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When I found out I was pregnant and I told my boyfriend he said that he would get a job. He still hasn't gotten one and Kristopher, our baby boy, is almost a month old now. I've been thinking about leaving Kurt (boyfriend) for just a few days now for many different reasons, but I don't know if I can. I love him more than anything even though he hasn't kept his promise of moving out here, getting a job, or supporting us. He actually has pretty much been hanging out with his friends more ever since my third trimester, so that's also making me mad. I'm a very jealous person and him being with his friends or not giving me enough attention (which means all) makes me angry at him. I just feel that he isn't really trying his best and I'm to spoiled, selfish, and mean to him to be with him. I can't leave him though because I'd be a reck without him... I need some advice on what I could do, and no, being less needy is not an option for me, It's just a major part of my personality.

Well, as I'm known to be blunt, I'll just say it: you don't *need* Kurt. I'm wondering if some of your qualms have to do with a fear of being alone and just wanting someone to be with you. I realize that being young can complicate things, and by this what I mean is that young love is quite different from love you'll experience when you're older. It's often more needy and you can feel like you'll just die if you can't be with the person you love. I don't consider it any less valid, I just feel that because of its intensity and how it expresses itself, young love makes having to make a hard decision very messy at times because you can feel so strongly about someone even if it's not in your best interests.

However.

I agree with Kitty that a calm talk with Kurt is in order and that when having it, you need to clearly tell him what you want and expect from him. You also need to make it clear what will happen if you can not get what you need from him and he's unwilling to help you out. (Which means you also need to be very clear with yourself about what you want and need and try to keep emotional neediness out of it.) If possible, try to express yourself in non-accusational "I feel" statements rather then "You do something..." ones. So for example you want to talk to him about his spending more time with his friends and his gaming but seems to be ignoring you and Kristopher, it would likely be more productive and less likely to lead to a fight if you say something along the lines of, "I feel like Kristopher and I are not at the top of your priority list. We rarely see you and would like it if you would move out here or come to visit more often," then, "You never spend time with us and are always too busy hanging around with your friends." Essentially, you are saying the same thing, but the way of going about it can make a huge difference. Hopefully if you can focus on how you feel and what you would like rather then focusing on him and attacking him, you two can have a more productive conversation and it won't end up in a fight with nothing accomplished. (There are times when that is much easier said then done as I am very well aware. sweatdrop )

Based on what you've said here and previous topics, it seems like Kurt is trying to hide from his responsibilities and may be resenting that he's going into a different stage of life then his friends are. He may be feeling it's "unfair" that his friends get to be jobless and hang out playing games but he has to find a job and won't have as much time to do those things anymore. Again, this is an important conversation to have with him so you--and perhaps he as well--can decide what his priorities are. If his priorities are not Kristopher and you, you have a tough decision to make and should make sure to make Kristopher and yourself your top priority.

I'm really hoping that you two can talk things out and get on the same page about what is best for Kristopher. If that is unable to be accomplished, however, it's up to you to do what is right for the two of you. If that means Kurt is out of the picture, well then he's out of the picture.

There's a famous song that says, "Sometimes love just ain't enough," and it's true on so many levels. You can love someone dearly but things won't work out because you're incompatible in other ways that matter as much and more. Love is great but if you and your partner aren't on the same page, it's hard to make it work and you'll both be unhappy.

Thank you all for your input, I will update you guys on what happens with Kurt and me. I don't think I will sign for child support though, and I'd never make visitation an issue unless things went terribly wrong with the next converstation we have.

Yup, TWO different issues in the eyes of the courts, so no excuse to not get child support orders.

And I don't see why someone wouldn't go for visitation orders either. It's not that you're making it an issue and keeping him away from your son. If you get along (although you've said he's not spending time with either of you in your posts, so doesn't sound like he thinks visitation is an issue either), it doesn't mean he can't see the baby whenever. On the flip side, it doesn't mean if it is his court ordered time that he has to spend time with your son.

I really hope you go and get child support and visitation worked out. I can't count how many people I've known that had the same attitude and it bit them in the butt later on, my sister being one of those. Your son DESERVES the monetary support, period. Don't let Kurt skip out on this one. Sure, he may not like it, but it's time for him to grow up and deal with this, he was a willing partner in this as well, like it or not. This isn't money you're going to blow on for fun, it's for your son to live on.

We can love people and still have to do things we don't like or they don't like. It's called tough love and sometimes it's needed. If Kurt can't understand the baby is now a priority and a responsibility, I have to question what kind of person he really is.

Sweetie, I mean this in the nicest way.

How many "second" chances are you going to give him? He is completely selfish and self-absorbed. Child support isn't his punishment, even IF he was being a father, it's your son's RIGHT. If this was anyone else you were going to give advice for, would you have them go through the same thing? He wants to act like an adult, yet wants everyone to guide him through what to do and only about him him him. My 5 year old is less self-absorbed than that. If he knows he just has to give you the minimum, I can almost bet he'll do that by just calling once every few days and tell you promises without carrying through.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with him like this. I know it's not easy to realize a relationship is on the downhill slope and worst to see your child suffer because of it.