Welcome to Gaia! ::

I haven't eaten pork in a few months, not JUST because Hashem says not to but also because any little thing that I can do to make me feel closer to the Jewish community, I will gladly do.

But, my father just spazzed on me for saying that I am not going to eat pork. He yelled in my face "YOU ARE NOT A JEW" and a few more hurtful things, and swearing at me (things that I cannot repeat).


I just give up. I love Hashem, but I guess they're right. I'm not a Jew, I wasn't born a Jew, I don't have what it takes to be a Jew, and to top it off... I'm gay! so right there, there is an issue (wait till they find that out).

I feel defeated, I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and really hurt that I even wanted to be a Jew in the first place. I still want it with all my heart, but I feel this way.

If my parents catch me crying over this, I am dead.

IMR, I don't know how old you are, but if you still live at home, I'd start with a different mitzvah. "K'vod av v'eim," Honor father and mother. We are taught by our sages that a commandment that comes before another commandment takes precedence over the one that comes after. Honoring father and mother comes during Exodus, while the dietary laws don't come into play until Leviticus. Therefore, though it is far more difficult (especially since your parents are an impediment on your road to conversion), it's the one that needs your attention right now, while you live with them.

This is one of the hardest mitzvot to do. So often, our parents will tell us to do things that aren't the best thing for us to do, or tell us not to do something that would benefit us. They try their best, but they're still only human, and they make mistakes. Not eating pork is a good start, a sign in your life. But if you eat at your parents' home, they're going to start to make a point of putting pork in everything if you refuse to eat it. As long as you live with your parents, focus on honoring them. Tell yourself that you can withstand anything. It will make you stronger, and it will only increase your thirst for doing the other mitzvot when you get the chance to do so.

Go to your father. Tell him that while you are upset right now and disagree with him, the Torah is what is telling you to respect him and to honor his wishes. Tell him it's hard for you because you feel rebellious right now, but you know that it's the right thing to do. Then eat the ham they're sure to serve at home this week. Just eat it. Take a small portion, just enough to underscore the fact that you are doing what he asks you to do. Remember that the commandments to avoid certain foods are incumbent upon Jews. It's merit-worthy to avoid them as a non-Jew, but not obligatory, so right now you can eat these things in order to make shalom ha-bayit (household peace).

Then get a job and start saving so that you can afford to outfit a kosher kitchen when you're finally able to live on your own. The time will come when you can respect and honor your father while not doing everything he tells you to do. When you can support your own decisions, you will be more free to make them even when they're in opposition to your parents' wishes, but still good for you.

No, you just need to come up with the counter statement.

"Oh I'm still serious about it, however at this time, I feel it is more important to follow the commandment of honoring your parents."

You can then go into the the down turn in the economy and kvetch about how food is expensive.

Try not to say, "I'm not doing this because I'm liking it, I'm doing it to shut you up." directally to you your parents.

Just try to keep the peace.

*claps at Lord Neuf's post* I wish you well in working it out. Have you talked to an understanding rabbi? You might find some good support there as well.