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 Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:47 pm
THANK GREIL'S MERCS FOR LEADING YOU TO HUEY'S CONTEST (No, I haven't played FE10 yet. However, I'm banking that with the opening bits here, I will have by the time I actually reach the Dawn Brigade. Besides, I'm tired of waiting months on end to start. So...)  --Alcatraz, San Francisco Bay, Earth Airspace April 30, 2008 12:01 PM-- Alcatraz Guard Pokegame: High noon and all's well! Guard Captain Badass: Ah, yet another day goes past without any prison escapes. Why, we haven't had any since... how many years ago? Pokegame: W-wait a minute! Sir! Disaster! Come qu... *The two guards explode under a storm of laser fire!* Stormtroopers: Liek ROFL! Save teh K@1s3r! 4 gr33t justice! 1!! *Random laser fire everywhere!* Badass: Stormtroopers!? I thought they died in the Death Star explosion! Tch, no big deal. This'll be over quicker than a... Master Chief: Take this, n00bs! Another Master Chief: For teh Rear Admiral, own them! *The Master Chiefs unload a STORM of LASERY RAMPAGING DEATH! ...Which, unlike that of the stormtroopers, is amazingly accurate!* Guards: WAAAAHH!! *Massive explosion!* Sheriff McStormtrooper: Mah lord, I done reckon we just blown down them thar enemy's gates! We're movin' in! Rear Admiral Cardgame: Understood. Move in and find Kaiser Wilhelm! Tell him the Empire is back in business!
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:28 pm
--Inside the prison facility, after some heated (and one-sided) battling...-- Agent J: Hold it, you no-good Imperial non-do-gooders! We, the Elite Beat Agents, have no idea what you want here, but you picked the wrong day to bust into this prison! Hit it, boys! *Vivid of Final Fantasy Unlimited starts playing!* Cardgame: Very well. I accept your challenge! *Agent J starts with some basic disco moves!* *Cardgame responds with Awesome Robot Dance Attack!* J: I'm just warming up! *This time, J starts by running straight toward the wall. He actually runs up it, backflips off, then lands in a turtle spin on his back.* Cardgame: O Rly? Take this! *Cardgame one-handed spins on the floor, then spins into such an angle that he holds himself up off the floor on one hand. He then backflips completely, this time using both hands to hold himself up, then finishes with an amazingly awesometastic septuple head spin just as the song finishes!* Agent J: Damn! He's too good! Fall back under cover of the explosion, boys! Retreat! *They flee under cover of nuclear explosion.* Master Chief: We found him, sir! He's grayish-looking! Kaiser Wilhelm: I don't believe it! Rear Admiral Cardgame! I thought you'd died when the Death Star blew! Cardgame: Nah, I watched the Vader/Greil/Mercenaries fight on camera. When Vader lost, I figured the time had come to get everybody the hell off. Plus, because I succeeded in my subquest to switch our Death Star insurance to Geico, we had a ton of money left over after the 'Star blew up! Kaiser Wilhelm: Vader lost, eh? Eh, well. I stopped caring what he did when I realized I was stuck here... so, what's with the Master Chiefs? Cardgame: They're Stormtroopers, actually. Promoted stormtroopers. I bought a bunch of Rare Candies and raised their levels to 20, then promoted them to Master Chiefs! Wilhelm: Heh, sounds like you've done quite a job with the Empire since everything went sauerkraut! So, what are you going to do now? Bastian: *Appears out of nowhere* My Muse detected a music-making moment, so here clever Bastian doth come! *He pulls out a kazoo and starts playing "His Father's Son"* Cardgame: Er... *Ignores "clever" Bastian* I'm going to lead the Empire in Darth Vader's stead. I know I was only his left-hand man, but I think it's what Vader would've wanted. Wilhelm: Ha, I thought you'd say that! Where to first? Cardgame: Where else but Tellius? We can't let Greil's Jerkcenaries get away that easily! Besides, we need a planet to conquer or something. We've gotta start somewhere. Wilhelm: Sounds like a plan! Now, while imprisoned here, I've met a few interesting folks here and there. Want to see who'd make a good addition to the Imperial crew first before setting out? Cardgame: Good idea! Let's see who we can find... and will you STOP playing that kazoo!? Bastian: The music-making moment has passed! Clever Bastian, away! *Disappears back into the nowhereness from whence he came.*
