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 Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:01 pm
For goodness sake, what did this woman do?
Kenth stared blankly at the messy room that was supposedly Alex's dorm. He had, after fleeing the scene at the beach, returned to his office, tried to settle down himself and tried to work, found himself distracted more than ever, found his heart beating at a disturbing rate, and eventually gave up all hopes of turning things back to normal and picked up the directory that was left in the corner of his office with a thick layer of dust, found where Alexis Falcone lived, and practically dragged himself from his own office back to the teacher's dorm and to Alex's room, which was unlocked so he took the liberty of coming in without knocking.
He had expected the woman to be staring at him in shock, or in anger, or in complete coldness. But the result was none from the possibilities above. Instead he found no anger, no sadness, not even coldness, only exhaustion which was fully displayed on the sleeping female in her narrow bed that was now piled with things that shouldn't belong on a bed. In fact, nothing seemed to belong to the location they were at in this room. They were deliberately made to relocate themselves around the room randomly. Kenth nearly tripped over one of the books that was laid sideways on the floor.
Kenth peered down, and failed to find Alex's facial expression in her thick black hair that was untied and scattered around. He sighed, and for a moment he considered the option of either waking the sleeping female up or leave the room, possibly picking up a thing or two and put them back to where they were. But in the end he did nothing. Instead, he sat down on the side of the bed, adding another unnecessary weight to the comfortable mattress, and just...sat there, with eyes carelessly circling around the room almost out of curiosity, wondering how the room looked before the wreck happened.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:12 pm
Alex had spent half her life traveling. She had spent much time sleeping outdoors, in bad weather, bad conditions and bad company. Two of the many things she learned in her time was how to sleep fast and soundly, and - more importantly - how to wake up at a moment's notice, ready to move, fight, or do whatever was necessary to rebuke the source that had alerted her senses. It had been a real pain in the neck when she first came to Shinkami, as she often woke as people passed in the hallway or when laughter came from outside. She'd finally attuned her body to the school and its going ons, able to sleep through simpler things.
However, movement on her bed was not a simple thing.
She kept her breathing shallow, so that anyone near could not tell she had awakened, although she was fully alert. Her eyes slid open in the slightest, barely visible at all, but enough she could make out forms. Alex was a little disorientated, for she didn't often sleep during the day...then again, she didn't often tear her room apart and scream at an innocent man about his thick-headed brother. It was this last thought that made her eyes move down to the side of the bed, through her veil of hair, and lighting on a white-haired man...
The woman actually stopped breathing. Was she dreaming? She did a quick mental check of her body, and...no, she was awake, she could tell by the gentle impression on the bed that his body presented that he was really there. What was she supposed to do now? Kenth was on her bed, just...just looking around at...
...the result of her anger. Crap. Taking a deep breath as though she was stirring and waking up, she rolled onto her back and stretched grandly like a cat, her hair finally out of her face. Despite her knowledge of him being there, the surprise came easily to her eyes and mouth. "...Doctor?" she murmured softly.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:21 pm
Kenth was amused that nothing was actually broken or shattered around the room. There seemed to be nothing that was easily breakable, in actuality. Alex's room was full of...things he'd not seen in a normal teacher's room. Hunting gears, first-aid kits, flashlights...what did the woman think Shinkami was, a dangerous forest like the one back in China? The doctor shook his head, and snapped it around when the female called. He stared at Alex for a brief second before looking slightly side ways. His eyes still flew about the room, and it took him a moment to settle down and look back up again. But even then, all he could do was to daze at the female just awoken, no doubt by his presence. His mouth opened one or two times as if he was trying to start talking, but eventually nothing came out of it, and Kenth shut his mouth again, and just stared, which was rather silly.
He had come for a purpose, but it was not easy to reach his goal. Part of him hoped that Alex was still asleep, then, maybe when he was ready, he'd tell her in her dreams...
Saves him the trouble of stumbling on his words and feeling awkward.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:30 pm
She stared back at him in turn, tilting her head to the side as she watched him. Alex wasn't used to seeing him nervous, or flustered, and so she didn't recognize what the problem was. She rested one hand on her stomach, the other snaking slowly, if not hesitantly towards his. Scarred fingers brushed against his only briefly; she didn't want to scare him away. This was quite possibly the closest he'd come to her of his own free will, and she wasn't about to ruin that. Her lower abdomen was alive with butterflies, making her feel light and dream-like.
Alex wanted to say something, but she was afraid to. He'd come this far without any word or motion from her, without any coaxing, and she just knew that anything that came out of her face would jeopardize the situation...whatever the situation may be. She wasn't sure why he was here, or why he was on her bed...why he hadn't just awakened her, or why he was staring at her now. His inability to speak was actually somewhat endearing, earning a very slight but adoring smile from her.
