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 Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:49 pm
The bible says that His mercies are new EVERY morning! I personally find that when I look for His little miracles .... I find them.
How has He brought you through recently?
What has He spoken to your heart?
What breakthrough has performed?
How did He help you solve a problem?
Please bless us ALL by sharing how your best friend has ministered to you recently. If you can't think of anything recently, then please share the last blessing/answer to prayer/miracle/whatever that God did for you .... sharing His blessings strengthens us all! One of my churches had a saying carved into the wooden altar: "Blessed to be a Blessing" Halleluiah!!!
heart heart heart Love you family!!! heart heart heart
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:05 am
Um... It's hard to think of just one right now... sweatdrop Wow...
A couple of weeks ago, I was struggling with a lot of things. One in particular was trusting God.... not that I didn't but my church is a little obsessed with God as Judge and nothing more. And that was really hard for me because I'd come out of church sometimes feeling like I didn't know Who God is. It was honestly depressing me at times because they looked at it like God was 70% Judge, 20% Refuge, 10úther/Friend. I've always thought that He was 100% I AM!
Gini, you can imagine how this was hard for me because you know how my relationship with God is.
This was something I was struggling with for a bit because they had engrained it into m head that God didn't care about my desires or my wants. It was harder for me to pray. Everything was just honestly harder. Came to a point where I thought to myself that there was no use to even having desires.
A lot of getting me through this came through Gini, who reminded me that God's the ones to give us our desires in the first place. Also, my friend Dwayne, who said that not one drop of God's Word can ever fall away or return to Him void... even if it means He'll have to do EVERYTHING I want in one day.
God's been slowly pouring His Love out on me for me to see and has just been sending gentle reminders to me.
For something more light... I got a piece of embarrassment two Sundays ago... rofl
Dwayne introducing me to one of his friends looked EXACTLY like when God was presenting Eve to Adam...
... if Adam stood there dumbfounded... God backed off and began to walk away and then Eve shook Adam's hand and ran after God leaving Adam standing there.... rofl
Honestly... I've been remembering it everytime I needed to laugh during last week... which was hilarious. xD It got my friend, Melissa, to cheer up (I can laugh at myself. xD... a whole lot)... and I could just imagine God laughing at me too.
Aside from that... I GOT MYSELF A NEW LAPTOP!! mrgreen mrgreen It's a MAC and it's black and pretty and neither me nor my mom paid a dime for it. mrgreen And I'm typing on it right now.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:00 am
Cooyah- Um... It's hard to think of just one right now... sweatdrop Wow... A couple of weeks ago, I was struggling with a lot of things. One in particular was trusting God.... not that I didn't but my church is a little obsessed with God as Judge and nothing more. And that was really hard for me because I'd come out of church sometimes feeling like I didn't know Who God is. It was honestly depressing me at times because they looked at it like God was 70% Judge, 20% Refuge, 10úther/Friend. I've always thought that He was 100% I AM! Gini, you can imagine how this was hard for me because you know how my relationship with God is. This was something I was struggling with for a bit because they had engrained it into m head that God didn't care about my desires or my wants. It was harder for me to pray. Everything was just honestly harder. Came to a point where I thought to myself that there was no use to even having desires. A lot of getting me through this came through Gini, who reminded me that God's the ones to give us our desires in the first place. Also, my friend Dwayne, who said that not one drop of God's Word can ever fall away or return to Him void... even if it means He'll have to do EVERYTHING I want in one day. God's been slowly pouring His Love out on me for me to see and has just been sending gentle reminders to me. For something more light... I got a piece of embarrassment two Sundays ago... rofl Dwayne introducing me to one of his friends looked EXACTLY like when God was presenting Eve to Adam... ... if Adam stood there dumbfounded... God backed off and began to walk away and then Eve shook Adam's hand and ran after God leaving Adam standing there.... rofl Honestly... I've been remembering it everytime I needed to laugh during last week... which was hilarious. xD It got my friend, Melissa, to cheer up (I can laugh at myself. xD... a whole lot)... and I could just imagine God laughing at me too. Aside from that... I GOT MYSELF A NEW LAPTOP!! mrgreen mrgreen It's a MAC and it's black and pretty and neither me nor my mom paid a dime for it. mrgreen And I'm typing on it right now. LOL about that Adam and Eve thing!! God: eek No, Eve, he's a friend! Eve: Yeah, but I like You better. 