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 Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 4:45 pm
The First entry
It was a pretty big surprise to me when upper management not only started looking for more people to write for EEW.com, but when they actually agreed to allow me to write my own column. Everyone knows that I've never been on good terms with upper management, namely Mick Foley, since it was Foley who fired me not once but twice. The rat b*****d. But I've got my column, and Foley can go stuff himself. He must be pretty pissed that I've managed to get back into EEW with my little brother's victory at December to Dismember. And now it's time to actually get on with the column.
Going into December to Dismember, it's common knowledge that I had been fired the month before after soundly defeating Shadow and having the decision overturned by co-chairman Mick Foley. On the following Burn, my little brother made a challenge. You see, it's become obvious to me that Mick Foley has gotten a little jealous. His legacy as the hardcore legend has been watered down. He had become the guy that just came out every now and then, said the name of the town he was in, made a plug about his newest venture, maybe gave some idiot a mandible claw with Mr. Socko, and then left. Meanwhile, I had stepped my game up tremedously. I'm a 12 time world champion, multiple time tag champion, undefeated in hell in a cell, and the innovator of the Pandora's Box match. It's obvious that I'm getting close to the end of my career. All those hell in a cell matches take their toll, you know? But unlike Foley, I'm not going down as a watered down version of what I used to be. I want to go out with my legacy firmly cemented in everyone's minds. I want people to remember that when i went out, i was still the single most dominant individual inside the hell in a cell structure. I want people to remember that I took any match to the extreme, especially here in EEW. I want people to know that I'm not just going to be a walk in the park even if I'm not wrestling full time. And I'm not going to be retired by someone else. I'm going out at the top of my game. Foley, unfortunately, wasn't given that chance in his glory days in WWE. Let's face it, he was retired first by Triple H, then again by Orton. His single claim to fame seems to be getting thrown off the hell in a cell roof by the Undertaker. In recent years, he's had a few less than memorable matches against the likes of Carlito. So when he looks at me, another man winding down his career, he sees green. He's jealous, and as such, sought to end my career a little earlier than expected. Well, the jokes on him.
At our next PPV, Mick Foley has to face me in the middle of the ring, one on one. the fact that he's co-chairman can't help him. We made a business deal, one he can't renege on. If I win this match, I have an ironclad contract with EEW that he can't break. And most importantly, by the time I actually get around to pinning him, he'll be a beaten, battered, bloody, and broken shell of a man. No amount of security in the world can protect him this time. When he looks across the ring into the eyes of the Dragon, for perhaps the first time in his career, Mick Foley will feel fear. Because in this environment, I can do anything I want to him and since it's in a sanctioned match, he can't retaliate. When I'm done with him, he'll truly know the meaning of retirement. And on the next Burn, I'll be able to move on to bigger and better things.
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Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:26 pm
House Party
So, we come to the end of another PPV here in EEW. And as promised, I defeated the so called hardcore legend at his own game to get my job back. He was dumb enough to start the brawl in the parking lot, forgetting that the one thing I do better than most is brawl. I don't care if I'm in the ring, around the ring, in the crowd, in the parking lot, or anywhere around an arena or just on the street, brawling is what I do. I guess Foley got a little confused when in my last match I got a bit more technical. Yeah, I know how to make a guy tap out, but I love just beating the hell out of people a bit more. and I was doing just that, until that pile of horseshit that calls himself Animok got involved.
Now, going into the match, I knew I was outnumbered. Foley doesn't go anywhere without his security guards, and there's always a few kissasses in the back that will go to bat for the boss. So I thought ahead and reserved some help just in case the numbers caught up to me. Thanks to Foley I've had a lot of time to just sit back and observe people in EEW, and one of the people that caught my eye was Snypa Rifle. You know, Bloody Reich really gave Foley hell during my absence. and of course so did my younger brother. See, before the house of hell match, Foley had a little vandalism problem, and kept getting messages about my impending return. He wanted whoever did it fired, and he assumed it was somebody on production. In reality, Brandon knows his way around electrical crap too, so he compiled the video and played it just to torment Foley. and meanwhile, Snypa was busy kicking Foley's a**. So when the time came to select my backup, i knew exactly who to call. So it was Snypa who came out to even the odds, and apparently he wanted some payback on Animok. Worked out pretty well for me. One tombstone later, and I was employed again. Now, it's time to take out the trash.
