Welcome to Gaia! ::

From what i have heard from the others in the guild the first few times are going to hurt but after those first few times it should be ok. The reason it hurt so bad was probably because you had a thick hymen. Usually the thicker it is the worse the pain is.

It's a myth that sex is supposed to hurt the first time. Sex is never supposed to hurt. Pain is a sign that something isn't quite right.

The most common causes of pain during sex are:

1. Not enough lubrication: It's good that you were using a lubricant. Are you sure you were using enough? You can try using more next time and seeing if that helps. It also helps a lot if you are in the mood before trying to have sex. Being in the mood will open and lubricate your v****a.

2. Being tense/nervous: You've been with this guy a while and want to sleep with him, so we can hope you feel comfortable with him. However, you still might be feeling some anxiety about having sex. After all, you did say, "I feel terrible that I can't do it," so you clearly are feeling some pressure here. If you're feeling pressure, it's even less likely to happen. You have to be completely calm and relaxed. That means being comfortable naked, being comfortable with your partner, being confident that you are protected against pregnancy, being confident that no one is going to walk in on you, not feeling bad about it if things don't go exactly as planned, etc.

3. Gynecological issues/events: Most hymens are thin and delicate, so they break long before a girl has sex, often without any pain or blood. However, if yours was thicker than average, that could be the cause of some pain. You also could have a low cervix, as Aelfiede said. In that event, your partner might not be able to penetrate you deeply. Your cervix changes positions slightly throughout your cycle, so you could avoid sex when it is at its lowest point if that is the issue. There are also latex allergies, spermicide allergies, infections, and other issues that can cause pain during sex, so you should always discuss it with your ob-gyn and make sure you are getting your yearly exam.

No, they don't numb you because there is no reason to. A pap smear is just when the doctor holds your v****a open a bit and rubs something similar to a Q-tip across your cervix. That's enough to catch just a bit of your cervical cells that the ob-gyn can look at later to make sure your cervix looks healthy. The process can be uncomfortable since most of us don't like being at the doctor to begin with, let alone being completely naked at the doctor with the doctor's face in our v****a, but a pap shouldn't hurt. Stay as calm and relaxed as possible to ease any discomfort, and the whole thing will be over in about two minutes.

My boyfriend and myself were just like you.

I posted this somewhere else, but I'll say it again:
After we applied the KY, I laid down and he went inside me just a little bit. Then he'd go in and out without penetrating me even deeper. Eventually I would become looser, and he could go a little deeper without hurting me. Then he would go in and out at that shallowness without penetrating me deeper, and I would loosen up some more, and so on.
Hopefully that makes sense. (:

All of this only takes us about 4 minutes.

Hymens are tricky. Some have hymens that doesn't break even after childbirth (through the v****a), some are broken early because of maybe riding a horse. Some vaginas doesn't have hymens at all.

Remember, many v****a-havers can't orgasm from penetration - maybe you could try a different form of sex? Or maybe you could penetrate yourself with your fingers to see what does feel fine and what does not? Doing it yourself you can control it better.