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 Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:55 pm
So my friend wrote this and I wanted to share it with you guys. It's a McFly fanfiction, but I understood it and I don't even like the band. She'd like some critique and comments. I thought it was beautiful, honestly. Note that it's a songfic, and some of the words should be in italics. You can probably pick that out, though. I don't feel like fixing it right now. Original PostEmergency
I had Danny over today while you weren’t home, but I shouldn’t have. You don’t like anyone to be around me when you’re not there. You say I can't be trusted with them and that I might be unfaithful to you. But how can you even think that of me when all I do is tell you that I love you? I must not say it enough since you don’t believe me.
Now you’ve come home and you could tell that someone had been here with me today because I looked a little happier than normal and I didn’t have the usual tearstains on my face. I must have cleaned myself up and had someone over, you said, because why else would I have a reason to look so guilty? Did I really look that guilty? I had tried my hardest all day after Danny left to not feel guilty about having him over to talk, but I guess I didn’t do a good enough job if you could still see it in my face.
I just get so alone when you’re at work all day, there’s only so much housework I can take. I haven’t the heart to practice my guitar since the band broke up, so that couldn’t distract me from my boredom. I haven’t written a song in years. Normally it doesn’t bother me, because I have you looking out for me and that’s all I need. But I was just feeling really down and I needed someone to talk to, so I called Danny and asked him over to just hang out and talk. In hindsight I can tell that it was a big mistake and that I should’ve never gone behind your back. You’re very angry with me for breaking the rules and you’re going to punish me for it, but I know I deserve it. I was selfish and forthright in presuming that Danny would want to spend time with me. I made him feel like he had to come over because I wanted to see him. Now I have to accept my punishment.
I think we have an emergency, I think we have an emergency
You are standing tall above me. I try not to cower away from the pure venom in your glare. I fail miserably.
"Get up, you worthless piece of s**t," you demand and I scramble to obey quickly, not wanting to give you another reason to become angry with me. But I am too slow and it is too late and your anger builds up again. You reach out towards me and this time you kick me.
"I said, GET UP!" You haul me up off the ground by my shirt and my feet are almost off the ground.
"What are you supposed to say to me?" you inquire, and we both know it’s not a true question, because we both know the answer you want to hear.
If you thought I’d leave then you were wrong cause I won’t stop holding on
"I love you Harry and I'm not worth the love you give me" I say dutifully, mustering as much meaning as I can behind my voice. It just makes you angrier when I sound weak. I secretly think that it’s because you’re afraid when I sound weak; afraid that you’ll realize what you’re doing to me and that you make me sound that way… But I can't expect you to realize what your actions do to me, the pain and hurt that I feel because of you.
"That’s right, and don’t forget it. You would be nothing without me, Tom" with those last cruel words still cutting into me, you leave the apartment, going God knows where to do God knows what.
So are you listening? So are you watching me?
If you thought I’d leave then you were wrong cause I won’t stop holding on
You’re leaving me on my own again. Leaving me alone to clean up, make myself look presentable, make dinner for you and wait up all night for you to come home. When you finally stumble through the door to this accursed place, no doubt pissed out of your mind, I’ll take care of you and try to put you to bed without much fuss. But sometimes you come home angrier than when you went out and you hurt me. Other times you come home and you’re so loving and caring, it’s like you’re a different person. Back to the Harry I fell in love with – the one who loved me back. For a little while I can forget the present and relive all the wonderful times we had together in the past. Then you either pass out or fall asleep and I’m back in the present, having to go clean up your uneaten dinner that sits forgotten on the table, growing colder with each passing minute.
This is an emergency, so are you listening?
And I can’t pretend that I don’t see this
It’s really not your fault that no one cares to talk about it
Talk about it
You stagger in through the door later that night, bringing the stench of smoky pub and alcohol with you. You call out for me and your words are slurred so much that at first I don’t understand you. But then the message becomes clear once I follow the sound of your incoherent mutterings out of the kitchen, where I’ve been waiting for you, and down the hall to just inside the door way. You are struggling out of your coat, concentrating on how to get your arms out of the sleeves, but the task is abandoned when you look up and see me standing there.
"Tooommy, I loovee youu. Let me loovee youu, pleeease?" Tonight is one of your caring nights, I think. It could all change in an instant though, but I foolhardily believe that you really love me and that you won’t hurt me. I stupidly believe that it’s not really your fault when you hurt me. If only I were a better boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to punish me for doing things wrong. You wouldn’t have to make me better by constantly showing me what I was doing incorrectly. You wouldn’t have to make me remember how to do things correctly by hurting me, disciplining me… I have to work on it, so it’s really not your fault. I believe you tonight; because of the convictions I have about our relationship. The convictions that someone needs me enough to not want to hurt me all the time, and that that someone is you.
