I just need a bit of advice (I know I always ask for it >.<) | Page 1 | The Purple Penguin Society-A Female Only Guild | Guild Forums

Syrinx330

2,650 Points

100
100
200

Offline

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 2:09 pm

First I want to say I'm sorry if it always seems like I'm ranting, usually when I'm on its right when I get home from school, and that's my ranting time. I'm really not all that pessimistic about life! I'm probably a hopeless case though xD.

Anyways, I just wanted to ask what would anyone else do in this situation:

Ok, I've talked about one of my best friends (guy), well, we've kind of been talking again. I guess he really wasn't mad at me, and we just kind of started talking again like nothing happened, but like I've felt all year, I feel him slipping away (well, in my opinion, to the dark side...but that's just me). That's not really my problem.

This is my problem. And this might be kind of long. It's not even my problem...well, I guess it is because I feel horrid because of it. I'm just having trouble approaching this so I don't screw up our friendship more than it already is.

-sigh-

Anyways. Well, if you've read any of my other rants, I always talk about these two girls that he's always hanging around with, and I have my grudges against them, even though one I tried to be nice to blatantly ignored me and tries to exclude me, while the other I don't trust...she bullied me two years ago, and as much as I try to get over it, I see her doing the same things to other people. He's been really clinging on to these people.

So apparently, he's broken up with his girlfriend. But, ok, here's what happened before the break up. These girls were 'talking' to each other, but loud enough so other people could hear. They were saying that the couple was having problems, and this was before they broke up. It kind of upset my friend (the girl, I don't think my guy friend knows/cares about this since he worships the two girls), though she doesn't want to think much of it.

Well, so now they've broken up, and he hangs out with the two girls more than ever, and the one is completely clinging to him.

-is hoping her one friend on Gaia doesn't look in this guild and see this, because she's friends with these girls and could potentially get mad at me-

Ok, yeah, I'm taking some risks here, but I'm going to go all out with this. So if she's reading this, I'm sorry, but this is my bias on it all, you know where I stand, and I'm seeking advice. I need to say this loud and clear, I'm tired of stepping on egg shells for the third year in a row now.

Here's what I have to say:

She's acting like a total whore/slut, and I'm afraid that she's trying to 'seduce' him. I mean, that's the same thing she did to me when I went out with him. I don't want my friend to be hurt like that. I mean, she probably won't say anything, either.

I'm afraid. I need to say something to him, I mean, it is so obvious what is going on. I don't want him to make that same mistake twice. You know, some of my reasons are selfish...

For instance...I guess I feel I'd lose him as a friend more if they went out. I'd do anything to keep him away from those two girls. I mean...well...there's something complicated too. This explaining is going to make it a longer post, I'm deeply sorry, and again its kind of risky.

Well, if I ever asked for advice about a friend who needed it? I mean, how he asked her out to homecoming because apparently he kind of liked her, and she said no because she was afraid. She listened to what her feelings had to say on the matter, but by the time they did it was too late because her friend asked him out that night. That was me. I've just been trying to find some other boys to take my mind off of it. I felt like such a selfish b***h by saying no after that because he does so much for me, and I totally regret it. I kind of have feelings for him, ever since homecoming, I mean, I've been trying to convince myself not to, and trying to find so many other people, but as I am always unsuccessful, it reminds me of how I can't find anyone, and I screwed up this one chance I had. Logically why I said no was so it wouldn't ruin our friendship...but saying no did ruin our friendship I feel. I'd like to go back to the way things were, even if it meant he liked me and that was why we were such good friends.

I still have some feelings, and I'm afraid that will be portrayed if I try to intervene. I mean, I'm so suttle anyways when I like someone that they really wouldn't notice, but I'm afraid that I'll say something I don't mean. I don't want to be hypocritical. But like I said, I'd do anything, absolutely anything to keep him away from those girls...I mean, even as awkward as I find it to go to a dance with a friend (which is part of the reason I said no to homecoming), I'd even ask him to prom to keep him away. And that would probably bee a big risk because it'd look like I like him.

I guess it isn't even liking him. I don't know. I guess I'm confused about these feelings. I envision myself being happy as a couple, but I think part of it is craving his friendship that I've been deprived of.

So, I'm sorry, this has turned into more than I originally intended to talk about. I know its not the biggest of deals, but I just am having trouble finding a good way to approach him without either getting the wrong impression (like, I'm either hitting on him or I just have a grudge, which I do with good reason, but that's not all I'm basing this on) or getting mad at me. I'll stop now, because I'm trying not to rant on about the extremely bitchy thing the one girl who's doing the 'seducing' did to my friend today. So, yeah, don't mind my language, I usually don't have that strong of language.