3nodding Adam is kinda stinky too... Adam:....Ouch... Awesome testimony, Asha. Blessings from God! I have a TON to share. I've been sharing it all with Poem, and it ended up making her fall asleep while speaking on the phone with me! She says it's because it was so peaceful to listen to, but I don't know wink . Let's see..I have only half an hour here before I got to run to catch my bus, so I'll share a new testimony that happened just last night. Well, as I've shared before, I have been going through spiritual (old news, I know! But still). Yesterday was this: Life is pointless, there's no reason to be alive right now. All the world is suffering and hardship, just end it now and go to Jesus, because death is going to inevitably happen. All day long this was going on, at school and all. Well, this got me depressed to be sure, and angry, too, thinking toward God, "If that's true, then why the hell did you make me?? Why am I here if I'm just going to die?!" Well, that was unsafe to be thinking about, and satan started trying to use that against me even more. After school ended, the bus wasn't going to come for half an hour, so I decided to walk to the nearest bus park-n-ride, which was half an hour away. Well, during that walk, same old thing was happening, and I became even more down. When I arrived at the park and ride, I missed my bus. Fooie! So, I had this feeling I just needed to keep walking. My house was exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes away. However, at that moment, I just needed to walk. So I walked home from there. During the walk, I became increasingly depressed, but I honestly thought there was nothing to live for, and that God was far away, and that I needed to die if I was going to be with Him. Believe me, during the hour and a half walk home, I was doing a lot of this, " scream " (except not so loud) at God and at satan. The walk actually has a bit more meaning to just walking. On my back was my backpack, which since I'm in college, is as heavy as a small elephant. Having that on your back while walking for two hours all together HURTS. I remember thinking, "NO, I'm not giving up! I'm not going to cave in! And as a symbol of this (these aren't my exact words), I'm going to walk this walk no matter how tired this back pack will make me!" My shoulders hurt... whee When I got home, my sister was in her room and had Chinese food. We spoke for a little bit and she offered me some Chinese food (God bless her! heart ) Eagarly I accepted! Well, I was still not doing so well (I know, I know! But I'm getting better, honest!) and after a few hours, Kat finally asked me how I was doing. I told her everything. Oh man, she and I had a moment there! She told me a bunch of testimonies of her own that related to this subject, and her eyes were teary because she felt for me. That was intense. She then told me, and this was from God's heart, "You're needed here". At that point I couldn't contain my tears (Katherine was then praying for me). I'm not really a crier. It takes A LOT to make me cry, simply because I just don't cry that much. Well, that's been changing a lot lately. This spiritual warfare ends up making me cry a lot. There have been times where I cry because I think I've lost God, or because I think I'll end up giving in and hurting myself or others, or because I think I'm going to lose those closest to me. Anyway, back to the testimony. I love Katherine SO MUCH. What a blessing she is to me and to the world. I remember during her prayer, I was asking, "Why am I here? Why am I needed here? TELL ME I'M NEEDED HERE!" kinda like a crazed man. Kat then says, "Because you're going to be an amazing man, an amazing witness for God, an amazing brother, an amazing uncle, an amazing husband to some lucky woman, and an amazing father to your kids." I was like...."Oh wow". I needed to hear that! Especially that part about the wife. The reason for this is because of the attacks about rape, I've really been disconnecting myself from most women. I'm not kidding when I say I care VERY MUCH about women. There was a time I didn't care about women (or just people in general), but I do now, praise be to Jesus who still dwells in my heart and loves women with all that He is, and makes sure I do too, no matter where my mind is! A part of me felt very disconnected from God for pretty much all of yesterday. I was yearning for Him! That also is what satan was trying to use against me. Well, God/Jesus was there, and was like, "It's true, you know". Wow...that was awesome. Kat and I spoke for a little bit longer after that, shared a lot of stuff and connected. I felt needed! Kat and I were craving chocolate milk at that time, so she sent me to the store (I had the idea) to get some. On the way back, well, I was still under attack (It's not like I'm immune yet), but God was like, "If you care about others and yourself, don't think about it right now. Go, and enjoy your chocolate milk heart " Good old Daddy, huh? Providing chocolate milk for His son and daughter....that made my day.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:22 pm
