~My Passion For Poetry~ | Page 1 | Comics, Short Stories, and Poetry | Guild Forums

Aznanimegurl14

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Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:44 pm

I write poems as a hobby, as a passion. I love it, so if you don't then oh well. These are some of my random poems. Read and give your opinions on them.

The Truth Within My Eyes

As I look into your eyes, I want to tell you everything
I don't know how to say it but I want you to know
You can find the answers in the lines I'm writing

Your eyes are so beautiful and they seem so true
So each and every day, I come and see
As I look deeply into them, I wonder can I trust them, can I trust you

But can you look as deep into mine with ease
Can you see past my cheerful exterior
Could you dry the tears no one else sees

Love's A Wild Ride

You look into my emotionless eyes
And think that my soul is within reach
You think you can see through this disguise
You think the soul of my heart is what you have breached

You tell me to not run, to not hide
You tell me to come out into the beaming light
But you don’t even know what’s inside
You tell me to step out of the deep, dark night

I have played this scene many times before
I have witnessed this outcome one too many times
It’s not the first time, just once more
This situation should be counted as a crime

I know how it starts and how it will end
The ups and the downs of this roller coaster
And I don’t want to got through it all again
So just leave and spare me the terrifying torture

These are posted in my journal and some others. A lot of people really like these two the best though, so I can tell you the ones in my journal are horrible.

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:51 pm

These are cool. One tip- use punctuation-, commas, periods and semi-colons are great for directing when you reader pauses, stops, etc...
Keep up the good work! heart

Maiden Curly Crown

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Aznanimegurl14

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Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:05 am

OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO

These are cool. One tip- use punctuation-, commas, periods and semi-colons are great for directing when you reader pauses, stops, etc...
Keep up the good work! heart

Thank you. I tried but I'm not good at punctuation. I really stink at it so can you try and help me fix it? Can you point out what I should put in and where? It would really help.

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 8:13 am

Your poems are awesome!! I can't write poetry at ALL, so yours are really sweet, please keeping posting your poems, I'd love to read more!!

And OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO's advice about the punctuation is good, I'd pay attention to it.

petitefromage
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Aznanimegurl14

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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 12:31 pm

alexandra927

Your poems are awesome!! I can't write poetry at ALL, so yours are really sweet, please keeping posting your poems, I'd love to read more!!

And OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO's advice about the punctuation is good, I'd pay attention to it.

Thank you. ^^
I'll try.

I know it's good but I stink at punctuation. So I don't really know how to fix it... sweatdrop Can you help me, please?

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:40 pm

Here goes nothing...please don't hate me. sweatdrop this will be more creative than proper.

I put in punctuation. If it is in CAPS I re-worded it (just a suggestion) if it is [in parenthesis] I SUGGEST taking out the word.

The Truth Within My Eyes

As I look into your eyes,
I want to tell you everything
I don't know how to say it...
But I want you to know
You can find the answers in the lines I'm writing.

Your eyes are so beautiful
and they seem so true
So each and every day, I come TO YOU.
As I look deeply into them,
I wonder can I trust them,
can I trust you?

But can you look as deep into mine with ease?
Can you see past my cheerful exterior?
Could you dry the tears no one else sees?

Love's A Wild Ride

You look into my emotionless eyes,
And think that my soul is within reach.
You think you can see through this disguise,
You think the soul of my heart is what you have breached.

You tell me to not run, NOT TO hide.
You tell me to come out into the beaming light.
But you don’t even know what’s inside.
You tell me to step out of the deep, dark night.

I have played this scene many times before.
I have witnessed this outcome [one] too many times.
It’s not the first time, just once more,
This situation should be counted as a crime.

I know how it starts and how it will end.
The ups and the downs of this roller coaster.
And, I don’t want to got through it all again.
So just leave and spare me the terrifying torture

Maiden Curly Crown

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Aznanimegurl14

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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:57 pm

I'm grateful for your help. However in The Truth Within My Eyes the line format gets messed up if you break it up like that. Also with your suggestion of "TO YOU" it would mess up the rhyming format. I'm sorry if I sound mean...

Your suggestion/help on Love's A Wild Ride was the one I really needed. When I created the poem I didn't know if I should choose "to not" or "not to". So I kind of picked randomly. But your help has fixed my problem and so I thank you. ^^

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:21 pm

wow..... it's been far too long since i've seen peotry THAT good for a while.........
heart heart IT IS AMAZING!!! heart heart
for your style, i'm not sure if you really need punctuation. the words that you write sorta do that for you. it's how you word it. but, it's always good to learn a new style.

XxTHe MesMErIzeD vOidxX

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Aznanimegurl14

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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:21 pm

Rheianna prophet

wow..... it's been far too long since i've seen peotry THAT good for a while.........
heart heart IT IS AMAZING!!! heart heart
for your style, i'm not sure if you really need punctuation. the words that you write sorta do that for you. it's how you word it. but, it's always good to learn a new style.

Lol. xD
Thank you, thank you, thank you. ^^ I'm glad that you like it and also that you think it's amazing. ^^
I've never been good with punctuation for when I write, I just write. Only after would I try to use the correct punctuations.
Do you really think it's THAT good?