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 Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:50 pm
I was purplexed where to put this so if its in the wrong place sorry. So many of you know that a few months back i found out that i cant have more kids. Well i might but the chances of it are slim to none. Thanks to endo and andometriosis a baby would have an exceptionally hard time properly attaching to the walls of my uterus and thanks to a weak and fragile cervix even if i got pregnant it would be hell putting it lightly and i more than likely wouldn't make it to term. I found this out after a miscarriage. I'm ok with my infertility i mean i have accepted it. The prolem is right around when i found out i started dating someone new. Despite my attempts not to i'm a bit attached. He's a great guy. Loves my kids ,loves me yay fairytale. Right? Not so much he asked yesterday if i was open to having more children. *face desk* I had told him earlier in the relationship that i more than likely can't have another child. This time i went into great detail. He smiled, hugged me and said it was ok afterall there is always adoption. He looked completly heat broken. He want a large family and many kids. I feel like i'm cheating him out of having his own kids. I'm at a loss here. I want to sit him down and talk to him about it. I just don't know what to say. My doctor said that with proper precautions i could try. Worst case senario is i loose the baby. Best case is a long painful pregnancy with alot of bed rest and another c-section. Am i selfish not to want to put myself through that? I mean i have 2 other kids that are already here to think about. I don't know. What do you guys think? I know i can always get an honest opinion from ya'll.
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:04 pm
Well, to be perfectly frank, your body is your body. You are under no obligation to do something with it that you wouldn't want to do in order to make someone else happy. Which to me, is what it sounds like is going on here: you're worried about his being happy rather then your, and a possible future baby's, health and happiness. There is nothing selfish about not wanting to get pregnant again to have to either suffer more miscarriages which are hard on you, or to have a very hard pregnancy if it is successful.
My MIL after her two children stopped due to having an imcompetant cervix and couldn't bring herself to go through having anymore premature children and the heartache and difficulty that came with it. (She would never be able to carry a child to full term.) Her second husband never begrudged her it but I'm assuming they talked about it and he likely didn't want kids of his own.
It seems a bit premature to be thinking about having children with him and I think a lot of honest talk is in order here. If he really does want to have a huge family with lots of children and you do not want to have anymore (and from what I'm reading you really do not sound like you want anymore children and are happy with the two you have...you seem to be considering this only because you feel guilty for worrying about your health and your own body), you two need to talk about it now and decide what action to take from there. You shouldn't have to compromise your health and sanity in order to give him children and conversely, if he really wants children he should probably find someone else if that's the be-all-end-all of importance to him.
Relationships *are* about compromise, but that doesn't mean that one partner should have to do something potentially dangerous and they don't want to do just to make the other one happy.
In the end, it's your body and you need to be the one making the decisions for it. Guilt should play no role in that decision because it often leads us to make poor choices we would never choose otherwise.
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:31 pm
I think it's healthy to talk about kids ect fairly early on to know where eachother stand and to kind of decided if its something that will make the relationship hault. Better know than in a year lol. We've known eachother a while but only recently started dating. As he put it he was "waiting for me to notice him " lol. We were great friends prior and so far are doing swimmingly as a couple. He's really sweet. I always wanted like 6 kids but knowing whats up with my uterus it scares the bejesus out of me. I'm kinda stuck i really want more kids but i'm content having two. I mean i've been very blessed to have them. We had a long chat and decided that when we decide its time to maybe have a baby we will go back to the obgyn and have the more invasive tests done. It'll tell us more and if it doesnt look too bad we will try. Once and however it ends it ends and hey there is always adoption. He felt bad for making me feel bad. It melted my heart how sweet and apologetic he was. I'm glad i talked it out with him.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:50 pm
please lock and delete thanks
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