Man of Christ Cooyah- Um... It's hard to think of just one right now... sweatdrop Wow... A couple of weeks ago, I was struggling with a lot of things. One in particular was trusting God.... not that I didn't but my church is a little obsessed with God as Judge and nothing more. And that was really hard for me because I'd come out of church sometimes feeling like I didn't know Who God is. It was honestly depressing me at times because they looked at it like God was 70% Judge, 20% Refuge, 10úther/Friend. I've always thought that He was 100% I AM! Gini, you can imagine how this was hard for me because you know how my relationship with God is. This was something I was struggling with for a bit because they had engrained it into m head that God didn't care about my desires or my wants. It was harder for me to pray. Everything was just honestly harder. Came to a point where I thought to myself that there was no use to even having desires. A lot of getting me through this came through Gini, who reminded me that God's the ones to give us our desires in the first place. Also, my friend Dwayne, who said that not one drop of God's Word can ever fall away or return to Him void... even if it means He'll have to do EVERYTHING I want in one day. God's been slowly pouring His Love out on me for me to see and has just been sending gentle reminders to me. For something more light... I got a piece of embarrassment two Sundays ago... rofl Dwayne introducing me to one of his friends looked EXACTLY like when God was presenting Eve to Adam... ... if Adam stood there dumbfounded... God backed off and began to walk away and then Eve shook Adam's hand and ran after God leaving Adam standing there.... rofl Honestly... I've been remembering it everytime I needed to laugh during last week... which was hilarious. xD It got my friend, Melissa, to cheer up (I can laugh at myself. xD... a whole lot)... and I could just imagine God laughing at me too. Aside from that... I GOT MYSELF A NEW LAPTOP!! mrgreen mrgreen It's a MAC and it's black and pretty and neither me nor my mom paid a dime for it. mrgreen And I'm typing on it right now. LOL about that Adam and Eve thing!! God: eek No, Eve, he's a friend! Eve: Yeah, but I like You better. 3nodding Adam is kinda stinky too... Adam:....Ouch... Awesome testimony, Asha. Blessings from God! I have a TON to share. I've been sharing it all with Poem, and it ended up making her fall asleep while speaking on the phone with me! She says it's because it was so peaceful to listen to, but I don't know wink . Let's see..I have only half an hour here before I got to run to catch my bus, so I'll share a new testimony that happened just last night. Well, as I've shared before, I have been going through spiritual (old news, I know! But still). Yesterday was this: Life is pointless, there's no reason to be alive right now. All the world is suffering and hardship, just end it now and go to Jesus, because death is going to inevitably happen. All day long this was going on, at school and all. Well, this got me depressed to be sure, and angry, too, thinking toward God, "If that's true, then why the hell did you make me?? Why am I here if I'm just going to die?!" Well, that was unsafe to be thinking about, and satan started trying to use that against me even more. After school ended, the bus wasn't going to come for half an hour, so I decided to walk to the nearest bus park-n-ride, which was half an hour away. Well, during that walk, same old thing was happening, and I became even more down. When I arrived at the park and ride, I missed my bus. Fooie! So, I had this feeling I just needed to keep walking. My house was exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes away. However, at that moment, I just needed to walk. So I walked home from there. During the walk, I became increasingly depressed, but I honestly thought there was nothing to live for, and that God was far away, and that I needed to die if I was going to be with Him. Believe me, during the hour and a half walk home, I was doing a lot of this, " scream " (except not so loud) at God and at satan. The walk actually has a bit more meaning to just walking. On my back was my backpack, which since I'm in college, is as heavy as a small elephant. Having that on your back while walking for two hours all together HURTS. I remember thinking, "NO, I'm not giving up! I'm not going to cave in! And as a symbol of this (these aren't my exact words), I'm going to walk this walk no matter how tired this back pack will make me!" My shoulders hurt... whee When I got home, my sister was in her room and had Chinese food. We spoke for a little bit and she offered me some Chinese food (God bless her! heart ) Eagarly I accepted! Well, I was still not doing so well (I know, I know! But I'm getting better, honest!) and after a few hours, Kat finally asked me how I was doing. I told her everything. Oh man, she and I had a moment there! She told me a bunch of testimonies of her own that related to this subject, and her eyes were teary because she felt for me. That was intense. She then told me, and this was from God's heart, "You're needed here". At that point I couldn't contain my tears (Katherine was then praying for me). I'm not really a crier. It takes A LOT to make me cry, simply because I just don't cry that much. Well, that's been changing a lot lately. This spiritual warfare ends up making me cry a lot. There have been times where I cry because I think I've lost God, or because I think I'll end up giving in and hurting myself or others, or because I think I'm going to lose those closest to me. Anyway, back to the testimony. I love Katherine SO MUCH. What a blessing she is to me and to the world. I remember during her prayer, I was asking, "Why am I here? Why am I needed here? TELL ME I'M NEEDED HERE!" kinda like a crazed man. Kat then says, "Because you're going to be an amazing man, an amazing witness for God, an amazing brother, an amazing uncle, an amazing husband to some lucky woman, and an amazing father to your kids." I was like...."Oh wow". I needed to hear that! Especially that part about the wife. The