Pineapple Hero Chapter Five *WONDERLAND*

[queennanami]

Pinapple hero Tales

"Koro, why'd you drag me to this dusty room." neutral Pineapple Hero covered her face, "You know I hate dust! stare "
"Mayor Adie said that Lord Fauku has been spoken of in legends, and that we can find information in this room."
"... well, it looks like she never reads! Look... this book is falling apart."
"Look on the bright side!! blaugh "
Pineapple Hero waited, "... what bright side? stare "
"Pineapple Hero, listen to this... smile "
Pineapple Hero saw something out of the corner of her eye. Turning quickly, in a Charlie’s Angels like fighting stance, Pineapple Hero looked around for whatever it was she saw. She was about to give up, ruling it out as 'just her imagination' when she saw a white creature poke its head out and stare at her, " eek ... a white rabbit?"

The rabbit held her gaze for a moment. The rabbit shut its eyes and took a deep breath, "I am.......... Fauku. twisted " with that, the rabbit ran from the room.
"Koro!!! Help me chase the rabbit!! scream " Pineapple Hero ran from the room without a second thought. She followed the rabbit out the door, and into the snowy forest, "Stop you stupid rodent!! scream "
The rabbit stopped and turned back to Pineapple Hero, "I am Fauku... Fauku." Pineapple Hero followed the rabbit further into the forest until it disappeared into a rabbit hole, "Fauku... kukuku..."
Needless to say, the evil laugh from the white rabbit angered Pineapple Hero. She wasn't about to give up! "Laugh it up, Fauku! I'll have you in a moment! scream " The hero squeezed through and for a moment struggled to fit in.
"I knew those cupcakes were fattening! scream Why did koro let me eat the whole batch?! I've got to... FIT! scream " finally into the hole she went and crawled but four feet before falling to her death~!!! ... kidding.
Pineapple Hero hit the soft ground with a gentle 'thud' and laid there for a moment, "Okay... where am I..? And why am I wearing this dress?! eek oh well... I hope my cigs are here somewhere."
"I am Fauku..." Pineapple Hero heard ahead of her.
Pineapple Hero dashed into the room, and saw the tiniest door in the world slam shut. Quickly dropping to her knees she flung the tiny door open, "Come back!!!! scream dangit... what now?!" Pineapple Hero noticed the table behind her with a healthy refreshment upon its surface! "The hell..? eek When did this get here?"
Our Hero, with caution, eats one of the cookies!
"Uh... no I won't stare "
... um... but you're supposed to grow in size and cry a pool a pool of tears..?
"Forget it! stare " Pineapple hero turned to walk away.
But its important to the story!!!
"Oh hell, I'LL do it!" A Victorian looking girl of nobility ate a cookie (with great enthusiasm domokun ), and pulled out her handkerchief, " crying I told you before..." she said as she grew, "I can grow crops with my tears." she sniffed, "Damn that Fauku..!!! emo "
"Mayor Adie? eek "
"No. crying " The ladies tears splashed upon the floor, "I am the Duchess! Drink that vial, already..."

The Duchess wrung out her hanky and continued to cry as Pineapple Hero made the decision that drinking the vial and possibly being poisoned was better than listening to this chicks weeping all day. She threw it back like a shot of vodka, and to her amazement shrunk to the perfect size of the door. Which would have been far more amazing if she wasn’t wading in a pool of tears…
Pineapple Hero thrust the doors open and was swept off her feet with the currant. She jumped up spitting and gagging, “omg, gross!!! gonk Where the hell is Koro?!? scream ”
“I don’t know where Koro is, but I know where I am mrgreen not in the pool of tears! Come on out of there, and follow me to my home.”
“Mayor Adie? Weren’t just over… there? eek " Pineapple Hero pointed back toward the door.
“I am the Duchess. I know not of what you speak blaugh come to my home! Come on, come on!!”
“Uh… okay, I guess... stare "
Our hero followed the strange Mayor/Duchess into her home. Upon the TV sat a cat-girl with a wicked smile and mischievous eyes. She said nothing, but watched as the Duchess led Pineapple Hero further into her home.
“This is my sitting room! blaugh ” she proclaimed.
“Sitting room? This is the kitchen… stare ”
“Hold my baby! blaugh ” The Duchess thrust a bundle into Pineapple Hero’s arms.
Pineapple Hero pulled back its covers, “… this is a loaf of bread. stare "
The Duchess leaned over and bit the end of the bread, “Yeff it ish!!! Dewishiss!!! domokun ”
Pineapple Hero had really had enough… but didn’t know what to do, since Adie/Duchess seemed out of their mind, “I’m uh… uh… neutral I’m going to take your baby for a walk! biggrin "
“MY!! How thoughtful! Go right ahead! blaugh Bring back some cheese and ham to go with my baby, okay?!”
“Riiight. Will do! Psycho… stare " Pineapple Hero turned and ran out of the house as fast as she could, following a path into the woods. She stopped to catch her breath, dropping the Duchess’s ‘baby’ aka ‘loaf of bread’ into the grass, “This place… freaking… sucks!!! scream ” she said between breaths, “Uggh! Where are my ciggs?! gonk " Pineapple Hero proceeded to pat herself down.
“Smoking is bad for your health!”
“And for your teeth!”
Pineapple Hero jumped, “Where the hell did you two come from!? eek "
“I’m Tweedle-Brian! surprised "
“And I’m Tweedle-Crim! surprised "

