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 Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 8:51 pm
 Cassiel had settled, somewhat, with her mother's side of the family. Grandpa - as she honestly couldn't remember his real name - had turned out to be surprisingly sweet and gentle with her, a thing that confused her to no end. Even the crazy, hyperactive swirled uncle of hers had taken to her most readily - always attempting to play or showing her affection. They were a sweet lot, on the one hand, and yet even their most stubborn of affections seemed to fall short of the filly.
It wasn't the same as Eponine's attention - and it surely wasn't at all like her fathers.
Some days were better than others - sometimes that darkness seemed to fall back and allow a more gentle light to shine through. Some times she responded to the attention, to the nuzzles and offers of games and tried her best to be good. Somedays were. . . almost. . . normal.
But as the sun always set at night, that darkness more often than not reared its ugly and burning head. There was no escape from that void, from that voice that raked its acid claws down her soul. No matter how 'good' she tried to be, that pain always returned. . . pain that wasn't necessarily just her own.
Though she suffered nothing like her paternal grand-father, Reaper, and perhaps it wasn't at all like Ezriel's pain - but it was pain enough and the little one, enough to render her broken. It was unbearable for a heart so weak, and a wonder the little thing had managed as long as she had. Strange how she couldn't shake the voice, strange how she couldn't shake the despair and darkness that overwhelmed her. Had fate been so cruel as to let her hear, as to let her understand the secret of her parents. . .
She didn't mind that Mother and Father were apart, but she did mind that their feelings were so . . .negative. And why such unhappiness? Because of them. Little Rue's existence along with her own. Mistake. Regret. Worthless. Unwanted. Unneeded. Loathed. Obligation.
With age and growth she understood more and more how deep that pit of darkness ran and the harder it became to forget, the harder it came to feel anything. Tonight was no different. Though it was close to nightfall, the little one walked beyond the cave and vally of Eponine's family. Her mother wasn't too far, but was beginning to allow the little filly more time alone. While younger it had been hell trying to escape Eponine's sight. . . but now. . . the little one had more independence.
Though she could never completely be rid of her mothers sight - at least not for long - she tried. And tonight was one of those nights. A chillw as in the air, but the evenings stars cast light down on the quiet world. There were no shouts or Aiolos or laughter from the family - the family she just didn't fit in to.
Would it be different if she had gone with Ezriel?
Possible - but, then again, probably not. Where Rue had found favor, she had failed - just as seemed to be her lot in life.
Failure.
She failed life, and ironically enough, failed at death too.
Cassiel was no winner. . . . Ears pinned, head lowered, she mumbled a soft song. "Everybody loves a winner, so nobody loved me..."
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:11 pm
The bitter cold of winter nipped at his hooves as he drifted, wandering to where he was rather certain he would find the location of where Eponine was along with his daughter, Cassiel.
Already the stallion was damn certain that his father, Reaper was somehow aware of his foals existance and perhaps even questioning why he wasn't with them or playing a more vital role of a father. Already he had heard rumors from his own sources of a sort about how his daughter still holding anger and a certain depressed, lonely and forlorn nature (and was certain she would continue to be) that was intoxicating and seemed endless. He flared his nostrils and shook his head, voidless orbs narrowing upon the path before him as he kept up a strong pace.
If she stayed mad at him forever then fine- that was her choice. He didn't have time to please others, he didn't have any damn time to stick around and be a 'fatherly figure'. The least he could do is make sure that Reaper hadn't found then or decided to shed his daughter or sons blood and try to keep the problems of his past away from them. Wasn't that being a good father? Yet somehow he still had the need to set her straight.
Why?
Hell if he knew!
But somehow the stallion felt that she deserved to know the truth and just tell her straight, up front and then he could leave. Oh sure, Cassiel probably wouldn't listen but at least he would have told her and he could continue trying to make sense out of his damn life. It still hurt. It still hurt thinking that he could one day return to the cliffsides and be reunited with Nimue. Ezriel was simply dreaming with a broken hearts- god knows that the waking up was always the hardest part only to realize that such a wish, such a want in ones life would never come true.
Reaper had won her. He had lost.
A damn foal wouldn't know that pain! A foal wouldn't even have the slightest idea of what it would fee like. A cloven hoof pawed at the ground as his nostrils exhaled a wreath of cold mist that dissapated into the air. Ezriel shook his head as his spaded, spiked tail swayed behind him.
It was time to set her straight.
