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Tags: poetry, writting, lyrics, haiku, poem

[[POETRY]] - {{Misc.}}

Betrayal

darkrose29

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Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:51 am

Stab me in my heart
And twist it all around
It cannot be worse
Than this pain I've found.
I built up these walls
And you tore them down.
I gave you my heart
You threw it on the ground.

My heart is broken,
Scattered all around
A million pieces
That can't be found.
What is this pain
That does now abound?
What are these tears
That keep pouring down?

Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:44 pm

Betrayl of those dear
whos tears of my own
why?
why those who are closet
to me want my death
for there own happiness

It sucks but i think i might be able to do better.

Voodoo Doll Tempest

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darkrose29

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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:31 am

actually, it will take little changing because it is already quite good... maybe a different way of writing...perhaps

Betrayal-
Of those dear-
Whose tears of my own.
Why? Why?-
Those who are closest to me
Want my death
For their own
Happiness.

of course, that si only a suggestion...at any rate, there is alot of emotions in your poem...absolutely a wonderful read

Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:38 pm

well thats a good thing.. at least it doesn't suck...

Voodoo Doll Tempest

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darkrose29

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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:58 pm

lol...your poem didn't suck the trick is finding a rythym to match the words you want to say

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