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Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:21 pm
March Burn
Well, after winning my job back, it didn't seem like I'd have much to do on Burn. Foley is a spiteful fat b*****d, and he just had to show it off with his final act as co-chairman. See, it's like this. At House Party, I beat him so bad he's now in the hospital. As a matter of fact, he won't enter an EEW building as long as I'm here. Works fine for me. But because he's an a**, he's made me and my little brother sign contracts in which we'll compete in a bunch of handicap matches. If we didn't sign, we wouldn't have an EEW contract. Fortunately, Paul Heyman realizes who the hell is really helping his ratings. The fans want to see us, and apparently they want to see me get back what I never actually lost, the EEW World title. So, Heyman, in perhaps his smartest move since founding this company, books my first handicap match against the reigning EEW champion and the guy Foley chose to pull the trigger on firing me the last time, Shadow, and Foley's personal attack dog, Animok. The stipulation on the match is that if I win, I get Shadow one on one at One Night Stand with the EEW title on the line.
Now, most people would have been incensed at having such unfair odds to overcome. But thanks to something Shadow said, I'm not all that pissed. Shadow said that our last match was just business to him. That's a good point. So, let's talk business. That bit of bad business got him into the EEW title picture. As such, his stock value has skyrocketed. And because of the nature of the business, mine stayed as strong as ever. Which is why even though Foley wants me in all these handicap matches and has it legally binding that I must participate in them, Heyman had to throw another little unadvertised bit in there. Without boring you with details, it adds up to a lot of zeroes, which means they pay me a lot of money just to grace EEW with my presence. Now, if a win over arguably the best EEW World champion increased his stock value, what do you think a win over the current EEW World champion and his little pet of a tag team partner does for my stock value. After this match, me and Heyman will be renegotiating that contract. It's gonna mean a lot more zeroes, a lot more money, and a lot more a** kicking. And come One Night Stand, I'll be walking out with the EEW World title back around my waist and on into a long and profitable relationship with EEW.
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 1:07 pm
April Burn
So, we come to the end of yet another Burn, and as always, s**t doesn't get any easier around here. Before I start on what went down with me, allow me to address another little situation that I may have to handle later. Tonight, my little brother Brandon was in a triple threat match to try to once again gain a shot at the Estremo title and secure his first bit of singles gold in EEW. And out of nowhere my twin brother, wearing a bit of my merchandise, i might add, comes in and takes him out, busting him open and sending him out on a stretcher. Now I know at One Night Stand, Brandon will get a chance to earn his revenge on his own, and that's freakin' spectacular. But allow me to say this to my twin brother: If you screw with me or Brandon again, you will answer to me. And deep down inside, you know you can't beat me, so you attacked Brandon instead. You'd better hope Brandon gets the job done, or what I did to you in those two hell in a cell matches here in EEW will be nothing compared to what I'll do to you this time.
Now, on to the main event. You know, I'm pretty damn good, but even I can succumb to the numbers game. And for a while, it looked like i would. However, an ever faithful fan and fellow competitor apparently had some beef with Animok and Shadow too, so my job got made a whole lot easier. For those who don't know, I'm talking about the one and only Snypa Rifle. He came out and set Shadow on fire, which by the way is doing me one hell of a favor even though I certainly didn't ask for it. In turn, this took that freak Animok out of the picture, as he had to accompany his master out of the arena. So at One Night Stand I get my match for the title.
Knowing this idiot Animok, I'm absolutely positive that this might as well be a handicap match too. But I have a little warning for Animok. I was EEW's first pyromaniac. I was setting people on fire when Snypa was still training in someone's school to become a wrestler. Dragons burn, and if you step foot in that ring at One Night Stand to in any way prevent me from getting my championship back, what Snypa did to Shadow will look like child's play compared to what I'll do to you. Not only will I set your a** on fire, not a single EMT will get to you until I'm satisfied that the entire arena can smell your charred flesh, all the way up to the cheap seats, until you are nothing more than a random pile of body parts. I suggest you let the 'Master' do this on his own, or so help me I'll take you both out, even if it means the title will get vacated. And unlike you, Animok, I don't make threats, I make promises. See you and Shadow at One Night Stand
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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:23 am
One Night Stand
The biggest show of the year, and of course, the main event had to be another screwjob. Just what kind of operation is Heyman running here? Animok was actually allowed to referee my match with Shadow. Really? Is that how things work around here? Because of course Animok didn't call it down the middle. Although i have to say i'm surprised the idiot can count to 3, it seems he can only do it for that sumbitch he calls master, Shadow.
Do I sound a little bitter? Maybe a little pissed off? Well, that's because I am. I beat Shadow from pillar to post, from one side of the ring to the other, from the inside to the outside and back in again. And how does he retain his gold? By rolling me up, grabbing a handful of jeans, and having his lackey make a fast count. The sad part is, these dumb sons of bitches actually think that I'm through with them. They actually think that I'm not going to keep coming after them. Make no mistake, there's nothing like the wrath of the Dragon. This is EEW, the land of extreme. And damn it, I'm going to show you extreme. You're looking at a man that is 39-0 in hell in a cell, and I'm excessively pissed off. Animok and Shadow haven't seen the last of me. I won't rest until my championship is off Shadow's waist and both he and Animok are lying in a pool of blood at my feet.
