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 Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:20 pm
Well, I don't know how many people have read my rants about my guy friend. But, yeah, we've had some issues and everything, and I've been admitting that I really do like him (to myself, not to him Dx). Brief recap, we went out 8th grade, when we were young and stupid, and you probably couldn't call it a relationship, then this summer we because really close. I found out he liked me, and I got a little scared, so when he asked me to Homecoming dance, I said no. The next day my friend asked him out, not knowing about him asking me to homecoming, and I felt really awkward about this. I started realizing after that I liked him, but was trying not to admit it to myself, and trying to find diversions in a way (like, I actually think these two guys liked me, but if they did, well, they don't anymore I don't think, but yeah). So, we started drifting apart and everything, I mean, I kind of pushed him away, I love my other friend to death, and they were a good match, and I wasn't going to let myself be selfish and come between them because they were extremely nice people.
They broke up about a month ago, and immediately this other girl goes after him (-hisses- I don't trust her, not after freshmen year, don't get me started). So, yeah, we've still had issues, I'm not even doubting that girl is probably talking about me and stuff as well. I snapped last friday because I couldn't take some of the stuff anymore, because it just felt like what everyone else was doing to me, telling me to be myself, but then treating me like I'm a nuissance when I am, and then other people are more important than me. I got ticked of, became sick...and then got yelled at by this other girl (Don't get me started >.< wink , and Monday and Tuesday I couldn't eat any lunch because I got so stressed out.
Well, I finally bit the bullet and called last night (partially because I needed to get some stress to go away so maybe I'd get better) Yeah, I just called and said, "Hello -, this is Katie...um...um...Yeah, I called because...uh-" xD I actually just called without a game plan and everything. So, yeah, I asked if I was a nuisance to him, because it felt like it, and he's certainly done enough for me this year, and I've been selfish and everything. He did kind of vent, and there was one thing that really kind of hurt, yeah, I started shaking, and I was tearing up, because it was a stab that I feel from a lot of people, but I needed to hear it from him.
Then he said that I needed to tell him what I felt wrong with him, since he just tore me a part (even though I deserved it to a certain extent), and I was only able to get out like two things, but before that I accidentally said something had been bothering me that I've done. He basically squeaked it out of me, but I only told him that I felt bad for something at the beginning of the year, and I needed to apologize and if I could I would have changed what I did. And then he asked, "Are you talking about when I asked you to homecoming?"
Then we started talking in the most awkward conversation of my life, involving me stuttering much. He explained that even over the summer he had liked me some, but was going to just try asking me to a dance to see what would happen. See, over the summer, we usually get together at least once a week and just hang out, like best friends, because that was what we were (and I hope we still are). He then said that he thought I convinced my friend to ask him out, and I said that I didn't know anything about it until someone mentioned it the next day, so that was one of those "oh..." moments. xD If you've had one of those, hehe. Then he said something like, "I want to ask you this, and you don't have to answer, but...well...did you like me back?"
-insert major stuttering here-
I replied that at the time, my mind was convincing me not to, that I'd ruin our friendship and everything, but after the fact, I started to realize I did, and I even had coverups and such to get my mind off of it. I never did specify when, because I still do now, I'm blushing as I speak, and I can't even believe I'm letting myself like him so much at this moment in time. I basically confessed I liked him and everything. And we talked about some of the things that happened at that dance that made me feel like a jerk and everything.
But yeah, I then asked him if he's going to prom with anyone, and he said that my friend and him discussed going as friends, but it wasn't set in stone, so if he's not going with her, he'd definitely go with me.
Oh my goodness, even though I got bashed to a certain extent, I was just feeling so much more relieved to get this all talked out. I mean, when someone is feeling angry with me, I would like to know the reason, and I found it out. And then, yeah, I might have a chance. I mean, I'd like to go to prom really badly (I said I wanted to go, but my mom wouldn't let me unless I had a date, which is true).
But yeah. Gabby (or Katie, hehe, I like Gabby better) has a crush. I got into my horrid mood from Friday through Monday because of actually jealousy, frustration at people in general, and then being sick messing up my emotions (I started crying on Friday everytime I would listen to like, any song, and find an excuse for it to be sad in some way, or too beautiful to stand o.O).
