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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:04 pm
Okay, so I was pming with a friend of mine here on Gaia, a fellow Penguin, and I was looking for some advice. I asked her..... and I thought a few different perspectives might be helpful.
So, maybe some of you girls could help me out too.
Read it and give me your views, please? It's not changed at all. And thank you so much in advance! heart Gummibear Pwns Cherub Hope Gummibear Pwns Cherub Hope Gummibear Pwns Cherub Hope Aw, what a cute little girl. ;9
Pulling off the Magical Girl nicely, mi'dear. ^^
But thank you so very much, Miss Hope. So very nice of you.Nonsense! I wanna eat her up! X9
Aw, you're welcome. It's really no prob. heart
So what's up in the hi-zouse? D<
Nothing much here.... o3o
I'm in love with a girl I met on Gaia, and I'm dating Library Boy?Aw, really? Well, sounds like you're in a bit of a jam.
Well, obviously, you like both Library Boy and this girl. But even if you feel that you're feelings are stronger for the girl, I think you should tell Library Boy if you're absolutely sure you love her more than him.
But, maybe I can expand more. Want to tell me a little about your situation here with the girl on Gaia?
This girl, she's amazing. She's fab and smart and funny and just perfect, we've really just clicked..... like she gets me.
We met on Gaia and started talking through PMs and now we chat on MSN for 2 to 7 hours a night, depending on the day of the week.
She writes me poetry, and we draw for eachother. For Valentines Day she sent me tulips. I've mailed her stuff before too.
She said she loved me first, and I feel the same way.... but I mean, we haven't met. She lives in California, and is finishing up high school. She's 18, there's a year and a half age difference between us, I'm older [of course. XD]. I've thought very seriously of going out and seeing her. We've made plans to go to Pride Parades, and visit Drag Queens and travel the world and just be together. But like I said, we've never met.
But then there's Library Boy. I like him too, you wouldn't believe how sweet and NICE he is, he's like a ******** angel. He's 22, he has plans to become a pilot [a very good career] he's pretty and smart and a good kisser, which is saying something, because I'm like the second or third girl he's ever even kissed! I feel almost like I'm using him. 'Poor boy, I'll make-out with him for my own pleasure and to have a little lap-boyfriend. heeheehee!' Like some evil witch. He smells good always, he's sweet and caring, and he puts up with my s**t like it's nothing. I think it's some sort of carnal instinct that's attracting me to him. I've noticed the feelings he gives me, he causes the Dopamine levels in my brain to increase, giving me a feeling of security, and euphoria, so I'm comfortable enough to mate with him. Meaning I want to be around hm all the time to keep the feeling up. and that my body is trying to get me pregnant! DDD: But he and I don't have a lot in common, and he doesn't talk a lot. I think he was picked on in school and so he thinks his opinion isn't important. So he rarely talks. I want to do something for him to build up his confidence, and such. But I'm SO selfish it all ends up being about what I want.
Fehw. Sorry for the wall of text. But that's everything. I think...... maybe you can share some advice?
Oooh, I might post this up in PPS. o3o The girls there always seem to help too!
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:18 pm
Wellllllll.. hmm o3o
If you really want the honest truth, it seems that you're cheating on the girl with the guy, and visa-versa.
You've got yourself a love triangle D:
You really have to pick one. It isn't fair to either one of them because your heart sways to each person each time. Taken from experience though, online relationships are -hard-. And I mean they're really difficult >.<; Really really difficult.
Because you get that need for the physical touch, and you can't get that, and you feel a little alone, and eventually the mails and the PMs and the presents received in the mail just aren't good enough anymore, and you long for the physical aspect of the relationship. Because your body needs it, even if you think in your mind you don't, you do need it. And then, when you -do- meet them in person, the feeling is like complete ecstasy.. The whole nirvana "I'm in paradise, I could die happy right now" feeling. And then when they leave that feeling is stripped, practically raped, off of you, and it really hurts. D:
If you feel you're willing to wait and be with her to be with her in person, then that's fine. All the more power to you!
But you have to choose. Like I said, it isn't fair to either of them to keep pulling them both along on a string. You gotta choose gonk
I think what's going on now is that while you have the love and emotional aspect with the woman, you're getting your physical needs from the guy. Again, you're having your cake and eat it, too D: You just can't do that.. >.<; It isn't fair to either one.
You could be with the guy, and have nothing to talk about, and feel alone in that aspect, or you could be with the girl, and wait to be with her in person.
It's your choice.. But it's your choice and yours alone to make it.
I'd pick the girl, though. But that's just me.. You seem to be alot happier with her anyways.
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:54 pm
Here's something that's helped me in the past. :]
Get a piece of paper and fold it in half hot-dog style. Write each person's name up on top, and write the pros in blue and the cons in red. Then decide which characteristics of each are important.
