whether natural birth or adopted, I think a child should be loved by it's parents.
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:18 pm
How weird! I never thought wanting to have your own children was being selfish. It's our right as living beings to have children. It's been why people get married for hundreds of years!
I want my own kids. I want to create something so special and awesome with my husband. If we can't have kids, we will adopted. I'm all for adoption!
No offense, but what those people who are against having children sound like is that we have to be responsible for the mistakes of other people. Like, "Let other people have kids they don't want so you can take care of them!"
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:08 am
I tend to think it is... I'm not saying people are bad for having their own, I just think there are more than enough kids out there, and they deserve a family too.. Plus bringing more kids into this insane world?
I wouldn't look down on anyone wanting to have their own kids, but personally if my husband and I ever change our minds about having children, we will adopt. Going to an orphanage really changed my line of thinking... cuz those were amazing kids that deserve a chance, a family to love and care for them, etc...
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:01 pm
No it doesn't. Its natural to want your own children that you and your partner created. Thats special. I think its just personal perferance.
I personally want 3 of my own children and then adopt 1. Or maybe even have 2 and adopt 2. I've worked with adopted/foster kids and so they have a sweet spot in my heart.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:12 pm
Miss-Shade No offense, but what those people who are against having children sound like is that we have to be responsible for the mistakes of other people. Like, "Let other people have kids they don't want so you can take care of them!" This does offend me. I don't know if you meant it the way it came out or not but you just basically called those children "mistakes." Like they are a burden to the world and don't deserve homes just because their parents were irresponsible. Sometimes it's not even because parents are "irresponsible" Like China. China has a baby limit. Sometimes parents have accidents are have twins and are forced to give up their children. Children are never mistakes, no matter how they were brought into the world. It is just not fair to say "oh sorry little boy, you were a mistake and so you have no right to a normal life anymore. Sorry bout your luck!" I don't think thats what you meant to say but I just felt like ranting
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:07 am
PurpleBubble Miss-Shade No offense, but what those people who are against having children sound like is that we have to be responsible for the mistakes of other people. Like, "Let other people have kids they don't want so you can take care of them!" This does offend me. I don't know if you meant it the way it came out or not but you just basically called those children "mistakes." Like they are a burden to the world and don't deserve homes just because their parents were irresponsible. Sometimes it's not even because parents are "irresponsible" Like China. China has a baby limit. Sometimes parents have accidents are have twins and are forced to give up their children. Children are never mistakes, no matter how they were brought into the world. It is just not fair to say "oh sorry little boy, you were a mistake and so you have no right to a normal life anymore. Sorry bout your luck!" I don't think thats what you meant to say but I just felt like ranting No of course I didn't mean they are mistakes. It's hard to put into words how I feel because it's such a sad and important subject. I just feel that these people who don't want us to have our own children and only adopt are making it seem that it is way more important to adopt than have your own child. Like, "Here's a kid! Save yourself the trouble!" (even that sounds bad, but that's what I imagine when I think of these people) Like they think it's ok for other people to have kids, but not you. Both of these things are equally important, having your own child and giving an orphan a chance at a better life. I just don't think it's fair for anyone to say what's more important. I do know of the baby limit in China and what they do sometimes if they have a girl. I can only imagine how hard it is for those parents. It makes me greatly sad of all the orphans around the world. I always thought about adopting, I'd like to have my own child, but I'd love to adopt also.
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:54 am
It certainly isn't selfish to give birth to your own child. It is something immensly special and precioius. It's nature. That's how it's supposed to be. But adoption isn't bad either. My hubby and I had a child and we're still considering adoption. (Mostly because our hearts go out to those poor children, especially in other less fortunate countries.)
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 5:56 pm
Um. I think you have some misconceptions about China and the one child rule. You don't have to give your children up. I know quite a few people who have more than one child, including some very close family friends who have two little girls in Bei Jing. They just have to pay heavier taxes. I think the policy has greatly improved the situation in China, where its urban centers were swelled with overpopulation. I think people are really quick to judge it as some kind of breach of civil liberty, while I think in all honesty it has benefited the country a lot. Quote: The one-child policy promotes couples having only one child in rural and urban areas. However, parents with multiple births are given the same benefits as parents of one child.
The limit has been strongly enforced in urban areas, but the actual implementation varies from location to location.[6] In most rural areas, families are allowed to have two children if the first child is female or disabled.[7] Second children are subject to birth spacing (usually 3 or 4 years). Additional children will result in large fines: families violating the policy are required to pay monetary penalties and might be denied bonuses at their workplace. Children born in overseas countries are not counted under the policy if they do not obtain Chinese citizenship. Chinese citizens returning from abroad can have a second child.[8] I can see where something like this can seriously offend Western sensibilities, but Eastern values are not the same.
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Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:24 am
To be honest, I think it'd be more selfish of me to adopt a baby, than to have my own.
I'm lucky; I happen to be in a hetrosexual relationship, my husband and I are both healthy, both fertile, and my body is coping very well with pregnancy.
Thousands of families out there aren't so lucky.
Adoption is a long and very difficult process, and once you get through all that, there's a minimum five year waiting list to adopt a baby.
If I adopted a baby, I'd feel like I was taking that opportunity away from another family out there.
Of course, adopting an older child is a different matter altogether, as is fostering.
It's a much more noble cause to adopt a teenager with behavioural problems, but let's face it, it's a difficult challenge that a lot of people don't want to face.
But most of the threads I've seen on Gaia, are filled with the kind of users that say things like; "I'm gonna adopt a baby girl and she's gonna be Asian and I'm gonna call her Sakura!"
It's like they think adopting a child is like adopting a dog from a shelter.
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:48 pm
I'm so glad that not everyone feels this way. I know it was a while back but it just really got me down for a bit (Hence the vent). I didn't notice it was always adopting babies and not older kids though. Thanks for that thought.
I know that adoption is a very good route for some but not others, and that's what I was trying to explain but was unable to. I think it was also the idea that having large families was selfish. I think that it's a personal decision and judge that person's decision because it differs from your own is just silly. Thank you all for your support about this.
And to Tute Sweet...You're PREGNANT?!! Congratulations!!
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 12:14 pm
I don't think either is selfish.
You have a right to have a family any way you can/choose to.
We want a LOT of kids, so I hope to talk him into adopting at least one or two, giving children a nice home and family. *Not against adopting older children* heart
(Also, CONGRATS Tute Sweet!)
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