Welcome to Gaia! ::

The contest is over and the winners chosen so I better get to commenting.

The first story: "Love conquers all" by Rainbow-Syrup.

I don't want to sound mean, but this story is the queen of Mary Sue stories. The general plot "girl is sheltered all her life, she has to marry someone rich and high class, falls in love with a gardener, gardener is poor, theres a dance, gardener discovers his father died and left him lots of money, happily ever after" is overly used.

The thing about this type of story line though, that if written the right way, can become a wonderful short story even if it is a short story. Unfortunately, "love conquers all" is not one of the better stories. With many grammatical and spelling errors through out the short story, as well as the lack of originality of the story, the total score came up rather low.

The beginning of the story sounded like it was getting off on the right foot, talking about how the mother died, but you pretty much went into a slump that reflects some of the basic fairytale stories we're all used too.

To make this story better, I would suggest working out the grammar and the spelling errors first and foremost. Next, take out the part where the gardener receives the rich inheritance. Maybe add a little drama after the dance with her father telling her she can't marry him. An argument between the father and gardener might also juice up the story.

If you want to go the more lovey dovey direction, have the man try to carry the girl off into the sunset so to say. Make him grab her attention, have her try to avoid him a little more, make him work for it. Drama is everything in love stories. Just having them fall in love at first sight isn't the best way to go about writing a love short story.

Sorry if this sounded mean, but this is what I thought when I read the short story.

I would love to hear what you have to say about my story.