[PRP] Confessions. [ Journey and Kiefer ]

[Moire Frost]

Journey was rather nervous. She hadn't started gaining any weight yet, but in her naive little heart, she knew something was up. What with the sudden bizarre cravings and the like, she thought it was very... likely.

She had to find Kiefer. There could be no other that she could tell until she found him, the one that helped her achieve her dream of becoming a mother.

"Kiefer!" she called out in her dreamy voice, knowing he probably wouldn't hear her.  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer stood by the frozen river, resting. He had run from where he had his encounter with Journey. Then freaked, and started heading back in the same direction. The stallion didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't love her. He was so sure of that. He felt horrible for doing such a thing outside of love.

But would he tell her? Or wouldn't he? He wasn't the type to face his problems head on. But he had never had a problem this serious before. It had always been silly stuff.

But this. This was big. It could ruin his life. It could ruin Journey's life. He didn't know what to do.

His ears pricked. A familiar voice. Oh no. Oh...no. He didn't know what to do. Run, or stay? She was near, he could hear her. She might stumble upon him. Or just walk by with out her knowing he could hear her. If he left, the guilt would be horrid. If he went, he didn't know what he would have to face.

So the stallion did what he was best at. Nothing. He stayed put, and pretended to be asleep. If she found him, it was meant to happen.  

[Moire Frost]

Journey began to feel frantic. Oh, she could survive without Kiefer; the children could look up to Oliver or Will as a father, wondering why they don't look like their adoptive father. Or she could tell them the truth about how their real father freaked and ran like a baby after... well, the incident.

"Kiefer!" she shouted, almost angrily. He had left her, possibly to die, probably just because he couldn't face his actions. Baby.

"Where the hell are you?" she cried, just before stopping dead in her tracks. There he was, sleeping, by a stream. Wonderful.

She stomped over to him and hit the side of his neck with her wing. "Wake up, you great lazy oaf," she spat. "We need to have a little chat."

Oh great. The hormones were kicking in.  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer cringed, the voice was getting closer. And unless he was mistaken, much angrier. Oh god. He hoped nothing happened. Maybe she wanted to tell him it was fine, and that there were no hard feelings for the way he acted.

He heard her close, and stomping right up to him. Somehow he didn't think she was in a happy or forgiving mood. In fact, her soft, normally calm voice, sounded unlike he remembered it. Hard, loud, and angry. He hadn't had a soquili yell at him since he was a foal, when he snuck away and got caught by his father. Bairn. He would yell about how he could have gotten hurt or lost, and Kiefer would always just brush it off.

Well, this was a bit different. He had snuck off, all right. But he had a feeling Journey wasn't too worried about his well being. Suddenly he felt a blow to his neck. Not hard, but it certainly wasn't an affectionate nudge. The stallion turned over on his back, and yawned, pretending he hadn't been awake, and was just tired out. Also that he didn't realize who was there.

He stumbled up, keeping his eyes closed. He didn't want to see her. Once the stallion faked getting his bearings, he slowly opened them. And there she was. Just as pretty as he remembered. Only looking very, very angry.

The stallion yawned. "Chat?" he said, slowly, looking at her. He was pretty sure he didn't love the mare. She was kind, funny, fun to be around, and very pretty. But the spark...it just wasn't there. And he was ashamed. He didn't like having to say that sort of thing to one's face. Particularly one that looked like she wanted to kill him.  

[Moire Frost]

Journey closed her eyes and promised herself that she would not strike the stallion. The hormones that coursed through her body made her feel angrier than she should have been; she was finally going to be a mother!

"Remember what happened... earlier?" she asked, mostly frustrated. "You know... the whole incident?" She hesitated, debating telling Kiefer the truth.

She knew things had changed between them. She no longer felt the rush of adrenaline, the cold sweat breaking out on her neck that she had felt before the... incident. And she could tell that Kiefer didn't feel the same way about her. So why bring children into a loveless relationship? Wouldn't it be better for her to just leave Kiefer alone and never see him again?

No. She couldn't lie to him, no matter how inconsiderate and rude he was.

She sighed heavily. "I'm pregnant."  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer looked at her. Oh he remembered. All to well. He wished he couldn't remember. But the memory was there, burnt upon his brain like a brand. And all the time in the world would never let it fade. Such a memory. It seemed wonderful at the time, and slowly spiraled into the worst time of his eyes.

The stallion remained quiet, reading her eyes. She seemed unhappy. And angry. Mostly angry. But there was a huge sadness behind them. What they did was bad, but...could it really have hurt her so much? He knew it hurt him. But...certainly they could try to move on. Not forget. But move on. She would probably never forgive him. Which he knew he deserved.