Thank you anyone who reads this! I would greatly appreciate it.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:28 am

I'm sorry I didn't see this or reply to it sooner.
It's fine to rant, if you can't rant to people you hardly know, who can you rant to? razz
Rant all you want.

Really, what you need to say to your friend is what you have said here.
You can only ever talk to help things.
You need to tell him that why you said "no" to him was because you didn't want to dance with him that time because you thought that it would ruin your friendship with him.
Why do you feel like he is slipping away?

If you are worried about that person readig this, then we should ask Toxi or Volly to change this Guild to "Hidden" then she can't read anything without being a member.

I'm not sure what else to say, you just really need to talk to him.
If you do still have any feelings for him, in a romantic way, then it might be an idea to tell him..
Of course, just telling him is not as easy to do as it is to say.

Pure Vampyre

Offline

Syrinx330

2,650 Points

100
100
200

Offline

Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 9:49 am

It's ok. I really couldn't even get to it again until today. I'll just say I had my solo competition, and I did really well! 99/100 for flute (which qualifies for all state! OMG yay!), 97/100 for piccolo, and 96/100 for voice!

I'm not too concerned about my friend being able to read this, I was just kind of making a statement. I don't think she's likely to look into many of the guilds I joined, she's not really like that, but I guess at the time I was writing this I was in one of my moods, and just needed to state that.

First of all, I feel him slipping away because we're not as good friends as we used to be. I mean, he would always go out of his way to talk to me, and I'd do the same, but now it feels like when I go out of my way to talk to him, I'm a nuisance of a sort, and he'd much rather be around 'those girls'. I mean, actually one time this year, I said something to the effect of "Oh yeah, remember this summer? That was the song that I would always do in that jazz book!" And he replied, "We got together this summer?" The more I think about it, the more it upsets me, because coming from his mouth around June last year when we were parting ways, I was going to music camp, and two days before I would return he'd be off to Germany, he said if it wasn't for coming over to my house during the summer, he probably would go mega crazy. And I was the first person to call him when he came back from Germany, and we talked for an hour and a half, I remembered his birthday, because he came back on his birthday, got him something nice and everything. It just feels like he's been brainwashed.

Even during our solo competition, he decided that even though I was the only person from our school around at that moment, he'd rather go and talk with a complete stranger. I was hurt by that. He even didn't say goodbye to me until his mother told him to do so (his mother really likes me, and I like her as well, she's really nice). The yesterday I called him up and everything, left him a message and waited...but he never called back. He used to always call me back.

See, also my problem is I don't know if they're romantic feelings. I just thing they're feelings for how much I miss him. I mean, I probably feel the safest in his arms, I always love giving him hugs because...yeah, it feels safe and comforting. You know, I don't think in a romantic sense, I think just as a friend sense even. Even at the time I was dating him, I remember a bunch of us girls got together at a sleepover and were talking about who we think we could marry when we got older, and I said him because I feel he's someone always there for me, and he can be really responsible and everything, and he's someone I can just joke around with and have fun.

The thing is, I can't tell him how I feel right now, he just broke up with his girlfriend a week ago, and that would be extremely hypocritical of me, because of what happened when we broke up freshmen year. I don't want to be hypocritical in any way, but the girl who 'stole' him away from me is doing it again. I guess I kind of want to find a way to keep him away from those girls. He tends to be a follower of who he's around, and they are an extremely bad influence! Even not talking with a grudge against them, they're just mean, rude, and disrespectful! They also have a habit of shunning people. They've shunned me, and my friend that thinks they're the coolest thing that walks on the face of this earth! They recently just did that to another boy who is one of my good friends as well, when he broke up with one, after going out with her for three years, she said she just wanted to be single, then two weeks later is going out with someone else (not counting how one week later she's unofficially going out with him). Then he got upset and ranted, and then it was him who had the problem, not her. Which, this was all deja vu for me...then last week they basically said that he was an idiot for having a little fun in history class and yelled at him, when they're the ones who talk through the whole class.

Ok, gah, I'm ranting and getting off topic a little. I guess I have just too many factors playing into everything right now. See, the girl who my friend just broke up with said that she might want to go to prom with him, and that ruins everything because I was planning on seeing if I could go with him just to get him away from those girls. I mean, I'd do anything to get him back as a friend and get him away from them. Anything! He's that worth it, even if I didn't have some feelings tied into it.

Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:40 pm

He destroyed my life...