God knows she wouldn't listen and deny everything- he'd yell to make her listen and just to get his point across if he had to. He was doing this for her own good and maybe later in life she'd be able to somehow overcome that consuming and hopeless, worthless feeling of darkness like he once did. But somehow Ezriel felt as if her symptoms and woes were vastly different than his- he was never like her. He had a voice, he spoke and was angry! Hateful against the world for how those around him scroned at him and mocked him for how he looked. But, in the end, he proved them wrong and even now he still did.
Give or take he wasn't damn perfect; he still made mistakes but he still tried to do what was best but lately that seemed to fade. He was still broken after all.
That familiar scent of hers lingered within the air as his ears flickered. He approached slowly as in the distance he could see a red-pink and white hued figure a length or so away. "Cassiel," the stallion called out, his tone low yet somewhat smooth, silkly athough that hint of a stern, serious nature was easily detected.
"We need to talk."
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:40 pm
Cassiel stopped in her walk, ears twitching forward for just a moment.
Oh - so now he showed. There was no scream of joy, there was no delighted laughed that meant Rue was nearby - apparently he'd dropped his brother off somewhere no where near.
Figured. Of course she couldn't spend time with her sibling - why subject the favorite to her woe and dismay? It would figure the only ounce of light she felt would be taken away, hidden from the failure of the family. And that voice - that grating, serious voice. The hair on the back of her neck stood and her stomach took a flying leap off an invisible cliff.
Great.
Turning, black orbs burning she faced her father, but didn't dare approach. Heaven forbid she get too close and grate his nerves further. Heaven forbid she make him mourn at the sight of such a pathetic thing, heaven forbid he see her for what she was - as worthless - and remind her of such a place. For a brief moment the girl wondered what exactly they needed to speak about. . . .
What was there to say?
What explanation was needed?
But, at that same rate, who was she to deny her father? If he wanted to speak than let him speak. Neck down, she waited, as if expecting some blow. What might escape his maw, what words did he want to speak now, after tossing her aside so easily?
Father. . . hmph. It was hardly a word. Strangely enough, there was no anger behind the colt, unlike Ezriel's darkness. It was merely a matter of fact. She didn't fight what was truth, and though it grieved her, the darkness that burned behind her eyes wasn't blame or anger. Just hurt. Just pain.
One so lowly as she didn't deserve their affections - most importantly his. Mother faked it, but father was honest enough to keep himself from bothering. Heaving a small sigh, she waited. What was it he wanted to say?
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:17 pm
Where was Rue?
Oh yes.
That's right. Rue was already alseep and Ezriel didn't want to bring him on the several mile journey. He could still understand the despise and even hatred that his own daughter held against him but that didn't intimidate him nor cause him to turn back in the least. Oh no- he had faced hell head on with its gaping jaws and certainly having to deal with his own daughter was low on the threat level.
He flared his nostrils slightly as the silence between them increased as his daughter waited for him. Damn, he always had to make the first move. Sometimes he wished Cassiel would have more brawn and strength- knowing his father Reaper would find her pitiful and certainly not of his loin. Sooner or later Ezriel wanted to change that and mold her into something more but it seemed that his daughter was already set in stone and unwilling to accept anything than the so called 'truth' she rooted herself so firmly in. The spiked stallion slowly approached, drawing closer as his void-less orbs focused upon his daughter and nothing else.
"When your mother and I first met- we didn't have any intentions of being together." He didn't need no sappy introduction on the topics he wished to discuss, he was getting straight to the issues that had been silenced and never spoken of. It was time for her to know and that time was now.
"Your mother was kind enough to comfort me after I was nearly killed by my own father and lost the love of my life, Nimue, to him. Somehow in the middle we ended up letting passions and emotions blind us and- she was pregnant with you and your brother. You can hate me for it not working out between your mom and I- but don't blame her. She's a damn good individual and the sweetest one I know." His voice was low, somber with a tiredness to it but that stern hint that embedded itself within his voice. Ezriel was never blind to the situation and knew very well how Cassiel felt but Eponine was the one trying, trying so damn hard!
And what about himself? Where was he? Why wasn't he there with her?
"I know I'm not much of a damn good father- but I'm trying to do what I can and its probably not enough. yes- I left your mother, yes we were never fully in love and were uncertain what to do when we found out that she was pregnant and maybe that makes me look like a ******** up failure because I took Rue with me and left!"
