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This is just a teaser really, I'ma try and get these scanned on my lunch break (using my crappy phone camera at the mo) so I can start inking this afternoon. It's silly but once I have posted something rough I get all annoyed that people are seeing the naked pencils and it motivates me to get on making it better... smile

I have opted to do the background (which is an alley way) on a separate page and use photoshop to manipulate it into place so I only have to draw it at each angle once.

Page 1 last panel background will be the alley way which is fairly dark with glowing white eyes peeking out from the shadows

Page 2 background is the same alley but with the critters ambushing.

Page 3 you get a side view of the alley but nothing very important





I'm mostly interested in the fighting and if it makes sense from one action to the other. Me and my boyfriend were leaping around our flat planning out each motion but I'd like a fresh eye to let me know if you can see if you can follow the action.

I think the pacing looks good, though that one jump-shot in the middle of the air panel looks real awkward.

You should add more pace between the panels, otherwise it will look too crowded.

The whole close up panel needs scrapping. I don't can't decide what style to do close ups in... with a comic style which looks naff that close or a completely different style that would stand out... any suggestions welcome smile

I don't know what weewaaboo is? even when its the right word?

In the nicest possible way (<3) Just because you are not familiar with the style doesn't make it wrong, the 4th panel is called a Rasteira which is a capoeira takedown.

I'm sure you know your style of martial arts, however I am also a martial artist and since my boyfriend who is 33 and trained taekwondo for 18 years before starting capoeira 6 years ago and I who have trained capoeira for 5 years post training acrobatics have together performed these I am not even slightly worried that the fight is implausible even if it does have a few artistic embellishments (i.e. who can land a back flip in a tidy Cocorinha?? I wish!) smile

It's the pace and flow that I was asking for help with, not the capoeira wink

I think you need to find someway either through some sort of evidence of motion or more unity between the pieces
Because right now it looks like sporadic pieces taken from a full animation which bothers me

Capoeira is nuts.

It was originally developed as a way for slaves to train secretly without alerting their captors. It is not a literally effective martial art because its primary purpose is to look like you are dancing.

It's a fine way to train and get strong, but the motions used when training capoeira are not meant to be used in an actual fight. That only happens in action movies and comics.

Oh and fighting games.


That being said - I think you did a great job capturing motion, which is often hard in comic progression. I do agree that a few more intermediate frames might help the fight, but I think that spending more than a couple pages on a fight might adversely affect the comic as a whole.

I'm not particularly excited about the idea of yet-another-comic-about-fight-scenes, but assuming that this is intended to have some meat to it I'd like to see the rest.




Also: Weeaboo refers to jap-posers. People who go out of their way to act Japanese, surround themselves with japanese media, people who seem to enjoy anime regardless of quality.

In a broader sense it can refer to any perception of emulating the Japanese and sometimes it's applied to anyone who likes anything Japanese at all.

I suspect that King is pointing out that little-asian-girl-kicking-a**-with-crazy-martial-arts-skill is kind of weeaboo; it's sort of a manga cliche.

For clarification's sake, I did not know weeaboo meant anything at all. I wanted to say they looked awesome. Hot? maybe? Y'know, cool. Or something.

The two most strikingly non-fighting-compatible moves are the huge jump thing in the second image with a whole lot of blank space around, and the tripping one I mentioned before. Of course I am handling the situation not given a certain martial art or anything, but rather a character in a fight-scene.

The jump looks balanced in itself of course, but that's a bone-breaker. No, I mean the character's own bones. I pity her spine. As for the take down, she's totally preoccupied with the sunshine than with the minizilla she's taking down, don't you think?

You know, in martial arts, forms and stuff ("kata" for instance, in karate) are almost completely different from real-life situations, where consistency is more important, and that requires more focus on your opponents than on looking cool.