“I don’t care who you are, get out of my way! scream … unless one of you have a lighter..?”
“Get out of your way..? neutral "
“Where will you be going..? neutral "
“After Fauku! scream " Pineapple Hero shouted.
“Ohhh…”
“Fauku she says… surprised "
Pineapple Hero attempted to walk around them but they grabbed hold of each of her arms, “To dangerous to go! gonk " they said together.
“Dangerous? What do you mean? stare "
“Lets start off with a story of Fauku… surprised "
“Yes… his story… blaugh "
They both bowed deeply and then said together, “He’s a plushie ninja from the depths of hell, bent on world domination! blaugh "
“… I’ve heard enough, move. stare ”
“Its true, its true! gonk "
“Believe us, or it’s the end of you! gonk "
“Ugh!!! Don’t start rhyming! Look. I’m listening… tell me another story. smile "
Tweedle-Crim and Tweedle-Brian’s eyes lit up! “OF COURSE! biggrin " They said together, “There was once a man from Nantucket-“
Pineapple Hero dashed off into the woods once again, “I’m getting tired of this! scream " She ran deeper in, until she ran into an over sized mushroom, “oof!” she lay in the dirt for a moment, “… curious. What now?”

***

 

[queennanami]

Quote:

“Watch where you run.” A condescending voice said.
“Huh? eek ” Pineapple Hero stood and found a……… caterpillar sitting on the mushroom, “No, No… Narrator, that’s a demon. stare "
“I am The Caterpillar.” The man took a deep drag off his pipe.
“You ARE NOT!!! scream … hey, can I take a hit off that? biggrin ”
“I am a caterpillar. The fact that you cannot see this, shows how one can not think properly. One being you.”
“ stressed You don’t have to be a jerk about it.”
“I am not a 'jerk', I am refined, and intelligent. Thus I cannot be deemed as such. And you definitely can’t have any of this, get your own!”
“Ugh… whatever. I have a headache, and a nicotine craving.” Pineapple Hero collapsed, “Hey… why don’t you tell me how to get out of here? stare I wanna go home.”
“If you would like the power to grow, you need only take it from the mushroom I sit upon.”
“No... I asked you how I can get home! stare "
“I know what I heard. The power to grow resides within the mushroom. It’s power comes from-“
“I said I want to go home! scream ”
The Caterpillar stared at our hero for a moment, “If you don’t want my help just say so stare ”
“I don’t want your help stressed ”
“You do want my help.” He reclined back and took a long drag off his pipe again, blowing smoke rings in the air “As I’ve said. Take the mushroom. Perhaps that will aid you in your quest for home.”
Pineapple Hero ripped a chunk off the mushroom and rammed it into her pocket, “Thanks for nothing! I’m leaving!! scream "
“You’re welcome.”
Pineapple Hero stomped off mumbling curse words under her breath. It wasn’t long before she found the path again. She followed the path until she came to a fork, “… what way? eek "
“Depends on where you’re going. 3nodding "
Pineapple Hero looked above her, “You… you’re that cat-girl from the Duchess’s house!”

“Cheshire Cat. wink " Her wicked smile was the same. She disappeared and reappeared on the ground in front of her, “Where is it you’re going?”
“I’ve been looking for Lord Fauku.”
“Hm…” The Cheshire Cat closed her eyes for a moment, “I don’t know where he dwells, but these two may know. smile " The Cheshire walked in the direction of the fork, “In this direction lives a hatter. And in this direction, lives a march hare. Visit either if you like. They’re both mad. biggrin ”
“… Well, I don’t want to go amongst mad people eek ”
“Oh, you can’t help that 3nodding . We’re all mad here… I’m mad. You’re mad. You must be… otherwise, you wouldn’t have come here.” Cheshire smile grew wider as she suddenly faded.
Pineapple Hero shook herself, “Can’t say that’s not the most creepiest thing I’ve seen all day… Hate to see what lies ahead.” Our hero took a breath and walked in the direction of the Mad Hatter.

