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 Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:54 am
Ok, so I have some worries. We are currently working on planning our wedding. My parents are fully supportive of whatever we decide to do, but his parents are a very traditional and very Christian. I do not want to alienate his family during this time, but this is our wedding. I'm kinda scared of having a small wedding, very small, like me and him and the pastor small. With a larger reception afterwards. I think they would flip out-freak out. How do I deal with this without upsetting people to much. They need to realize this is our wedding, my parents are paying for it, I don't mind them having opinions and giving advice, but its stressful. Any veterans have advice?
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:10 am
Number one piece of advice is don't stress.
Calmly explain to his parents that this is your special time, and that you will do the wedding how you see fit. If they have any suggestions, listen. Don't be rude or anything. But let them understand that you will perform the wedding how you would like. They had their chance at their dream wedding, now its your turn.
Don't let someone else ruin your special day. Theres always going to be someone who will complain about something you do.
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:36 am
Like you said ....it is your wedding..... End of discussion. I had to battle a bit with my mother about certain things that she wanted done and I didn't and that is what I had to get across to her. It was my wedding not hers. I think having a small ceremony with family and friends and a large reception is a great idea. Why do you feel your future inlaws will be against the idea???
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 1:54 pm
XD I love how every one says "its your special day" but my mom and grandma planned my whole wedding for me. (And good god did they have fun doing it! @__@ thoes two ladies can PLAN!)
But any way, just do what you want. If they complain, then they complain! Its' no sweat off your back, right?
Besides, if they are realy as traditional as you say, then they should know its the bride and her family that plans the wedding, end of story.
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:08 pm
I know what you mean- my MIL was awful during the planning of our wedding!
It's a difficult situation, because it's your wedding, but you don't want to offend them, either.
But at the end of the day, as everyone's already said, it is your wedding.
I always found that the best thing to do, is plan the wedding between you, your fiance and your parents (after all, they're paying for it) and try and avoid talking about the wedding with your in-laws as much as possible.
But at the end of the day, they're very religious, and you're still getting married in a church, so what have they got to complain about?
Just be polite and say things like "Oh, we'll keep that in mind" or "we'll have a talk, and see how we feel about it."
Besides, I don't think they'll take great offence and hold it against you forever if you decide not to do everything their way.
You're going to be their daughter-in-law, and they're stuck with you for life!
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:45 pm
Ok, speaking frm experience...
First and foremost, if weddings were just for you, you wouldn't have a huge ceremony, or a ceremony...period. Weddings are as much for your family as they are for you. I know that sucks to hear, but it's true. You're in a tough spot with your family paying for it. Since you are not funding your own wedding, you're going to have to compromise and do a little bit of what they want. It's fair and polite to them. If you truly want it to be your wedding, you need to plan it and fund it yourself, or you are in a sense co-owning it with your parents. Also, be cautious of alienating his family and being gracious with yours, it can cause a lot of heartache in the long run.
Now here's my happier advice. I went through a similar situation with our family. We actually canceled our dates several times and then canceled the wedding all together because we couldn't find a way to make everyone happy while having a wedding that we wanted. Ultimately, when we told our families that there wasn't going to be a wedding for a long time since everyone was arguing about plans, they got it. We both got calls from our parents saying to go and do what made us happy, and they apologized for being so domineering about the plans. Not only was this liberating, it let us make plans to have the wedding we actually wanted.
In the end, everyone was happy, the day was special, and no feelings were hurt.
Also, an added bonus, our wedding was similar to what you want. His parents, my parents, and a JP. His extended family was more than ok with it, as was mine, and we're having a big reception later in the year for both sides in our home states. No one flipped out or got angry or anything. You'd be surprised how progressive families can be, even traditional ones.
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 7:24 pm
Tute Sweet But at the end of the day, they're very religious, and you're still getting married in a church, so what have they got to complain about? Ha. Thats where it began, we aren't having it in a church! It's going to be outdoors.
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:26 am
Your lucky, we paid for ours seeing how I didnt want the big wedding and to wear a beautiful dress just once
So what we did was went to a state park, rented a pavillon(sp) had a JP and then afterwards had this big cookout and everyone had a grand time...I wouldnt change a thing
Hope it all works out for you
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:14 am
Do what makes YOU happy. It is a day for you and your hubby and everyone else should just sit back and be happy for you. smile A small ceremony with a nice reception sounds wonderful! And the church vs outdoors ... God made the trees, the sun and the earth before man made buildings. He will see you where ever you are and enjoy the ceremony from His favorite throne! If you want it outside ... have it outside! Your loved ones will be there no matter if there is a door or trees.
One piece of advice ... take lots of photos! they are something you can look back on for the rest of your life. smile
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:48 am
Thanks everyone, the advice is much appreciated.
I went today and booked a pavilion at the university I go to. It is on this pretty and secluded part of campus (in a ravine). This is going to be great.
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:53 pm
Are you FILs paying for anything? If not, according to proper etiquette, they have no say in anything. But I would have your FH talk to them anyway. Tell them the deal and everything and see what their stance is exactly and if there are any compromises to be made. If not, oh, well.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:48 am
sounds great just make sure you have a good camera ours was in a pavilion and every one who we gave cameras to their pics came out kinda dark
Good luck and feel free to post pics when all is done
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