The room was in tatters because of her rage at him, and yet she still found it in her to smile at him.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:39 pm
If it wasn't awkward already, the silence just made it worse. Kenth avoided Alex's gaze and her smile, and had almost wanted to run out of her room when her fingers brushed against his. But he had to stay, so he forced himself to. There was something he must say that would appease both minds. It was the only way he could think of to make Alex understand and make himself less distracted. If the dark-skinned woman was stubborn as a bull, there must be someway to tame her, and the things Kenth about to say could do just that.
...if he could actually open his mouth and say them, of course.
Kenth turned his head away, and kept his eyes focused on a sheathed knife lying on the desk. He tried so hard to focus on it that for a moment his eyes lost the focus, and his vision came to a blur. It was at that moment he took the chance and finally hissed his first words. He spoke fast, and his voice was small, but he was certain the female would hear them if she wanted to.
"I'll tell you what happened."
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:45 pm
Her heart skipped and faltered each time he looked at her and looked way; she couldn't help but wonder what he saw, this crazed woman in bed with her room in shambles. Alex finally opened her mouth to say something, but froze, noting the sudden tenseness in his body as he looked away again. She fell silent, and wisely so, for he spoke just seconds afterwards in a rush of words.
Those words were like a physical slap. She pushed herself up so that she was sitting and leaning back on her hands, her expression mingled between hope and utter shock. She wanted to tell him, You don't have to. She wanted to say, Please don't hurt yourself! But nothing came out. Her lips moved much as his had before, but words never passed them, her fingers curling into her blankets with frustration. That boiling anger was coming back, but it wasn't aimed at him this time; it was focused squarely on herself.
Alex drew her knees to herself slowly, until they pressed against her chest and her arms draped over them, much as Kenth had sat earlier that day. Still, she said nothing, unable or perhaps unwilling to find the words that would encourage him. He had his mind set, and the best she could do was heed his wishes. She owed him that much.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:56 pm
Kenth did not wait or see Alex's reaction, and he had not planned to. In his mind a bullet was let loose, and he was not about to stop talking until he was done with this issue. It didn't matter if his logical and stubborn mind screamed and told him to stop. This was what he came for, and he did not want this trip to be in vain.
"I was...the second child of the family." He started, hand clenching on his white lab coat. "I was the perfect student. I was the top of the academy, got perfect scores on national exams, never missed classes. But my parents...they never loved me as much as I thought I deserved. I suppose it was because I was not smart, because I had spent every bit of time on studying, and that was why I was able to excel in academics. So I...lacked everything else. I lacked a social life, I lacked time, in general, time to talk to others, time to make friends, time to laugh, time to cry, time to even step out of my little room to even confront my parents. I gave everything up to make myself a perfect student, and I reached my goal."
Kenth paused a little, took off his glasses and rubbed the panes on his pants. "But there was a great sacrifice to make. Nobody knew me in person, nobody cared to approach me. Those few that did, they eventually gave up because I showed a lack of interest toward them. And in no time even my parents thought that I didn't exist. I didn't mind that, actually. After all, I'd go away very soon after I graduate high school to study at places far far away, where competition would be so great that social life was not really an issue at hand."
He looked up, eyes became focused on the ceiling. "I would have a comfortable life back then, if it were not for him. He was...the oldest of the three, and he was in no way comparable to myself on academic records. Yet my parents loved him, my brother loved him, and everyone else loved him. I told myself it didn't matter, but I suppose, as a human being, this...jealousy was unstoppable. I began to question myself, question everything that I did...why, after I worked so hard to achieve my perfect grade, to earn the title of the perfect student, that I was not loved more than he was. He was...almost stupid compared to me, but it was he that my parents smiled upon, it was he that my neighbors looked up to, it was he that my little brother sought for help. Not me, I was shut off from all praises, and the grade I earned stopped impressing my parents and people around me a long time ago. They saw it as a norm, and they stopped talking about it...it became boring to them.
It was at that time when I swore to myself that I could never have peace with him around me. I worked harder, pushing my limits so I could move out quickly and away from him and all the good praises he had received. He was the popular one, and he was so popular that even after he was enlisted in the army and went away fro several years, people still talked about him, about his kindness, about his genuine smile, about how much of a perfect image he was to ladies and lads alike. My parents complained all the time during the time he was gone, about how much they missed him. I could...I simply could not bear it. Was there something I did wrong? Did I not do what they expected me to do, be smart and get good grades? My hard works...they earned me nothing but plain papers with letter As on them. I told myself to stop caring, and shut myself in even more. I did not want to hear how inferior I was compared to my older brother.