Well done on your competition! *Throws streamers*
As for him forgetting about last year, don't worry about it.
My boyfriend forgets almost everything that we do together.
He even forgot how I stole his shiney tie when we first met. (He wore a tie because we were at this place where you are supposed to look smart)
I you feel you are being a nusence, ask him, tell him that it worries you.
If his mother likes you, maybe you should talk to her about it. See if she will talk to him?
It is easier expressing your feelings to a woman after all.
As for going to prom, you should ask him any way.
Tell him you are sorry for saying no before and that you want to amend things.
He doesn't have to answer straight away.
(Plus tell his mum you want to ask him, 'cause then she will encourage him to go with you)

BTW, you can rant about anything you want. I'll read anything, and try my best to advise.
Now I will destroy him.

Pure Vampyre

Offline

Syrinx330

2,650 Points

100
100
200

Offline

Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:05 pm

Oh my goodness, thank you. Now all I have to do is sit and wait until September to find out if I actually made it into All State! ^_^ -sits and waits excitedly-

=D

Yeah, I guess guys are forgetful. It just kind of hurt because he used to remember how much fun he'd always have at my house and everything. I mean, because I wouldn't see him after camp until a month later, we even kept in touch through his exchange person's e-mail. (Yeah, I think his exchange person was wondering what a weird person I was...hehe, I tend to make my e-mails extremely long, and it didn't click it was his e-mail until I realized it was his name...and that was after my friend came back...I feel like being evil sometime and e-mailing his exchange person randomly and seeing if I get a response xD).

I'm sure he does remember some things about 8th grade, though. Like how I sent a Carnation to him with a message saying "Clue: I'm a scorpio", assuming he knew anything about astrology. xD He sent his friend to ask every girl in the school when their birthday, but didn't realize that mine was Scorpio, not Libra. But finally on the bus to the elementary (to change buses and pick up little kids), the kind of cornered me, and I was really embarrassed. Gosh, I'm blushing even now thinking about how embarrassing it was! Of course we can go into a whole thing about the next time he talked to me was the day before february break, and I was in a fluster because it was the first time I got my period (one of those OMG! What do I do, what do I do? moments xD), and he came up to me and told me not to be afraid since I had been avoiding him out of embarrassment. Then he asked me out three days after break because he wasn't in school the first two days into break.

I think it would be really awkward talking to his mom about this...I mean, well...I don't know. He isn't close to his parents at all, and now has been convinced that they hate his guts (I swear, its brainwash from those girls he hangs out with D=). I don't know what my mother would think, either. Both of them are all gushing about how we'll be life long friends and everything, but how it just wouldn't work out as a relationship. And that's what I've been trying to convince myself, since I don't completely know if my feelings are romantic or just myself missing his friendship. That's kind of the reason I don't want to bring it up to my mom. It'd be the one person she'd say "Are you joking? Haven't you learned your lesson by now? You two are meant to be just really good friends."

=P

For prom, I'm going to wait until the end of the month, or else just after our spring break, and then maybe just plant the idea in his mind. I'm thinking about saying something to the effect of, "Well, if you don't have a date, wanna go with me? I'd really like to be able to go to prom, and it doesn't look like anyone is going to ask me, so maybe we can go as friends (because mother thinks that I need a date for prom =P)? You don't have to spend the whole time with me, though it'd be nice since we haven't been able to hang out just the two of us in a while." And that sounds friendly/non-hitting onish, right?

And yes, many many thanks for listening to me! You always have wonderful advice! =D

Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:47 pm

Yeah, he does sound really brainwashed.

You should talk to him, and keep making conversation with him until you become good friends all over again.

Also, make sure he doesn't have a date already for prom when you ask him. That would be...really bad if he did and you asked. D;

winterberries
Crew

Offline

Syrinx330

2,650 Points

100
100
200

Offline

Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:27 pm

Yeah...I definitely think he is brainwashed. @_@

I felt like a complete jerk today. I was so excited for my scores, but he only got an 87 on a level five...and I just said good job, and I don't know...he's even making a point of talking to my one friend who gets annoyed with him more than me.

Yeah, that's it...

Tomorrow...

I'll ask him...something like this.

"Hey, can we talk for a second? I just want to ask something, and please...be truthful with me, I just want to know. Do you find me a nuisance? If so, I'm extremely sorry...I know it seems this year I've been really self centered and all and haven't done anything for you. I feel like we're fading apart as friends, and I miss how we used to be. But, even if you don't want to, that's ok. I don't want to force anything."

Something like that, because I dunno...I don't know what else I can do.

Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:35 pm

I think that's probably the best thing to do in this situation. If you guys are fading away because of lack of interaction, or interest or you guys just don't connect well anymore, then there's really nothing you can do about it. I can't count how many times that's happened to me but there were some times I just let it go by when I could've done something, and now I'm regretting it.

Don't make the same mistake I did. But accept it quietly if he doesn't want to rekinder your friendship. People change.

[jessii]

Offline

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

The Purple Penguin Society - A Female Only Guild

Quick Reply

More Information