|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:22 pm
Okay...this is prolly going to be a wall of text, just warning you now.
Well, I am getting married in a couple years. Yay for me. This should be a joyous occation for me and my family, correct? Haw Haw, nothing could be farther from the truth.
As is tradition, it's the bride's choice of church, if the two parties hail from different sects of the church. I was raised Baptist, and my fiance is Anglican. I have chosen to be married in his church, as it is the religion I will follow the rest of my life(if all goes well). However, 99% of my family is making a HUGE stink about me getting married to an "outsider" I really don't think God/Significant Divine Ruler really gives a s**t. But according to them, I'm wrong. yeah...no.
My own mother is like "no daughter of mine is going to get married in an Anglican church" and my dad says I should cancel the wedding altogether and marry my old flame, who was a Baptist. And my great grandma is trying to tell me " I'll never be accepted in the church if I marry an Anglican man"...the list goes on. The only one in my family who doesn't give a flying ******** what church I get married into, she just hopes she won't have a bout of Chrone's Disease right before/during the wedding,as she's going to be my maid of honour.
Okay, first of all, I think mommy dearest should just piss off because she did nothing but beat the tar out of me for 18 of my 19 years, and kept telling me I'll never measure up to my sister, and that I was no longer a part of the family. Second, my old flame and I left each other because...well truth be told we thought of eachother like brother and sister, and that our kind of love was perfect just like that. Third, this ain't the 1930's anymore, the priest said himself that he would be glad to welcome me into his church's family, and I'd be an asset to his team of exorcists(awsome).
And there's a whole lot of other crap they are laying on me, like the fact I'm not a virgin. Again, I really don't think the higher power cares much. Thank God my future in-laws decided to let Jamie and I handle all of the major stuff ourselves. They are also awsome.
Point is, I guess, is I want them to just bugger off for a bit and let me make MY decicions about MY big day. It's not like they are just giving harmless advice, thay are trying to push me into what they think my wedding day should be.Arrg! I'm at the point now where I have said to them " If you have a problem with the church I have chosen, don't show up. Simple as that" Since I said that, I'm getting the cold shoulder from all but my sister.
Advice if I should apologize for blowing up, or if I should comprimise to keep the peace, or some support on my decicions would be greatly apprciated. I'll take any cooments/encouragement from you guys. I luff you all.
UPDATE: Ok, so I had a looong talk with my mom about my wedding, and she has accepted my choice of church and will be more than happy to see me married. Jamie's dad's only complaint is the fact he'll have to wear a "penguin suit". : D My dad actually likes my fiance now, and he took back what he said about my old flame and I, so long as I'm happy with Jamie. Which I most certainly am. Just 2 more years untill I'm Mrs. Quackenbush<3
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:27 pm
...and for those "TL;DR"'ers:
Maw and Paw dun' want Baby to have her weddin'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:15 pm
What a nightmare for you, I think it sucks... a wedding is 'supposed' to be joyous occassion where two people are united in love!!! So why is it Wedding's always seem to drag the muck out from every closet, full of everyone's own personal wishes; all bar the two who are actually gettin married!!! Me and my now husband avoided the whole petty family arguements things as there were a few brewing from ex-wives etc and seating plans evil we went abroad and got married lol
It's not easy, we belong to a 'free' church as I personally can't stand all the traditional 'religious' (u know what I mean right?) practises as I feel it really helps to lose the whole point of it: Jesus!
Anyway my advice would be to stand up for what you believe is right as I know from my own experience if you don't do something for fear of it being too much hastle you'll only regret it years later. Be strong, be bold, stick to what is right in YOUR heart (not theirs). You can be diplomatic about it but at the end of the day it's your life that you'll be living not theirs and it's your marriage not theirs. Start as you mean to carry on. God doesn't care what Church it's at, he'll be there regardless!!!