The day finally arrived. I was able to skip two levels of high school and got accepted at an elite university in England, thousands of miles away from my home. I was happy, but my happiness was not part of the reason why my parents was happy on that day. To my shock and frustration I found out that the very day I was accepted to the University was the day that Greg Larine returned to his home, who earned more than 4 medals of honor during the past few years. He was greeted like a hero. He was...a star, in my town. Everyone smiled at him and talked to him. My parents couldn't even wait for me to tell them about my acceptance before shooting out of the door to greet him. I was...left alone, all by myself, with that piece of letter of acceptance in hand. Nothing else, no encouragements, no excitements...nothing."
Kenth sighed, and swallowed hard so that his head could cool down from the flurry of memories.
"On that very day I began to wonder if my parents cared about me at all. Which was why I decided to...test them myself." He winced. His fingers dug into his legs as he touched on the most hurtful spot in his memory. "There was...a construction site near my house. It took me less than 10 minutes to get there. The place was off limits, but it didn't matter to me. I went in anyways, and walked around until I found a spot where I could fit myself in and pretend that I was stuck. The hole was not big, but enough for me to get out if I wanted to. I settled myself in, and began to scream for help. If they...if my parents really cared about me, they'd come after someone notices and ran for help. That's what I thought. I knew it was a mean trick, but even if, even if they knew it was a trick, I wouldn't minded if they could just yell at me for doing something wrong. It was the least they could do to show me that they cared."
"But they didn't come. Later on I found out that they went shopping for dinner to celebrate the return of my brother. The person who went for help did fetch HIM though..." Kenth paused there, and coughed, reluctant to go on. "And he...he went into the site without even looking at the 'do not enter' sign. I wonder if he didn't care about it, or he was just dumb and didn't see it."
"But regardless, " Kenth was now breathing a little hard, his words were forced out in between his teeth. "Regardless, he came in, and found me. It wasn't that hard to find, and I was quite disappointed that my parents didn't come. And...I really could have gotten out then if I tried a little harder, but I couldn't. I was appalled to find out that one of my foot was stuck in a tiny space just below the hole that I was in. That was when I began to panic, and it made him panic too. I mean, I suppose he saw it coming and I didn't. The trick was no longer a trick, it was real by then, and it was worse..."
Kenth sighed heavily, his eyes were now glaring at the ceiling. "That place...I didn't realize that directly above me was a platform. About a dozen of steel beams, things that're used for house building, etc, was laid there. It only took a little shake to make the beams slide off, as the platform was slanted down, probably pulled down by the weights. So...Greg was running toward me, that idiot...and I was stuck, and the beam started falling off as soon as he approached. My vision went contorted then, things were whirling around. I think I sprinkled my stuck foot then, but that wasn't the point. The point is...the point is that by the time I came to my senses, he was on top of me, and there were at least...three or four beams on top of him. There were blood on my shirt, and I knew it wasn't mine. It was his, from his chest and coughed from his mouth when the metals hit him."
Kenth stopped and shut his eyes tightly. In his mind, the words replayed in vivid images. He felt how Greg held onto him tightly, how shocked he was, how he himself was crying, but his brother...
"He asked me if I was okay, before he lost conscious."
...that idiot.
Kenth felt an urge to throw up, like he felt back then. He clamped one hand tightly against his mouth, and bent down, supporting himself by the elbow on his legs. His face remained turned away, and he didn't dare to turn back and look at Alex. There was a knot in his throat in which he must untie before he resume, otherwise...
He was afraid he might start crying again.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:57 pm
She initially listened without attachment, being neutral and impartial so she could better absorb what he was telling her. They were words she doubted he had ever said to anyone, and that there was an extremely good chance he'd never speak of them again. Regardless, Alex was slowly being drawn into his story, his words, becoming wrapped up in his description and his pain. She felt as though she could see him back then, trying so hard...trying so very hard for the very thing he rejected now.
Her mind worked rapidly; he graduated school early, meaning...this all happened after she and Greg had met, after she had left him in the Army. He was graduating, and she was fighting for her life...
And then he started to talk about the construction site. Before she knew it, she had inched towards him like a worm, eyes wide, sitting next to him around the time he mentioned Greg was coming to his aid. Green eyes became impossibly large as he explained the worse part of his memories, her lips trembling, her whole body shaking as he recounted the horrific incident.
