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 Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 10:23 pm
Well, I'm sure that this situation is as old as the hills, and that when people read what I typed they'll roll their eyes, but I'm desperate.
I live in South Carolina, so everyone down here under the age of 30 is very...sensitive to sexuality. I'm gay, and out to a select few, all girls, and they all love me, like I'm some sort of interesting conversation piece. This doesn't bother me, but I'm the only gay guy that they know, so they are of no use as, excuse the term, hags. When you're in the Bible Belt no one wants to appear gay, even I act straight. However, there is this guy I like.
He's 18, and can be slightly immature, because he tries to hard to be a rebel, not that he fails. He's actually pretty smart, but doesn't apply himself, so were identical in that respect. He likes music, pretty much any kind, and he is a comic nerd. He knows the differences between DC and MARVEL and will castrate you if you mess them up. Also: Mega Hot. He has, on several occasions, been told that he looks like a model, and, after I first said it, James Marsden. I'm pretty sure that I've been crushing on him for 3 years or so.
The problem is that he sends of strange bi vibes. He doesn't come off as gay or straight, he makes jokes about sexuality, and he doesn't mind physical contact.
He does however have girlfriends, usually breaking up after 2-3 months. This partially doesn't bother me, cause of the bi vibe, and the way that he/they treat(s) them/him.
So, Dilemma Time. I wanna date him, but am EXTREMELY cautious about approaching him. I have optimistic feelings about the asking, but should things go wrong... I really don't want to have to change schools again.
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Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 6:40 pm
I personally have had enough of lost opportunities due to too much waiting. I'd tell him or at least flirt. If he says no or rebuffs you totally, it's no loss; you wouldn't have been able to go out with him anyway, and it's saved you a lot of worry, so you'll be able to start to move on. If he says yes, or flirts back, there you go. I always find it better and easier on you if you just tell. Plus, he sounds like he's somewhat comfortable with the homosexual concept, so if you just tell him you're gay or bi (sry, don't recall and I can't see it now for reference), then he'll probably not shun you. And you can go from there. Not as much risk as you might think. good luck! mrgreen
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Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 6:45 pm
Before I say anything, I'll admit that I have not had much experience with this in the past. I've had two girl crushes, one on a bi girl, and the other is a little bit more similar to yours but not as dangerous. She's unsure of her sexuality, BUT, she knows that I'm bi and is a huge supporter, and I approached her and asked her out once.
Word of advice:
If you're unsure of his sexuality, or if HE is unsure of his sexuality, DO NOT ATTEMPT.
She managed to play it off and act normal with me because she's one of my closest friends (and she likes yuri, anyway), but, well, guys are more physical when they feel threatened... And if you were to accidentally come onto a straight guy, well... Like I said, dangerous.
Before you do anything, you must know the boy's orientation. I'd say that you get it out of him, no matter what. Send in a girl friend with amazing secret-extraction skills. Make a suggestive joke, giving him the opportunity to come out to you. My friend tried this one recently: Ask him, one day, alone, seriously, not jokingly, "If you were gay/bi... You'd tell me, right?"
That's all I got.
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Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:52 am
First of all, I'd like to thank both of you for your replies. They are both choc-a-bloc full of things I should have done. That being said, I decided not to even attempt a relationship. Despite the saying: "For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been.' ", I was accepted at Rutgers in NJ, my first choice college btw, and I really don't want to have a long-distance relationship, EVER.
Thanks again for your tips and advice, and just as an afterthought, even if he did try to hit me, I'd still be able to shove his hand so far up his a** that he'd have to open his mouth to wipe his nose. But thank you for your concern, it's touching, and I mean that seriously!
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