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Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 2:38 pm
--Still at Alcatraz, 1:00 PM-- (Auditions for joining the Galactic Empire) -------- Speedy Gonzalez: Sorry, senors, but I am merely an illegal eemigrant. I'm going home now! YEEBA! *Speeds off to Mexico.* -------- Sephiroth: Tell me what you cherish most... give me the pleasure of taking it away... Wilhelm: Err... that'd be my horned helmet here, but... Sephiroth: YOINK! *Steals the Kaiser's hat.* Keep away! *Holds the hat just above the Kaiser's head, out of his reach* -------- Cardgame: Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys? What makes you evil? Tony Romo: I dated Brittney Spears, baby! Hoo-hah! Cardgame: GREAT GODDESS PAGGY! That's not evil! T-that's just SICK! Take him away at once! I... I think I'm going to be ill... -------- Sonic: Sonic's my name, and speed's my game! Cardgame: Hmm... large fan base... we get a Hegdehog laguz on our side... cool! When can you start? -------- Ike: *Comes bursting in* I hear you guys want revenge against Greil's Mercenaries, and so do I! There's that annoying, yet ridiculously handsome priest named Rhys... this chick with mile-long hair named Titania... er... another Titania, but with purple hair instead, Gin Ichimaru and his brothers, some goth, emo kid, and this blue-haired retard they call "Ike". Oh, how I LOATHE him!! *His fists shake with rage at the mention of the name "Ike".* Wilhelm: You ARE Ike, you idiot! Ike: I am!? Damn! I tricked me good! Take this, me craven dastard! *Ike gets into a totally epic fight against himself. Sadly, you didn't get to see it because immediately after it began, Ike's fighting took him offstage, where nobody could see it happen.*
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 8:47 am
Cardgame: Okay, so we now have Sephiroth and Sonic... hrrrmmm... Cardgame: ...Caramell, with their amazing ability to make any listeners drop what they're doing and Caramelldansen upon command... ...And Gandalf the Gr--Magneto, for his astounding mastery of magnets! (Dubious, considering how he couldn't even break out of here, but oh well.) And with our powers combined... we are Captain Planet!! Wilhelm: Um... someday, maybe we will be? Cardgame: Oh, right. We don't have the rings yet. Then off for Tellilius! ...Tellus! ...Telephone... aw, come on! And so, the Empire sets its course for Tellius. Now... All that stands between them and total annihilation... is a band of... MERCENARIES...
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 9:32 am
--Inside Greil's Mercenary Fort, Crimea, Tellius Airspace May 3, 2008 10:00 AM-- --And now, back to "Everybody loves Kratos" on FOX!-- Kratos: ARRRRRIIIIIEES!! Titania: *Sigh* Another rerun. And I had such high hopes for this program, too. *Turns off the TV* This bodes ill for us. We haven't had any jobs since we blew up the Death Star! Mist: It's not like we're poor as dirt. I mean, look at the image we got for the fort! Titania: True, but still... all we've done these days is train. I'm bored. Shinon: *Walks in* What's going on? Mist: There's no one to do, and Titania is bored. Shinon: ...Oh, no. No, no, no! I am NOT... don't look at me like that! I still remember her slapping me into a wall! *Runs away* Titania: ...NoTHING to do, Mist. NoTHING to do. Soren: ...You both realize Ike has returned from participating in Super Smash Brothers Brawl, correct? Titania: He WHAT!? *Overturns a couch on top of Mist as she runs off to welcome Ike's return* Soren: *Helps Mist out from under the couch* Everyone else is already at the front entrance, save Mia and Rhys. Are they still...? ???: Y'know, this is the first time I've really seen you sick! Let's see... the blue pill should go one left... and now take