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Okay, um... I don't usually write much poetry, but I find this one a little special and I was wondering you could rate it for me. Basically, it's about the last minute of a convicted criminal before being sentenced to death. ^_^

Criminal's Dirge

Skies are closed, and I see not
The ceiling, which I sense is there
To bare down on my miserable lot
The choking, twisting, wrenching snare!
Oh, how I loathe the inky void
Murmuring, taunting from afar
Telling us truths, that we are toyed
By forces that we know not are!
That we should never see the stars
Or feel the gentle breeze of spring
To be replaced by iron bars
And the emptiness bondage brings
That our hopes will fade, one by one
As hurt, longing and torture reign
The rising and setting of the sun
Draws us closer to final pain
Death! Aye, Death, it comes too fast
To worthless transients like me
Poetic justice that I should pass
To a Hell that Devils oversee,

But I hope with all my heart
Despite the evils I have sown
That Grace will give me one last chance
To see the sky that I have known
My shackled arms, now bursting free
Of it's flimsy Earth's restraint
My heartbeat slows, and I flee
To the wind where breathy colours paint
The sky darkens and the moon
For many a year has eluded my eye
Sheds a tear and softly croons
My dirge, for it is time I die
Breathing stops, and I hear
The creaking of the ceiling wall
Time to say good-byes, I fear
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye all.

-fin-

It's not really a poem about all the angst of a youth stuck being alive, so I think this comment was unwarranted. She tried to write an original poem about being on death row.

However, from a real world standpoint, I just can't appreciate this poem, especially with the knowledge of the lengthy appeals practices and the fact that once you get on death row, you tend to stay there, for a long time. Many criminals on death row live out almost full lives due to the fact that their lawyers abuse loopholes in the systems. I guess what I'm trying to say is that although your rhyming, structure, et cetera wasn't bad, the concepts your trying to present seem to belie your knowledge of the topic. If you want to say, "But it's got feeling and emotion to it." I'm going to tell you that despite the feeling and emotion, it still has a glaring inconsistency with the real world that prevents me from feeling sympathy for a criminal who is put on death row.

Yeah, I got that, you just need to re-work it a bit if this is your intent, because you have references to beging in prison as well as dying; once you're about to be executed I'd imagine you stop thinking about the jail cell you left except possibly iwth nostalgia. I am a sucker for structure though and this poem is very good structurally! biggrin