What are those words
that’s piercing my heart?
They meant well, I’m sure
but still my soul cries in torture
Who is this man
gesturing with his hand
pleading with his eyes?
He’s dear to me, I’m sure
Yet I shun him, shun him.
I block his words
flee from his hands
closed my eyes to avoid his.
She looked at me with pity,
with sympathy.
She meant well, I’m sure
But I turned away.
I loath the sympathy, I hate the pity.
Yet I want to turn back
And burn that image in my memory
Who is to say that I am strange?
I am walking in a waking dream,
Where reality is harsh and cruel,
And fantasy is of adventure and pleasure.
I wish for my fantasy, yet only finding reality.
I walk alone in my fears,
My lies, my dreams, my reality
I alone know my true strengths and weaknesses.
I alone see my dreams and goals.
He demanded to know my deepest desires.
“What do you want to be?”
I was mute, silent, and dead.
No words came out of my mouth
Yet thousands of words,
Feelings,
Thoughts,
Flooded my mind.
Never will I share my secrets. They are
The only possessions that belongs to me.
With them I am alive,
No one will find my secrets.
A new wound appeared in my scarred heart.
Deep and jagged, the blood drips, echoing in my soul.
Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.
My life sapped, my energy gone,
My mind blanked, my soul lost.
I learned that my work means
Nothing to the world.
People only recognize the things
That will be of value
Top in the nation,
Top in good schools,
Top in my life.
“All of what you do now
Has no value.”
They meant well, I’m sure,
Yet my heart continues to bleed.
My chest constricts, I cannot
breath.
Illusions come and go, I grappled
with my fantasies.
My soul cries out in despair.
In sadness,
In helplessness,
In hopelessness.
Failed to please, failed to succeed,
Yet
Why do I live?
…indeed. Why should I live?
Existence is so excruciatingly painful.
And life feels like a burden,
That will crush my bones and spirit.
I cling to life because I don’t
have the courage to end it.
Because the hope I still harbor
Because the heart does not stop beating
Because of the memories and friends
Because.
So I choose to embrace
Each dawn with a smile
So I choose to forget
Everything that happened in life
So I choose to live
With my darkness and light
So...
The mind is clear, the body is free.
My soul no longer weeps,
but still fettered in chains.
Who can I tell my feelings to?
Who can I share my secrets with?
Who can I trust?
How can I trust?
What is trust?
I walk alone in my waking dream
Where darkness is eternal
and light is nowhere to be found.
Books and words are my only companions,
allowing me to scream out loud.
I pour out my feelings
on the pages of white
So I may feel
free at last.
But my fears still reign in my heart.
To avoid anyone finding me
To control everything inside me
To set myself in chains
So I can restrict my emotions
I can never be truly free.
Fleeting moments of laughter
Vague picture of friends
Times where I don’t have
To worry about my future
They hold me in a bubble
Of temporary peace.
Some say it’s impractical
Some condemn it as heresy.
But it is the only place.
Where I can be me
Where I need not fear
That others will see my scars and wounds.
Where no one is wearing a mask
A place of peace and calm,
A bubble in space for me.
That place exists,
In my waking dream.
that’s piercing my heart?
They meant well, I’m sure
but still my soul cries in torture
Who is this man
gesturing with his hand
pleading with his eyes?
He’s dear to me, I’m sure
Yet I shun him, shun him.
I block his words
flee from his hands
closed my eyes to avoid his.
She looked at me with pity,
with sympathy.
She meant well, I’m sure
But I turned away.
I loath the sympathy, I hate the pity.
Yet I want to turn back
And burn that image in my memory
Who is to say that I am strange?
I am walking in a waking dream,
Where reality is harsh and cruel,
And fantasy is of adventure and pleasure.
I wish for my fantasy, yet only finding reality.
I walk alone in my fears,
My lies, my dreams, my reality
I alone know my true strengths and weaknesses.
I alone see my dreams and goals.
He demanded to know my deepest desires.
“What do you want to be?”
I was mute, silent, and dead.
No words came out of my mouth
Yet thousands of words,
Feelings,
Thoughts,
Flooded my mind.
Never will I share my secrets. They are
The only possessions that belongs to me.
With them I am alive,
No one will find my secrets.
A new wound appeared in my scarred heart.
Deep and jagged, the blood drips, echoing in my soul.
Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.
My life sapped, my energy gone,
My mind blanked, my soul lost.
I learned that my work means
Nothing to the world.
People only recognize the things
That will be of value
Top in the nation,
Top in good schools,
Top in my life.
“All of what you do now
Has no value.”
They meant well, I’m sure,
Yet my heart continues to bleed.
My chest constricts, I cannot
breath.
Illusions come and go, I grappled
with my fantasies.
My soul cries out in despair.
In sadness,
In helplessness,
In hopelessness.
Failed to please, failed to succeed,
Yet
Why do I live?
…indeed. Why should I live?
Existence is so excruciatingly painful.
And life feels like a burden,
That will crush my bones and spirit.
I cling to life because I don’t
have the courage to end it.
Because the hope I still harbor
Because the heart does not stop beating
Because of the memories and friends
Because.
So I choose to embrace
Each dawn with a smile
So I choose to forget
Everything that happened in life
So I choose to live
With my darkness and light
So...
The mind is clear, the body is free.
My soul no longer weeps,
but still fettered in chains.
Who can I tell my feelings to?
Who can I share my secrets with?
Who can I trust?
How can I trust?
What is trust?
I walk alone in my waking dream
Where darkness is eternal
and light is nowhere to be found.
Books and words are my only companions,
allowing me to scream out loud.
I pour out my feelings
on the pages of white
So I may feel
free at last.
But my fears still reign in my heart.
To avoid anyone finding me
To control everything inside me
To set myself in chains
So I can restrict my emotions
I can never be truly free.
Fleeting moments of laughter
Vague picture of friends
Times where I don’t have
To worry about my future
They hold me in a bubble
Of temporary peace.
Some say it’s impractical
Some condemn it as heresy.
But it is the only place.
Where I can be me
Where I need not fear
That others will see my scars and wounds.
Where no one is wearing a mask
A place of peace and calm,
A bubble in space for me.
That place exists,
In my waking dream.
-----------------------------------------------
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