He was suddenly doubled over in pain that was likely not physical, and Alex's heart broke in two. Her mind screamed for her to stop, not to reach out to him, it wasn't what he wanted! She did not pity him; the woman had no pity in her heart, but she did feel for him. To see the man who had changed her world in so much agony, it was more than she could stand. Her fingers stretched to gently run through his hair, trailing over his neck and shoulders; she then shifted and moved behind him on her knees, sitting with her back pressed against his.
This was her compromise. This way, she could touch him, literally be just over his shoulder if he needed her. It was her way of not looking at him so he could react as he needed to without being embarrassed by her. She knew what this was costing him, she could see it, could hear it, could feel it through his jacket. The woman stared at the opposite side of the room, and it was killing her, but her need for him was more important than her desire for him. If that wasn't love, she didn't know what was.
Through it all, she remained silent, ever vigilant if he decided he needed her.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:16 pm
"He was sent to the hospital afterwards, and almost the entire town went to see him." It was an exaggeration, but Kenth went on after having calmed himself a little. Alex against his back was surprisingly comforting, to his surprise, but he chose not to comment on it.
"He broke three ribs, and part of his lung collapsed. It was a miracle that his heart did not get smashed and squished into a pile of dead meat in his body, but it left him in a coma for about a week." the young doctor said mechanically, without any facial expressions. "Compared to him my injury was almost equal to none, and...I didn't even wait for him to wake up again before gathering my belongings and left the house to go to the university. It was a full scholarship, a free flight, and a chance that I grabbed onto to leave the house...before he wakes up, before my parents and my neighbors turn back on me and accuse me..."
I almost killed my own brother.
Kenth felt that he didn't need to continue for the clever woman behind him to understand what the others would accuse him of. He knew very well that he had made the mistake, and he was the one to be blamed. Yet he could not bear, and chose to run away, away from the family, away from him, his brother who had saved his life.
"I would have died then." Kenth whispered to himself.
If he had died then, at least he wouldn't have to face his own guilt. He wouldn't have to avoid Greg and his family, he wouldn't have to pretend that he didn't care.
"So after that I realized that there was no use in conviencing other people that I was important. Then I got used to being by myself. I then had a good career, an important position in the international board of health, and I published tons of papers. Popularity was not an issue anymore. Really...all I have to do is to continue to win, to be successful, and that's all it mattered. Emotions...they'd only cause pain for me."
Kenth said those words lightly, as if he was brushing off and didn't care. He had accomplished his goal for this trip, and that made him feel relieved.
Regardless, he could not help but to think if his parents would at least feel a little sad if he died on that day.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:29 pm
Alex hung her head. No, he didn't have to finish for her to understand, but she also saw something that both he and Greg were missing; it was an accident. Logan loved Kenth, and Kenth, in his own painful way, still loved his oldest brother. And neither of them could see it from the other. It was almost worse to know the truth than to believe something was truly awful between them. Kenth had suffered for a cry for love...and Greg had answered, but it wasn't who Kenth had wanted. God, those two...
What he really meant to say, is that he should have died then. That's why he couldn't forgive Greg. She understood now, and she was torn. Both of them were so important to her, and neither could see great misunderstanding...yet, she could see it, but she was powerless to do anything.
"Is that so," she finally spoke, her voice deep and soft. Emotions hurt him, huh. Maybe, then...maybe she shouldn't...
This wasn't about her. She had to put herself to the side and be there for him...that's what he came here for, right? Alex still couldn't say what she wanted to. She wanted to say he was important, he was brilliant, well respected...but he knew these things. She'd already said them, and he'd brushed them off. He wanted what he wanted, and he was content to exist that way. Her heart broke again.
She wanted to crawl over him, lay in his arms, encourage him and make him forget the pain...but she didn't move. All she said, in her small and dusky voice, was, "Thank you."
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:41 pm
Kenth waited there. His mind, after releasing such information, felt empty all of a sudden. There was a strange hollow feeling that creeped up to him when Alex spoke, and Kenth shivered. Was he expecting something else? What, and why exactly was he here in the first place? If he needed to say these things, he could have said them in his own mind over and over again, and nobody would hear them, and he wouldn't have to worry about what others thought. But he had came to Alex, he had came to a living person, someone who was no doubt mad just a few moment ago. He came here to talk to her, to tell her about these things, for...
He wanted to make her listen, and that was all, and that was precisely what Alex did. He shouldn't have expected anymore than that.
"You are welcome." The words came out sounding like a whimper, sounding as if he was choking on his own words. His voice was hoarse from all the talks, and he himself felt an exhaustion right after the empty feeling. "Thank you...for listening."
