Welcome to Gaia! ::

Cadet is defiantly back! I'm very sorry about my abrupt absence, but I was preoccupied recuing small koala bears from the dastardly Papaya Thrower and his minions of Juicyness. Then, while resting at a small inn on my return from Norway, the town's nuclear plant began to emit radiation. Acknowledging I was their only hope, the townspeople pointed me to the nearest tree. Using the only tool they could find- a sausage- I carved a canoe, which I used to ride the radioactive waves. I reached the plant in one piece and began searching for the lever that shut the door. But, as soon as I found the lever and began to pull, I saw a man bobbing on his makeshift raft below the doorway. I could never save the survivor without a sacrifice, so I employed my ability to speak Lolcat to summon several cats that had caught a spider. (In case you’re interested, the translation is "fuds.") Acting as a sponge, a well-known property of spiders and all arachnids, the radiation was soaked up by the spider.

The man was saved, the village people treated me with cheese, and the spider was sent to some museum or testing lab or something. All seemed well and I was heading home, when my Staravia was hijacked by an angry barbershop quartet. They help me captive with flimsy ropes, and I could've broken free and escaped, but curiosity got the best of me and I decided to wait and see where they were heading. We flew night and day, with no rest stops, clear across half the globe, and after traveling for 3 days, we finally arrived in Antarctica. We landed, and I prepared to kick some quartet-butt when my captors began explaining.

They were not actually an angry barbershop quartet; they were a group of super heroes from their hometown here in Antarctica. The team had a beloved mascot, Fuu Fuu the Small Droplet of Water, but it had been corrupted by the communists and joined the league of polar bears. The league had been slowly gaining members, and now was in position to launch an attack, and The Dead Hairs team was afraid of countering and hurting Fuu Fuu. They needed a distraction so that they may retrieve Fuu Fuu before the attack, so they kidnapped me. (Apparently, I was mentioned in some French restaurant while on the subject of cowbells and things that need moar of them.) I was happy to agree, since I love Small Droplets of Water as much as the next guy. (Or perhaps more, but that's a different absence excuse/campfire tale.)

The Dead Hairs formulated a plan, in which I was to stand in front of the bears and feint innocent ice tap dancer. I was in place when the bears approached. Everything went to plan; the bears were very amused by my dancing and poker playing skills. But just then, the Bear General came from behind the pack and demanded to see some dancer ID. Crap! I knew I forgot something! As I stammered through various excuses, the bears caught on and began charging their greatest weapon. When explanations failed, I tried to entice them with the cheese from before. The bears look intrigued and started to drool, but the General didn't miss a beat. He reminded me of my fatal flaw, and looking back now, it was a incredibly stupid error on my part. Everyone knows polar bear are lactose-intolerant! The bears' curiosity turned to despise.

Still scathing from that last mistake, I hoped if I could hold their attentions for a little bit more, at least I wouldn't be killed in vain. Yet before I could get another word out, The General pulled the trigger and I was hit by the Procrastination Ray. I hoped it wouldn't af

tl;dt That title makes as much sense as you think it does.

En memoriam...

Welcome back!

...Northern Illinois University 2008

I think that the tl;dr version should be "I did crack one day".

I dare to ask what happened to Laharl in your signature. D:

Welcome back.

All that would make a weird yet awesome dream. XD