He shook his head. Ezriel was feeling as if he wasn't making any sense and getting nowhere. The stallion grinded his teeth and flicked his ears, exhaling a deep breath. "
I took Rue with me because I thought I could handle him and care for him easily...than I could you." Subconciously a cloven hoof pawed at the ground as he shook his head yet again. "I was scared out of my damn mind to take you with me- I thought it was best to leave you with your mother while I run about these lands trying to hide away from my father, Nimue and everyone else. You would be safer here than you would ever be with me." Rather certain that he wasn't getting through to her, Ezriel continued.
"Look, you have a good family here- you have your mom, your Uncle Zevach, Aiolos and your Grandpa Twilight and Grandma Cosette. But I'm hear to offer you to come with me and Rue to meet your other side of the family...if you're gonna be part of this family you'll need to meet everyone."
He didn't have a clue in hell if she would accept and of all the other things of the past he needed to explain to her but- well, at least it was a start. Well, of course she'd have to accept.
Hell, he wasn't going to force her to go.
"I'm sure Rue would want to spend time with you...and...so would I."
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:52 pm
Cassiel stood in the cold snow, listening as her father began to explain. It didn't surprise her that the relationship between Eponine and himself was false - in fact, it could hardly have been considered a relationship. Her father's words proved it - but there was no pain or remorse over such a thing. Many a family was broken and it seemed hers was no different - but at least it shed light on a few unfamiliar characters.
Like Nimue - the love of her fathers life? Lost to . . . . her winged Grandpa?
Odd but such was the irony of life. It was a shame that things hadn't worked out for the brazen stallion before her - it seemed as he spoke as if there was his own sense of pain and hurt behind such words. Could her father feel such things. . . ? Maybe. Odd though as he spoke - afraid of her? What was there to be afraid of?
Her gaze darkened and she frowned slightly, brows knitting as she tried to understand how or why. What was so frightening about her? Self-consciously she glanced down at her crimson form, lifting up a hoof to study it as if it could hold the secret of her father's frustration and fear. Strange - he had left out of fear of all things, and abandoned her to her mothers care.
True - the family that waited near and within the cave were good - they were kind, gentle, and ever sweet. A strange mixture, truly, especially with her plopped headfirst in the middle. . . and yet. . . . right now it was difficult to appreciate. She didn't feel as if she belonged - not yet at least. Strange how she looked nothing like the mare that carried them, strange how she fit in so little with the family - from personality to appearance.
And yet . . . did she fit in much with Ezriel's side?
. . . . probably not.
It seemed more and more she just plum didn't fit anywhere, and at such a young age it wasn't an easy cross to bear. There was no happy medium for the little colt, and softer, gentler emotions seemed unlearned by such a soul.
Truly, she lived a life of confusion.
Her ears were pricked as Ezriel continued to speak, and yet his words did little to ease her pain. Just because he admitted they were unwanted didn't touch the hurt - it merely reminded her of the wound quite readily apparent. It seemed as if her father didn't quite understand. . . . Her mother at least tried, but Ezriel wasn't the caring sort. Regardless the reason, he had picked Rue and hadn't even bothered her or Eponine with his presence until now. . . .
She knew why. . . .
And yet, the girl caught his gaze as he brought up a most surprising notion - her? Go with him? Surely he couldn't be truthful, could he? Surely he couldn't mean it. . . . To want to spend time with her - the one he loathed, the one he hated, the one he feared. He had said so himself he had, so what gave? What was the catch?
One breath, two, and so on as the silence stretched. The cogs of her mind worked and the darkness threw out every excuse in the book - from pity to sadist torment. But to see her brother. . . . . to spend some time with him. And to spend some time with Father. . .
That was the most intriguing of all.
Truly, all she wished for his praise, a sliver of love, an ounce of affection. Of course, she understood such a thing was naught to be - she failed her family on all levels, from Reaper, to Ezriel, to Eponine and Twilight. . . . She was like a piece of the puzzle that had been placed in the wrong box. And yet, if even for a day, that was all she wanted.
To spend a little time with her father, to know what it was like to be with him.
"What of Mother? Will you keep Rue from her for always?"
Whether or not Mother wanted her to go was besides the point. She would come back. . . For Eponine and Grandpa had been the first to show her love, and somewhere, deep down, Cassiel did wish to return such affections. But now was not that time . . . not yet.
There was mysteries to figure out, and darkness to conquer. And as hard as Eponine loved, she couldn't possibly understand. But maybe - just maybe - Ezriel could.
