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 Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:10 pm
I stole this thread from another metal guild (which I think a few of you are in, actually). I cut out a couple of types and semi-censored a VERY little bit, but this is the gist, which I find entertaining.
HEAVY METAL:
The knight arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and f*cks the princess
GRIND METAL:
The knight arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The knight arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The knight arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f*cks her....... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The knight arrives with some friends playing accordions,
violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) knight leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The knight arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The knight arrives, kills the dragon, f*cks the princess, beats the princess, talks some s**t, kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The knight arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess
DOOM METAL:
The knight arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he can't kill him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The knight arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26
minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the knight arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" knight
GLAM METAL:
The knight arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The knight arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gesture towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
GOTH METAL:
The knight checks his hair and makeup and makes sure it's all black and sassy, then arrives to confront the dragon, complains about his mascara, pretends he's a vampire, cries like a b***h, does a little pit-fu to attempt to intimidate the dragon, rolls his pants legs up and runs like a girl. The princess awaits any of the other metal types.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The knight rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the knight, he replies, 'sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage'.
BATTLE METAL
The knight arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footmen, war chariots, and a dozen elite warriors and as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
NU METAL
The knight arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
GRUNGE
The knight doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.
HARDCORE
The knight arrives in south bronx in his beat to s**t oldsmobile with 20 of his crew. Knight gets out and with his crew, beats the dragon to death with bar stools and leaves.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:53 pm
Wooh! Scandinavian Metal Guild! It's been dead for what now, 8 months? Virtually no new topics or anything...
Anyways, thats a great a post xd
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:14 pm
It was kinda funny the first time I saw it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:15 pm
Gravechylde It was kinda funny the first time I saw it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:34 pm
The doom, prog, and glam ones were good. The rest were kinda meh.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:47 pm
stare
that... was... um... enlightening.
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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:44 am
MegaTherion777 Gravechylde It was kinda funny the first time I saw it.
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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:45 am
its lame the unrespected genres are being bitched at sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 5:47 pm
Well Volvy, I seen it many times, and I still enjoy reading it. The other's are too stuck up to admit that they like it as well.
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:48 am
My Hollow Well Volvy, I seen it many times, and I still enjoy reading it. The other's are too stuck up to admit that they like it as well. I am sorry it seems everybody has seen it already, but I'd only seen it in that one guild, which, as panda mentioned, is basically dead. Anyway, just wanted to share smile
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:38 pm
Speaking of which, the guild owner is giving that one away. Maybe there is some way you could, like, merge it in with this one?
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:52 pm
Volvy Speaking of which, the guild owner is giving that one away. Maybe there is some way you could, like, merge it in with this one? You can see if they want to join here, but there's no way that I've seen to merge them.
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Reply