“Like I said, my house is FAR superior to your house, rabbit! I have plenty of chairs, tables and tea! So ha! twisted "
Pineapple Hero peeked into the backyard, where all the noise was coming from.
“I looooove seats! MOVE DOWN KORO-MOUSE! blaugh ” three people suddenly moved down three seats… well, one of them was dragged and tossed into their seat, “YAY~! Clean cup! blaugh my, my! Whoever could that be?! eek ”
“There’s NO SEATS! evil " the girl in the top-hat spat at her.
“The hell are you talking about? There’s plenty of seats! scream ” Pineapple Hero sat down across from them.
“Have some lemonade. twisted ” The Mad Hatter said.
Pineapple Hero looked about the table, “There isn’t any… its rude to offer a person something you don’t have! stare "
“And its rude to sit down when you’re uninvited!! scream ” The Mad Hatter screamed as she kicked the table over.
“Oh my!! sweatdrop " The March Hare jumped up and spun, “Move down, move down, move down!! Come on Koro-mouse!” The weird rabbit girl dragged the sleeping… duck-mouse. As all of them (including our beloved hero) settled into the new table and chairs, The Hare smiled brightly at Pineapple Hero, “What’s with that thing on your head? It looks delicious, can I have it? blaugh ”
“Nuh-uh, I have dibs. domokun ”
… Duchess, you aren’t in this scene.
“Well sweatdrop I’m on my way to play croquet, and thought I’d drop by.”
“You weren’t invited either! Get out of here! scream ” The Mad Hatter flung a cookie at the Duchess.
The Duchess caught the cookie in her mouth, and as she took a little nibble she sat up, “Very well, I’ll be off. Later! domokun ”
“ONE nuisance gone stare , now to deal with the other! What do YOU want, Pineapple head evil ?!” The Hatter pointed menacingly.
“Yes, Yes! What is it you need~? blaugh ”
“… yes, yes…” Koro-Mouse said sleepily.
“Well, I’m looking for a Lord Fauku. Do you know where I could find him neutral ? … And you don’t happen to have any ciggs or anything, do you?”
“What kind of name is Fauku? evil " Mad Hatter snorted.
“Fauku, Fauku, Fauku! It’s fun to say!! blaugh ” The Hare giggled as she did a handstand in her chair.
“Fau… ku…” the duck-mouse snuggled deeper into her arm.
“So… you know nothing? neutral "
“Nothing at all!” The Mad Hatter and The Hare said together.
“Ugh… but the Cheshire Cat said-“
“CAT?!? eek " Koro-Mouse jumped up, “Where?! OMG!!! eek " Koro-Mouse climbed the side of the house, and quaked in fear on its rooftop.
“Nice going, loser!! scream ” Mad Hatter stood up, chucking her teacup into the bushes, “I’m going to go get the broom!”
Pineapple Hero marched away, " stare This was the most retarded tea party ever..!"
“Bye-bye miss Pineapple! blaugh " The Hare called after.
“These people aren’t mad, they’re freaking stupid!! scream ” Pineapple Hero grumbled

***

 

[queennanami]

Quote:

“Ah, too true.”
“YOU!! scream " Pineapple Hero pointed menacingly at the Cheshire Cat, “What the hell?! I thought you said that the mad people knew of Lord Fauku?!”
“I said that they MAY know. 3nodding ” Chishire’s grin widened, “I do apologize for being so wrong. xd "
“I want to go home… where there is at least some sanity stare and smokes. Tell me how to go home!”
“I do not know your way home… but perhaps the Queen may know. biggrin "
“Queen? What Queen..? This mad world has some kind of monarchy?”
Cheshire looked to the west, “Down this path lies her castle… but be warned. If you do so much as one thing wrong, she’ll have your head. … Good luck! xd "
“… not a very motivational speech stare well… what the hell?” Pineapple Hero followed the path the Cheshire showed her, and soon that path became a maze of sorts. Lovely red roses grew on either side. She followed them for a few minutes when she came to an opening.
“Finally! gonk " Pineapple Hero tromped out of the bushes, “Why the hell would anyone make a maze of thorn bushes?!”
“Rose bushes!” a voice corrected her.
“… what are you? eek "
“Card Soldier! 3 of Hearts!” He saluted, “I am on duty!”
“Okay, okay… cool. Take me to your leader.”
“No, no!!! We’re on duty, miss! See?! mad " The Card Soldier held up a red can of paint.
“The hell is that for? eek ”
“Come with me and I’ll show you! mrgreen ” Pineapple Hero followed the Card Soldier to… more rose bushes. Only these bushes had white roses, “See!”
“… let me guess. You’re painting the roses red? stare ”
“Exactly!! blaugh Won’t you help us?!”
“No stare ”
“ emo ”
“I see the castle… I guess I’ll be heading this way. stare Good luck with the rose painting…” But when Pineapple Hero turned she came face to face with someone, “Kyah!!! eek ” Pineapple Hero fell backwards.
“Who’s been painting my roses red?! scream " A girl in regal clothing screamed, “Don’t you know I think that’s UGLY?!?” She screamed as she kicked over a paint can.

