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 Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 12:05 pm
Hi, I just made my very first manga, called Destiny's Hourglasses, and I would be really glad if I could get some advice and critique on it so that I can improve. I drew it as an art project in school(finally I found a way to draw manga AND do my homework at the same time :3, Yay!) and I drew it in about 4-6 weeks. Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Some constructive critique would be GREAT! :3 Because I do have one problem with it... No wonder how many times I look at it I just can't get that manga "feeling" that I usually get when I read manga :/ but I just can't understand what I'm doing wrong... oh and by the way if you wonder why it's only 15 pages so is that because I am thinking of submitting it to a contest and in that contest the manga has to be limited to 15 pages(plus that I only had 4-6 weeks to draw it so I thought it was a pretty good limit ^^)... I think it's kinda hard to put a good story in so little pages but I gave it my best shot >.<
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 10:21 am
u need to work on ur proportions the the faces just don't seem right the proportions of the body are alright but the lines could be straighter (it looks like ur hands were shaking a bit when u inked it) but other wise its pretty good just practice proportions!
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Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 3:36 am
aceybaby u need to work on ur proportions the the faces just don't seem right the proportions of the body are alright but the lines could be straighter (it looks like ur hands were shaking a bit when u inked it) but other wise its pretty good just practice proportions! Thanks for answering :3 I use your words to get better and yes, I am very bad at inking because my hands shake.. I am not sure why... maybe it's because I get kinda nervouse when I ink because I am afraid I will ruin the whole page...
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Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 3:23 pm
Uhm, wow? I agree with the matter of proportions and anatomy, but despite what people say I found that easy to learn myself...
The "wow" is because, oh my god, I literally just joined this guild and yours is the first post I read... I still can't do manga like that, though I wish I could. I have the artistic skill but the ability to use screentones and panelling like that is just... beyond me. How did you manage it? Using this guild? <3
I loved it, even as an amature piece!
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Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 9:57 am
Hoshii Koba Uhm, wow? I agree with the matter of proportions and anatomy, but despite what people say I found that easy to learn myself... The "wow" is because, oh my god, I literally just joined this guild and yours is the first post I read... I still can't do manga like that, though I wish I could. I have the artistic skill but the ability to use screentones and panelling like that is just... beyond me. How did you manage it? Using this guild? <3 I loved it, even as an amature piece! Thank you very much :3 And no, actually, I am new to this guild as well and hasn't used it to other than posting my manga ^^ The screentones and panelling was mostly done by using my own creativity but also by studying some of my bought mangas and see how they did it(mostly with the screentones).
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 6:35 pm
 Shocking...I didn't realize it went right to left, at first. xd
I like your use of tones and the story wasn't bad. I liked the humor and drama.
Is English your first language? I see a lot of typos. On page 7, it should be "Why'd you leave so suddenly?" and "I haven't seen the whole school, yet." and "I will be gone by the end of the day." On page 8, it should be, "maybe Wing was just my imagination". On page 10, it should be, "Truth is, I am a death god, also called a shinigami." On page 11, it should be "a hallucination." On page 14, it should be, "all of your proof." ...isn't it?
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 2:10 pm
Tenko72 Shocking...I didn't realize it went right to left, at first. xd
I like your use of tones and the story wasn't bad. I liked the humor and drama.
Is English your first language? I see a lot of typos. On page 7, it should be "Why'd you leave so suddenly?" and "I haven't seen the whole school, yet." and "I will be gone by the end of the day." On page 8, it should be, "maybe Wing was just my imagination". On page 10, it should be, "Truth is, I am a death god, also called a shinigami." On page 11, it should be "a hallucination." On page 14, it should be, "all of your proof." ...isn't it? Woah, I didn't realize that I had so many typos o.o but no, English isn't my first language, Swedish is ^^ so I guess I have atleast a small excuse for that mistake :3 I better correct those when I got the time. I am glad you liked the story ^^ I think it was pretty hard to make a good story out of only 15 pages... ^^;
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:48 am
Hehe, looks cute. :3 I bet you're a fan of Fruits Basket? ^^ The style's pretty similar. I agree, you could use some work on the faces and proportions, and some of the poses are kind of awkward-looking. I look the use of toning, though, makes it look professional :3 <--has never learned how to use it herself XD' Funny w/the chibis 'n whatnot. Keep it up!<3
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Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:04 am
plushiesexual Hehe, looks cute. :3 I bet you're a fan of Fruits Basket? ^^ The style's pretty similar. I agree, you could use some work on the faces and proportions, and some of the poses are kind of awkward-looking. I look the use of toning, though, makes it look professional :3 <--has never learned how to use it herself XD' Funny w/the chibis 'n whatnot. Keep it up!<3 Thanks and yes I am a fan of Fruits Basket ^^ Funny you said that cuz I didn't realize that the style is similar xD I am really glad I posted the manga her because now I know what to work more on, faces, proportions and poses ^^ I am also REALLY glad that people seemed to like the toning(the toning was the part that took the longest ^^ wink since it was only my second time using it biggrin I tested it once before in a silly test manga that only lasted 3 pages until I scrapped it since it didn't have a plot x] Before that I had never used Screentones before since it's kinda expensive and I didn't want to waste it on simple character drawings.
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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:59 am
I think it's nice! I'm looking forward to the rest! heart
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:21 pm
First of all i think ITS GOOD FOR A START^^
not saying I could do better, bah, you did well using all of you manga materials, like shading and those different canvas( or wut ever u call those) for board color, shadow and shine^^ You need more work on drawing you characters like these ppl said above me^^ porportions are very important and since your place its a school it makes it more intriguing to not just start with you character coming out of nowhere....hmmmm but hey its awesome and i gotta give you credit for that^^ It made me jealous know there are so many artist here rolleyes good luck with the manga. good story by the way^^
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:39 pm
OMFG you shoulod make more!
you need more anyway to make it more deep and introduce more characters probably..............
probably.....
lol but still you need to work on faces and proportions XD
i love the shading and stuff though mrgreen
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:15 pm
Your problem is anatomy.
I understand that you read a lot of manga and want to art like your favorite manga artists do, but here's the thing: before you can draw in a super-exaggerated style like manga you HAVE to know your basic anatomy and facial structure. The arms are too long, the shoulders are nearly non-existant, and on page five the thumb is on the wrong side of the hand. And the faces lact structure too. The chins look like they're glued to the neck. I suggest you draw a bit from real life, study facial structure, anatomy and poses (that arm over the back of the chair on page 3 was like wtf?).
And then when you've got a better basis in that, you can use that to figure out your personal manga style. And THEN you can apply those nice tones of yours :3
It's a nice start tough, and I like that you're enthusiastic enough to do a whole story from start to finish, but like I said, it takes a while to get the basics right but it's worth it.
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:48 pm
Hey I read your story and liked it a lot actually. It has a good flow and very clean lines which is cool. I would've liked to be able to see it a bit closer though, cause some stuff was hard to read.
Some suggestions I could make are: to work on you backgrounds, make a few shots where the backgrounds are clearly visible, and maybe a few one page shots (for example, to introduce a character). I used to think that backgrounds weren't really necessary, and that I could skip out on them some times, but it's better to have people admiring how much work you spent on your backgrounds than to have them glance over the page.
Finally, I'd just like to say that I noticed you have talent for this. You made a very clean and easy to read story. I hope you continue making stories so I can read them heh
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 12:27 pm
do i sense some Deathnote fandom...?
lol, just kidding.
it was great until the reader got to know that Wing was (SPOILER WARNING) a shinigami, and then it went downwards. (in my opinion)
you should work more on straight lines and proportions. (spelling?)
7/10
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