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One alcoholic merc...
One trigger-happy sorceress...
One psychotic doctor...
One run-and-gun... run-and-gunner...
One... Squid/Snowman/Ghost-Rider--You know what? I don't even know anymore...
And the rest of those people...
All under one roof...
This winter, only one network can bring you the best reality series ever...
*EXPLOSIONS AND GUNSHOTS OF NOWHERE*
The lives of the brave men and women that served Barton during its darkest hours as you have never seen them before, probably because you really have never seen them before...
Unknown voice: Dude, whoever took the last slice of pizza... must... DIE! *Gunshots*
Coming this winter...
Shore Leave
The New York Times declares, "The promos for Shore Leave are so vague and inconspicuous, I'll give anyone who tells me what's going to happen my freaking 5,000 acre house!"
"This is the most highly anticipated show of all time," proclaims Entertainment Weekly.
"Yo DiS sHoW bE sO aNtIcImIpAtEd DaT i JuSt Sh*t My PaNts!" said movie_freak_no_life_44
Shore Leave
Winter 2007
Winter 2007
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A thrilling sequel to last summer's 'Operation: Red Water' acclaimed author Tom Yansy releases yet another epic novel. The stage is set for war between the Gaian nations when a new threat arises that seeks to destroy them all. Now, the hostile nations of Gaia must band together to defeat this new, blood-sucking threat. But how do you kill something that is already dead?
The New York Times declares that Tom Yansy's latest novel is "a wonderfully written masterpiece with stunning, life-like characters and beautifully mixes the genres of horror and military fiction."
"A must read shelfbuster of a horror-war novel," acclaims the Boston Herald.
"Dis book be da sh*t!" says some guy we found on the street.
Tom Yansy's Operation: Nightwatch
In stores now.
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"I don't care where he is, find him!"
He carried a secret that they didn't want discovered.
"Mr. President, the NSA, the FBI, the CIA--We can't find him, sir."
"Find him! We must not let these secrets get into the wrong hands."
A secret that could endanger the lives of hundreds of thousands, millions.
"You were at the wrong place at the wrong time, pal. And you're gonna have to pay the consequences."
"I didn't ask for this!"
"Then you should've listened!"
They must kill him before anyone else discovers the secret...
But in order to kill him...
They must first...
FIND HIM
In what the New Yorker raves is, "The most action-packed movie of 2008," what the Washington Tribune declares is, "A must-see thriller that will have you at the edge of your seat and your brain blown out all across the theatre," and what some homeless dude declared, "Can you spare some change?"
This November, see
SAMUEL JACKSON
"Do they speak English in What?! Tell me where he is!"
JASON STATHEM
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way... Your choice, I'm still going to break your face in when we're through."
And WWE Superstar John Cena
"I'm about to lay 250 pounds of smackdown on your frosty pale behind if you don't tell me where this man is!"
In:
"Is that him?"
"No, that's a tree."
"What about that?"
"Another tree."
"That?"
"That's your finger."
"Gah! Where is he!"
"Right here."
Where's Waldo?
November 2008
He carried a secret that they didn't want discovered.
"Mr. President, the NSA, the FBI, the CIA--We can't find him, sir."
"Find him! We must not let these secrets get into the wrong hands."
A secret that could endanger the lives of hundreds of thousands, millions.
"You were at the wrong place at the wrong time, pal. And you're gonna have to pay the consequences."
"I didn't ask for this!"
"Then you should've listened!"
They must kill him before anyone else discovers the secret...
But in order to kill him...
They must first...
FIND HIM
In what the New Yorker raves is, "The most action-packed movie of 2008," what the Washington Tribune declares is, "A must-see thriller that will have you at the edge of your seat and your brain blown out all across the theatre," and what some homeless dude declared, "Can you spare some change?"
This November, see
SAMUEL JACKSON
"Do they speak English in What?! Tell me where he is!"
JASON STATHEM
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way... Your choice, I'm still going to break your face in when we're through."
And WWE Superstar John Cena
"I'm about to lay 250 pounds of smackdown on your frosty pale behind if you don't tell me where this man is!"
In:
"Is that him?"
"No, that's a tree."
"What about that?"
"Another tree."
"That?"
"That's your finger."
"Gah! Where is he!"
"Right here."
Where's Waldo?
November 2008
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Crime and Law used to tread parallel paths...
"I'm glad you could make it."
But in a world where government organizations are buried just as deep with the criminal underground...
"Let's hurry this up. This'll kill us both if we're caught."
Where Greed and the pursuit of Justice can have the same source...
"This man is going to kill billions of people. And you're just going to sit there?!"
Where the villains are the heroes...
"I wouldn't be sitting here if you would shut up and give me the money."
And the heroes are the villains...
"Ah, the advantages of diplomatic immunity..."
Comes a blockbuster so action-packed...
"Hmmph, 5 minutes and we would've been atomic clouds."
"It would've been 7 minutes if you would'nt have wasted time taking out those guards."
So thrilling...
"Do you expect me to fold? I'm in too deep now, aren't I?"
"There are alternate ways of losing, Comrade. The first way is the only way you can lose the game and keep your life."
In what Entertainment Weekly declares is, "Bing-Bang-Zoom and action-packed phenomenon that will have people talking about it for months," what the Chicago Herald says is, "An epic masterpiece that ceases to dissappoint even to the final credits," and what some grass raves as, "..."
2008's most epic movie ever!
Canadian Farmer Pictures Present:
A Deadly Gamble
Rated R
In Theatres Now
"I'm glad you could make it."
But in a world where government organizations are buried just as deep with the criminal underground...
"Let's hurry this up. This'll kill us both if we're caught."
Where Greed and the pursuit of Justice can have the same source...
"This man is going to kill billions of people. And you're just going to sit there?!"
Where the villains are the heroes...
"I wouldn't be sitting here if you would shut up and give me the money."
And the heroes are the villains...
"Ah, the advantages of diplomatic immunity..."
Comes a blockbuster so action-packed...
"Hmmph, 5 minutes and we would've been atomic clouds."
"It would've been 7 minutes if you would'nt have wasted time taking out those guards."
So thrilling...
"Do you expect me to fold? I'm in too deep now, aren't I?"
"There are alternate ways of losing, Comrade. The first way is the only way you can lose the game and keep your life."
In what Entertainment Weekly declares is, "Bing-Bang-Zoom and action-packed phenomenon that will have people talking about it for months," what the Chicago Herald says is, "An epic masterpiece that ceases to dissappoint even to the final credits," and what some grass raves as, "..."
2008's most epic movie ever!
Canadian Farmer Pictures Present:
A Deadly Gamble
Rated R
In Theatres Now
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Are your breakfasts bland, boring, and diabetes-inducing?
Boy and Girl: Yeah!
Then try Captain Chang-O's Cereal!
Boy and Girl: Captain Chang-O's Cereal? Sounds cool!
It is! Captain Chang-O's Cereal is jam-packed with high-quality alcohol, coated in Cannabis goodness, and injected with yummy vitamins scientifically linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and violence!
Boy: Yeah! *Takes out machine gun* I'm ready to kill some *BLEEP*in' Duremites! Bring 'em all on! Come on, I'll feed you your *BLEEPS* and take my boot and shove them all the way up your motherf*BLEEP*in' *BLEEP*s you *BLEEP* sucking *BLEEP* offs! I'll *BLEEP*in' kill ya!
Captain Chang: Captain Chang-O's Cereal! Try some or I'll beat you to death with it!
