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I find that my first person narrative sounds childish. I prefer writing from third person omniscient, or third person restricted when I need to. If I wrote from first person, you'd end up with something like this:

Step by step the sounds grew. The rustling in the bushes, the branches twitching, the sound of laughter surrounding the glade. Fear flooded me, until I remembered I couldn't be harmed. As a goddess, time and space didn't matter. Death was as far into the future as Time herself, not threatening me with a second glance. Yet I feared pain, being trapped in some lifeless cage for all eternity. I think all gods feared this, stopping what few of us who had brains from becoming dangerously overconfident. Yet that laughter sounded oddly familiar, like a friend, a brother, an equal. A god's laughter, and with the sinking of my stomach I knew who the laughter belonged to. The poisonous laughter of the Trickster, the only one who matched me, as I matched him.

I'm not sure if this is any better than my third person, but if I write in first, I'll have a lot of characters to switch between and give original voices to. I write in multiple perspectives, and Arani is a very brief character in my book.

When I write adults, I expect them to sound, well, adult. I am twenty years old, dammit and I expect my writing to be improving, and not sound like I'm still an adolescent! That piece there sounds like it could be coming from a teenager, but while that particular woman is naive, she's not completely stupid.

If you write first person, you need to sound like your character one hundred percent of the time. Mine usually changes character personality every second paragraph, killing the effect. Third person however I can attempt again.

"Arani glided through the forest, bare feet barely touching the ground. Her eyes wandered through the trees she knew well. These were hers to mind, hers to tend along with all the surrounding plant-life. The familiar rustling of the bushes perked her ears up ever so slightly. Perhaps the young rabbits that lived nearby, never ceasing to live their lives the only way they knew how. What Arani construed as the cackling of branches as they swayed in the wind, the smell of fresh earth. It had rained the previous day, leaving the ground soft enough to walk on. She grinned, happier than she'd been in a long time. That's when she saw it. The flicker of a black robe rustling through the undergrowth. Her mind told her paranoia, but her brain told her this was someone familiar. A friend, a brother, an equal. Her mind spun wildly with questions. Why did he hide in the trees and not come out into the light? Did he fear her, was her power too strong? Her question was answered in another flash; he stood before her, wide and laughing. This was more than her equal. This was her balance, the other side she had been created to balance. More different than alike, they lived separate lives, each trying to do their duty to the world. Now, it seemed, that time had run it's course."

I'm not sure how that sounds, or which perspective that is. I think it's third person restricted, with minor omniscient. To me this doesn't sound childish, but the other example does. I still want to improve my description, and I'm not sure how to keep the flow I start with throughout the entire story.

What makes you think she's reminiscing? I reread what I wrote, and wonder exactly what I've done here to give this particular idea. Also, I need to have a clear idea on how to stick with this flow all the way through my story. Suddenly I'll add dialogue to a piece and it will sound flawed, and then change tone when going back to the description. The voice changes, and isn't exactly what I wanted to portray.

How can you keep the flow in your work? I'm curious to find out. razz

You have a point. Okay, so construed may be the wrong word there, but that was just me typing out something randomly in the post. That is going to be in the prologue, should the reader choose to read the prologue or not before going onto the actual first chapter of the book.

I find that the WF has changed so much over the years that expecting decent advice from them is almost impossible - they are mostly teenagers boosting their egos by putting someone else down when I addressed them with a simple question. Sorry, I had to rant about that and I know it's nothing to do with this topic razz

Moving on, when I introduce characters I don't describe them right away. I reveal pieces of what they look like throughout the dialogue and further passages. For Arani, I might describe her much later than say, Aislin because she's a more important character. Aislin is one of the few I actually describe right off the bat when another of my characters wakes up. Instead, I put them into the action right away and let them do their thing, showing their personalities rather than how they look. If you want more on some of my characters and plot it's in the plot sticky I just noticed yesterday razz

Now when you're describing action, I usually do a reminiscing part first like what I've done with Arani. She's the goddess of the Earth, and very gullible and naive. She trusts easily, and she's really a sweetheart when you put her next to Aislin. For her to get the idea that she's being followed she needs to see some actual signs that she won't misinterpret as rabbits, or animal life, both her creations. Getting straight into it is difficult because I have to let you know what she's like first, and give you a small amount of information to work with. I'm still having trouble writing whole scenes and keeping them. I might just have to start writing and see where it takes me, rather than planning it out to the full like countless others keep suggesting sad

When I joined Gaia in High School before I had this account, the writers forum and extended discussions were for just that. Now they're all the same, and the WF doubly so. I will whine about them - because they're more interested in keeping to the rules than actually helping out. The countless number of topics about actual writing get overlooked, so when some poor sod asks a question about plot building and characters it generally is along the lines of Mary Sues and Gary Stus, or whether or not their writing is genuinely good. It sucks, because it used to be a place where all writers could get help on their work. It shows me how much today's youth have devolved in intelligence - and I'm only twenty!

Anyway, to my original thing. I need to definitely work on my action scenes a bit more as well, keeping the tone and active voice. It's hard work making sure you sound the same right the way through, state only relative points, and at the same time give the reader just enough information so that they can follow what's going on. Too much information is something like what Jean M. Auel wrote with the Clan of the Cave Bears, too little is something like hmm, most fanfictions out there that only communicate the action through dialogue, hence they believe they are the best authors in the world just because they have strung a few words together and posted it on the internet.

If I wanted a piece of dialogue added to my action, and keep it in the active voice I might do something like this:

Taurus eyed Aislin with great dislike. She wore the now familiar smirk across her face, taunting him. She'd taken everything from him, now she would suffer! With a lunge he launched his attack. She dodged in a spark of purple light sending him careening into a nearby tree.

"Fool," Aislin laughed, "What makes you think you are going to win?"
"I deserve to win," Taurus snarled, sending an array of attacks at the goddess, "You don't, murderer."

Aislin just laughed at him, infuriating Taurus all the more. Before long Taurus had used up his entire arsenal. He'd sent spell after spell, punch after punch, kick after kick and all she'd done was summon a series of illusions. Now she stood before him, grinning as she clapped her hands together. The ground around the warriors shook as several more images of the goddess appeared. Now there was not one, but twelve goddesses, all the exact image of Aislin herself

How can I improve this little snippet? I know there are a few mistakes in there, but at the moment I just can't see them. Any helpful advice on that account would be much appreciated.