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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:22 am
The heretic is always better dead... Howdy there, and welcome my new column on EEW.com. I'm Saint Joey, in case for some unknown reason you can't read the title of this page. Anyway, in this section I'll be looking at, well, whatever the hell I want. Because I'm awesome like that! It might be deep and philosophical, it might be about hairnets... but hopefully not.
Hey, at least I'm under the delusion of doing something productive, right?
Anyway, to start of let's get the small talk out of the was about some of the stuff happening in the world of EEW. The draft, yes, big news. Drown and Burn, nice. Riots, nice-but-in-a-slightly-psychopathic-kinda-way. Look, if you wanna read about this s**t, go find the results page, okay? Moving on...
For this particular column, there is one thing I would like to bring up for all you fans at home. It's a very touchy subject; it's called being INSANE.
If you're touching yourself, let go of your Solid Snake (or, likewise, if you are a nerd with lots of action figures) and read, because this could get rather wierd. I'll give you second to finish up...
... You done? Good. Read on.
Now, what would you define as 'insane?' Maybe somebody who is sadistic, or not gifted with the intelligence that I have? Or maybe not. Maybe it's worse.
For instance, I bring you the now retired superstar, Dengo. Yes, he was wierd, but do you know why he left? He was caught kidnapping people, tying them up in his cellar, force-feeding them dead (and uncooked) chickens, and painting pictures with the blood they vomited when he punched them hard enough. Needless to say, it really put a stop to his social life. Oh, and it was illegal.
But is that still insane? Or is it a step further? Is it not far enough? Let's work a few more example. Let's bring it back to a more wrestling-based standpoint. Would you consider going out into that ring, fighting with barbed wire, losing blood, breaking bones and crushing your enemies along the lines of insanity? Or is it just a hobby? Maybe there is no such thing as insanity, maybe people are just being non-conformist, or enjoying different things to other people?
Ah well, that'll give you something to think about, wont it? Send in any fanmail about something you'd like me to talk about. Any paradoxes, wierd occurences. Or heck, even send a reply to this, and talk about your views on insanity. I'd like this to become an interactive discussion, if you will.
The Saint has spoken. See you at the show.
... And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic.
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:12 pm
Dear Joey,
I had no idea you knew Dengo outside of EEW! Have you two been friends for long?
From
Dennis Hopper
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:41 am
The heretic is always better dead... RE: Dennis Hopper
To Dennis,
Yes, I knew Dengo outside of EEW. It's a rather long story... let's just say we met in training - for now anyway - and I'll go into it in full in my next article.
Kind regards,
Saint Joey ... And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic.
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:42 pm
The heretic is always better dead... Howdy there, and welcome back to my (still relatively new) blog on EEW.com. This is 'Deep Thoughts', and I'm Saint Joey, incase you can't read the title.
Quick recap: Last time, I said some stuff about what INSANE was, and some stuff about Dengo.
Now, it seems the only mail I got was, indeed, about Dengo. I don't like him, and I sure as HELL don't like talking about him, but since he'll be dead before he gets a chance to release a biography or autobiography, I feel it is my duty (as the only person ever to hold a conversation with him without going mad) to fill you in on his general story.
So here we go. Nerds, this is your 10-second c**k warning again, so hands off snakey and on the mouse to scroll down. No, wipe first... Freaks...
Done? Good.
Now, Dengo was a strange man, to say the least. On the outside, he was just like the rest of us: normal hair, normal eyes, you know - no problems there. However, deep down he was a complete psychopath. I'll start at the beginning...
He was born to a rape victim somewhere in South Dakota. The rapist must have been a retard or something, because Dengo turned out to be strange kid. His mum first realised something was wrong when he was four. He didn't talk, and had very few friends at school (even at this early age, he was established as a bully). In hopes of making him more friendly, she got him a pet hamster. He kept it for about a day, before biting its head off. Needless to say, the carpet was a mess after that. Oh, and it was slightly wierd, so she booked him in to see a psychiatrist. He was taken out of school and pretty much lived there for a long while. The only real emotion he could display was anger (which he probably inherited from his dad, seeing as he was a rapist).
After several years of analysis, the doctors finally labeled him as a 'lost cause'. Which is stupid, if you consider how much they are payed. I mean, I could have told you that in 5 minutes for less then £10.
Anyway, his mother threw him out on the streets, and God knows what happened for a while there. Nobody really knows. All we know is he suddenly appeared on the streets some ten years later, beating the crap out of random people. I was visiting South Dakota on a tour with EEW, and saw him there. He was a very impressive fighter, but with no real bulk to him, just a fantastic, and wierd, technique. I went over to him, and asked if he wanted to fight for a living.
He answered quite simply: "I already do."
Nothing much more to it, but he continued to follow me around the town. When I went to EEW's private areas, he still followed. To be honest, I was getting a little irritated by him, seeing as he has a very strange aura around him. He also smells of sewage, which wasn't nice.
Well, anyway, as incentive for him to go away, I asked if he'd like to do some weights training with me for half an hour. I was hoping he would fail miserably, and we could laugh at hm so he would leave us alone (ah, organized bullying... there's nothing quite like it)! This backfired horribly, and he was there all night. And I don't mean that metaphorically, I mean literally... all night. Didn't stop to sleep, or eat, or rest... he just carried on going! He was like a machine!