“Y-Your Majesty!! Please, we’ll fix it!! crying "
“UGH!!! Shut up!! gonk The sound of your voice is ugly!! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!! scream ” Other Card Soldiers rushed forth and took their fellow men away, kicking and crying, “And YOU!!” She pointed at Pineapple Hero.
“Uh… eek ahem, hello! I’m Pineapple Hero.”
The Queen visibly grimaced, “What the hell is that disgusting thing on your HEAD?!”
“… it’s a hat stare ”
“Take it off!!! scream ” The Queen knocked Pineapple Hero’s hat off with her croquet flamingo, “There… Prettier.”
“… uh… yes, very pretty.”
The Queen smiled, “ smile I know I am.” She said as she waved a dismissive hand, “But never mind all the flattery I’m sure you’re dying to say to me. Play croquet with me!! blaugh ”
“Huh? eek ”
“I was playing croquet, but my friend purposely tried to look prettier than me, so I sentenced her to getting her head lopped off! blaugh Set up the croquet field!” The Queen shouted.
“Oh geez, whats next? emo ” Pineapple Hero heard a rustling sound. She turned and saw a pack of smokes in the grass. Pineapple Hero watched the cigarettes for a moment as it danced for a bit, and then kinda ‘ran’ off, “Get back here!!" Pineapple Hero hissed and gave chase. She ran through bushes and dove on them when it paused for a moment, “HAHA!!! ... Eeep!!! eek ” by an unseen wire, she was dragged through the yard, and through a lake until she was pulled onto land of a small island. When she stopped finally she pulled all the cigarettes out, “Light, light! I need a light! scream ”
“Erms… here you go! blaugh ”
“Thanks! biggrin " Pineapple Hero snatched the lighter out of the persons hand quickly, but suddenly the person fell to his knees sobbing, “… eek what’s your problem?” She said as she lit up.
“My plan… it failed! gonk ”
“What plan? … What are you? stare ”

“I am the Mock Turtle!! biggrin ” He said brightly, then quickly morphed back to crying, " crying My plan… my beautiful plan to make you fall in love on first sight!”
“Oh?” Pineapple Hero barely paid attention, as she experienced the pure exctasy of finally having a cigarette.
“Erms… do you love me? redface ”
“I love smokes a lot… why do you ask?” She said as she laid back down.
The Mock Turtle stood as he wept and began to sing…

“She says she loves smokes
She didn’t even hear the question, but folks
Doesn’t it mean something that she loves the smokes from meeeeee? crying "

***

 

[queennanami]

Quote:

Pineapple Hero had reclined into the grass, “You say something? stare ” The joy of the cigarette had Pineapple hero in her own little world.
The Mock Turtle continued to weep, " crying My plan failed again!! gonk ”
“You don’t mind if I keep these, right? biggrin ”
“It was love at first sight!! xd ” Little stars twinkled around his head, “I love her with all my miiiiiiiiiiight!!! crying Do you love me too?”
“… who me? No. eek ”
“ crying but… but..! Someday maybe?!”
“I gotta go… stare I don’t want my head chopped off. People to save... crimes to stop... I'm a busy girl.” Pineapple prepared to swim for the castle.
“Nuuu! Erms… promise me! redface ”
“Promise you what? neutral ” Pineapple Hero was finally getting annoyed.
“That someday we’ll be married! blaugh ”
*splash!* “See ya!! scream ”
“Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! crying crying crying crying ”
Pineapple Hero ran back to where she was before the dancing delightful cigarette experience and sat quickly, acting like nothing had ever happened.