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:55 pm
Fagosaurus Rex Here's something that's helped me in the past. :]
Get a piece of paper and fold it in half hot-dog style. Write each person's name up on top, and write the pros in blue and the cons in red. Then decide which characteristics of each are important.
Y'know, Chibi just told me to do that about the whole Erica thing XD
It's so simple, I didn't ever think of doing that @_@;
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:01 pm
Asashina Fagosaurus Rex Here's something that's helped me in the past. :]
Get a piece of paper and fold it in half hot-dog style. Write each person's name up on top, and write the pros in blue and the cons in red. Then decide which characteristics of each are important.
Y'know, Chibi just told me to do that about the whole Erica thing XD
It's so simple, I didn't ever think of doing that @_@;Lol. :] That's what I did when I thought Pat was going to ask me out. I was in an online relationship, and I chose Pat because he was sweeter and he didn't call me names and he didn't care if I was raped. :]
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:22 pm
Tough situation. I think you should seriously consider your future right now. Which person could you see yourself with? Which one could you see marrying, or being in a very long-term relationship with? I third the list of pros and cons, but I will point out that sometimes, just because it makes sense on paper, doesn't mean it makes sense in your heart. Basically, choose the one that you can't live with allowing to get away.
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:28 pm
I agree with everyone above.
3nodding
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:03 am
He destroyed my life...
You say you haven't got much in common with the library boy? What about the gal?
See, I have been in two long-term-ish relationships.
The first guy; made me feel good, bought me lots of stuff, supported me (Because I am VERY messed up in the head), I could have everything I wanted. But we had almost nothing in common.
The second guy; makes me feel amazing, he has no money to buy me things, he supports me as best he can (He is messed up like me too). We have everything in common, even to the point where we can't believe that there was another person out there like ourselves.
You have to look at the long term.
Who will keep you better entertained?
Who will be able to cheer you up bettter when you are down?
Who will understnad you more?
Now I will destroy him.
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:11 am
Asashina Wellllllll.. hmm o3o
If you really want the honest truth, it seems that you're cheating on the girl with the guy, and visa-versa.
You've got yourself a love triangle D:
You really have to pick one. It isn't fair to either one of them because your heart sways to each person each time. Taken from experience though, online relationships are -hard-. And I mean they're really difficult >.<; Really really difficult.
Because you get that need for the physical touch, and you can't get that, and you feel a little alone, and eventually the mails and the PMs and the presents received in the mail just aren't good enough anymore, and you long for the physical aspect of the relationship. Because your body needs it, even if you think in your mind you don't, you do need it. And then, when you -do- meet them in person, the feeling is like complete ecstasy.. The whole nirvana "I'm in paradise, I could die happy right now" feeling. And then when they leave that feeling is stripped, practically raped, off of you, and it really hurts. D:
If you feel you're willing to wait and be with her to be with her in person, then that's fine. All the more power to you!
But you have to choose. Like I said, it isn't fair to either of them to keep pulling them both along on a string. You gotta choose gonk
I think what's going on now is that while you have the love and emotional aspect with the woman, you're getting your physical needs from the guy. Again, you're having your cake and eat it, too D: You just can't do that.. >.<; It isn't fair to either one.
You could be with the guy, and have nothing to talk about, and feel alone in that aspect, or you could be with the girl, and wait to be with her in person.
It's your choice.. But it's your choice and yours alone to make it.
I'd pick the girl, though. But that's just me.. You seem to be alot happier with her anyways.
But what's stopping me is that I don't want to hurt either of them.
Choosing is easy, the girl, every time. But the boy.... he's never even HAD a chance to give his heart to someone else, how can I say I'm ready to be with him, and then turn around and say "Naw, I wanna be with this girl I met online, she's better than you." [I wouldn't actually say it like that, but he'll probably take it like that.]
I've been trying to come up with how to explain it, but right now I've got nothing.
But you are right, and thank you for the insight and advice. :') You've helped a lot.Fagosaurus Rex Here's something that's helped me in the past. :]
Get a piece of paper and fold it in half hot-dog style. Write each person's name up on top, and write the pros in blue and the cons in red. Then decide which characteristics of each are important.
And I've tried it, just now.... and I don't know which things are more important, so I'm a little more confused.
But I'll admit it was a very good idea. Perhaps I'll try again later and think on it a little more rationally?
Thank you lots! ^^Sailor_Chibi
Tough situation. I think you should seriously consider your future right now. Which person could you see yourself with? Which one could you see marrying, or being in a very long-term relationship with? I third the list of pros and cons, but I will point out that sometimes, just because it makes sense on paper, doesn't mean it makes sense in your heart. Basically, choose the one that you can't live with allowing to get away.
Become therapists or social workers or something.... you're all so fab.
But yes...... I see what you mean, about things working out on paper, but not irl.