Cause I’ve seen love die, way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (when it deserved to be alive)
And I’ve seen you cry, way too many times
When you deserve to be alive
Alive
It’s the morning after, and I don’t want to remember last night. It makes me feel impure and sickened with myself, that I let such a thing happen. I let you violate me. I let you keep going after I said no, that I didn’t want to do this, and that you were hurting me. I asked you to stop, and told you that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was only supposed to happen when you were in a good mood with me, not when you were angry, because then it wouldn’t mean anything. I could only justify you using my body when you weren’t upset with me, because you were that little bit gentler in your actions when you weren’t using me out of spite. After you finished with me last night I sat up until the early morning, thinking about what I had done so wrong to make you do such a vile thing to me. I haven’t moved from this kitchen chair in over 3 hours. You’re still in bed right now, sleeping off the aftereffects of your night of drinking and pillaging. No doubt you’ll wake up with a killer hangover and you’ll want me to take care of you, yet again. But I’m begin to question if I really want to take care of you… and I'm startled to find that the answer may be a resounding no.
So you give up every chance you get, just to feel new again?
I think we have an emergency, I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love but you don’t know what love is
I thought I was so in love with you. I thought that everything was my fault, that I couldn’t do anything right. You did nothing to discourage those thoughts in my mind so I went on believing them and believing that you were always right. But last night something changed in me. When you acted against my wishes last night, when you continued to pound into my already sore and bruised body despite my cries of pain and protest, I began to see you for what you really are. A horribly cruel person who thinks nothing of the one who is supposed to mean so much to them. I began to see that I didn’t deserve to be desecrated by you, not when all I do is care for you and ask you to be kind to me. Nothing I’ve ever done could merit the treatment I received last night.
So are you listening? So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don’t see this
It’s really not your fault that no one cares to talk about it
Talk about it
I left today, while you were at work. I finally got out of the apartment for the first time in months without you there to control my every move, and it felt wonderful. I was deathly afraid of you maybe spotting me while I was out, but I didn’t let that feeling hold sway on me for long. I let myself finally embrace freedom and it felt amazing. I decided I would go see Danny again today.
It was late in the afternoon and I was still at Danny’s house. I looked at the time and realized that you would be home from work by now. A cold fear gripped me as I got up quickly from the couch where I’d been sitting. I tried to act like nothing was wrong and that I wasn’t absolutely terrified. As I was putting on my coat and making excuses to Danny for my sudden departure, a monstrous banging filled the hall where we were standing. Looking around, I realized the source of the banging was coming from the door. Instantly, I knew you were on the other side. Danny, who had been startled out of arguing with me by the loud banging, went over to the door to answer it. He only had to turn the handle and you burst into the small area, full of furious energy. You looked disoriented for a second, surprised that you had actually gotten inside. Seconds later, your eyes found me and lit with such a rage that I was sure Danny now knew something was amiss in our relationship. My instincts and my fear were screaming at me, telling me to run, so I backed into the nearest room, trying to distance myself from you. From my place in the living room I could see you try to lunge past Danny, I could see you try to seem calm but your rage was spilling out. You attempted to shove your way past Danny and pursue me but Danny grabbed you by the arms and held you back.
"Harry, what ever is going on between you and Tom doesn’t involve me, but you’re really in no state to talk to him right now. I’m sure Tom will be home when he feels up to it and in the meantime, you really need to leave my home. I don’t want to have to call the cops, but I will Harry if you don’t leave in the next 30 seconds," Danny said forcefully while slowly forcing you back towards the door. I stopped cowering in the doorway to the living room and stepped out into the hall to watch you leave.
You didn’t even bother to put up a fight with Dan and just turned to leave. You looked back at me with eyes suddenly filled with defeat and sadness and said in a small voice, "Why him?" I never had the chance to answer your question though, as Danny sternly pushed you out, closing and locking the door. Danny came over to me and held me with such a loving and concern filled embrace. I sagged against him, not having realized how tired I felt. He pulled away slowly and longing for the comfort and warmth his arms provided already filled me. He gazed at me in silence for a few moments and then said quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I didn’t plan on telling him about you and what had been happening to me for so long, but once I started talking about it I just couldn’t seem to stop. It was like the stopper had been pulled from a bottle and I just had all these feelings inside me that could finally get out. I cried to him and I yelled to him and I questioned him. Why had I let this go on so long? I wanted to know to know why I didn’t see any of it before. Why could I only see it now? Why did I have to go through the most absolute s**t to see what a beast you are and how much more I deserve? Danny was really great trying to help me sort out what I was feeing and how I was going to deal with splitting up with you.
That’s right. Me, Thomas Fletcher, splitting up with Harry Judd. It was so empowering to think about that, to say it out loud to someone. As I was leaving Danny’s place to return to the apartment for one last night I leant over and kissed him on the cheek, thanking him for helping me get through this. He stopped me from turning to leave and held onto my hands, telling me that he would help me no matter what I decided to do about this whole situation. I could feel a slight tingle in my hands as he spoke to me, experiencing a feeling so foreign to me now. A feeling of someone genuinely caring about me and wanting me to be happy. It’s good to finally feel that way again after such a long time.
