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 Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:59 pm
She want's me to tell what's going on in my life so far so....
Hm... I'm very suicidal and think about killing mysef every day. That's probably the reason why my views on everything that was dear to me has changed. -_- I have no idea what i'm going to do with my life. I have no dream no "I wanna be a doctor!" obsession that use to control me for the last 13 years. There's no path in life that I really want to take besides to die young.
So, my mom has cancer, father left me when i was 5, lied about it for 5 years, trys to get my to like him by buying me expensive gifts, my bro's going to college, I'm going to a private school and I don't want my mom todo anything for me since i'm dead anyways.
I'm extremely moody. I think too much about things and it drives me insane. I hate thinking about death yet spend my time alone wondering what the best senario for the end of the world is. (My guess, global warming. ><) I sketch alot of depressing stuff even though my mom hates it and write depressing poems. So i just might be a depressing person.
I veiw myself as a unlucky person and I don't really like to make friends because the more I hear about their life the more I think about how depressing it is.
I guess I have changed alot even though my friends say I haven't. In just 7 months i've changed from an A student to a B+ student. I probably wouldn't have realized the difference if my mom didn't bug me about it. -_-
I'm not as happy and I don't feel much emotion over things that I use to. I'm not sad that my bro's leaving or that i'm going to a school with only 2 of my friends. If anyone aproaches me I don't even realize they're there because my minds someplace else.
I think about death every day. I don't eat until I'm starved and I have nothing that I like. To me everything taste the same.
I've gotten picky and overdramatic. That's probably the same as it's always been. But I get worried about my friends very easily. A part of me feels that I should keep my friends and a different part wants me to forget them because inthe end they aren't really important. That all the friends I make are just people that I'm going to hurt and that it's a waste of time. -_- That bothers me the most.
So yea that's about it on my life story.
Well, as much as I feel like giving out now. -_-
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:37 pm
Why do you seem to think that you're going to hurt your friends in the end? How?
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fred_dani_danielly Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:13 pm
-_-
It's a very obsessive problem I have.
I have this suisidal goal in my mind and I know my friends probably won't understand.
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:20 am
i kinda understand wat ur'e going through. somethimes i wish that i was a different person and sometimes i do starve myself. but i feel fine when i do it.
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fred_dani_danielly Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:35 pm
I think the thought of death crosses everyone's mind at some point in time.
Like I've always wondered, if I died, who would come to my funeral, who would care, things like that.
But you know, I just don't think it's worth hurting myself. I really wanna see where my life goes, and be noticed and stuff.
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:47 am
 I really want to see how my life goes too... but...
I'm pretty sure it's gonna be the crappy normal cycle that every other human being goes through, so why bother?
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:14 am
joe tis bad to think of things like dat at a young age
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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:43 am
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fred_dani_danielly Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:45 am
Well, if you don't want it to be an average life, change that. You want a crazy life, go be crazy. Your life is only what you make it, and if you make it an average life, then that's what's going to happen, you'll fall into the cycle. Do something out of the ordinary. Flirt with all the boys you can, go for the job you want, go be rick and famous. Go do whatever it takes to make your life out of the ordinary.
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:19 pm
><
it is.
but...
...
I don't want to. cry
I don't know anymore.
Thinking about what i'm gonna do in the future confuses me.
Whenever someone ask me what I want to be in the future I say i don't know because i haven't planned out anything pass age 20. ><
Everyone in my family knows that somethings wrong with me. ;_;
And I don't know how to fix myself.
*cries*
><
I can't beleive I typed that... I really need to go to sleep... cry
*repetes plainsong over and over again to forget everything*
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