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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:37 pm
  I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:08 pm
Someone was approaching. Cassiel's ears pricked in the evening light, lifting her ebony gaze from the ground she was so accustomed to staring at. The muggy summer time heat stuck to her crimson coat and she understood there would be no relief from the heat this sticky evening. But the uncomfortable weather was the least of her concerns. . . .
Hoofsteps.
And not just any sort of hoof step, but a walk that she understood far too well. The sound of one whom she hadn't seen in what felt refreshingly enough like ages, the sound of a soquili she had done her best to forget. It amazed and frustrated the young mare that this one mare was one she actually responded to . . . .
In fact, there were very few that caused the mare to move, to blink, to care. Or in this case uncare so vehemently. There were none in her life presently that she cared to see, none that she desired to spend time with. Her life was an island and someday she would die. . . that just about summed up her views. Those who might have cared, Leolani and Tobias, had swiftly been cut out as soon as she realized that they had stepped close to her heart! And everyone else she had cooly and easily avoided . . .or at the very least ignored.
The red eyed demon horse, Kerrigan; the feathered shadow Cyn and even the funny looking, spikey haired stallion. All of them she had deftly maneuvered away from, had pushed herself far away and had built up an impenetrable shield surrounding her. None would enter and none would cause her to respond.
Except this one.
Finding her breath caught in her throat, the mare stared as a familiar figure drew near. If she was swift enough she could run, but thta would only mean she truly did FEEL something for Eponine. . . . But if she stayed it meant she'd have to face her. . .and to see those blue eyes, to remember all the hurt and pain renewed. . . Oh gods, Cassiel couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. . didn't dare.
A panic began to rise but she said nothing, did nothing, only stared. . . Maybe she'd be wrong. Maybe this silhouetted figure would turn away.
Maybe. . . . .
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:33 pm
Eponine quickened her pace as a gaze burned upon her. She hadn't thought she'd ever find her renegade daughter but lo and behold the spirits had shone down upon her this day. It was one thing for a child to wander and travel around the world; it was quite another thing for them to disappear completely without word.
Cass had slipped out of her life almost as quietly as she had entered. . . The disheartened filly had grown in to one whom was just as downcast and just as quiet. But while she had lived with Eponine, with Twilight and the rest of the family one day the pink and white mare had left. It was only recently that Eponine had talked herself in to searching for her. . it was only recently that she felt it was her duty as a parent to seek out her safety.
No, she wasn't a good mother. But she did try. She had thought she was giving Cassiel her space, her freedom. . .but she hadn't expected the mare to cut off ties completely. Eponine had feared she'd have to travel ridiculously far and for days on en only to disvoer nothing. But such wasn't the case. . . . Her daughter was closer to home than either mare had believed so such a reuniting woulld now talk place.
Seeing her black maned daughter standing before her, Eponine couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. It had been a long time coming, through no fault of Cassiel, but to see the mare there the blue furred mother truly felt blessed. She still wondered what and how Rue had grown in to . . . but bygones where to be bygones. He was somewhere else, probably didn't even know of her or remember which was, ultimately, for the best. Ezriel wasn't a killer, so she was sure he was still alive. . . .
But at least she had her daughter.
Sort of.
In a very odd and cruel sort of way.
Bridging the distance between them, Eponine felt her age. Young as she was, with a grown mare staring out at her she felt . . . . aged. Had so much time passed so swiftly? "C-Cassiel. . . " She called out, voice soft and hesitant, trying her best to fight her most wretched stutter. "Is it. . . is it r-r-really you?" She was a bit in awe, emotion catching in her throat and thickening her words.
Her daughter. . here. . . alive. . . .
How long had they been apart? Much too long and it did Eponine so much good to finally see her.
Maybe this day was meant to be, meant to happen.
The spirits surely smiled down upon them today.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:57 am
Cassiel stared as her worst fears were realized. It was indeed her mother, Eponine, the white haired and blue furred broken beauty. There she was, standing before her so cooly, so calmly, as if nothing in the world was wrong or out of place. There she stood before her, speaking her surprise as if she gave a damn. . .as if she truly cared.
What. The. ******** had done her best to stay out of her mothers life. After Ezriel had taken her brother from Cass' life, after he had disappeared like a flame in the wind, she had been stuck to live with Eponine. She had met her family, Twilight, Aiolos, Zevach and yet. . . . she didn't fit in. Why hadn't Ezriel taken her too? Or at the very least why hadn't he stayed in her life!?
Eponine hadn't wanted her, Ezriel hadn't wanted her. . . but her father had made false promises. He had said he'd take her away and be with her and then he never showed up. He went in search of his beloved and forgot his children. . . or at the very least forgot one of them. Her.
Oh, all she had wanted was to be loved. To be accepted and to be adored, in particularly by her father. She needed his love because he was broken and dark like her; she needed to know him to understand why she felt so torn. And he had rejected her. She'd failed grandpa, she'd failed grandfather, and even her own mother . . .
Cassiel wasn't stupid. She understood that her mother had kept her alive because she was to weak to get rid of her. She understood that Eponine had wanted children just as much as Ezriel had! And yet Cass had been dropped off and stuck to her. . had been a burden . . a weight. A living regret that haunted her mother constantly. . . .
So she had left.
She had left so Eponine might have forgotten about her, so that such sin wouldn't have to shadow her. She had left because it was right, it was the only thing she could have done. . . and yet here her mother walked. Here she stepped, here she came up to her face to face as if everything was ok. . . .
Well everything wasn't!
Her darkness had splintered her spirit, ad tossed her to pieces. A rage had long been growing in the girl and could be silenced no longer. Her tail swished, her ears pinned, and the mare felt her blood begin to boil. Nostrils flaring, she pawed at the ground in an aggitated manner, turning her black gaze from Eponine's blue. No. . . . she had to stay in control. Hadn't she? Did she?
The war had begun . . . and it was just a matter of time before Cassiel lost. "What do you want?"
Her words were venemous. Eponine was indeed walking on dangerous ground.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 10:17 am
Eponine stopped, her small smile falling from her features as her daughter responded. Two pale ears pricked in concern, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand the tone that laced her words. Her daughter didn't seem particularly happy. . . .which. . . . though wasn't surprising to the mother, the bit behind the words hurt. There was something there that had eluded Cassiels words before but now was quite present. Anger? Resentment? Something sharp and unpleasant.
Maybe the spirits weren't so happy today afterall.
Was it wrong for the mother to want to see her daughter? Was it wrong for her to try to make amends for all the pain in her past? Eponine had tried so damn hard to make Cassiel see the love she DID and HONESTLY had for her. She had taught her what she knew, had protected her, and had quickly realized that her regret for children was unfounded - she missed Rue and wished to see him. . . but she loved her daughter. She had been young when she had gotten pregnant and had been afraid of the consequence. But though she had lived for a small time with regret in her heart, love had broken through.
Eponine loved her daughter with as much fervor as she could hope. She wanted her to be happy, wanted her to experience kindness and love and know that she WAS loved. A hundred percent!
But somehow the mother feared that perhaps that would never be the case. That the hurts were too deep . . . Something was severely wrong with her daughter as if she'd been born with a broken heart and soul. So how did she fix it? No bandaid seemed large enough. . .
"C-c-c-cassiel. . . ." She swallowed, a lump growing in her throat. "I . . I missed you. I h-h-had w-w-w-wanted to see you, t-t-to you make sure you were all right. . . ." Was that desperation in her voice too? Or was it an old wound opening. . . Was it . . .regret once again?
but not for Cassiel, no more . . . .this regret was for Eponine herself. For allowing things to get so stagnant and sour. For allowing her daughter to break.
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