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 11:26 pm
The long silence between both stallion and foal was expected and even behind her void-less orbs Ezriel was certain that the cogs and wheels of her mind were scrutinizing, analyzing and mulling over the many thoughts, spoken words and emotions that seemed to be pent up within such a small frame. He knew that feeling all too well- somehow he was certain that it was something, those darkened thoughts and those horrid speculations and skewed view of the truth of the world that kept his daughter so concealed and hidden.
Although Ezriel hadn't been around much nor played a vital role or supportive fatherly figure- he wanted to help Cassiel.
He wanted to play a stronger role.
"Eponine will stay here- if you want...you can come with Rue and I to see my family. As for Rue," he pursed his lips slightly, pale ears flickering as he exhaled a deep breath from his nostrils, "he'll come and visit- I won't keep him all to my damn self. He needs time with you and Eponine as well- perhaps your mother and I can switch off and you can come with me...if you want to."
After the recent brawl with Nimue, Ezriel was certain that he would never reunite nor see her again. No- he wanted nothing to do with her. There was so much pain, too many accusations and so much contention between the two that he could never be with her again for fear that Reaper would kill him this time and finish the job. He had believed that he and his father had a bond and an understanding but it seemed that he had gone against that after realizing that his father had certain intentions to be the father of Nimue's foals and even the loss of her had caused the male to break down, to succumb to emotions and passions and entwine an innocent mare into thinking that they both felt the same way.
Even now he stayed within the shadows, hiding his right eye from sight as it was scarred and flesh on the upper brow and down his cheek as its appearance was still tainted and tarnished with blood as it felt like another hidden event and another weight thrown upon his shoulder.
Ezriel took a step closer, clearing his throat as he lowered his head towards his daughter, still engulfed within the shadows. "I never meant to hurt you, Cassiel- I never... I don't want you to hate me but for some things I sure as hell can't blame you to hate me for. There is still so many damn things I want to tell you- that I need to tell you," he commented low, cenching his jowls slightly as his forehooves trembled ever so slightly.
"Ask me....ask me anything and I'll tell you. I don't think you should be left in the dark or have to be lied to about any of this s**t. I want to be straight and honest...."
Slowly, the stallion inched his head closer to brush against her cheek and nuzzle against her. He was still new at showing emotions- after Nimue and the loss of her he hadn't shown emotion and at times refused. Ezriel never liked to expose that side of himself but now... now he was.
A small, comforting rumble rose from his throat as he brushed against her cheek and then pulled away slowly, his eyes leveling with hers.
"Even if you were a 'mistake', your a goddamn good one I'd never take back."
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:05 am
Cassiel listened, the war renewed within her soul. Darkness warred with light, secret wants reaching out to touch the surface of her heart only to be cast aside by night. An ongoing struggle, and difficult for the little one to bear. Such a burden wasn't right, but no one in her family asked for it - Ezriel surely hadn't, and Reaper. . . . well. . . he was a case all alone. Still, the light was reaching out, beckoning her to step in to a different, gentler state of mind. Scare as it was, part of the little filly understood it be good. . .
Later she might realize such a light was called hope and peace, but at such a young age she knew not what it meant. Hope that she was worth more than what the other half of her suspected, peace that she could be content with the lady she might become. Still, the battle would always rage. . . . At best she could only hope for her soul to be temporarily subdued.
As her dark eyes contemplated her father's words, she lifted her head as he stepped shakily forward. Uh-oh - had she done something wrong? As the large, horned stallion moved closer Cassiel almost cringed, unsure what to expect. A bite? A poke? A push over? Instead - he begged her to ask for truth, to ask for some sort of question. . . and on top of everything, he actually brushed her cheek with a gentle nuzzle of his own. It felt foreign, much unlike Eponine, but. . . . pleasant none the less.
Still, she was afraid to reciprocate the action out of fear it might end or scare him off completely. Besides - he had asked for a question, hadn't he? Ahh. . . and to put the icing on the cake, he admitted what she knew all along - she was a mistake. Sweet of him to say he'd never take it back, but the beginning was all the same. How could she know it was truth that he spoke? How could she knew he truly meant what he said. . . .?
Oh well.
Unmoving, she slowly, shyly craned her neck up to look at him. The white stallion was much larger than she'd expected up close, especially with his head so close to her own. But, at that same notion, Cassiel was slight and petite. . .a bit of a runt. Studying the black orbs that mirrored her own, the little filly gave a small sigh. Carefully, hesitantly, she reached out to place her nose against his own and had but what one question to ask.
