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I've been going through a really hard time with my boyfriend and just need to get things off my chest. He's started doing drugs and everything which isn't even that bad, but he's starting to choose them over everything, including me. He's beginning to be more arrogant and more of an a** lately. I don't think that he quite gets that he doesn't have to choose drugs over school, that he can do them after and before. He doesn't have to choose drugs over me, because it's not that important to me to end our relationship over. And he doesn't have to treat me like s**t just because he thinks that he's all cool because he can smoke some pot and snort some coke. We've all pretty much gone through that, and I know that I have, and I still maintain my grades, relationships, and lifestyle. He's really starting to get to me and I've been contemplating breaking up with him lately, but honestly, I couldn't see myself without him. I'm not one of those stupid girls who doesn't leave their shitty boyfriends, because he REALLY is an amazing guy and a GREAT boyfriend, it's just that the drugs are beginning to change him and I don't have a ******** clue what to do. I know what I deserve, and this is not it. Not only that, but today is Valentines day right and I didn't even care if he got me anything (ok, just a little) but yesterday he was all hyping me up and kept telling me that he knew what he got me and I didn't and we was so excited. Well, I got him a really sweet and super thoughtful (took me DAYS to figure out how to work it all out perfectly) and then when I saw him today, he didn't get me anything at all. So I never gave to him, or told him, that I got him anything. What I did was type up 5 notes to him and sealed them each in different envelopes. I planned on giving one to each of his friends so that all day he was getting these little love notes from me and then the last one said that the rest of his surprise awaited him for tomorrow. Well, because he works so much, I planned on going to the store and getting like ice cream and junk food and then taking a blanket to the park for him and I to sit and hang out for a coupke of hours just the two of us (I even told our friends that we wouldn't be able to hang out at that time like we normally do) but instead of doing all of that for him, he told me happy valentines day and then left and skipped all but his first class to go and do drugs at his friends house. Wow, if you wanna even see what I wrote him, check it out, it's in my journal. All he ended up getting from me was a balloon that ended up flying away. I never thought things would end up like this when we started dating. But too late for me because I've already fallen in love with him. It's just a shame that he's letting something so trivial change his life because he might lose something and regret it all.

Sorry for all of this, but, I just have to get things off of my chest; especially because of how discombobulated everything has been lately for me. Thanks guys for listening to my rampage.

Thank you. I appreciate all of the help smile Normally, I would ask for some advice, but I've actually talked to him about it and everything is straightened out smile Thank you so much though ...

um... i really dont no where to strt. k, here i go, since about a yr ago ive been having these really wierd dreams usually they happen when im feeling stressed or, this is weird, but sometimes they come right before something important is going to happen, or before i make a decision about something. i think the first on was after i had this sleepover w/ a bunch of my friends. an one of them, a ghost freak, lets call her kat, saya we should all do bloody mary. (when u stand in front of a bathroom mirror and say bloody mary 13 or whaevr times) of course me an eryone else chiken out. but kat doesnt wanna go alone, so she drags alice into the bathroom w/ her. after about a min. we all hear muffled sounds an they come bursting out of the bathroom terrified w/ som stry of how bloody mary almos posesed kat. after that, im really freaked out for a while an i cant evn close the bathroom door all the way. next yr, after im finally strting to forget, we get some new neighbors and one of them loos like she could be a ghost, specialy comprd ta the rest of the family. course that sparks a whole 'our nieghborhood's haunted' thing b/twn me and alice (she's my rl nieghbor) its soon after thet that i have the first dream, that i can remember aleast. so i have a dog, a big bernese mt. dog (almos all blck w/ brown legs, white ft, and a white chest &tail) so in my dream i wake up an i HAVE to write somthinng down, i lean over my bed to pick up a pencil, and start to write. i get as far as n when something freezes me. seriously, im so scared i cant move. i try to scream but nothing happens, the, i put the penci down (it really falls from my nervless hands) and the pressure eases enuff for me to lay back down, but its still there an i stilll cant talk, evn whisper, for some reason, im dying to know where this is all coming frm, so lik the idiot iam i follow the trail of steadily increasing pressure and it leads, yup, the bathroom mirror.which is now black an radiating this spinchilling aura i retreat as fast as i posibly can. then, i wakeup, again. this time im going down stairs an i see my dog being weird outside, so i go to see if hes ok. REALLY STUPID. i turn around the corner of the house, and he suddenly turns on me, his caots becoming solid black and coarse, like a bears, but longer. then jus as hes about to leap at me, that freaky powers back, on both of us. but i guess the odg had an ironwill cuz he starts to move, slowly but surely then the power breaks, he leaps, and i wake up, AGAIN.
they happen pretty much 1 a mo. maybe more, after that. all the same basic stuff. i wake up, the power comes, again and again untill i can force myself fully awake. the worst part is, 1/2 the time i swear im fully awake. like today, i was reading my book out on my deck, when i doze off. AT 1;00. i NVR sleep after 12. specialy not while reading a book , unless i stayed up past 4 the night before. an u can ask pankakes, that almos nvr happens. this time it was different though. i still felt that power, but it was coming from these fields i have behind my house. an there was talking. i think it was the 3rd time i 'wokeup' but i heard someone say somethin abou a goblin queen, an how she was stuck in tis AU (alterante universe) untill some idiot came along an offered to sweitch places. in return for all the goblin queen's power in her realm, she would get to wreak havoc here ntill the idiot died. then i saw a flash of something at the edge of the woods, again u can ask pankakes, that place has always freaked us since we got our new nieghbors. the next time i wake up i really feel like i took sleeping pills or something, i was like being dragged down this hole in my mind, an to really wake up i had to get out. the last thing that was new here was i woke up again an instant after i slipped away, the last time. an somthing was gonna takle me, all i could think was, i gotta fihgt, i gotta fight, but where's my- then i was pushed back over the edge an i couldnt think anymore. i put all my focus into trying to move my arm to block the thing. an now that i think bout it it looked like somethin from one o thos tarot cards, u no the ones u read fortunes w/. hm... my point is, that this has been bugging me for a while,but now that i write it it jus makes me sound crazy. sweatdrop i wish i had the time and space, to really explain this, but ya no, i dont get it myself, so whaevr, maybe somthing will happen.

i no it sounds like im asking for advice here, maybe i am ,but im to damn proud to admit it (fatal flaw of the sagitarrius). smile an yes, im suprstitous. highly. any "norm" ppl wouldve seen a shrink by now. or atleast ignred it. damn my curiosity. im really contradictory, a curious coward, who for some random reason, love fights... again ask pankakes. shell vouch for my insanity lvl. twisted twisted yea that high.

he's an a** choosing drugs over u.