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 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:23 pm
Heya.
I don't really like asking for advice, I'm the type of person who deals with things myself... or ignores them until they blow up. Sorry its long but you need to know the background story.
I have this cousin, well shes more then a cousin really, her mum died when she was about 18 months old leaving her father (my uncle) to raise two young girls. Needless to say my mum played the female role in their lives and for a while they had to live with us so we were basically raised more like sisiters. Well she was with her other half for 4 years and all was well until she feel pregnant. Joanna was told at 14 (I think) that she will probably never be able to have children of her own, and if she did by some luck fall pregnant then the chances of her being able to carry the baby was highly unlikely.
Her other half did not want a baby, he wanted her to have an abortion and be done with the whole affair. She decided that she couldn't do that as this may have been her only chance of having a child. He left her. After about a month they got back together but he was a nasty piece of work, as soon as the baby was born he called her fat (was the main cause of her having an eating disorder), made her run around the field a few times each day, would never look after his own daughter!! He once even said to her "well what would you do if you were a single mother". Joanna wanted to get a small job, 3 hrs a day when Lucy was nearly 1. He's called her up ( the work 2 mins from her flat) and ask her what kind of a mother would leave their child. He was a real b*****d to her.
After a few failed attempts she left him, he went psycho and followed her around, waited for hours outside her house if she wasn't there, would turn up at 5 in the morning for no reason just plain evil. Then she got with a friend of mine, who was a little older (20 year difference) but loved her, he would have died for her and Lucy. He'd never had a long term relationship because he never found the one... he doesn't lie and he loves her. Joanna left him for untold reasons a couple of months ago and he still is desperate for her back - no joke he is a one in a million guy.
Now her ex, Lucy's real father and has been pestering her since she left him to get back with her - Lucy is about 2 and half now and the longest job he has held down is 4 weeks. Joanna's soon to be step-mum who is a good friend advised her to get back with him (Jo is living in her dads house and her dads gf wants to move in their). Now Joanna says shes confused about what to do and is actually thinking of going back to the father of Lucy. I am not being funny but I saw him a couple of weeks ago with Lucy on a busy main road - Lucy was pushing a childs buggy along and her dad was about 20/30 feet infront of her not even looking at her!!. Its not even the first time, he almost killed her on several occasions.
Please someone give me some advice on how to give her my opinion which she has asked for whilst at the same time not telling her what to do. The guy she got with for a few months is a better role model for Lucy, he looks after her better, would never harm her or put her in danger. He knows his not her real dad and would not stop her dad from doing anything. He loves her as if she is his own - unconditionally, he'd take her places, play with her, encoruge her, teach her things. Her real dad wont even take her to the park.
loves
iFairy
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:36 pm
I wanted to give some examples of stupid things her father has done.
1. When Lucy was about 9 months old Joanna had to go out and get some eletric, leaving her dad, his brother and his friend in the house to keep an eye as you do. When she came back about half an hour later Lucy was screaming a panic scream. Joanna rushed in to see what has happened to find the heater in the bedroom which had not worked in years just randomly turned itself on and was blowing hot air straight onto Lucy (creating a lot of smoke too). She grabbed her an ran to the hall as Lucys eyes were rolling back and she was in a bad state. Joanna went in to get Mark who turned around and said "well what do you want me to do about it?".
2. When Lucy was old enough to walk Mark had to look after her for a couple of hours much to his dislike. As her dinner he gave her tuna and beans mixed together. Why? because those are the first two cans she pulled out of the cupboard.
3. He didn't believe in takinf Lucy to the park because she had plenty of toys to play with indoors. The first time she went to the park was with her mum and me.
4. He never used to play with her, instead telling Joanna "Play with your daughter". When he did ingadge with her at all he had her playing with his guitar.
5. Mark never saw Lucy as his. If he had to look after her, he thought the world owed him a favour for babysitting. He saw looking after her as babysitting.... not a good chance to spend time with her.
loves
iFairy
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:15 pm
First off, no she shouldn't get back with him. Second, she needs a place to stay and get some help especially if she wants to hold down a job and provide for her daughter, best place to do that is with a family member. So if you got some room, I'd say offer it. Anything you can do to help her in her situation, watching Lucy, or just being there in general, it'll help, and go along way. For the most part all you need to do is be there and you can tell her that. You know what I'm saying?
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Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:54 pm
i dont think she should get bck with him and if she is ever goin 2 let him see her it shld b a supervised vist. also if he views it as babbysittin even babysiitters dont do tat kind of thing. if the guy she is with rite now is a better role model than she should stay with him.
hope tat helps.
if u ever nd help with somethin or just want 2 tlk PM meh
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Lunar_Sunset
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[I believe in Jesus Christ, my Savior. If you do too, and aren't scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your sig.]<-I was scared to put this up..but now..I'm no longer scared. Jesus Christ is my Savior and I am NOT ASHAMED.
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