". . . why does it . . hurt?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 3:35 pm
Those void-less orbs narrowed, staring into those reflected and inherited by his daugter as his ears perked up slightly at her question.
Why does it hurt?
There were so many things in the world that could inflict pain, cause sorrows and devastate ones own outlook- there seemed to be a plethora of invisible invalids that could consume ones own self and tear ones very heart apart within the blink of an eye or even a long, grueling process. For a moment the stallion pursed his lips, lightly pressing his nose against that of his daughters as his facial expression became one that was serious, crimson brows knitting as he exhaled deeply and soft.
"You may think that you and your emotions, how you feel and what you think of yourself are a myster to the whole damn world- but that's not true. When I was your age I was conflicted- I always have been conflicted by the darkness thought to be a curse from my own father, Reaper, which constantly battled against my own inner light and kindness which had been instilled in my by my mother, your Grandmother Korrine, since I broke free from my own basket," he began, a low yet soft tone as he kept his nose lightly pressing and touching against his daughters. "When I was your age I thought of myself as against the world; no one respected me and everyone judged me because of how I looked and all I knew was nothing but hatred, anger and fear. Even my own sister, your aunt Meera, was so scared of me because I reminded her of Reaper- she never could look at me. That pain, that ******** pain festered because I let it hurt, because I cared so much about the damn world and what it saw of me that I had built up a wall to keep all away from me and at bay."
Ezriel never had talked about his inner problems much to anyone except Tal but he felt that his own daughter, Cassiel fit the exception as well. Somehow wihtin her own void-less orbs he could see pain- a pain that he knew of yet one that was so similiar but so different compared to the one that he had faced and carried for so long. No- he would not let her struggle and be condemned by her own emotions. The stallion wanted to give her a realization and even his own experience that it could be changed.
Facing such a damn trial wasn't always a life sentence. Though it was a hell of a journey and a struggle both physical, mental and emotional things could change.
"Cassiel," he continued softly, furrowing his crimson brows as he leveled his eyes with hers. "It hurts because you let it- it hurts because you don't let go. For some damn reason you have a pre-determined view of the world and notions that you can't get rid of. Sooner or later you need to adjust your perspective and stand damn tall and proud- find someone you can lean on and depend on to help you see the world and yourself. I can't always be at your side- to make the hurt stop you have to take control and not let it hurt."
He was telling her the truth with nothing held back. Although he wasn't certain if it was the exact answer Cassiel was looking for, Ezriel flicked his ears as he pressed his nose against hers a bit more and smiled.
"But that doesn't mean I won't try to help you," he added. "You and I are more similar than you think- I can see it in you. Just like I was told when I was your age I'll tell it to you as well," Ezriel mused, raising his head upwards with a grin.
"Cassiel- you've got a lot of damn potential, give 'em hell and make the most out of it. There's no use wasting that damn-tastic bloodline you have or else we'll find another way to put it to use." Leveling his head back as he again pressed his nose against hers, Ezriel managed to grin a bit wider.
"Damn, you really do need to meet my side of the family.....it would make a lot more sense......not to mention your Grandma Korrine, Aunt Meera and Uncle Dante still want to meet you."
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Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 9:49 am
Cassiel stayed nose to nose with her father as she listened to his words, her ears pricked high in concentration. Black orbs met black orbs and she stared hard within as if attempting to take a secret peak at his soul. Was his pain truly like her own? Had he been just as conflicted as she? Was he the one she blamed?
No.
She could blame no one for her inner darkness and torment but herself. The darkness had survived within she, had hurt her, and too often manipulated her in to such negative and dark thoughts. That hurt and pain in her had been her own doing, hadn't it, or at least had been born within her - that made it her responsibility, yes? Despite the hurt that she allowed to fester, to contaminate her soul, the little filly did find some comfort within Ezriel's words. Regardless of her pain, she knew she was not alone. There was someone out there that could almost understand, someone out there that had felt a rejection like her own - and oddly enough it came from her father.
He was often an angry sort, so it honestly didn't surprise her. Certainly Eponine felt no overwhelming darkness as this, certainly her spirits weren't quite so shattered as this. Her black tail swished some as she mulled over what her father was telling her - strangely enough, his words were almost familiar. She remembered what not-so-angel-Grandpa had told her, had encouraged her to do. And though, after parting, she had felt better - it seemed that even she could have set backs. Even she could fall off the trail of pride. . . Thankfully though, Ezriel was there to nudge her back on such a path.