Hard worker... check. Good fighter... check. Slightly wierd... check. That pretty much guarranteed him a spot in any federation, particularly EEW. So he was offered a contract. But there was one thing wrong with him. With no education, and the refusal to speak with the exception of that one sentance, he had no way of telling us his name. In fact, he didn't appear to have one. So we gave him a pen, and asked him to sign the contract... it was just a squiggly line.
I think it was me and... hm... Marxx? It isn't really important who. The point is, we saw it and were arguing about what it actually said. There was definitely a 'D' at the beginning, so that was a start, and an 'O' at the end. But the rest was just a scribble. Derreno? Dannyo? Dennyo? Dengo?
As the only one which seemed to sound like it could end in an 'O', we billed him as 'Dengo'. He pretty much disappeared after that, luckily turning up at the shows when he was needed for his matches. I heard he bought a house with the money he made, and was living quite comfortably.
Anyway, next thing I hear he's doing some really screwed up s**t. As I said in my last article, the police found him kidnapping people, tying them up in his cellar, force-feeding them dead chickens, and painting pictures with their blood, and generally terrorising them until they could hardly function as humans anymore. This - to be perfectly honest - didn't suprise me. I didn't want to know him after that, and neither did EEW. They released him from contract quietly (not even wishing him the best in future endevours).
He's currently on death row. And he'll stay there, too, until he's dead.
Well that was gloomier then I'd have hoped for... If you want a slightly lighter conversation topic next week, send in your emails to Saint-Joey@EEW.com, and I'll do my best to reply to them.
That's all for now. Be sure to check out some of the other neat blogs around here, but for now... The Saint has spoken! Farewell! ... And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic.
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:42 pm
Dear Joey,
Here is a lighter topic for you, you have your first chance to win singles gold in EEW against Television Champion Jed. What do you think of him and your chances of winning?
From
Curt Cade
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:07 am
Whaddup sheeple and welcome back to 'Deep Thoughts,' the home-grown blog that is steered and crashed by none other then me, Saint ******** Joey (yes, a ******** Saint. Isn't that hot)?
Now, Back to business as per usual. I got a nice little message on the EEW.com forums. Yes, it turns out that Curt Cade is a fan, and comes on the EEW.com forums. Unfortunately, I'm now out of ways to shamelessly plug the EEW.com forums, so I'll just quote the damn message...
Quote: Dear Joey, Here is a lighter topic for you, you have your first chance to win singles gold in EEW against Television Champion Jed. What do you think of him and your chances of winning? From Curt Cade The heretic is always better dead...
Thank you, Curt Cade, for the comment. And yes, I do have a chance to win EEW gold... and IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!! Seriously, I must be at least 6-months overdue for a title shot here. But it'll be worth it when I FINALLY get some gold around my waist, and make its prestige skyrocket like only I can!
... Okay, that's enough vanity self-advertising crap. Now onto some other stuff.
Nerds, this is your mandatory 10-second warning. Hands of snakey, and scroll down.
Done? Good. Because todays topic is wrestlers I'd like to kick the hell out of.
The first guy I have to comment on is an old partners old partner, who has blatantly ripped off my name, and sucks balls for a living. Yes, ladies and gentleman, 'Dark Saint!' Not to be confused with the latest blockbuster release (spoiler alert: Joker wont be back in the next film). Anyway, I only really need to say one thing. AVOID. Support the original Saint, sheeple.
Second guy I guess has to be Jed. Don't you think you should be looking after your pregnant wife/cousin/sister/hoe or something? You should hand that nice looking TV title over to me. No, seriously. I'll keep it shiny until you come back. Then spit in your face and tell you to hitch a ride. I WILL get a title... someday.
That'll do for now. Any other superstars you'd like to see my opinion on? Then drop us a message on the EEW.com forums!
That's all for now. Be sure to check out the other neat blogs, but for now... The Saint has Spoken! Farewell!!
... And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic.
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:10 am
The heretic is always better dead... EVERYBODY IS STEALING MY ******** IDEAS DAMMIT!!
First Cardok's b***h and now a title... God dammit guys!
... However, that title is damn sweet, and it's on my Christmas list this year. ... And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic.
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:29 pm
Dear Joey,
Dude, you was SO close to winning the EEW Television Championship against Jed on Burn! What happened? Would you say his experience was what toppled you?
From
Surfer Dude
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 7:36 am
Wow, I don't think I've ever updated my blog so frequently before! Tramps and harlots, welcome to another edition of 'Deep Thoughts,' brought to you by Saint Joey, and delivered exclusively by EEW.com.
What's on my mind today? Simple. My match for the EEW TV title. Well, the 'Saints' title, as it was renamed shortly after. I'm not happy about this, which I shall explain later. Right after I answer this email...Quote: Dear Joey, Dude, you was SO close to winning the EEW Television Championship against Jed on Burn! What happened? Would you say his experience was what toppled you? From Surfer Dude
Dude, yes I was. And no, Jed's experience isn't what toppled me. IT WAS THAT TABLE DAMMIT!! God knew, he knew that Jed wouldn't be able to beat me without some devine intervention, but by God, he actually did it! It's God's fault that I lost, he twisted my knee! Damn!
I mean, I'm a wrestler, I'm supposed to break peoples' bones, but I don't know what his reason is for being so ******** up!
And second, Jed is a piece of crap if he thinks he is the 'Saint' around here! There's only one Saint, and his name is SAINT ******** JOEY!
Thanks for reading,
- The ORIGINAL Saint, Saint Joey
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