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:29 am
Burn
Well, here we are heading into another PPV. Things have certainly gotten interesting. I'm finally done with the scheduled handicap matches that that fat b*****d Mick Foley put me in. Now it's on to deal with a couple of stupid sons of bitches. First on my list is, of course, Animok. We all know how things turned out at ONS, and by now I'm sure you've figured out that management wouldn't allow me to go hunt Animok down and beat the holy high hell out of him as I fully intended. They spouted some s**t about not causing serious bodily harm to one of their main players. So of course I caused some bodily harm to the dumb sumbitch that told me that, just because no one told me not to. I hear Heyman and the GM are in a real b***h fit over it too. Eh, s**t happens.
Anyway, I couldn't go demolish Animok like i wanted to, so I have to wait for Barely Legal. Barely legal is where Animok has to prove that he has some kind of fortitude in those little bitty things he calls balls and step into the ring with me one on one. Too bad for him, that everything i do isn't going to be legal at all. I think they call it assualt with a deadly weapon when you purposely bash someone in the head with the nearest blunt object. The best part is, i get to do it within the confines of a sanctioned match. Guess working in this hell hole with all the crap you get from management is good for something after all, huh?
And of course, I have to turn my attention to my brothers, Zarel and Brandon. I saw that steel cage match, and boy was I impressed with that moonsault. But now I hear they're going into Zarel's specialty, last man standing. Good luck with that. But Zarel be warned, you're on my list too.
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Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:54 am
December to Dismember
So, here we are at another PPV. This one was a little different for me. After my retirement from active wrestling, everyone thought they'd seen the last of me. In reality, I'm just getting started. To my surprise, I was inducted into the EEW Hall of Fame here tonight. That was a big honor to me and given my general hatred towards everyone and everything in management, I was rather shocked to receive the honor. But as a Hall of Famer, I felt I still have something to contribute, which led to my showing up at December to Dismember.
As you know by now, my family is quite disfunctional, to say the least. We pretty much wind up fighting each other all the time. But I thought about it. I have an identical twin brother, Zarel, who hasn't really done much here in EEW. Considering we're twins, with the same athletic ability and mostly the same moveset with a few variations, shouldn't he be right on par with me. I'm a 13 time world champion. He's a 3 time champion. Something's not right with that picture.
Finally, it hit me. He doesn't possess that killer instinct that turned me into one of the most feared competitors here in EEW. I started a path of destruction years ago, and when EEW first opened i ran through the top competitors here, including Cartwright, the Sandman, Tank, and Jayden. Since he's been here, he's been here getting his a** kicked, mostly by me. And Brandon did a number on hm too. So now I'm uniting the family. We're going to show that the Damone family can get on the same page. And damn it, Zarel is going to start winning or pay some serious consequences. It's time for what some people call tough love. And the whole family is going to be in on it.
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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:20 pm
Dear Jarel,
I'd hate to think what your type of tough love is! My question is, do you think Zarel is truly capable of learning this killer instinct you talk about? If he hasn't gained it since now how can you make him see it?
From
Dean McIntrye
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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 5:12 pm
Dear Dean,
Yes, I'm confident that Zarel will learn the killer instinct. Frankly, he already has it. He just needs a little guidance in uncovering it. You ask how I can make him see it? Just watch and learn little man. You see, Zarel and I are twins. We have the exact same DNA. We went through the same training, grew up together fighting. Yet during his wrestling career, he just hasn't sparked, hasn't done much on his own. For the times that he teamed with me, he did fine. He shared my fan base. But on his own, he was lackluster at best. When he fought against me, he did pretty well. But all those losses didn't help much. I'm going to help him see that he's a killer. Once he sees that, my work with him will be done. Over the next months you will see my plan unfold and ultimately Zarel will either become the most destructive force in EEW or he'll disappear forever.
signed,
The Dragon, Jarel Damone
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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:08 pm
Drown
Our first Drown. Ah, how....irritating. These pricks that run this federation now took me from my show and moved me to Drown. They didn't even get a notice. We showed up at Burn and they're like, "Oh, you're on Drown now." Bastards. Anyway, new show, new start. Worked out pretty well. The Unholy Alliance was dominant. Janelle defeated Mystique, who was the number 1 contender for the women's championship, and Brandon and Zarel did as instructed, dominating the Marines, er, Lancers, whatever the hell. Now we turn to EEW House Party.