Though she'd always be sensitive, and surely be shy, there was inspiration in her family to desire nothing more than to live. What had Reaper told her - to not care what other soquili thought? To not allow her parents to have control over her? Just because she and Rue were an inconvenience shouldn't mean that her life meant so little. There was logic in that, just as her father told her to give 'em hell and make the most out of it.
Again, it almost seemed as if they all (regardless of regret) wanted them to live! The exact meaning still eluded her, as to live for games and play seemed somewhat petty. Certainly, grudgingly, even the little one could admit they were fun from time to time. . . But what of it? There had to be something more than just that. . . .
But what?
Though it would always hurt, a pain she couldn't rid herself of completely, it at least was a start. Yes, a change could already be seen as her shoulders didn't slump quite so much, and her expression had lightened and - dare say - softened as she studied her father. She could be gentle, certainly, and with a lot of help and work, she could possibly ignore that inner darkness that writhed underneath her skin. Light could also be found, a knowledge that she did have Eponine's side of the family to fall back upon, and had yet to meet more of Ezriels.
At the mention of more family, the little one perked up some, and offered a whisper of a smile. "Will I get to see Not-So-Angel-Grandpapa too?
She couldn't help it - Reaper was a strong standing General and had been inspiring to listen to. Though it didn't upset her that he had thought so poorly of herself, that didn't mean she couldn't try to change and grow stronger. Ezriel himself said that she should be proud and had a damntastaic bloodline. That meant something good, right?
Maybe.
The darkness tried to tell her otherwise, but with her father so close as well as his approval and blessing placed upon her, she couldn't let it overwhelm her.
Not yet at least.
Cautiously, shyly, she dipped underneath his chin and rubbed up and against his legs, an affectionate gesture all the same. Still, one could tell she was nervous about showing such blatant gentleness, and at the slightest movement she almost jerked away, wincing. It was hard to tell if she could be so loving with her Father even if he didn't love her - - - -
Nope. No. She wasn't going to think that - not right now. If he didn't care why did he speak to her and why did he offer her encouragement to stay and be strong and proud? What had Reaper said - there was a reason to live? Even if he hated the clouds with a passion, even if he had so little and was rejected, he still lived. He still had pride. And wasn't that what he had asked of her?
Oh, it wouldn't be an easy change and she surely would have setbacks, but it was nice to know a few in her family were finally getting through. It was at this time in her life she needed her father's guidance more than ever if she were to grow past the darkness and pain that reached out to her.
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:16 pm
For a few moments he remained silent, his black orbs leveled with those of his daughter as he managed to continue smiling while his spaded, spiked tail swayed nonchalantly behind him. It was more than apparent that there certainly was a striking resemblance in both father and daughter as well as in son as well. Those black, voidless orbs and the hues of red, white and black were all to familiar and passed down from his side which seemed nearly all too dominant. Ezriel himself had expected the foals to be more of that icy, blue toned that Eponine had but this? It seemed his genes were more dominant than he thought.
Was that a good thing or a bad thing? To be honest the stallion wasn't qutie sure.
Though it could be noted that Ezriel hadn't quite been around or been in range of his daughter the stallion had still managed to keep tabs on her from inner sources and those which would not be named. With the realization of the darkness that harbored within his own daughters soul and damn certain that sooner or later would make his 'introduction' somehow into the foals lives, Ezriel had fought against himself and had found that need, no- that desire to want to be there for the foals whom he had sired by accident. The blame of the occurance was one he couldn't hold against Eponine as it had been his fault and the result of falling victim to animus emotions and needs fed by the loneliness and anger that harbored still after losing Nimue to his own father.
That horrible emptiness had yet to hint at a time where it would forsaken him for its next host and yet with an empty void within his heart the stallion needed something to fill it with. Being one who wasn't quite skilled in showing affection as with Nimue he had gained the courage to and with his family he found it was acquired easily with trust and comfort which his mother so diligently nutured them with, Ezriel just couldn't abandon them.
No, he'd be damned if he abandoned his own foals just like his father, Reaper, had to do to he and his siblings. Ezriel wanted to break the cycle and neither Rue nor Cassiel deserved it.
From the curse of Reaper, to the similiar darkness that had harbored itself within Ezriels soul and now into Cassiels mindframe, it seemed puzzling. It was a pain that would always hurt, a pain that never could be ridded completely of but somewhere within the mess of ties, knots and snares there had to be a start to all of this madness. Change was a possible outcome but it took a hell of a lot of effort! It couldn't simply be wished for or something that one could barter for- it was something one would have to work their a** off for and never cease to try to obtain such a thing while pleading to the fates for something, for some damn help in all of this as well.