this yellow pill down there... Rhys: *Cough* Ugh... I've had this coming for a long time... are you sure you know what you're doing, Mia? Mia: Just keep swallowing pills, Rhys! You ARE feeling better, right? Rhys: Well... I think I'm a little better... I didn't know you could help cure sickness. Mia: Staves are cool, but I doubt I could heal anybody like you can. Unless... wait! Of course! We're archrivals, so since you're secretly skilled at swords, I must be secretly skilled at staves! With you helping me, Rhys, I could... Soren: Ah, Mia. Rhys. If you don't mind, Ike's returned. Ike's voice: Soren, don't look! You two, put some clothes on and get in here! Rhys: We're not doing anything, you idiot! Oooh... *Mia snorts in laughter. In doing so, she looks down toward the bottom of the jar of Dr. Mario pills and sees...* ONE of the Chaos Emeralds (because Google hates showing just one) : *Sparkle, sparkle* Mia: Hey, what's this? *Takes out the Chaos Emerald.* Eh, well. Here Rhys, you hold onto it. You have pockets! Rhys: O-okay! *Takes the emerald and places it in his pocket.* Wow... I actually feel a lot better just now! I think it's the emerald! Mia: Really? Why'd they stuff these jars full of these stupid pills, then? I think we just got bilked, buying these. Well, come on, Rhys! We're off to see the return of Ike!
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Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 1:58 pm
((I continue to love you Rhysman! One question, are you going to upgrade images to RD images? Make everyone older?))
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Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:00 pm
(Some, yes. Others, no. For one thing, I still say FE10 Rhys looks like a baby-face compared to FE9 Rhys. Still not sure if I'm going to find everyone I'm looking for, though... Google doesn't carry much FE10, unless I'm looking for Micaiah, Sothe, or Mia. FE10's not very popular in comparison to 9, is it?) (But I seriously hope that if I can't find an FE10 version, the Titania pic didn't choose to go screwy now. D=) Ike's voice: There we stood, the last three survivors of the Battle of Eldin, each on our last legs, each one fighting to the last breath. My opponents? The HEDGEHOG... a foul demon from the East! His fur... was as BLUE as the night! And his quills--oh, his quills!--it was as though a thousand thousand soldiers, all clad in the armor of finest azure, thrust their spears up unto the sky, each spear... as strong as the sharpest steel. Boyd: Woo! Sounds like a tight spot! Ike's voice: But it gets worse! The hedgehog was in front of me, but at my back was... THE JIGGLYPUFF! Oh, my friends... yes, the Jigglypuff is pink, round, soft, and cute. Yet beneath that puppy-eyed, adorable exterior, there beat the soul of a savage warrior before whom even Ashnard himself would tremble! Never underestimate it, should you see it; for it is a pink ball of fiery, rampaging DEATH. ...I knew the end was near. I brandished my sword and shouted, "Prepare yourself!", then met them head on in an orgy of puffball, quills, and steel! Shinon: ...So you ran straight off the edge and died, right? Rolf: Ha ha, Ike! You lost! You lost because you SUCK! Shinon: You tell him, Rolf! Ike (now with a semi-hot new look!) : Actually, no. I smash'd Sonic the hell off that stage, clear over the horizon! Soren: All right, Ike! That's my man! *Everyone turns to look at Soren confusedly, save Ike, who grins bashfully.* Soren: Er, um... I mean, doubtlessly our credibility will go up in the eyes of our employers, so they'll give us more cash. Yup! *Everyone turns back to Ike, their confusion gone. Soren doesn't like anybody!