dark, emo, .... and pink?!?

[XxTHe MesMErIzeD vOidxX]

A figure stood cloaked in shadows, rain dripping her face. Not even ten feet in front of her stood a man.

Not just any man...a vampire. And not just any vampire...a vampire dressed in... pink. Bright, hot pink clothes.

Yurei tilted her head, her thoughts racing. "I'm not afraid of you, or death." she whispered, knowing that he could hear her. His pale lips curled into a smile, his eyes were cold rubies. " Why do you think that I'm here, love?" was all he said.

Heart racing, she stepped forward, her knees like Jell-o. "Stop. Why are you doing this?" he said, knowing that his control was limited when he was in her presence.

"Because I love you." she whispered. Then, like a spring, she jumped into his arms, baring her neck. She knew her plan was working when her growled, signaling that he was lost to instinct...She did not even feel when he bit into her neck. As if some switch flipped, she began feeling the greatest agony... and the greatest pleasure.

She could feel the tickling sensation as her body was quickly drained of blood, the cold numbing it left behind.

With his strong arms around her, she knew that whatever was to happen to her, this moment was worth it. Suddenly, he broke away. "NO!" he yelled, but it was already too late. Her normally peach-colored skin was now deathly white, her breathing ragged, her eyes fluttering. " No.... dammit, Yur, why did you do this? i don't want you to share this curse! idiot!" he whispered in her ear, eyes filled with bloody tears.

With a pained inhalation, he bit into his wrist, allowing the blood to flow freely. with tenderness not often used by vampires, he held the wound to her cold lips, sighing when she latched on.

Her eyes flipped open; her irises were a striking green. She began to suck, and suck, drinking the blood like it was the sweetest nectarine. As it ran down her throat, her entire body burned with cold fire, making her tear, until she could take no more. She flung him away like a rag doll, writhing in pain, a scream stuck on her lips.

She balled up, shaking and shivering, as her body painfully died. as if pulled by strings, she went spread-eagle on the ground, her body taut with pain, and she screamed. she screamed with the pain of a thousand heartaches, the agony of a thousand deaths, and the bestial rage only found in the heart of the betrayed. Yurei fell limp, her breath stopped forever.

As if from a distance, she heard her lover say, "you're the one."

end of part .5

ooh, I'd love honest criticism on this part.  

[XxTHe MesMErIzeD vOidxX]

chuuuu..... what do you mean by formatting properly? oh, and i can't type, but i CAN spell, so there's a few mistakes every so often.

*shame* i think i sorta based the underlying plot on bella and edward. it did not quite work. i think i'm gonna revise it. i want a spine-tingling, crack-like addictiveness story that could actually get noticed. i want to be able to draw people in, and hold them there, untill the last word is read, when they let out a long pent-up breath, craving for it to never end. but, i'm still a novice writer. i used to write this really cool book, called lustful passions, but i got stuck. and i ......... sorta...... burned it..........


cool

if you see what i want the main female in my posted story to look like, follow this.  

[XxTHe MesMErIzeD vOidxX]

thanks. i do that when paper pisses me off.
ooh, i started up a rp, called too soon to love. i'm trying to get a few more people into it. right now, we're missing the main male, and a few council members. it's a vampire/demon/anything storyline.  

[XxTHe MesMErIzeD vOidxX]

the dull buzz of the orange street lamps sounded overhead, illuminating the dark alleyway. krhis took one last dreg of her ciggarette, then dropped it as she stalked away.
she was quite the remarkable figure. clad in all black leather, she was very tall, towering at 6'5''. though no one would care to do much more than glance at her, if one examined her closely, they could see that she was phenomenally beautiful. with paper-white skin, and long, slender fingers, she walked down the street with a grace that told of other worlds.
full moon, she noted, pleased. hidden under her trench coat was a double-edged ida, a useful weapon for chopping off the heads of vampires.
with a small smile of the predator on the trail of the prey, she walked faster, almost a run, yet she did not show even the slightest hint of exertion. a normal person would have to sprint to keep up.close. she's close. krhis had scented the putrid scent of bloodless corpses, faint, but there.
suddenly, she broke out into a full sprint, the scent of fresh blood assulting her nose like a punch. the scent was sweet, almost sugary. no! not a child! gods, let it be something else, anything else......she rounded the corner to find...... a child in the grasp of a bloodsucker."hey! dracula! get your rotting mits off him." she growled, drawing her ida.
it began to chuckle, a dry sound, like nails on paper." and if i don't? you'll kill me? you can't kill the dead!" he replied, biting into the child again. he. yes, i can.
"don't say i did not warn you, newbie." she ran to tear the vampire off the child, so fast she was a blur. before it could even gasp, she plunged her sword into his heart, paralyzing him. with eyes gaping wide, she tore his head off, killing him. she almost laughed. it was easy. far too easy.
she walked to the child, her face a mask as she cut it's head off. but this was the only way. she, and every vampire hunter alive, knew this. if you did not kill them right after the bite, they would rise as an unstoppable beast, feasting for a day and a night, while their instincts ruled their evry action.
as she walked back to her flat, she couldn't help but remember why she was what she was. she was not a vampire, not a lycan. she wasn't even a demon. she was nothing. she had no finger prints, no blood type, no blood, and she seemed to not breath nor did her heart beat.she ate nothing, desired nothing, loved nothing.
her mind wandered back to years ago, when she was made what she was.she had only been five, with red locks and violet eyes. her mother had held her hand as she led to the Lab. the Lab was a place where scientist took young children and did...... things to them, turning them into monsters. she had cried and screamed as they pried her away from her mother, but as she screamed for her mother to help, she had only turned away, never to see her again.
after that, the tests had begun. every one seemed more painful than the last. by the time she was ten, she was chalk-white, with eyes a pure red, even her pupils were red. she was an emotionless shell, every bit of joy and emotion gone from her soul. then they began to....... add things to her. stringer muscle fibers, longer arms and legs, wings even.
after years of this torture, she struck out at her captors, killing them all. the last person she killed was the Doctor. he was the man in charge. why did you do this to me?! she had asked, cold nothingness renging over her face. because i wanted to. he had spat at her.