Oh he knew. Ezriel knew very well.
When he was nearly the same age, or perhaps a little older, as his own daughter, Ezriel was distraught, hurt and scared- scared of the inner demons and darkness that whispered to him, that coaxed him to follow within his fathers wake. But somehow the fates had granted him mercy and allowed him to cross paths with 'the troll' mare named Malis; a very strange, mystical but insightful individual, really. Even by talking to the mare it seemed that she was simply reading him like an open book from cover to cover! Every trouble, every fear and the necessary remedies for all of this were disclosed to him- yet there was a price to pay for such a thing and the efforts to revive ones own soul with a cleansing ritual of body, mind and spirit was tedious and a long process but at times one could very well see the results.
A colt who once never smiled, who one remained angry and riddled in pent up anger and emotions had learned to smile, to laugh and to speak more openly to others even though at times it was hard or rather annoying to have to talk to certain individuals. But he was getting better and still making progress except currently he seemed somewhat stalled and stumbled off of the path wth dealing with a broken heart inside of his very chest. Ezriel was determined to stagger on his way and to forget about the messy ordeal but- in all honesty, it was hard to forget about Nimue.
She was his evil angel- the mare that haunted his dreams in a pleasing and comforting manner while also causing him pain and sadness even to think about. In the traditional fights of male against male when it concerns the heart of a female, Ezriel had lost and had no claim yet somehow he couldn't accept that. But on the other hoof- if he tried to find Nimue he was certain that his father would challenge him again and yet another brawl would erupt. Or damn the formalities- Reaper could very well kill him on the spot!
With the clutter thoughts and unwanted ideas, the stallion shook his head and snorted through his nostrils. He didn't need those damn thoughts to spoil his time with his daughter at the moment.
Their noses had been pressed together until Cassiel shifted, causing a crimson brow to rise upwards curiously and leaving the stallion to simply watch as she dipped her head underneath his chin and began to rub up against his legs. For a moment he felt somewhat dumbfounded and- well, a little speechless. Rue of course often rubbed up against him just like a feline, lipping and giving his slobbery kisses but Cassiel?
Ezriel hadn't expected it.
He couldn't help but chuckle slightly, lowering his head to nuzzle her again. "Yes- you'll..."
Wait.
A tightness seemed to grip his throat as he tried to clear it with a cough. Pale ears flickered as he glanced down to his daughter. 'Not-So-Ange-Grandpa'? She hadn't- did she? the tense sensation seemed to shifting from his throat to his chest, teeth grinding as he pursed his lips. It wasn't her fault- she most likely hadn't known but it sent a warning signal that Reaper was up to something and Ezriel felt a keen need to keep his guard up but what he wanted with Cassiel or what their little run in consisted of, if his hypothesis was correct of course, seemed to bother him.
"Perhaps," Ezriel began again, giving a small smile as best he could while a scowl seemed to tug at his maw at the mere thought of his fathers dealings with his foals. "But Grandma Korrine, Uncle Dante and Aunt Meera have been waiting to meet you- perhaps we will see them first and then go find 'Not-So-Angel-Grandpa?"
Oh yes. Ezriel had a new reason to find his father and speak to him. If Reaper was lurking about and attempting to haunt his foals then there was hell to pay. His father would not lay a hoof or fang on his foals or it was damn certain in Ezriels mind that another brawl would erupt but this time he would be fighting for Cassiel and Rue and he would make sure that he would win.
Shifting his weight from his hooves, Ezriel glanced around slightly and looked back towards his daughter.
"How about we go find your mom....I think I'd rather tell her that you're coming with me than just run off with you. Then we can go off and meet the rest of our family. Sound damn-tastic to you?"
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:43 pm
If the little filly noticed a change in her father's emotions and behavior she didn't put the connection together that it had to do with a particular subject; Reaper. She couldn't possibly understand everything that had erupted from one soul to the other and there for was happily ignorant of the effects on the son. Still pressed against her father's legs, black tail swishing lazily behind her, she offered a very tenative and shy smile up at her father.
"It sounds damn-tastic. . . " She added softly, black orbs lighting in a moments delight. But such a thing was short lived as she thought about the strange names - Uncle Dante? Grandma Meera? Images began to appear in her mind, her wild and dark imagination transforming the names in to vicious, snarling spiked beasts that were out to hurt her.
