So, I get home today, and I find like 20 family members sitting/standing around the dining room table and a bunch of alcoholic beverages like on the table. So I'm all "ohh it must be a party".
PARTY??? A PARTY???
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was an intervention. FOR ME!
Today after I left for work, my mom came home for lunch. She began searching my room because she swore she smelled alcohol. And guess what?? She finds like 2 bottles of whiskey, 3 bottles of vodka, a bottle of tequila, a bunch of margarita mixes, a bottle of whine and 3 bottles of Champagne... All unopened by the way. So she, I guess, assumed I was a drunk, because only a drunk would keep unopened bottles of alcohol in like random parts of his room hidden until he could find what to do with them.
Then she goes through my trash and finds 2 or 3 paper towel with like dried blood on it. That couldn't POSSIBLY be from the nose bleed I had last night. So she assumed I was also a cutter, because she found this switch blade I found like 2 years ago on the floor at a gas station, and that MUST have been what I used to cut.
So my mom leads me to the table and tells me to sit down, I didn't know what was going on yet. My cousins stands up and starts reading the eulogy he wrote... I'm sitting here like "WHAT?!" and then my mom does the same... and I'm all "WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!" and then I see my cousin in like a back corner cracking up and I look at him and I'm all "TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"... THAT is when my uncle comes and grabs me and says "OH GOD HE'S GETTING ANGRY!" and then I'm all "LET ME GO!" and then my mom is all "OH MY GOD! HE DOESN'T WANT TO FACE THIS! IT MUST BE WORKING!"... I'm still all WHAT THE ******** my aunt begins to cry... and I'm all "OK, somebody please tell me what's going on. Please?" And my mom tells me about her "findings" and my cousin falls over laughing, like he's on the floor clutching his abs and all kinds of red. I tell my mom about how I had a nosebleed and re-explain to her about the switch blade, and tell her about how a bunch of my friends thought it would be HI-LARIOUS to give me alcohol for my birthday, considering I don't drink. And then everybody gets mad at my mom and then she goes to buy cake. And now we're all here eating cake.
tl;dr--Buzz is drunk, Buzz is a cutter. Buzz isn't drunk, Buzz isn't a cutter. Mom overreacts. We have cake. My cousin is the devil. I like cake. I love my mom.
PARTY??? A PARTY???
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was an intervention. FOR ME!
Today after I left for work, my mom came home for lunch. She began searching my room because she swore she smelled alcohol. And guess what?? She finds like 2 bottles of whiskey, 3 bottles of vodka, a bottle of tequila, a bunch of margarita mixes, a bottle of whine and 3 bottles of Champagne... All unopened by the way. So she, I guess, assumed I was a drunk, because only a drunk would keep unopened bottles of alcohol in like random parts of his room hidden until he could find what to do with them.
Then she goes through my trash and finds 2 or 3 paper towel with like dried blood on it. That couldn't POSSIBLY be from the nose bleed I had last night. So she assumed I was also a cutter, because she found this switch blade I found like 2 years ago on the floor at a gas station, and that MUST have been what I used to cut.
So my mom leads me to the table and tells me to sit down, I didn't know what was going on yet. My cousins stands up and starts reading the eulogy he wrote... I'm sitting here like "WHAT?!" and then my mom does the same... and I'm all "WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!" and then I see my cousin in like a back corner cracking up and I look at him and I'm all "TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"... THAT is when my uncle comes and grabs me and says "OH GOD HE'S GETTING ANGRY!" and then I'm all "LET ME GO!" and then my mom is all "OH MY GOD! HE DOESN'T WANT TO FACE THIS! IT MUST BE WORKING!"... I'm still all WHAT THE ******** my aunt begins to cry... and I'm all "OK, somebody please tell me what's going on. Please?" And my mom tells me about her "findings" and my cousin falls over laughing, like he's on the floor clutching his abs and all kinds of red. I tell my mom about how I had a nosebleed and re-explain to her about the switch blade, and tell her about how a bunch of my friends thought it would be HI-LARIOUS to give me alcohol for my birthday, considering I don't drink. And then everybody gets mad at my mom and then she goes to buy cake. And now we're all here eating cake.
tl;dr--Buzz is drunk, Buzz is a cutter. Buzz isn't drunk, Buzz isn't a cutter. Mom overreacts. We have cake. My cousin is the devil. I like cake. I love my mom.
![[Q]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/23/15/1f06246f41523_flip.png?t=1465986572_6.00_11)
Rofl. Wow.