I guess I just need to figure this out, because now that you put it like that, it makes things a little harder.... I can't see myself without either of them, really.Grin Evilly I agree with everyone above.
3nodding Pure Vampyre He destroyed my life...
You say you haven't got much in common with the library boy? What about the gal?
See, I have been in two long-term-ish relationships.
The first guy; made me feel good, bought me lots of stuff, supported me (Because I am VERY messed up in the head), I could have everything I wanted. But we had almost nothing in common.
The second guy; makes me feel amazing, he has no money to buy me things, he supports me as best he can (He is messed up like me too). We have everything in common, even to the point where we can't believe that there was another person out there like ourselves.
You have to look at the long term.
Who will keep you better entertained?
Who will be able to cheer you up bettter when you are down?
Who will understnad you more?
Now I will destroy him.
The Gal though, Oh Lordy Lou, sometimes it feels like she's my second half. We have so much in common, down to our chemical imbalances and love for art. At times she'll type something out and I'll read it, and all I can think is "I know JUST how that is, I feel the exact same way!"
The girl, she'll more than keep me entertained, she makes me feel better now.... but so does he.
But she'll understand better.
I just don't know if he ever will.
Thank you, that helped..... I really appreciate your advice. <33
You've all helped me so much! PPS girls are the BEST BEST BEST! Thank you again, for being so understanding and loving..... at this point I'm sure this guild has most of the greatest Gaians on site.
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:14 am
It sounds like the girl is more where you are right now in life. It seems like you two are on the same level. But it also seems like you want to give the boy a chance to get to your level, and there's where the problem lies. You've got to consider the fact that he might never reach your level, you know? He might bypass it, or arrive somewhere else. The paths of people are constantly changing. So while someday he might, he also might not... It also seems like you're leaning towards the girl, but you're caught because you don't want to say no to the boy. Let's face it, no matter who you choose, someone is going to be without you. That's tough, I know, but it's a decision you have to make, because right now, you're not being fair to either of them, or yourself. You should discuss your future with the girl. If she's interested in the same goals, relationship-wise, that you are, and you decide to choose her, than as hard as it will be to break it off with the boy, understand that you need to do what's best for you, right? P.S. - You should check out the song I'm So In Love With Two by Mikaila. It really pertains to your situation.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:46 am
>n<
I think you might be right, Miss Chibi...... woe.
But, what do you mean be level, like emotionally or just in a general use of the word as my current life status? [I took it as the latter.]
He's such a nice boy, I just don't know WHAT to do.... Imean I know what I need to do, and should do. I just don't knkow how to do it.
I've ******** things up so royally.
Do you think I cold try staying friends with the boy? I just like being around him, even without the dopamine high. XD
Lie talking on the phone and stuff, he's a very pleasent gent.
Also, that song's kinda cool, I looked it up on youtube. XD
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:26 am
He destroyed my life...
There is no problem staying friends with him if you do break up with him.
I am still in contact with my ex, and our break up nearly killed him.
I say it is better to stay in contact with him, but for a while you may have to be careful about what you say around him.
I've made my ex cry too many times from not thinking before I speak. >_<
Now I will destroy him.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:59 am
Oh my..... well, I DO wanna at least TRY to stay friends....
And thank you, Miss Vampyre! That's very helpful. ^^
I don't have a lot of dating experience. XD;;
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:26 am
Gummibear Pwns Oh my..... well, I DO wanna at least TRY to stay friends....
And thank you, Miss Vampyre! That's very helpful. ^^
I don't have a lot of dating experience. XD;;
Neither do I. xd
My ex is my one and only ex.
I have a boyfriend now too.
But other than that, that is all my dating experience.
Now I will destroy him.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:02 am
Gummibear Pwns >n<
I think you might be right, Miss Chibi...... woe.
But, what do you mean be level, like emotionally or just in a general use of the word as my current life status? [I took it as the latter.]
He's such a nice boy, I just don't know WHAT to do.... Imean I know what I need to do, and should do. I just don't knkow how to do it.
I've ******** things up so royally.
Do you think I cold try staying friends with the boy? I just like being around him, even without the dopamine high. XD
Lie talking on the phone and stuff, he's a very pleasent gent.
Also, that song's kinda cool, I looked it up on youtube. XD
Level can actually mean both, really. It could even mean mentally or spiritually. You have to define it to your situation, you know?
I think being friends with him is an option, but you must remember that he might not be ready to be just friends right away. You might have to give him some distance until his hurt has healed enough. I mean, he might be ready to be friends right away, but he might not, and you mustn't take that as a personal insult if he's not. Plus if he's not ready, and you try to be friends with him too soon, you could ruin any potential friendship that might arise between you. So I would be very, very careful in that aspect if I were you.
Yeah, it's addictive. ^^
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