The Trouble with Kids | Page 1 | 2 | Guild Forums

Ladyayami

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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:00 pm

Sigh sometimes i think ill never have kids... even by fluke..

ive always loved kids to death, even when i was 14 i still played with way younger kids... i mean they had two forts! But now adays i kinda worry il never have any between my husband and i.. its not that im in fertile.. oh no..

its the fact that.. he doesnt like kids.

weve always talked about it.. since it one of thouse eventual next step senarieos. its not the fact that he dispises kids all together... he loves kids over 7... its babies... and crying he cant stand..

its brought me to tears once.. when i was super hormonal about it.. saying that it would be the greatist joy ever to have a little kid that looks just like you , with my family noise.. sigh... it will happen one day.. an acident.. like most first kids are.. and i hope he doesnt filp out on me. he even said he would love if one day... very far, we have kids.. but i just dont want him to be like it was your fault one day....

i love kelly to death.. and if he refuses to have kids.. ill suck it up and be over it... we no better than kids ourselfs.. but its still that natural drive.. sigh..

but i have put a time line on it... im 23 now... i have to have my first child at 30... for a silly reasion... Grandmother is 83... mom is 53... im 23... see the time line here? yeah i would be funny to keep the thiry year span contuiing.. if not just with me..

have any of you had this tpye of problme before? i mean i would think its farly common..

and im sorry about the typos.. i just lacked the urge to check.

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 9:45 am

This is a difficult subject to advise, because my husband did put me through this, but he does want kids.

Well, if you have 7 years, I'm sure he'll come around by then. It's a guy thing (at least with my married guy friends) to want kids. Some worse than others. My roommate wants a kid so bad, but his wife doesn't. She did at one point, but not recent enough to change her mind.
Heh, even my husband.. He was begging for one before we got married (we decided to wait until after we got hitched to try) But his original wish was to start trying by Christmas last year.. Around July of last year we started talking about it again, and he declared that he had changed his mind. And he would NOT be swayed to reconsider.

Men are STUBBORN.

But, don't give up. Let the topic rest a bit. After a while, maybe 6 months to a year, (I know it's a long time.. but he may still feel the need to have you to himself. Having a kid to him means he'll never have your full attention) bring it up again. Not as a demand, but as a request.
Ask him to hear you out, you're not looking for a fight, you're looking for compromise. Be calm about it! (No screaming or yelling. It just doesn't work.) Try to explain your side of the story in a way that he will understand.
You have to let him see how badly this is affecting you. And ask him to think on it, instead of outright rejecting the idea.
Reassure him that you don't need an immediate answer, that you're not going to rush him into making a decision one way or the other (this is quite life-altering, after all). Does he know of your goal to have your first at age 30? Remind him.
Important!: Absolutely NO ultimatums. (example: "You decide here and now or else") That just doesn't work either.

The way I got my husband to understand what he was putting me through, was to turn the situation around. I asked him what his greatest wish was, what he wanted above all else in life. Then I asked him: What if I told you I didn't want you to have that?

This may or may not work for you, I'm not saying that it will. I had to get advice from one of my best friends on this matter. What she told me is what I'm telling you (though tweaked a little through personal experience..)

Hugs and prayers!

Mrs Eddie

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delicatedisarray

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Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 9:52 am

My fiance and I are kinda on opposite ends of this. I don't really care for children, especially babies. He likes 'em. We have seriously talked about, I told him that he shouldn't marry me if a child is something he has to have. I don't want a child now, or in the near future. One day that could change. I also told him that I don't see the point in having children when there are so many out there who are without a good home who can be adopted. He took it surprisingly well, much better than I thought he would. My main worry actually comes to his parents now. His parents do not believe in any form of birth control (my fiance is one of seven children, he is 23 the youngest is 9, I think). That will be an interesting argument.

I agree with what Miss Eddie said, give him awhile. A child will seriously change your lives, he won't have you all to himself anymore and that might scare him.

Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:26 am

There is always adoption! If he doesn't like babies, maybe that is an option. Y'all would still have a kid, but you would skip the diapers stage.

Then again if y'all accidentally get pregnant, I'm sure that the moment he lays eyes on his little child he will have a change of heart. There's no way a Daddy can't fall in love with his baby. It's truly a life changing event.

Good luck in whatever happens!

Lady Catalina

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