Cause I’ve seen love die, way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (when it deserved to be alive)
And I’ve seen you cry, way too many times
When you deserve to be alive
Alive
These scars they will never fade away
Later that night I found myself standing outside the door to our apartment, shivering slightly in the cold. Danny had offered to have me stay over at his but a desire to stand up for myself had filled me and I chose to return here. Danny had finally agreed to let me go only after I promised to call him straight away if you tried anything and accepted a little can of pepper spray incase I couldn’t call and needed to get away. I took the pepper spray a little begrudgingly, claiming that it was silly to take it and that I wouldn’t need it. However, Danny looked like he was about to beg me to take it so I pocketed it with no real intention of using it. I put my key in the lock and cautiously pushed to door open, checking to make sure you weren’t waiting to pounce on me. I could see no sign of you so I proceeded inside slowly. I crept down the hall towards our bedroom and peered inside. You were nowhere to be found. I rushed in and went over to the closet, pulling out my large suitcase, a solitary reminder of our days touring as a band. I didn’t have time for being sentimental and flung open the case. I began grabbing clothes out of my wardrobe, shoving them into the case at random. I was just about to close up the case and leave when I heard the sound of the door clicking shut. I stood straight up and stopped all movement. I mentally cursed myself for not checking the rest of the apartment for you. I had been so concentrated on packing that I didn’t hear you slip into the room until it was too late. I could feel your menacing presence hanging over the room like a dark cloud. I could only image how you looked; lounging against the wall near the door, looking deceptively calm. A chill ran down my spine as your voice rang out through the room, low and dangerous.
"Going somewhere, Tommy?" you said with a little chuckle that was far from humorous. I tensed slightly and quickly looked, without moving my head, for any object to use against you. My palms began to sweat as I saw no objects of defense within my eyesight. I rubbed my palms on my jeans, my hand hitting something small and shaped like a cylinder in my pocket. Filled with new courage, I leaned over and began to close my suitcase I pulled the can out of my pocket bit by bit, hoping to not attract your attention to it.
"Actually, Harry, yes I am going somewhere," I said as calmly as I could even though every nerve in my body was trembling with adrenaline.
"You little shi-," you started to say. I spun around just in time to see you lunge towards me. Pulling the little can of spray from my pocket completely I held it up and sprayed. It hit you dead in the eyes and you fell to the floor writhing in pain. For good measure, I threw the can at you and was rewarded with a satisfying thud as it hit your body. I turned, grabbed my suitcase and ran from the bedroom. I stopped only for my guitar, stored in its case in the living room. I didn’t stick around long enough to see the aftereffects of my actions; I simply wanted to get out of that hellhole as fast as I could.
I raced from the building and got as far as two streets over before my strength left me almost completely. Exhausted, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my mobile phone. I selected Dan’s number and waited for him to pick up.
"Danny? I’m all set. Can you come get me?" I mumbled tiredly.
No one cares to talk about it
Talk about it
I was half fallen asleep when Danny came and picked me up. For a while I had worried that you would try to come find me but ten minutes had passed and to be quite frank I was too tired to be bothered to move. Dan didn’t ask me anything when I got in the car, for which I was grateful. I could tell he was bursting to ask me what had happened but he held it back. I slept for most of the car ride back to his place. Once we reached his apartment Danny grabbed my bags and hauled them up to his floor for me.
As soon as we entered his apartment I felt so much better. His apartment was already more of a home to me than our apartment had ever been. All I wanted to do was collapse on his couch and sleep but I realized it wasn’t fair to Danny if I didn’t give him some answers. For all he knew, you were on your way over here right now to come try and take me away. I stayed up just long enough to give him the answers to his questions and to let him check me over for any injuries or abuse. I felt a little ridiculous about having him act like a nurse to me but a small part of me enjoyed the attention. Once he was satisfied that I wasn’t hurt in any way, Dan made me a bed on the couch and stayed up with me for a little while, holding my hand and talking. I fell asleep sometime around 2am, Danny’s voice slowly fading in and out as I drifted off.
Cause I’ve seen love die, way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (when it deserved to be alive)
And I’ve seen you cry, way too many times
When you deserve to be alive
Alive
I was startled awake the next morning, having just had a horrible nightmare. A malevolent fear gripped me; my heart was racing and I was trembling slightly. I didn’t recognize where I was at first. Frantically I looked around and realized I was in Danny’s living room. Just as I started to calm down and get my heart rate back to normal, I was given an even bigger shock when I heard a loud snore erupt from somewhere near me. Startled I looked down off the edge of the couch I was sleeping on and saw the most adorable sight. Danny was curled up on the floor next to the couch, with a sweet look on his face and a mess of tousled curls on his head. I realized his snoring had been the reason I had almost just had a heart attack and giggled to myself. For a few minutes I simply watched Danny as he slept, mesmerized by the pattern of freckles on his face. It wasn’t until I felt a small tugging on my hand as he snuffled in his sleep that I realized he had held my hand throughout the whole night. Smiling to myself, I leaned back down on my pillow and decided that a few more hours of sleep would be best. Just as I closed my eyes another earthquake like snore filled the air around me. I sighed and pulled my blanket up to cover my ears, smiling all the while.
The End.
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Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:00 pm
From what I saw, it's cuute.
But I didn't pay very much attention to it. D=
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Reply
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