reason for this is because of the attacks about rape, I've really been disconnecting myself from most women. I'm not kidding when I say I care VERY MUCH about women. There was a time I didn't care about women (or just people in general), but I do now, praise be to Jesus who still dwells in my heart and loves women with all that He is, and makes sure I do too, no matter where my mind is! A part of me felt very disconnected from God for pretty much all of yesterday. I was yearning for Him! That also is what satan was trying to use against me. Well, God/Jesus was there, and was like, "It's true, you know". Wow...that was awesome. Kat and I spoke for a little bit longer after that, shared a lot of stuff and connected. I felt needed! Kat and I were craving chocolate milk at that time, so she sent me to the store (I had the idea) to get some. On the way back, well, I was still under attack (It's not like I'm immune yet), but God was like, "If you care about others and yourself, don't think about it right now. Go, and enjoy your chocolate milk heart " Good old Daddy, huh? Providing chocolate milk for His son and daughter....that made my day. Mmm... Chocolate milk. I'm believing in Daddy for some COOKIES! And it was more like this. Adam: *blink blink* Eve: *runs after God* Hey! Where are You going?! What do I do now??? Adam:..... What... just happened? I know what you mean there James. I was thinking about it myself when I was going through what I was going through. I thought it was pointless to be here and honestly, even just my purpose alone didn't make me happy. I thought that if that was all I was really here for, then having desires and emotions are absolutely pointless. And condemnation really got to me at that point because it kept on downing me, saying that I should be guilty because I'm saying that living for God's not enough...
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:08 pm
Have courage, dear sis. We are needed here on Earth. And this is something I've been trying REALLY hard to remember: Jesus is with us, always.
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 6:49 pm
Well .... I have to say that my little miracle today was logging on here and finding a couple of peole who have been waiting quite a while to be members .....
Instantly I felt convicted for not showing up here!! And I've taken on the challenge of cleaning up the old threads and breathing some life back into our little fellowship here ...
So, if you have wondered onto this topic ... feel free to share what the Lord's been doing in your life!!
His Blessings!
~ beau
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:34 pm
Well, I briefly touched on this before in another thread, but here's the full story. For a long time I've viewed God as a merciless tyrant. A "cosmological" Stalin as a friend put it. This all came about after a year of constant mental struggle. It was a mental battle dealing with the horrors of life, unwanted jealousy, and horrible thoughts I've fought against for years. As a prelude to how it's felt, please watch this video. It's a video of a storyboard from the first StarCraft game. It chronicles how I've felt EXACTLY for a year. And yes, I'm excited to show the video...I'm a nerd like that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aR1aLLtOnEo&feature=channel_pageTry and figure out who's God in this video and who's me. During the first half of that hard year, I did not view God as evil or cruel. I was trying to love him, please him, etc. I guess you'd have to ask him if that's true. But I thought I was...anyway, the entire year I hadn't heard from God. It was VERY hard on me. Those that know me well know that I don't like trying to sound like I'm some sort of poster boy for suffering. But it was hard on me. As hard as I've experienced to date. WAY worse than my father dying. That's saying something. To make matters worse, I started to have little snippets of fear when approaching God. I wasn't sure if I was pleasing him, obeying him, loving him, etc. My thoughts were always awful, much to my great displeasure. The area I was living in depressed me greatly, as many people there were homeless and in great pain. I saw life as utter crap. I was greatly depressed. GREATLY. The little snippets of fear were made worse summer of last year. I listened to a sermon that sounded very condemning to me. It spoke about God purifying his church, and people not making it to heaven. From that day on I was TERRIFIED. No peace. No happiness. No love. It was all drained from me. When thinking of God, I have a powerful sensation of fear. It was like God was a giant Mike Tyson getting ready to bite my ear off...okay, that's mean. I'm sure Mr. Tyson is a nice person, he just got a little bit too into the fight. A Jason Vorhees with a machete poised to strike. We all know how ruthless and pitiless Jason is, and when God is given that image, you don't like God much. Imagine having that Jason Vorhees hovering over your head at all times. At all times. At ALL times. Can you imagine how scary that would be? I think that's a good parallel...anyway, God was a scary pants. A few months progressed as I tried to plead with God to be nice to me. To stop scaring me. To have a little mercy. The fearful feeling did not go away. Christians I was listening to at the time did little, except a grand few who are close to me, to help remedy this fear. Most made it worse with condescending speech. Others just weren't very nice. Holier-than-thou-are. The