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Dragon Wolf Chronicles Prologue

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KelpMonger

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:24 pm


An idea I've been rolling around in my head. It's the story to the dragon wolves in my Legend from a World in Turmoil RPG.

A breeze ruffled the leaves. The midday sun caused ever-dancing shadows to form on the soil. The squirrels scampered here and there and the deer nibbled on tufts of grass swaying ever so slightly. The nearby brook could be heard, its rush an ever-present background to the tranquil setting.
So was the Forest of Eringauld. Ever-quiet, Ever-Tranquil, and ever guarded by the dragon wolves. The dragon wolves are the defenders of the world, but sworn to intervene only when absolutely necessary. They otherwise just lived in their forest, protecting each other and the occupants.
A war was going on between the mortal races and the shadows. Durrahn, an evil sorcerer had come into control of Death's Eyes, allowing him to summon endless legions of shadow creatures. The mortal races had, to this point, been fending him off, and the dragon wolves saw no reason why they'd have to intervene.
But they were wrong. There would come a time to intervene, and by the time they did, it would already seem hopeless.

Hope ya like it! mrgreen  
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:57 am


Hmm... I see you're a fan of the word "ever." Haha.

I'm not really sure if you meant to overuse that word or not but it's definitely going to affect your reader.
I was left wondering why you decided to use "ever" to describe seemingly everything. So maybe consider that as you continue?
Like, does the use of the word have significance to the plot or one of the characters or something.

Other than that, I would have to say you have the makings of something good.
I'm still not too clear on the distinctions between the mortal races, the dragon wolves and the shadows creatures, though.
Maybe it's a personal thing?
Also, I see that there must be some sort of magic involved as you have a sorcerer.. So when you continue this, maybe watch for that as to not confuse your reader?

But, like you said, it's an idea. So.. keep at it!

.:~o*'Isianya'*o~:.

Isianya

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KelpMonger

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:43 am


I'm beginning to see a pattern in the critiques I get. I guess the main problem I'm having is taking the fact that I know everything about the world about which I'm writing as a given for the readers. I'm forgetting to reread it in the context of someone who's never read it.... one of my weaker points sweatdrop . I find it hard to explain everything without dragging on, as I have been developing this world for....2, maybe 3 years now? I'll go back over it and see what I can do

ON the note of "ever" it's supposed to represent and emphasize that the Dragon Wolves' home is unchanging.  
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:51 pm


Congratulations, you have stumbled across one of Emily's rambling, highly-educated-sounding posts.

Ah, I can only suggest to keep working, no matter if it takes ten more years. I really learned nothing from it: it was quite curt and suddenly delved into a war. Yet I find myself unable to comprehend why I should care about said war, considering I know nothing of the world it has taken hold of.
Anyway, it is much better to expose the reader to the world than really to explain about it, though a combination of those two types is best. I suggest writing from a perspective of newfound information, rather than reading. Write more as if you are the reader, and perhaps this will help.
Goodness knows, that is my problem too: knowing that the triplets in my story are fraternal, I neglected to go into depth upon the subject, and thought Kirby would bite my head off about it. (Who knew she didn't know the mechanics of fertilization...?) (This reminds me, I must explain the world I have delved my readers into in my second story. That said, I'm off to diligently type away. After all, even I have questions about this place.)

Well, wasn't that interesting...?

Serenity Reed
Crew

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