Kenth stood up and adjusted his lab coat. There he lingered, waited, tried to convince himself to leave but found his feet wouldn't budge. He wanted Alex to say something. To...blame him for what he did, to tell him that he should have been the one that died, to tell him that he was a criminal, a killer, someone who didn't deserve all the fames and praises from people who didn't know him. No, no...not those, anything, anything at all. He wanted her to say something, something other than a mere thank you. Something to show that at least she...
She cared.
But then, if that happened, Kenth wasn't sure if he could hold off the tears that was rushing up to his icy blue eyes.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:53 pm
The silence stretched, and Alex only took solace in the fact he hadn't moved away from her. His warmth, his presence, it soothed her troubled spirit, brought her peace. Even though he was upset, even though he had shared such a dark part of his soul, she felt as though nothing changed. No, that was a lie - if possible, her heart swelled for him even more.
His voice made her jerk her head to the side, turning as he stood. She kneeled there on her bed, the object of her affections standing mere feet away, and he...wasn't moving. He was probably worn from the painful memories, she reasoned with herself. Alex felt as if she had experienced them with him, her heart aching and sore from his own suffering. All he'd wanted was proof of love, and he'd made a desperate cry for that love...
...it occured to her that perhaps, that's exactly what he was doing now.
Slowly, languidly, she crossed the width of the narrow bed, feet sliding from beneath her and onto the floor. Standing, she was directly behind him, and it took only a few heartbeats for her to move. Arms slid around him, hands crossing over his chest, pressing her face against his back. For the second time that day, she found herself embracing Kenth; she only hoped it didn't go as it had the first time. Alex gently nuzzled between his shoulder blades, warm skin against the fabric of his jacket.
So much she wanted to say...but all that squeezed past the pulse in her throat was, "You're welcome."
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:11 pm
The warmness that was Alex was the only thing it took for water to be shot out from Kenth's eyes. He felt a tear or two drop down across his cheek, and raised a hand to wipe them away. This movement was not as easy as he thought, however. Alex's embrace became a burden, and the doctor found a hard time trying to even move an inch. He eventually struggled to break free, only to turn himself around so that he was face to face with the dark skinned woman. His eyes avoided meeting with Alex's deliberately, and instead traveled down from her forehead to her cheeks, then down to her neckline and eventually slided down to her chest that was half covered by a thin blue tank top. There the eyes settled, as Kenth did not feel the need to drop his sight on the floor as if he was expecting punishment.
"Why..." He started, and decided that he didn't need to go on to specify. The single word of question had included everything he wanted to ask. Why was Alex so stubborn, why as she so gentle now, why didn't she say anything else, why did she embrace him, why was he still here...
So why. Kenth left it at that, and waited for a million answers to come, and expecting none.
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 10:04 pm
She let him pull away, although he didn't move enough to fall out of the circle of her hands, which rested delicately on his sides. Her heart was so broken from his tale, and yet she swore even those fragments shattered at the look on his face. He couldn't even look her in the eye...and she was so at a loss for his suffering that she couldn't even crack a joke at where he WAS looking.
Fingers moved to his face to lift his glasses, pushing up on her bare toes to press her lips against his tears, warm cheek against his skin. Her hands curled around his shoulders and pulled him against her in a gentle embrace, the one not holding his glasses sliding into his hair adoringly. Alex nuzzled his neck, partially out of affection and partially so he'd know where her face was, once again making it so she couldn't look at him. He was free from her eyes. She wanted him to react, wanted him to feel comfortable, and safe...wanted him to let go, here, in the darkness and solitude of her room.
"Why not?" she breathed against his skin, not minding if he didn't do anything to return her touch. She was used to it, and quite frankly, he needed the hug more than she did. "What's passed has passed, and if you're expecting me to judge you today for what you did years ago, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed." Alex smiled against his neck.
"The answer you're looking for isn't simple. I suppose the easiest and most encompassing answer is that...I see everything I'm missing as a whole person, in you." She hugged him a little tighter, her throat somewhat tight, telling him what she had always known, "You bring me peace of mind. I like who I am when I'm with you."
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 10:15 pm
Clever. The dark skinned woman had thrown his own question right back at him. Even more so, she knew what he was thinking, and she was telling him things exactly opposite to what he wanted to hear. This did not mean, however, that Alex said something he didn't want to hear. Instead he listened quietly, not even lifting his eyes up to look at the woman in surprise or trying to move away. When Alex finished her final words a noise that sounded like a bitter chuckle escaped his throat. Kenth nodded, took a big breath and looked up to the ceiling.
"So you are telling me you are missing the core of what made up mankind, the need to kill and hate and become jealous?" It sounded more sacrastic than serious when the word came out, but the doctor was emotionless when he spoke. "You might suffer the same fate as him. Is your life really that worthless to you?"
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