* Oscar: But what about the Jigglypuff? Ike: Um, well... Shinon: It owned your face, didn't it? Ike: My story's over! Oscar, start making dinner! Shinon, go... do Shinon stuff! As for me, well... I've heard some strange things have been happening over in Daein. Something about a bunch of morons in white suits, painting their suits a Begnion shade of red... personally, I want to go check this out. Soren, Gatrie, and Oscar, you're with me! Mist: But you just sent Oscar to the kitchen to make dinner! Ike: No, I didn't! I sent Rhys to do it! It'll keep that perverted priest from practicing his "healing magic" on anyone else! Mist: *Sigh* I'll go get Oscar... Rhys: B-but I can't make dinner! I don't even know how to-- Ike: Waaay ahead of you, Rhys! Just get two wheelbarrows of meat, some hot sauce, a Bolganone tome, and a rollercoaster and have it ready by the time I come back! Now then, off we go! *Ike exits with Soren, Gatrie, and Gin IchimaruOscar.* Rhys: Ike? ...IKE? I-I can't wield fire tomes! ...What does a roller coaster have to do with food? ...And I'm no good with hot sauce! Ike? ...Awww, there it goes! *Throws his hands down in defeat.*
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Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:04 pm
--Riven Bridge, Crimea/Daein border, Tellius Airspace May 3, 2008 2:00 PM-- Ike: Huh. You know, Crimea's pretty small now that I think about it. We got all the way from our Mercenary fort to here in four hours! Oscar: That's because you had me rescue you! A horse will reach the Riven Bridge a lot faster than Gatrie and Soren will! Ike: Eh, it's okay. Soren's speedy enough, and given the number of times we've dragged Gatrie across the entire freaking continent, he'll show up panting and puffing, but alive, same as always. Hey... what's with the blockade up ahead? Oscar: I see it. It looks like... Stormtroopers: Liek LMAO! I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAAAR!!  *The stormtroopers shoop da whoop, blowing random holes all over the bridge!* Ike: Blast! At this rate, there won't BE a bridge into Daein! C'mon, Oscar! We've got to stop these guys, and fast!
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Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 7:06 pm
Gatrie: *Poof* I'm here! Soren used his Warp staff. Soren: *Poof* ...And I... have no idea how I suddenly got here. Ike: That's good enough for me! Let's move out, and stop them! Oscar: That's odd... these guys are stormtroopers. Ike: Worry about it later! We've got to stop them from destroying the bridge! *The words "Player Phase" flash across the sky in bright, friendly blue lettering as a mysterious, friendly-sounding chime plays from nowhere.* Ike: *Moves exactly six paces* Hyaa! Take this! Stormtrooper: AAAGGHH!! *Explodes.* Soren: May the Four Winds come together and destroy my enemy with blades of air! Tornado!! AT-ST pilot: HOSHI-- Explosion: BOOM!! Ha ha, I LOVE doing that to people! *Oscar "Rescues" Gatrie and gallops toward the enemy* Oscar: Urrgh... so... heavy! Gatrie: *Rests in Oscar's "loving embrace"* Hey, you're no woman, so it's no picnic for me, either. *The words "Enemy Phase" flash across the sky in bright, angry red lettering as a mysterious, ominous-sounding chime plays from nowhere.* AT-AT Pilot Greg: Taste my lasers, suckah! *The AT-AT fires!* The Riven Bridge: NO! I can't fall... not here... there are so many people I haven't helped across yet! I... oh... curse you, Rear Admiral Cardgame... *Begins to crumble* Ike: NO! We were too late! Everyone, get clear! *Oscar, with Gatrie in tow, gallops to safety. Ike runs off the bridge, then looks back...* Soren: No! Someone help me! *And finds Soren standing on a rapidly crumbling edge of bridge, a large gap now standing between him and safety.* Ike: Soren! *Ike, in a daring display of heroism, runs swiftly across the bridge and jumps the gap. Just as the tower starts to sway under Soren's feet, Ike grabs Soren around the waist, then jumps back just as the section of bridge topples into the sea!* Soren: Ike... I... thank you! Ike: It was nothing. Hey, I beat at least seventy Daeins. I THINK I can outmuscle a lousy bridge! *The Riven Bridge collapses, cutting Crimea off from Daein.* Ike: ...Come on, let's get back to the fort. Hopefully, Mist will have something ready for us by then... Gatrie: But you said you wanted Rhys to do it! Ike: Hey, who's the one who's clinging to Oscar like he's Oscar's wife? Gatrie: I hate this freaking Rescue option.