cherry on the sunday were the verses in the Bible were Jesus warns of his coming. That made it SO MUCH WORSE. I cried so many times. Before anyone gets the idea that I'm a big cry baby, you may be right...lol. No, I don't think so. I think it takes A LOT to make me cry. I'm not kidding. Physical pain hasn't made me cry in several years. I can take being called names, even if I don't like it. It takes quite a lot of abuse and hopelessness to cause me to shed tears. That or the idea of people suffering. But even that takes a while to seep in. I cried because the bully I saw God as wouldn't leave me alone. He was a constant Spetznes...those guys are freaking scary! Those are Russian commandos...totally scary...oh my... Eventually, around the second month of 2009 (a fancy way of saying February), I got fed up with it. My fear turned to anger. I went from being incapacitated by fear of God to REALLY, REALLY mad at him. Ask beaufleur. Ask Poem. They know. beaufleur described to me recently how it looked to her. She saw some photo a while back of a hawk swooping down on a mouse while the mouse gave the hawk the finger. I agree. That's exactly what it was like. I don't actually regret feeling this way. I was PISSED. I wasn't going to take it anymore. I was bitter and you would know it if you saw me. I argued relentlessly with Christians. I often swore at God, calling him many names. Is it bad that I don't regret it? I hope I will some day, but out of genuine repentance once the time is right. I also really got fed up with the genocides of the world...I hated God for those too. I wanted more than anything to go to those places like Burma and Darfur to KILL THE CRAP out of the people committing genocide. I think that has led me down a bad path. One of constant war mongering mentally....not good... Anyway, I was set to leave Christianity all together when I started listening to the arguments of atheists. Some arguments sounded REALLY good. I'm actually not so sure evolution is completely untrue anymore...but that's another story. Starting like...last month, I renounced the faith. That was both easy and hard for me. Easy because I saw God as a tyrant. Hard because I felt like I was selling myself to hell. The evil God I had known was going to finally get me. For a month, things have been easier and harder. Harder for a number of reasons. I'm taking on more responsibilities. Summer college (I say college because I sound smart when I do....^^) classes have been taking up a lot of time. Finding a job in this economy is like punching yourself in the face repeatedly with brass knuckles. However, it has been harder because I really was sad that God had left my life. My former dreams, aspirations, ideas about my life with Christ all crushed in a single blow. I missed God that loved me. That was my friend. That was my best friend. That loved me relentlessly. That showed up when I was down. That brought so many wonderful people into my life. The Jesus I loved. That God was gone, forgotten in a tide of madness, cruelty, and darkness. Only two days ago have I decided to try, TRY, to get that good God back. Here's why. A friend of mine invited me to chat at a local Star Bucks two weeks ago. I had gone on a tangent at a youth group a few weeks before. I had voiced my concerns, angers, and all around hard heartness about God to everyone. I fought everyone's opinions. I was on a rampage of bitterness against God. He wanted to chat with me despite my harsh remarks about God. I wonder I was frightening at all...I might have been. Anyway, so I accepted his invitation. My accepting his invitation was a gesture of wanting to see God as good again. So, after chatting for a while, he eventually asked me how I see God. I compared him to Stalin at first, but later decided that he was more like Hitler. Racist (in this case, favoring Christians that were in his likeness and image and were exactly like him), maniacal, and all around evil. But most people don't think of Hitler as being someone who brought Germany out of a horrible economic depression. He did it using horrible tactics (murder, slavery...), but he DID raise Germany out of a bad situation...again HORRIBLY, but he still did. Hitler also had a knack for disposing (not necessarily killing....necessarily) those that failed him. That's who God was to me. Evil, but not quite like Stalin....yeah....Stalin....that guy was WAY worse...anyway, so I tell him this, explain why, and he carefully refutes my claim by pointing out the cross. Jesus crucified. He said that there was NO WAY Hitler/Stalin would do that. NO way. He's right. During the close of World War II, Hitler, while the Russians were invading Berlin, blamed EVERYONE but himself for Germany's downfall. He was going to sacrifice the last citizen for his insane pride. He killed himself, sure, but I highly doubt he'd sacrifice himself for anyone. But Jesus did. Hmm. It made me think. I agreed. For the first time in a long time, I could see God as being nice. Loving. Ever since I've been struggling to get that God of love back. IT'S NOT EASY. It's not easy because I myself have been hurt and changed in ways that have deeply impacted me. It's hard not to be selfish. It's hard not to be jealous. It's hard to care for suffering people. It's hard to return to God when suddenly a racist God appears in the picture again...I hate racism...And a racist God....ick... But all I can say is steps are being made.
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