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 Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 10:40 pm
On the first session that Merroth had not turned up for mathematics tutoring, Beatrix was a little surprised; but then she was not surprised, as Merroth's love for mathematics was probably not winning out over whatever whim or tantrum he was being indulged in at that moment (Beatrix Darnell would never be labelled as Edward John's #1 Fan). The second time was a curiosity. The third time was odd. The fourth time, Beatrix decided it was an Issue, and she called up his wayward guardians; more out of respect for him and his intelligence than any want to talk to them, even if she knew that was wrong as a teacher. She did not really involve his 'parents' in Merroth's learning; they didn't have a leg to stand on.
The calls were not responded to, nor her messages followed up.
In fact, what genuinely surprised the blind woman was when Thwomp located Merroth walking down the corridor to her office -- on time, as punctual as he had ever been before, the tread of his footstep a little heavier than it had been the last time. She did not look up when he came in (then again, being blind, it was never a huge deal) and merely said: "Close the door behind you."
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 10:54 pm
There was a delay. No argument, no antics, just a silent delay as Merroth stood in the door, unmoving.
It was a notable peculiarity that Edward John was nowhere to be found, nor was there any sign of any other escort. It was just Merroth by himself, normally a recipe for trouble, but he quietly shut the door and sat down in chair for the first time in far too long. His movements were slow, careful, and hesitant. It was enough to draw Thwomp's identification into question. His clothes even smelled fresh and clean, not the slightest hint of the sea and sand scent that had previously been his and Edward John's shared aromatic trademark.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:00 pm
It was dramatic, to say the least: an entirely changed individual, who had notably grown -- in maturity, even though Merroth had been growing before, changing into a young man, since before she left. The growth spurt had been huge. She had left behind a wailing baby. This was something a little different.
"Either you want to talk about it," said Beatrix, quite gently for her (and there was Thwomp who was interestedly looking as though he might dare to nuzzle up against Merroth's shoulder), "or you don't; I'll respect whatever decision you make. I will just point out that you've changed for obviousness' sake. Welcome back, Merroth."
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:07 pm
There as no response to Beatrix's line of inquiry or greeting. There was not even any indication Merroth had heard her. Instead, he launched straight into the subject of his work, or lack thereof: "I don't have the questions, Darnell. I lost them." It was a small indication that something in his head was the same, at least, because he had always made it a point to refer to Beatrix in a vaguely derogatory manner. Never quite an outright insult, not after the first few sessions and the wonderful math she had given him, but lacking in the full measure of respect that Beatrix's education and station afforded her.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:13 pm
It was blessedly unsurprising. Beatrix relaxed. For a horrible moment she had thought Merroth was going to spawn into some ungodly kind of sweet-natured, loving, well-adjusted young man. There was the singleminded prodigy she knew. "I did not go through tenure and thesis documents four times to be called that," she said crisply, trying not to show relief. "That's 'Doctor'."
She reached inside her folder; there was a photocopy printout of Beatrix's meticulous work, Riemannian geometry and manifolds, and she pushed it his direction. "So take them again," she said, "because I want you to finish those before we work with the Calabi-Yau."
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Again a delay before Merroth took the photocopy from her, laying it on his lap and staring at the page. He mumbled, "k'aihfapen," and Beatrix obligingly handed him a pen, since there was no way for him to erase his mistakes with it. Not that he ever made any mistakes. He could have tattooed his homework on his own arm without problem.
At least, that was how it had always seemed in the past. Merroth scribbled out his answers to the first few questions, but then he stopped. He stared at the page. His eyes twitched. He very slowly made a few marks and stopped. It was wrong. It was all wrong. He began to scratch out his answer, but did not confine himself to just that one section, suddenly starting an angry scribble all over the page, defacing questions and answers alike.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:34 pm
His teacher watched this placidly and sightlessly; Thwomp told her enough about what his angry scribblings meant, in terms of understanding, and she relaxed back in her chair with her face turned impassively towards him like Justice. Presently, Beatrix said: "Where are your guardians, Merroth?"