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Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 5:29 pm
--Back at the Fort, Crimea, Tellius Airspace May 3, 2008 7:00 PM-- Mia: Okay, Rhys. The ride's coming to a complete and total stop soon. You can open your eyes now! Rhys: Oooh... *Shudders* So... fast... so we're done? *Opens his eyes just as they reach the top of the hill* Oh noOOOOAAAAAAHHHH...!! Mia: Wah ha ha hAAAAAA...!! Ike: *Takes a big bite out of his Spicy Wheelbarrow o' Meat dinner as he rides in the front seat* MMMMMMMMM...!! Titania: Soo IIIIIIIKE, WHAAAAAAAT HAAAAPPEEEEN!? Gatrie: SOOOOMEOOOONE SEEEET UUUS... *The ride reaches the bottom of the big hill.* ...up the proverbial bomb! The Riven Bridge has been totally destroyed! Shinon: Destroyed? How!? Oscar: By the *the ride careens down another hill* EEEEEMPIIIIREEEE...!! Mia: DIIIIIDN'T WEEEE BEEEEEAT THOOOOSE GUUUUYS...!? Ike: *Takes another big bite as the roller coaster reaches the bottom of the second hill* Mmmph! brrf Mrr Hrrmrrurr Hrrnbrrn mmr hrm hrmr, hrmhrmmrrgurf! Mia: *As the ride comes to a complete stop* What!? Ike: *Gulp* I said, *Takes another big bite* Mrrr Hrrmrrurr Hrrnbrrn... Rolf: Why did Mist and I get stuck at the fort!? Mist: Yeah! That's not fair! Just because we're not as tall as Boyd doesn't mean we can't ride the roller coaster! Boyd: I don't hear anyone else sticking up on your behalf, peewee! Rolf: Don't call me "peewee" when my floating head's almost as big as your entire picture, Boyd! Boyd: Nag, nag, nag. Hey, at least you got to spend some "quality time" with Mist, right? Rolf: *Blinks* You mean you were actually trying to do something NICE for me by setting me up with...? Ike: *Swallows* We can talk about pairings later! As I was saying, we were met at the bridge by Imperial Stormtroopers. We were too late to save the bridge, but before it died, the bridge shouted out the name "Rear Admiral Cardgame"... Rhys: Oooh... *Holds a hand over his green face* Is that... maybe... Vader's former... URP! *Runs off.* Soren: Vader's former...? Ah, of course. The man we met when we tried entering the Death Star a second time. He's come to Tellius. Most likely, he's going to conquer the land with ease. ...Or, at least, as much ease as can be expected, given the troops he's working with. Shinon: Don't you understand, whelp? Cardgame's over in Daein. He's gonna find nothing of value to him there, and even if he does, there's the Begnion Empire to oppose him. You saw nothing but stormtroopers, right? So what's the big deal? Even Ike could handle a squad of them on his own if he wanted to. Titania: Either way, unless Cardgame's minions come over to Crimea, there's little we can do for the time being. To get to Daein now, we'd have to take a ship in Crimea or Gallia that would bear us all the way to Begnion, which would take months. Ike: Where are the Philadelphia Eagles when you need them? Blast. I suppose there's naught we can do for now, save perhaps inform Elincia on what transpired. I don't know what the Empire has planned for Daein, but I hope someone can stop them...
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Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 2:18 am
--Daein Wilderness, Daein, Tellius Airspace
May 4, 2008 5:00 AM--
(If anyone's reading this and happens to know how the heck you find Begnion Soldiers on Google, give me a PM, because I looked everywhere and couldn't find it. I hope to update sometime today...)
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Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 7:37 am
(I haven't necessarily tried this myself, but just look for any generic soldier. Save it into paint and recolor it. That is if you can't find any other pictures. They all look the same anyway. Thats why they're generic!