Congrats by the way xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:02 pm
@ English Mummie: Thanks a million ^3^
well, what did I do now? I called the other day, talked to my sis for a bit...and then talked to mom..I don't know how I pssed her off, but she just hung up on me after I told her I was going to talk to the collage about my application >_<
I'm so hurt and confused right now..I really don't know what I did to deserve my own mother treating me like this. When I call and ask if I can talk to another member of the house, she hangs up and doesn't pick up if I call back. She's being even worse now than what she used to do( which was beat me with a wooden spoon untill I bled...I think I have the temper of a saint to keep wanting a relationship with her) All I want is for my mother, my flesh and blood, to say she loves me, because right now, I don't think she does. She never said she lovd me, and that's the only thing I want to hear, JUST ONCE. Is that so much to ask?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:07 am
No that's not too much to ask at all! And I completely understand where you're coming from *hugs*
I feel I need to say this to hopefully shed some light on why your mum may be like this as after all I am one but I also still am just a grown up girl learning how to be one....
This is what it's like being a mum, you love your kids to bits but sometimes it's really hard work / stressy trying to raise them. It's like everytime they want to do something they wanna do (in my case be naughty as they're only very young) -you feel like it's all your (my) fault they're behaving badly!! You want them to get their shoes on, they want to mess around. You want them to be nice to their friends, they prefer to hit them etc etc lol.
A times it feels like a huge amount of pressure on our shoulders to make them turn out right. I guess the word is responsibility, it's not easy. I've got 3 little one's and when they're all doing it at once it feels like my head's going to explode!!! I do my best not to shout at them as I love them but now and then you can't help but raise your voice and tell 'em off.
Luckily for them, I'm a very loving mum and always cuddle and tell 'em I love them and I do believe they need guidelines so they know how to behave properly etc etc
Anyway I'm not defending your mum and my mine too was similar as your's so I know what it's like lol! But it wasn't until I became a Mum that I realised that it ain't as easy as I always thought and I'm still learning all the time, we think our parents (should) be perfect but they're just people that mess up too.
I don't know what her upbringing was like, but it could be that she had a bad childhood too and was whacked about and not shown love.... sometimes if we don't decide to do things differently with our own we end up repeating what our parents did to us....
She may be all worried about what's happening too (mums always worry when our all grown up 'baby' takes a big step on their own, stupid I know lol). Underneath all her hurtful behaviour she does love you, if she didn't she would care at all how you lived your life.
At the end of the day I do think she's out of line in the way she's treating you. Maybe give her time to calm down and try to approach her again to talk about it all or maybe a letter to her might work. But write it from your heart, not in anger as it'll just inflame things further.
Wow I'll waffled, so sorry if half of this is irrelevant but I'm hoping it'll help
Take care and post back !
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:04 pm
whoa, sorry about the non-reply...been busy doing...lots of things. ><
anyway, writing a letter does seem like a good idea..even if she doesn't read it, I belive it will help me get a load off my chest...
well, a lot of stuff has happened.Some good, some bad
Good: I'm going to set up a table at the local craft market and earn a few bucks selling bracelets I've made. A few bucks towards...well getting my dress made really.
M sister is getting therapy for her Crohn's Disease, and she seems to be doing rather well ^.^ so she might be able to lead a somewhat normal life.
Bad: Mom still shunning me...the only time she actually talked to me recently was to tell me that my dad has alzheimer's. I don't actually know if this is true or if I should belive it, because this is the same woman who told me a year ago she had stage 3 cancer and only had weeks to live...and yet she never went for chemo, never had any surgeries...so that was a blatent LIE.
And my drunkie grandma( mom's mom) sold her house( the house I grew up in!) to support her addiction. Geeze.
I need to get away from all of this...ugh.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:19 am
Hang in there girl, you're doing great! Setting up a craft table sounds brill!! Good for you, this hopefully will help take your mind off it all and who knows what may come from it. *hugs*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:17 am
*hugs* Thanks!
Le gasp! I have some more good news! eek
Jamie, my fiance, passed his first year in culinary school! heart I'm so proud! Now if only I could get into the collage I want.... rolleyes
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
