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 Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 6:38 pm
Like a lot of people I've had a less than perfect childhood which has in turn left many scars. Whilst I disagree with labels sometimes they are the only way to convey some things. I have anixety issues as well as trust and many overs. I'm a lucky bag you never know what your going to get.
Please excuse and spelling mistakes. I know that I have told people in this guild to not always keep people at arms lengh and to try to trust over people as they only want to help. I really am talking from my own mistakes
When I was 13/14 things at home become very bad and I was desperate for some form of outlet. I had a tutor who kept a watchful eye and I think always suspected something was wrong but never had enough to go on to take any action. Looking back I can see how my behaviour was concerning at the very least and damn right worrying. My friend must have felt the same because she went and spoke to my tutor telling him she was worried I was going to do something serious like run away or try suicide. That was enough to spark a massive reaction, which at the time hurt and confused me. I was used to people pushing me from side to side not taking any notice if I was happy or not, yet when that happend it seemed as if I were a performing monkey - everyone was watching!
Following this everything seemed to go from bad to worse, home was hell and school was a gold fish bowl. The only option was to self destruct and I was on a mission to do it in style and taking no prisioners. I bunked off school without a care if I got caught or not, I smoked outside the school gates, I sat with the group of kids that were all ******** ups and the types that done crack down the field at lunch (I never done it), if someone annoyed me whether they were a teacher or a student they knew about it. My tutor to his credit had the patients of a Saint.
I didn't just cross the line, I ran skipped and jumped over it then kept going. I just was in pain and kicking out and I think he knew that, which is why he tried so hard.
Over the next two years things got drastic and I almosted landed up in care on more then one occasion, it probably would have been better but I lied and protected my family because I thought that was what you were meant to do, it was just too bad they didn't know that. A couple of weeks before I left school, my tutor and I actually had a decent conversation and it turned out he had experienced a lot of what I was going through and was able to give me some really good advice which will probably help me out later in life aswell. I never trusted him, but after that conversation I really respected him because if it wasn't for him I'd be dead or in prision by now.
What I am trying to say is the most help can sometimes come from the most unlikely sources, if you can be brave enough to take a chance when it seems like everyone is out to hurt you then things can get better.
For the record, I am still in touch with that teacher two years since I've left school and he still helps me when I need it.
loves
iFairy
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:54 am
It's good when you have people looking out for you. But god, I HATE suicide watch! Everyone treats you like some china doll. It actually fueled my desire to leave.
But, anyway... sweatdrop This is about you. The only thing I can say is I've been there, and I hated it. It's good things got a little better for you. heart
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:56 am
I hated it aswell, and I faught it but the more I screamed the worse it got so yeah. To be fair it was probably a good job too. They took it too far though, had someone to check that I went to every lesson plus I had a report to check my behaviour and stuffs.
On the other hand, it played in my favour sometimes. For example
"I don't want to go to lesson".
"Kirsty lessons are important to get good grades....."
"Fine I'll walk out then"
"Okay well you can go to the library"
loves
iFairy
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