But the only problem is, that my body is reacting like I actually confessed I like him now, even if I don't think he took the hint. So, I thought he'd be gone today, but apparently he was checking into homeroom and such and I saw him come into the auditorium in the morning (where they lock us in and keep an eye on us until we're aloud to classes o.O), and my heart skipped a beat and I got really scared. Not good, I don't want to really be this apparent. I mean, its still fairly recent that he broke up with his girlfriend, and actually the time I went out with him was sometime after she went out with him as well, and that'd be weird. You know, prom in June would be nice, even though I feel I can't wait any longer, I must wait.
>.<
I still think I'm sick because I am making a big big deal out of this when I really shouldn't. I do feel my face heating up, but I know I have a slight fever anyways.
But yeah, whoever actually read all the way through this, I give you my congratulations. =O Now you know a piece of the mind of Gabby that she's really kind of kept hidden, even if she's talked about this 'crush'.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:02 pm
I meant to read this when you first put this up, sorry. sweatdrop
*Glomptacklehugs*
Well done for talking to him!
"I still think I'm sick because I am making a big big deal out of this when I really shouldn't."
You're excited, I mean, after thinking that you two were drifting apart, you have just made a really big step in drawing him back to you.
I really hope he does go to prom with you, because then you can make up for not dancing with him last time.
Have you spoken to him since?
Because it might be an idea to.
xd I actually feel excited about this.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:23 pm
Yeah, I am excited! I'm getting over being sick now finally, because nothing really stressful has happened since, so its allowed me to regroup and everything.
I haven't spoken to him since, because he's been out the rest of the week for a convention. Though, the one morning, I didn't realize he'd be in school until he left, and it kind of shocked me and I panicked a little bit, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him anyways.
Monday I should be able to talk to him. Anyways, I just got a hair cut, and so, its something fresh and new! I mean, my hair was about down to mid-back, and now its shoulder length. There was a lot of hair on the floor at the salon =O. Its actually a really cute cut, and I like it when the style is cute, it feels like I'm getting a little bit back of the old me from when we were really good friends, so that might help.
Yeah, I just can't put any moves on him or give him any wrong ideas. I've only told one friend about prom, and basically the way she was talking about it, I had to fully convince her I was intentional of going as friends with him. So, yeah, it doesn't matter if I've really kind of liked him all year, she has a point that I can't do that to my friend he broke up with, and it would be hypocritical on my part. But you know, I wouldn't even think about it until maybe the beginning of next year, I'm not even going to be here for most of the summer, so its not like I'm going to see him all that often.
Hehe, it still does feel like a little bit of a confession when I did tell him I did realize after the fact I did like him, but I kind of did leave it vague about "when", so he didn't get that I still do, and maybe that's a good thing for now. What will happen will happen.
Well, thank you for reading all of that. It was an extremely long post, after I was done, I looked at it and I was shocked about how much I wrote.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:19 pm
I manage to write long posts too when I am talking about something that has happened to me.
It's fine.
For now, it may just be good if you show that you are still there for him, but still drop the hints that you are interested.
We just have to hope like hell now that he still likes you.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:50 pm
Hoping and praying! =D
If we wind up going to prom together, I have a feeling we might be going as friends, but yeah, knowing me, I might get spastic and give myself away. But that's ok. It's at the end of the year anyways, so even if he can't like me back, I have the whole summer to get over it (and I'll be in another town for the summer, so I might be able to meet someone else, or I'll at least be able to take my mind off of it).
But I"m thinking positively.
EDIT
That outfit I mentioned that's cute, well, I just had fun for the past hour trying to make icons out of a picture, and I wound up putting a picture of it on my profile (yeah, basically me without a head...I don't like putting pictures of me online, I fear stalkers)
But yeah, that's what I'm wearing tomorrow, so it should be cute with my new haircut!
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Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 1:40 pm
That dress is cute.
When was/is your prom?
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Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:39 pm
June 7th
The same day I'm taking the SAT IIs (subject exams)
But most other people are taking the SAT Is, so I get to laugh at them. Both ones I'm taking are one hour long exams, while they have to take the one five hour long exam on the day of prom, hehe.