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:51 pm
The truth was, Merroth had very badly wanted to talk about it at Beatrix's prompting, he just did not know how. None of his guardians, past or present, had been very good at teaching him to communicate his feelings. The only person who had come close was Edward John, but...
Merroth's face burned with shame. "Dunno." His furious scribbling finally poked a hole in the paper and he jabbed himself in the leg with the pen. It would never show against his black pants, but he could feel it all the same. He threw the pen against the far wall. There was no satisfaction in it any longer. It was just a grim reminder of yet another person he hated. Merroth sighed angrily.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:55 pm
If he had had a red alarm placed on his shoulders blaring SOMETHING IS WRONG it could not have been more obvious; Beatrix folded her ams on the desk and rubbed a little at her temples, trying to think of how to couch the question, as she was never very good at comforting or trying to draw things out of people. "Merroth," she said, "indulge me for once; what do you mean, you don't know? Are you still living at home? Where are you now -- was that why nobody was answering my calls? I did leave a message that I had to go away; but you never answered. I had left some mathematics with the front office for you."
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 12:13 am
Merroth looked genuinely lost. Beatrix had left him some maths? No one had given them to him. How much he would have liked to have more of Bea's maths, his lone comfort in the universe, perfect and constant and impartial. It was enough to make him teary-eyed. The rocks of his jungle fort wall, so carefully arranged according to special numeric law, until Black had come along and knocked the wall over. The palm tree fibers, tiny threads crossing in the pattern of nature's mathematics, almost a tesselation, but finite and imperfect. Not like the equations and the numbers. They were pure and unmarred by the universe's failures. Pure, free numbers.
Merroth was not answering Beatrix's questions. He was just sitting there, his mouth open, trying to correlate the beauty of the numbers with the reality around him and getting nowhere because there no longer seemed to be any correlation. The numbers were lost.
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 12:18 am
Thwomp was definitely about to try to roam over his shoulder. Beatrix opened up her handbag and immediately distracted her demon with a Mintie, setting it on the desk for her minion to gum up his little mouth on as she kept sitting in relative undemanding peace. She was impatient; but impatient was never good with Merroth, because he could long outlast her impatience with stubbornness. "There has been no contact with your guardians," she said, "and that's not like Edward John."
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 12:35 am
Stubborn as he could be, Merroth's response to this was nevertheless immediate, and very, very loud for such a small office. "Don't say that name! Don't never say that name again or I'll make you regret it forever!" An empty threat, probably, but for a boy who could count to pi, forever was a long time indeed. Merroth banged his fists on his knees so hard a few of his fingers tingled.
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 1:03 am
Ah. So that was it. Beatrix was silent again, taking out a folder and skimming it with her fingers; the raised bumps of Braille, the quiet whisper of her hands. "Why didn't he bring you here today, or the other days?"
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Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 4:30 pm
Merroth quieted almost immediately. He might have become very, very sad, but he found a small reservoir of anger buried beneath the upset. It was enough to turn his voice into a growl of clenched teeth and curling lip. "They're gone," he said of Edward John and Nerys. He did not blame Black, not any more. Instead, he blamed Nerys because she had been so weak.
In Merroth's mind, he had thought his female guardians equal. Nerys had seemed so strong and so capable that when the reality of it came to light, it felt like a betrayal. She could never have lived up to Merroth's image of her. That she had failed him in the precise manner and time when he needed her to the most made it all the more terrible.
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Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 4:33 pm
"Ah," said Beatrix, as though he had told her the time of the day or the weather; her voice was undemonstrative, in counterpoint to the well of anger raging inside her student, how evocative two words could really be: They're gone. It explained a great deal.
She moved to get her diary out, as though the questioning were simply housekeeping. "Then where do you live now, Merroth?"
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