But the words that came out of the mares mouth. So blatant. So...raw. He stood there, motionless. He couldn't think. His mind was on fire. And then, suddenly, it hit him. Hard. He felt the world go numb, the sounds around him dulling as if they were far away. He felt nauseated, like he was about to pass out. Foals. Foals. Foals.

He was going to be a father.

Crap. Crap A million times crap. This was the worst thing. Ever. In the world. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't live like that. His life was over. If Journey didn't kill him, his father would. The stallion's eyes grew wide. And he did the only thing that he could possibly think of at a time like this.

He turned around, and ran, harder and faster then he ever had in his life. Away from Journey. Away from his problems.  

[Moire Frost]

Journey stared after Kiefer in a mix of disbelief and shock. Had he just run out on her, at a time like this? She dared not even dream of following him; a great bloody, slimy git such as himself would be too hard to catch now that she was running with little critters growing inside of her.

Truthfully, the thought made her feel sick to her impregnated belly. How someone could be so inconsiderate, so selfish, she did not know. But it made her knees weak with anger, so she dropped to the grassy ground, wrapping her wings around herself like a hug and weeping silently.

"Fine!" she shouted after him, a steady stream of tears cascading down her cheeks. "I don't need you anyway!"

The sad realization that struck her made her sob even harder; she did need him.  

[Moire Frost]

[ this next part takes place after Kiefer runs off, after he speaks to his father, and after Journey sought the help of three random strangers ]

Journey was thoroughly and completely exhausted. Beside her, two baskets lay on the harsh stone surface of a cave she was able to hide in, her gray wing spread out on top of them to try to keep them warm. She herself was shivering violently, the cold floor and the bone-chilling air penetrating her coat and making her eyes burn. She was just plain miserable.

And it was all his fault.

Every moment of every hour of every day, she thought about how he left her. How she had done everything on her own so far, it was a mystery to her. But she had the slightest inkling that she only went through with it all to spite him, to get back at the horrible stallion that had left her.

She lifted her wing slightly, peeking at the two baskets. One resembled her severely, but had a green gem on it, like that stallion's piercing eyes. The other, the firstborn, had that same golden coat color that she had fallen in love with.

That she was still in love with.

She felt angry, but she couldn't blame it on the baskets. No, it wasn't their fault their father was a git. It was her fault that she had chosen such a loser. But hey, the baskets were pretty.  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer had finally made the decision. He had to come back. It wasn't even a decision. It wasn't a choice. He HAD to. It was killing him, having children, perhaps born, perhaps unborn, somewhere out there. They deserved a father, even if he didn't love the mother. But he did consider her his best friend.

Somehow in all the world's cold exterior, Kiefer had managed to find a bundle of bright orange flowers. He had plucked them up out of the ground, and was now carrying them in his mouth. A pathetic attempt to show how serious he was about this. Still, the stallion was trying his very best.

He had already searched the spot where he left her. He could practically still see the indent where he had left the mare crying. Such a horrible soquili he was. But this wasn't the time to dwell on how horrible he was, he knew there would be plenty time for that when he found her. Right now the focus was just that, to find the mare. In her state, she probably didn't travel far.

Kiefer put the flowers down for a moment. "JOURNEY!" he called to the full extent of his voice, and waited for a moment of silence before yelling again. More silence. She couldn't be far. She just couldn't.

He closed his eyes tight, pushing the thought of never seeing her again out of his mind. He needed her. He wanted those foals. He wanted to see them. They were his, weather he intended to have them at all. He wanted to know if they looked like him. If they were boys, or girls. Did they get Journey's wings? Did they get his bright green eyes?

Kiefer wanted to know, he had to see his children.  

[Moire Frost]

Journey, lost in her thoughts, did not immediately comprehend the call she heard echoing about her. The cave she had chosen-- more like settled with-- was well-hidden by a small assortment of thin, dying trees, which covered it. But, after hearing what she thought to be a voice, she peered outside. She saw a shock of golden coat and nearly choked on the sudden emotion.

She scurried back to her baskets, covering them with a single huge, brown leaf she had found. At least it would hide the baskets should a marauder come, but it wouldn't protect them from the cold for long.

She emerged from the cave, standing near the entrance with a determined look on her face. The wind whipped her mane and tail against her body, and she shivered, but she held her wings out in an attempt to intimidate the stallion.

"What is it you're looking for?" she called out, thoroughly frusterated and confused by Kiefer's antics. Why would he go looking for her again after he had already left her? "Trying to break me heart again, are we?" She sounded more confident than she felt; though she spoke with a tone of dominance over him, inside she felt as though she was being ripped apart by tiny little insects. "Because if that be what you're looking for, you'd better turn around and go the other way before I decide to break somethin' o' yours."  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer brought his head down, ready to move on. He picked up the flowers, and started to move. And the voice came. It was her. He knew it. The dreamy, flowy that had been echoing in his mind for ever since he had left. 'I don't need you anyway...'

