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 Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 3:15 pm
I made this poem about Nico Robin from the anime One Piece
Robin's Pain
My eyes are dull,
even when I read what I love.
Mom's gone,
dad's dead,
I have no friends.
The archeologists help me
and care for me,
when no one else does.
I found one friend and my mom.
But now
all is lost
The island,
I called home,
is burning.
My eyes get duller
as my moter,
friend,
and the archeologist burn.
I'm wanted now
and no one wants me alive.
I found people who like me,
they later protect me
and the more time passes,
the brighter my eyes get.
But thinking they'll betray me,
my eyes get duller,
than after the island burned.
The dullness never ceases
inside of me.
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 12:36 pm
It was good, and I can feel the emotion, but the rhythmn was all over the place and there wasn't much rhyming going on (Whether there was supposed to or not is a different matter).
So, yeah, it's good, but it could be better....
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:28 pm
It's Free Verse and there's a point in the poem. The point, what she was focusing on, was the dullness in Robin's eye.
Awesome poem.
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:41 pm
Idea I got from FMA...
My Life
I ran
played
and read.
My brothers helped
and cared for me.
I have friends
we go to school together.
I study hard
trying to support our growing family.
My eldest brother has a woman he loves
they'll get married in the summer.
But she got sick
died
and my brother did a taboo in even an alchemists' eyes.
A war has broken out
everyone is in a panick.
My brother helps me flee.
I work for a carpender in Lior
so I can still live.
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Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 4:04 pm
Your poems are good but make them happier.
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