“LET THE GAME BEGIN!!! scream NOW!!! MOVE!!! scream YOU!!! You’re ugly, LEAVE THE CASTLE NOW!!!” The Queen marched over to Pineapple Hero and thrust a flamingo into her hands, “Lets go!!! I'll take you over here and show you a thing or two!!!! scream ” The Queen spun around to run toward the field, but Pineapple Hero’s flamingo tripped her. All around them gasps were heard, and people began to back away... some even RAN away.
“Uh… Your Majesty? Let me help you up? sweatdrop ”
“Off… with… your… HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!! scream ”
Card Soldiers ran forth to grab her, “WAIT!!” A movie star looking man stepped up, “Now, now, my Queen… lets give her a trail. smile ”
“A trial!? scream ” She snarled.
“Indeed! It’s been so long since we’ve had a trail. biggrin Come, my dear… it’ll be fun!”
“Hmmph! It better be! LET THE TRIAL BEGIN! scream ”

“Pineapple Hero! You are herby charged with assault on her Majesty, The Queen of Hearts. I, The King of Hearts was witness to this. Do you deny these charges?”
“Yes stare ”
“OFF WITH HER HEAD!! scream ” The Queen butted in.
“Then the trail shall appoint you a attorney. Step forth!”
“Hii hiiiii~! blaugh ” The March Hare wrapped her arms around the neck of Pineapple Hero.
“Oh my…” The King took The Hare by her hand, “Hello… do you enjoy living in my kingdom? You are quite a beauty… please, become my wi-“
The Queen cracked the King over the head with her croquet flamingo, “NO ATTOURNEY! Remove her from my court room!! stressed GET ON WITH THE WITNESSES!!! scream ”
“First Witness! crying " The King called as he rubbed his head.
Everyone watched the entrance of the Duchess. She walked with her hands clasped in front of her, and her head held down.
“You! What are you witness to? scream ” The Queen glared at her.
“Why… I’m witness to all! eek ”
“To all, you say?” The Queen furrowed her brow, " scream Explain!”
“I saw her entrance, I brought her home, then she stole and abandoned my baby! … the delicious thing domokun ”
The jury gasped!
“Her ‘baby’ was a loaf of bread! stare She bit its head!” Pineapple Hero shouted.
“She rhymes! We’re meant to be!!! crying " The Mock Turtle began to cry again.
“RETURN TO YOUR ISLAND YOU UGLY THING scream ! Card Soldiers! Remove him at once!!” After he was gone she rounded on The Duchess again, “Tell me more…”
“Well… I saw her once more at the Mad Hatter’s home. There she scared the bajeebus out of a poor defenseless mouse... Duck!” more gasps from the jury, “What’s more! My CAT is missing!” the whole court went in an uproar!
“SIIIIIIILENCE!!!! scream ” all became quiet, “No further questions. BRING IN THE NEXT WITNESS!”
The Mad Hatter marched toward them, mumbling angrily with her fists clenched, “ evil Yeah?!”
“Was this person NOT at your residence earlier?!” The Queen pointed menacingly at our poor hero.
“Duh! evil And she scared the crap out of Koro-mouse! stressed It took HOURS to get her down, you know!”
“Monster!” Someone said amongst the court.
“I’m a monster for THAT? stressed ” Pineapple Hero cried.
“Pineapple Hero! For your crimes of kidnapping, assault on the Queen, and just because I feel like it, and gosh damn you are ugly, I order the removal of your head!” The Queen said triumphantly.
Pineapple Hero reached into her pocket for one last cigarette, and instead pulled out the piece of mushroom The Caterpillar made her take… not having a lot of time to think she ate it, and began to grow!
“What’s the meaning of this!? scream " The Queen cried.
“I have had enough of all of you! stare " Pineapple Hero stomped her foot, making all the members of the court drop to the ground in terror, “You’re a stupid and UGLY queen!!! scream ”
“Yooou!!! scream GET HER! GET HER NOW!!!” The Queen screamed.
Cards flew into Pineapple Hero’s face! She batted at them as she closed her eyes.
“Pineapple Hero! Wake up!”
“Huh?! eek Koro?! Is that you? What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? We came in here to look for information on Lord Fauku. I let you sleep because you looked tired… Adie just came by to tell me she doesn’t think any info exists now, because Lord Fauku’s existence is too recent sweatdrop but I read a lovely story!”
“Oh… I had the strangest dream…” Pineapple Hero rubbed her forehead.
“Never mind all that! blaugh Lets go look somewhere else!” Koro smiled.
"Alright... stare " Pineapple hero turned and took one last look before leaving. "Wait for me koro! scream "
a small white bunny sitting on a box laughed "Fauku kukuku.."

The End! (of Pineapple Hero in Wonderland)

Written By YennonCrow and QueenNanami  

[queennanami]

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[YennonCrow]

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