|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 8:39 am
I think I've mentioned this once or twice in another thread in here. But yes, its true. The hubby and I have been married over a year and haven't had actual intercourse yet. And I'm told by the therapist and other people that I should talk about it, because it'll make me feel better. Not sure if that is true but hey I thought I'd give it a shot. And who better to talk to then the married guild? Because you guys can't see me!
So whats the deal? I have this thing called vaginimus. This is an involuntary relax of the Pubococcygeus muscle which makes penetration either extremely painful/difficult or impossible. In my case impossible. There can be several causes. Mine is due to the fact that I'm completely terrified of sex hurting. Its not one of those things that 'just goes away'. Its like if you tell an alcoholic to just stop drinking, it usually won't work.
Its not just though. I can't even manage to use tampons without freaking out and crying. Its bad. And he supports it. But I feel really bad. I know its not my fault, but I feel like I'm letting him down you know? Or that I'm making him think that he hurts me. He doesn't. Its not him. I'm not afraid of him or him hurting me. Its just the idea of sex. I have no idea why it freaks me out so bad. And its just the initial penetration. After that it would be fine.
But I can't even manage that because I'm so freaked out about pain.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:41 pm
Wow that is a tough problem. I don't mean to pry but I think the question is relevant.
Are you also pre-orgasmic???
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 6:52 pm
I too am afraid of pain. I'm glad that he supports you. I mean you guys are married! So he must. sweatdrop Anyways, would trying slowly little by little help? I would start with the tampons. (I don't like them either, plus the whole toxic shock thing freaks me out) Slowly see if you can get it to go in. Don't force, that wouldn't help. Put it in only slightly and breath calmly, if you can, to get the feel for it. and stop. try again the next day or something. And keep doing that until you start to feel more relaxed about it. And then, maybe, your hubby could help you with it later.
I'm only guessing. I would think that would help.
But! We support you! blaugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:21 pm
aww thank you.
Actually I've heard that if I know what kind of pain people have its better? Dunno how thats going to help me but erm...
So yes! How was your first time? Was it "OMG it burns bad cut" pain or "bruise owwww" pain.
And that1gal I dont know what you mean? I mean I am before we start obvious, but I can reach it...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:29 pm
I meant that some women can't orgasm and usually i have read they are termed pre-orgasmic.
My first time was not it stings like a cut or bruise throb pain it was more like getting a carpet burn. I think i accidentally ripped my hymen when I was eight though I fell when I was balance walking on this stupid line from a big rope spider web at the zoo...... That pain if I am actually remembering and not imagining was along the lines of a cut and then minor bruise pain later... So a bit of a shock ouch and then oh that still hurts a bit.
I don't think I would start with the tampons..... I hate them mostly because they are so hard and unforgiving. Fingers aren't as hard and are easier to control. Wah I can't believe I am asking.... ever tried sticking a finger in??
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:37 pm
I usually just freak out and stop.
LOL but I loved how to put that.
Makes me feel better actually getting it out though. You know? I think its supposed to help. ^_^. So thank you. I mean, I know it'll get better. It just bums me out sometimes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:56 pm
Know what you mean about being bummed out. I have a somewhat difficult time reaching orgasm... depending on the situation... THe husband tries to be patient but sometimes it just takes so long I get sick of trying. Those are the worst times. He feels like he failed and I feel like I am broken or something... Ugh sad
With the finger thing don't just go right in... You might try touching the area and then slowly working in in stages.. I seriously think that if you can do that then the next step is to see if the husband might try it..... That is what I would try....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:25 pm
that1gal Know what you mean about being bummed out. I have a somewhat difficult time reaching orgasm... depending on the situation... THe husband tries to be patient but sometimes it just takes so long I get sick of trying. Those are the worst times. He feels like he failed and I feel like I am broken or something... Ugh sad With the finger thing don't just go right in... You might try touching the area and then slowly working in in stages.. I seriously think that if you can do that then the next step is to see if the husband might try it..... That is what I would try.... i was too nervous to say it. thats why i said tampons. redface my first time? i don't remember it hurting. at all. so maybe its possible that i had broken mine when i was younger, but i don't know. if you use a non lubed condom i think it would maybe burn if you weren't..um..wet. sweatdrop that's why i wont even use those.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:31 pm
Ugh I HATE condoms. Plus my husband has a latex allergy so we are limited in the ones we can use.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:05 am
Hate condoms too. Mostly because I'm cheap and they're pretty expensive, haha.
So I finally decided to read about my issue. Apparently me and the hubby have being doing it all wrong. As I said before its an involuntary spasm of the muscles down there. So attempting to shove things in is a big no-no. This actually makes it worse.
Apparently the way it works is your supposed to do keigel exercises. First with nothing inside, then with fingers. It can take a few months but its normally affective. Only thing is you have to avoid attempting intercourse.
The other day I started crying about it. Which I haven't in a long time. Dang periods. But he supports me, obviously. We have a good sex life. I guess the main thing that bothers me is that I want kids one day, and this just makes it seem impossible. I mean, when I was younger I didn't want to be a doctor or lawyer or whatever. I just wanted to be a mom.
I'm hoping I get better. sad
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:42 am
When I first read your post I read up on the issue a bit also and I think you can so get over this. As far as expensive condoms go we can only use the most expensive ones (lambskin ) because of his allergy..Hence I am on the pill.
Good luck on working through this issue.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:17 pm
Good luck, Ame, I really hope you get through this together.
But your hubby seems like a really wonderful, understanding guy- perfect for working through this kind of problem with!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:17 pm
^_^ thank you, he is. Most of the time it doesnt overly bother me. I mean we have a good sex life. But then there are times where I feel..ugh. Yah know?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:41 pm
that1gal Know what you mean about being bummed out. I have a somewhat difficult time reaching orgasm... depending on the situation... THe husband tries to be patient but sometimes it just takes so long I get sick of trying. Those are the worst times. He feels like he failed and I feel like I am broken or something... Ugh sad With the finger thing don't just go right in... You might try touching the area and then slowly working in in stages.. I seriously think that if you can do that then the next step is to see if the husband might try it..... That is what I would try.... I think that is the best advice I've seen. Just try to de sensitize. I know it is physical and mental so maybe let him put his finger on the outside till you get used to it (over the course of weeks if need be). Then maybe gently one knuckle. I don't know about your husband but mine wears a size 13 ring xd so... it's interesting. Main thing just go with what your comfortable with. My first time wasn't painfull it was just tight, but I relaxed and it was ok. Mat thinks he's been cheated by a tampon (do those break hymens?). I don't even know if I had one to begin with. Some women don't. do you uh.. naturaly lubricate? You should talk to your gynecologist about what lubricants might aggrivate the pain of a broken hymen if they do in the first place I'm rambling again...mostly: Trust your husband. You love each other. Comunicate. I know I have a hard time discussing certain personal and sex maters with him even when it's just the two of us in the car. Comunication is a big part of trust. and visa versa. Tell him what your ok with, and when to stop. If you try to go to far to fast in an atempt to make him happy it won't be good for you and then both of you will be frustrated. It might sound selfish but in the longrun you both will be hapy with the ride.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 4:21 pm
Ame has made some progress!
Not sex, not yet. Cuz if it was that I'd be leaping for joy.
But I'm taking baby steps, and so far they are working. ^_^. I was really excited even if it was something so completely small.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