I am going to actually buy a ticket, because, believe it or not, I just got nominated for Queen/court by the teachers (that's how they're doing it this year). So, wow, I got nominated for something =O So, yeah, I'm going to plan on going, because my friend isn't talking about going with my guy friend, so I'm assuming that we could go together. =3
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Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:01 am
That is relly awesome. heart
It would be so amazing if you did win this queen thing.
7th of June seems so far away, I want to know how it all goes and I can't wait. xd
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Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 1:39 pm
I probably wouldn't get queen, but it feels really nice the teachers nominated me. I was really surprised. =O
Tomorrow I buy my ticket. I mean, its still up in the air if we're going or not. I just hope we are.
I got a little angry today, because those girls I've mentioned, well, I overheard them talking about "Oh, you should go with this girl, you'd be so cute together and have a lot of fun together." Oh, I could break their necks...grr...but yeah, it didn't work, because it was a girl that dumped him in a horrid way last year, so he got really uncomfortable, so I couldn't help but laugh at their attempt.
I just hope that he doesn't forget.
So, yeah, I really can't wait either! =D
I'm so excited.
And now, with Gaian prom, its making me more excited (like, I am buying one of those dresses that just came out today for it, the blue one, it matches my avi perfectly =D). Of course, yeah, my friend and I are talking about how we'll probably have more fun with Gaian prom than our real prom, hehe, because we can be nerdy on here. Real prom is quite stressful in my opinion, and I seem to be the only one that wants a dress that doesn't cost over a hundred dollars and is going to just do something to my own hair. =O Someone spent $450 on their dress and this is only for junior year. I myself would probably spend more for a dress for senior year, but then again, I don't like spending a lot of money on a dress I'm only probably going to wear once (but I'm hoping I'd get something I can get to wear to concerts as well, I mean, possibly if I make bicounty band senior soloist, auditions 28th of May...just when I thought that auditioning flute solos were over!)
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Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 4:18 pm
I've never even spent that much on a load of clothing before. xd
But that are the girly girls for you.
I bet appearances mean everything to them.
Maybe if you keep showing up near this guy then he will keep thinking about you and he will think more about going to the prom with you.
Those girls are really annoying though.
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:49 pm
See, I just love dresses, because I find it to fit my personality. But I hate clothes shopping... =P So yeah.
=O Good idea! I'm already playing the helpless female role, since my dad is out of town due to work (basically, living there, and we'll move once I graduate), so its me and my mom...and then...attack of the things that involve tools that we don't know anything about. xD So I was trying to describe the problem to him today, and basically, I can't describe it, and he said duct tape solves everything, but I need to take a picture and bring it in so he can see exactly what the problem is because I make no sense.
Grrr, yeah, today, the one stroke again. I understand they got really close because of play, but I guess a twang of jealousy struck me when during our "We're done with the AP History exam so we're having a pizza party while watching Disney's Aladin" when she decided to start rubbing his back randomly. >.< I felt really uncomfortable, since I was sitting right next to him and everything, but I kept on a pretty face...or my "I'm trying to get chemistry homework done at the last minute so I'm not paying attention to anything else" face. xD Oh well.
I'm pretty sure they aren't going out, I mean, I thought about it because I was afraid, and now that I think about it, he wasn't waiting for her after class or anything. Its just that during play productions, you get really close to the cast.
Yeah, I'll bring up prom tomorrow...since I bought my ticket, say I'd kind of not like it to be a waste of money...
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Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 5:12 pm
Syrinx330 See, I just love dresses, because I find it to fit my personality. But I hate clothes shopping... =P So yeah.
=O Good idea! I'm already playing the helpless female role, since my dad is out of town due to work (basically, living there, and we'll move once I graduate), so its me and my mom...and then...attack of the things that involve tools that we don't know anything about. xD So I was trying to describe the problem to him today, and basically, I can't describe it, and he said duct tape solves everything, but I need to take a picture and bring it in so he can see exactly what the problem is because I make no sense.
