Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hey Taki ^.^

First of all, welcome to the guild!

Yeah, I think this is a good poem. I like the way you describe things, and the picture you create with it. This poem reminds me of a time/experience in my life.

The only thing (that I see) that could be considered a bad thing in this poem, is something that I think is a good thing, lol. Some might say that its overly wordy, or you use too many words that people might not know (Walt Whitman would say this for instance). I like poems like that because it forces me to increase my vocabulary. So all in all I thought this was a wonderful poem. Look forward to seeing more of your poetry. biggrin

P.S. Sixth line from the bottom should read It's crushing to love you, instead of It crushing to love you.

Hi Taki-chan! I like this poem. It's very pretty and I like the imagery. (especially the 'mind feathers' bit). (This next part isn't exactly criticism, but more like advice for future poems since I like this one the way it is.) I think in your next poems you should try to include a few more senses. In this one, Sight is the primary one used. I think you could make even more fantastic poems if you included some more Sound, Smell or Touch. (and avoid using overused phrases) Yeah, that's all I got. Kepp up the good work! biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin