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Julian Swargz - Student (Primary)

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lunaticangels

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:25 pm


Your Gaia Name: lunaticangels

Character's name: Julian Swargz

Status: Student

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Julian looks like your typical wild boy. He has uncombed brownish-reddish that fall down to his eyelashes. In his hair are a cluster of twigs, leaves, branches, and just about anything you could find on the forest floor. Even though he's 19 his gray eyes depict the image of innocence, but his mind is totally opposite of that. He has many scars and bruises on his extremely long legs from climbing trees. Julian usually walks around just wearing a pair of pants and no shirt. Physically he has toned arms and legs, but lacks muscle in the abdominal region.

Height: 6'3

Strengths: He has no fear of heights. After spending most of his life in the wilderness, Julian has grown accustomed to communicating with animals and has some sort of special bonds with them. (I'm not saying he can talk to them just saying that most animals are drawn to him). Julian is fearless and sometimes reckless. He's willing to try anything even if it would kill him.

Weaknesses: When surrounded by lots of people or enclosed spaces, Julian feels trapped and starts to hyperventilate. This is because he's used to being in the forest all by himself

Weapon: Machete. He acquired only to cut down branches in his way, but brought it with him because he needed a weapon.

Personality: Having been abandoned by his father and grown up with his mother, Julian has a slight feminine side to him. He can relate to most girls pretty well, and feels awkward when he tries to strike up a conversation. But don't let his feminine side fool you. He uses his special connection with girls to get with them. At times Julian can be playful and a little perverted.

Bio: Julian's father was an adventurer who found Julian's mother one of his travels. He promised her riches and titillating adventure and so she married him. Except that his father was a crap adventurer and brought Julian's mother to live on a deserted island. One night while his father sleeping on the beach he saw a small wooden boat washed up on land. Not bothering to wake his PREGNANT wife, he took the boat and rowed off. 19 years later Julian was kidnapped, by pirates, from his island and his mother. Julian managed to escape by going over board on the coast of Kardenia. Having never seen a map, Julian had no sense of direction of where he was, and therefor could not find his mother. But before he jumped off Julian managed to take a supple amount of the pirates treasure with him. After he traveled for days, Julian came across HoB and was originally going to stop and ask for directions, but thought it was wise to learn how to defend himself before he started his long journey home. To pay for his tuition Julian used the pirate gold he stole from the ship.

Extra: When he's bored or feels awkward he whistles...loudly. Also Julian can swing from tree to tree. Sitting or sleeping branches it all just comes naturally to him.
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:55 pm


Everything looks fairly decent. You have afew grammar mistakes, but that can be overlooked at the moment.

However, one thing I noticed is that it does not explain how Julian's mother was able to afford to send him to the school. The tuition for HoB is steep and since it's stated he spent alot of time in the wilderness and that his mother was even left on a deserted island, it stands to reason funds would not be available. If there is a reason, please be sure to explain where the funds came from.

Just fix that and it should be fine.

Silvermaiden


AkaMaaku

200 Points
  • Member 100
  • Gaian 50
PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:38 pm


I'm sorry to say but we can't admit this profile due to:

1) The bio does not make any sense. First and foremost how can a woman be pregnant for 19 years. Second if pirates kidnapped him and he still manage to escape... why didn't he look or find a way back to his mother. Third, why would he go to a weapons school with whatever piece of booty he stole from the pirates?

Please edit this once more. This is your final chance.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:47 pm


I didn't mean she was pregnant for 19 years. I meant 19 years later AFTER he was born

lunaticangels


Rain of Pain

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 8:05 pm


Accepted.

For future notice if you make another character, don't ever push us on accepting your profile again. We all have lives and all of the GMs have to read and agree that the profiles are ok before we accept them. Harassing a GM can get you banned from the guild. This is your first warning.

Thank you and have fun in the RP;
Rain of Pain
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:19 pm


How did Julian know it was a school of weaponry right off the bat? That's assumed in your bio, but I'm not sure how accurate it is (school immediately recognizable as a house of weaponry?). Beyond that, his personality is only fleshed out in terms of flirting - how does he act towards other people in general?

Minor things here and there. You should also explain his relationship with his mother (you talk about it in the RP, but it's something important that should have been introduced in the history).

Needs a bit of work.

Lord Andarel

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