Dante was an intimidating name. . . .
And Meera? That didn't sound much better.
Shyly, she turned her head to bury it for just a moment in to her father's leg. There was comfort there, a sort she'd been seeking without knowing for a long while; since her first days out of her basket! After a moment she slowly setpped away and glanced back up at her father, expression borderline gentle but unsure. With a ragged and hesitant voice, a small one broke through the winter air, "But I don't know them. . . . What if - what if they dun' like me? Then what?"It was a valid question; if she was going off with Ezriel than that meant no Grandpa Twilight or Mother to hide behind, to find comfort in. That would mean she'd be far away and if the other half of her family didn't like her (which the darkness and hurt suspected might happen) where would she go? Would they kill her (a partial blessing to someone) or would they just abandon her and drive her out?
It was a tricky subject as one could never tell how deep love or like went; they might not like her even if nice to her face! But still, either way, something might very well happen to her should she not be found suitable for Ezriel's family. Though accepted with Eponine's half, and with Grandpa Twilight as her savior Cassiel understood she didn't quite fit in to the family; she was too dark, to violent, too depressing. But would she be dark enough to fit in to Ezriels? She had the white and red, yes, but no spikes - would that make a difference?
. . . maybe.
Still, she wasn't not going to give up such a great opportunity! Ears swiveled round to catch any words Ezriel might speak, she began her slow trek through the snow back the way she had come. It wouldn't be hard to find Eponine - the mare kept a close eye on her daughter, whether or not she was visible.
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Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 11:14 am
As his daughter seemed to press herself up against his leg in a security and mean of safety, the stallion chuckled deeply and lowered his head to nuzzle slightly against her. Hell, he was still new to the whole 'father' figure and was trying to at least be decent and attempt at a damn good job but sometimes his tendencies to wander off in search of the mare who long ago had stolen his heart seemed to become a ritual. He wasn't stupid- Ezriel knew very well that his absence had certainly, and would, create a rift between he and his daughter while Rue remained viligant at his side. But sadly those effects perhaps couldn't be fathomed at this time- and that heavy, ill-churning sensation within his stomach seemed to acknowledge such a thing as well.
For now all that the pale, white and crimson stallion could do was to try to do whatever he could while also trying to regain his shattered and dismantled composure that slowly was rebuilding itself.
His emotions had been kept away- not wanting to get attached to his daughter knowing that the fear of his own father would come haunting and seeking revenge or means of finding a way to torment the young stallion again. Everyone thought he was cold, distant and never gave a damn but what did they know? Yes, the pains of the past still haunted him and even the clear whispers of those seeing him as a martyr only made the mutant ground his teeth together and lash out with a horrible, wicked growl. Ezriel was no fool- it was clear to him. But other bystanders and onlookers didn't have a ******** clue about him or his past. Oh the cleverness of them! What little they knew and evidence they had to throw out a judgement or two! Bastards- they were all god damn bastards! No one could understand fully how it felt to lose ones own heart; living day by day praying to whatever gods would listen that you would make it to see another day without breaking down and throwing everything in against all odds.
Ezriels window that he looked outside to view the world was abstracted by the pains of the past and by his own mix of emotions- a deadly mix of malice, hatred, sadness and revenge. When or how his view would be realigned and in focus no one knew.
No timeline or date could be arrange for the return of a broken heart and severed mind.
Obsidian orbs watched carefully as his daughter stepped away and peered upwards towards him. His own crimson brows furrowed slightly, ears perking upwards as she spoke while his lips pursed ever so slightly. What if they didn't like her? Impossible.
"They deserve more credit than that," the stallion commented with a small smile.
"Your Grandma Korrine doesn't have a mean or horrible bone in her body- she's never angry and is the sweetest mare just like your mother. As for Dante, he's a bit of a push over but he has your Grandmas heart. He's a good guy. And Meera, damn. Meera's changed a lot since I last saw her but none of them would nor could ever hate you. They're family."
Sure it probably wasn't extremely comforting or full of a gung-ho reason but it was the truth. It would never cross his mind as it seemed illogical and impossible that his family would hate her. It was a damn silly thought! Sure she would be away from the comfort of Eponines family but there was a part of Ezriel that wanted to expose her more outside and into his own family. Whether she would accept or really depend on them was out of his hooves- it was all up to Cassiel and he couldn't (nor would he) force her.
Exhaling a breath from out of his nostrils, Ezriel glanced down towards the filly.
"What do you think?"
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