Grrr, yeah, today, the one stroke again. I understand they got really close because of play, but I guess a twang of jealousy struck me when during our "We're done with the AP History exam so we're having a pizza party while watching Disney's Aladin" when she decided to start rubbing his back randomly. >.< I felt really uncomfortable, since I was sitting right next to him and everything, but I kept on a pretty face...or my "I'm trying to get chemistry homework done at the last minute so I'm not paying attention to anything else" face. xD Oh well.
I'm pretty sure they aren't going out, I mean, I thought about it because I was afraid, and now that I think about it, he wasn't waiting for her after class or anything. Its just that during play productions, you get really close to the cast.
Yeah, I'll bring up prom tomorrow...since I bought my ticket, say I'd kind of not like it to be a waste of money...
What's worse? I heard this from someone else by accident. So yeah, I went home, and that night I did cry, I wasn't even thinking about it until both of my friends that are going out IMed me to make sure I was ok (even though I really had forgotten), and it made me think about it more until I got upset by it. But yeah, my one friend (the guy) was saying that I had every right to yell at him, but I just replied that I can't be mad with him, I promised myself I wouldn't get upset with him, he's done too much for me already this year, and I have trouble staying mad at him. So then, he suggested I go with his brother, and I said I'd think about it once I got everything talked out.
Talking things out didn't help in the least. I mean, I just asked if we could talk at some point, and he asked about what, and I said is he really going with such and such. He then pulled me into the hall way so we could talk alone, and said something to the effect its been a crazy week, and quite honestly he didn't really want to go with me, thinking I was asking him to make a move on him (I mean, even though I do like him, I wouldn't do that, it was totally intentional as friends). Well, I was spazzing out, and starting to almost cry, because I was saying probably that was my fault, that he didn't want to go with me and everything, but I just don't like being lied to. Well, he kept apologizing, and all I said after that before walking away was "Don't apologize, the only reason you're doing that is to make me feel better, and it won't change things one way or another. You know I can't stay mad at you, but please don't apologize for your actions that you aren't going to fix, because saying "sorry" doesn't fix these kinds of things." One of the things that really bothered me though was that he said, "Well, I think I know what your mom wants, and that's for someone to watch after you at the dance and everything, so we'll drive you there and back, and I'll personally explain everything to her." I didn't say anything at the time, but you know what? Bloody well no! I'd just be a third wheel, and I don't want someone 'taking care of me', I can bloody well take care of myself! >=[
Then I walked off. I felt crummy and everything. So, that was yesterday, and I had a chorus concert that night, so I saw my freshmen friend since we're in the same choir, and I had considered if I couldn't go with him, I'd ask this freshmen and everything. So, I said I had a big favor to ask him, and I explained everything and asked if he'd please go with me as friends (knowing he has a girlfriend and everything), and he was excited and said yes. So yeah, I didn't get a chance to ask and get him a ticket today, but I'm going to tomorrow.
Well, first thing is that I feel bad because I'm not going with my friends brother. But I kind of want to go with someone I actually know well (even though me and this freshmen only met like three months ago, but we became instant friends), and am good friends with, I seriously don't want to sound like I'm insulting him, because I'm not! I just want to be able to go with someone I know I'll be able to have a good time with and it won't be awkward. And going with someone I don't know really makes it awkward especially for me. So, yeah, I just feel really bad, because I feel they're going to think I'm just being 'picky'.
Then today! >=[ Yeah, well, that guy who I 'liked', who I still wanted to stay friends with, he just comes up to me and says, "Are you doing better today?" And I just gave a really fake smile and put on my cheery-sugary voice pretending I didn't know what he was talking about, "Yes, why shouldn't I be?" And he just said "That's good." And patted me on the head like I was some pet dog. D=< That makes me mad. I mean, you know what? Even if I promise I won't get mad at him, it just feels like he's treating me like I'm a little sister he that his mom told him he has to look after, I don't appreciate that, and I'm just on the brink of telling him to leave me alone.
So yeah, if everything works out and I can go with that freshmen, I'll be happy. I don't want to make enemies over this, and yeah, I also want to go with someone I know now so I won't be pouting the whole time knowing I could have gone with a good friend that I could really pal around with.
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