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Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 7:22 pm
(This'll do. Well, I haven't met the Dawn Brigade yet, but here goes...) Random Laus Begnion Soldier: Hey, lady! You seen any "Silver-Haired Maiden" around here? Lyn: Nope! Random Soldier: Oh. Okay, then! *Leaves.*  Micaiah: *Appears from some bushes* Thank you, Telliusian! My homeworld thanks you, too! Lyn: I'm from Elibe, but I'm happy to help! You have no idea how hard it is to get a cameo these days! *Leaves.*  Sothe: Hey, TJ-846! Micaiah: Sothe, how many times must I tell you? That name only has meaning on my home planet of Balderdash VII! Sothe: Right, right. Sorry. It's just that you're an unpromoted girl who's actually wearing PANTS. That's NEVER happened in Fire Emblem before. EVER. Micaiah: True enough. Did you find anybody? Sothe: Sure did! Take a look!  Leonardo: I'm Leonardo, and I feel pretty, oh so pretty...!  Laura: Hi! I'm Laura. I like kitties and marshmallows and MURDERING THE INNOCENT and... oh, yes! Ice cream!! Yay!  Edward: I'm Edward, at your service! We'll win for sure if we stick together! Micaiah: Hmm... well, I suppose when the galaxy's at stake, beggars can't be choosers. Hold on... *Looks at Laura* you're wearing pants, too? Laura: Hm? Oh no, it's a suit. See? Black undershirt, too. It's for whenever I need to become a ninja. Micaiah: Alright, then... well, I officially declare the official formation of the official Dawn Brigade! Everyone: Yay! Sothe: So, now that we've got the Dawn Brigade together, what must we do on this "saving the galaxy" mission of yours? Micaiah: First off, we have to drive the Begnion Empire out of here. Theirs has been a harsh rule, and these last few weeks--the economy's been disrupted by constant Caramelldancing, flower girls have been "disappearing" right and left, and soldiers are just firing their weapons randomly into the air while shouting random chatspeak! We have to do something. Leonardo: I can use my good looks to summon my legions of fangirls for an assault on the Empire! Micaiah: It's a start, but no. Then you'd owe the fangirls a favor, and the next thing you know, you'd be in more EdwardxLeonardo fanfiction than you could stand. Edward: Why not contact the Edward Society? I'm a member, myself. It includes Edwards from across the universe! We can ask them for advice! Micaiah: This should be a good start. High Priestess of Balderdash VII, I won't let you down!
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Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:16 pm
*is hoping for an Edward Elric appearance* whee
I hadn't gotten around to reading episode two until now, and all I have to say is... YAY!!! You simply MUST continue doing these, Rhys. They're so great!
BTW, are you going to be including Nolan in the Dawn Brigade? Just wondering. I know you haven't played FE10 yet, but the five core members are Micaiah, Sothe, Edward, Leonardo, and Nolan.
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:56 pm
(I don't know anything about Nolan. What's he like?) --Edward Society Secret Base, Undisclosed location May 4, 2008 6:00 AM-- Telephone: Ring ring, ring ring. ...Ring ring, ring ring. ...HEY! I'm friggin' RINGING over here! Edward Elric: *Picks up the phone* Edward Society. Number 4 speaking. Edward: Hey, number 4! It's me, number 8. Elric: Heeey, number 8! We haven't seen you in awhile. What's up? Edward: I'm down here in Tellius, trying to clear out the Begnion Empire! Can you guys give us any advice, any intel? Elric: Intel? Hmm, hang on. *Covers the phone* Number 8's on the line, asking about that Tellius quest Number 1 foresaw! Does anyone have anything? Spoony Bard Edward: I have spoons. Elric: Yes, but that doesn't mean anything, number 11... Edward Kennedy: I have Social Security to go collect, you damn kids! Stop asking me questions and get off my lawn!  Elric: *Frowns, and in doing so, the landscape around him changes to something more elegant.* Ahhh... you called at a bad time, number 8. Everyone's gone right now, doing other... Edward-like things. Hang on, I think number 1 made me right something down... ah, yes! He thinks you guys'll beat them... whatever you do, though, you need to watch out for-- *the line suddenly goes dead.* Blood... pacts? Edward: Hey, the line just went dead. Weird. Well, the good news is that we'll beat the Empire! Stormtroopers: Liek nuh-uh u r nut doing that, n00bs! Edward: Were they there the whole time!? Aw man, now I feel stupid for not seeing them earlier...
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