It's time to establish our dominance. And what better way to do that than for Brandon and Zarel to kick the crap out of a team that has a totally obvious power advantage? I don't give a damn how big the Preditorz are, or how bad they think they are. I want them beaten and I get what I want, ya feel me? Janelle gets to observe the Women's championship match with me, as she waits for her shot at Damita. I like Damita, personally. She's a bit weird but hell we all have our quirks. She agreed that since Janelle beat Mystique, she would give Janelle a one on one title shot after House Party, so long as she's champion. Either way, it's a good start. First matches back, and wins all across the board. Pretty soon, I'm going to get Zarel and Brandon in line for tag gold. Then again, I might make them go for singles gold. I got a score to settle with someone, and since I'm a retired EEW Hall of Famer, I guess Zarel will just have to do it for me. Hmn, yeah, I like that idea. But first things first, we gotta get in contention for some gold around here. Janelle's in contention for the women's title, now my brothers just have to get on track. Oh, and I'm thinking we're gonna have a little change in music. Janelle thinks it's a little depressing and goes against what made us famous. So by the next Drown, we'll have new music. Don't ask me what, though, because frankly we're all arguing over it. But it'll be fitting. See ya at House Party.
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:34 pm
Dear Jarel,
It sure looks like everything is going swimmingly for The Damones right now! My question is, what score do you have to settle and with who?
From
Harriette Harmon
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:06 pm
Dear Harriette,
Come now. Who is the one person in EEW that I owe the a** kicking of a life time? Who is the man that effectively added to my already steadily growing popularity and fame? The man that showed he could never beat me fair and square. Hell, the man that showed he couldn't even beat me with back up. The man that disgraced the EEW World championship the moment he stole it. I'm sure you can figure it out. When next wee meet, that man will know the meaning of pain, and he'll pray for a death that will elude him. Pain is my specialty, as well he knows. But now he'll have to learn it first hand. But first thing's first. Gotta get Zarel and Brandon where I want them.
Signed,
The Dragon, Jarel Damone
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 2:32 pm
House Party & Drown
Ah where to start. First off, House Party went well. The Unholy Alliance is on a roll. As a team, they're undefeated. Brandon and Zarel have taken things in hand quite nicely. All seems to be right with the world. Ah, but wait a minute, I forgot EEW is run by ******** we come to Drown, and Janelle is looking to gain some momentum heading into ONS. As such, she beats Damita's girlfriend, Nikole. She's number 1 contender and she's on a roll. Brandon and Zarel earned themselves a win over Adam Mastrocola and Chris Chaos, or somebody like that. Point is, they won. Then, management had to be assholes. They wanted to redo matches from last year's one night stand, so Brandon and Zarel went one on one. The match was great, and that isn't nearly as idiotic as the three fall challenge the women had to go through, in which my sister lost her contender's spot to a Damita rip off. Then, to add more pissitivity to this shithole ******** of a federation's current standings with one of their hall of famers, 2.0 just had to attack Brandon with a sledgehammer, potentially taking him out of the biggest show of the year. And now, the legend steps out of retirement.
One Night Stand is a fitting name, because for one night only, I'm stepping back into the ring. 2.0 likes sledgehammers. To him I say bring your A game. I'm 6'10" tall, 328 pounds of a pissed off Dragon and I'm looking for a new victim. Management has ******** over the whole family, leaving them off the biggest PPV of the year. But I'm not going to stand for this. 2.0 wants to play with fire. He's damn sure going to get burned. And as for everyone else, if you think the Unholy Alliance is just going to stand by and watch the biggest show of the year from the lockerroom, you've got another thing coming. One Night Stand is going to be one hell of a show, I can promise you.
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:53 pm
Dear Jarel,
I'm so excited for One Night Stand 2009, not just because it'll be the best EEW show ever but because of your return!
You haven't been in a EEW ring for a long time, are you going to suffer from ring rust? And if this match gives you the urge, would you take part in more EEW matches?
From
Simone Hall
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:21 am
Dear Simone,
I couldn't possibly suffer from ring rust. I may not have been in an EEW ring in a long time, but I still train frequently. Remember, I trained my younger brother and sister. And to get Janelle ready for her title match, I've been training with her as frequently as possible. Don't be surprised to see my sister break out some of my MMA style holds.
Now as far as participating in other EEW matches, fans like you often give me the urge to step back in the ring. From time to time, especially if I feel the Alliance needs a demonstration, i'm more than up for stepping back into the ring. Also, I have fun crippling people like 2.0. There's nothing like being in front of a packed EEW arena, with the fans lighting their lighters and chanting my name. There's a feeling of electricity, a special brand that only EEW fans have. That's why I'm still here. Now, one night stand is supposedly a one time only thing, but as I always say, s**t happens.
signed,
The Dragon, Jarel Damone
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