He faced her, his head as low as it would go. The stallion moved towards the mare, dropping the flowers a few feet in front of her. He took a deep breath, trying to think of what he would say. He had rehearsed it in his head so many times, the words, he thought, were burnt into his brain. But now, no matter how hard he clawed for the words, they weren't there.

His eyes flicked to her stomach. It wasn't...pregnant looking. His eyes widened. Oh god. Either the foals were born...or something horrible had happened. And it was his fault. He wasn't there. The words came out before he could think.

"The foals... did they come? Are they OK? Please say they are...." he said, his body practically shaking "Oh god...if anything happened to them..." his voice trailed off. He had never thought that something of that sort could have happened. It hadn't even crossed his mind.

Oh god.  

[Moire Frost]

Journey had actually dreamt that he had come back the night before, but she didn't remember how it ended... all she remembered was a streak of gold and some fresh-smelling orange something. Obviously Kiefer was the gold, but the orange...?

Then she saw the flowers. She felt her heart melt, betraying every emotion she had inside of her to never forgive the stallion. At least he was trying. And the way he shook when he thought the worst had happened to the foals... it was almost endearing. Almost.

"They're fine," she spat, keeping her eyes narrowed as she looked down upon him. She felt a strong urge to be kind to him, offer him a help up and show him what he had helped create, but she told herself to stay strong and be as fierce as possible to him.

She sighed heavily, closing her eyes briefly before lifting his head up to her level with her wing. One in the set of two that he said were so pretty. "Why come back now? Why not wait until they're older? Why'd you leave in the first place? What the hell went through your mind that running would be the best plan of attack?" she asked in rapid fire before she could stop herself. Wincing a little, she looked back into the cave. The baskets would be getting cold.

"Get in here," she said coldly, turning and ambling into the cave, laying down near the baskets and covering them with a wing.  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer almost felt himself go limp when she said they were Ok. Thank God. He let out a sigh, and shook his head. He knew he was being ridiculous, jumping to conclusions like that. Foal complications were rare, and enough time had gone by that they could have easily come. Still; The thought that his absence had cause such a thing still haunted him.

His head was brought up, and the questions came. For a moment his head hurt. How could he think this fast? Under such pressure? Moments later she was gone, into the cave. His heart turned, and he saw them. Two baskets. Beautiful, perfect baskets. Unharmed. Journey would be a good mother, he knew it. She was the motherly type. Which was good, since he wasn't exactly fatherly.

"I...they deserve a father" he said quietly, overtaken with the joy of seeing his foals for the first time. "I was hoping they...weren't born yet..but foals are meant to have two parents. It can be done alone..." he said slowly, and then looked at her "but I figured...well...it would be easier for you that we do this together" he said, quietly. "And I really want to be part of their life"

Kiefer sighed. Here came the hard part. Why did he leave? "I was...scared Journey. I'm...so sorry" he said, and finally met her eyes. "I can't say I love you. I just can't. But you're probably my best friend. And I can say I love the foals" he said. "I've only seen them for about 30 seconds... but I already know I love them" he said. And it was true. They were so beautiful. And they were his. His and Journey's.
 

[Moire Frost]

Journey just stopped where she was, hewing perched mere inches above the tops of the baskets. He seemed relieved that the baskets were unharmed, which surprised her. If he had run off like that, why would he fear for their safety?

Everything around her confused her so much. That's when Kiefer dropped the bombshell that he'd like to stay around with them. She couldn't bear to listen anymore, but she did (much to her dismay and bemusement).

"You're right," she said matter-of-factly, her dreamy voice floating through the space between herself, lying on the floor, and Kiefer. "They do deserve a father." She felt like she had grown so old since she had gotten pregnant, so wise and so mature. Yet, she felt exhausted, having to care for the two baskets day in and day out. The fatigue was getting to her, and occasionally, she thought she'd fall asleep on them and wake up to find them missing.

She felt as though Kiefer should be her best friend; the one that she could talk to when she needed it, the one that she should be able to count on. But in her mind, he was much more than that; the father of her first children, the stallion that helped her become what she had always wanted to be. A mother.

"No more funny business," she said seriously, wrapping her wing around the baskets even more tightly. "I'll never, ever forgive you for what you did. But you can start making it a bit closer by helping care for these two." She smiled weakly. "You can watch them. I'm off to eat," she finished lightly, hearing her stomach growl. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. She picked herself up from the ground and motioned towards the foals. "Keep them warm, or you'll be a-feelin' my hoof somewhere's it doesn't belong," she joked, exiting the cave. Any time she could put between the present and finally spilling her guts to Kiefer was welcomed.  

[Bubblegum Flavored Pandy]

Kiefer stood for a moment, in tense silence for a moment. When she spoke, saying that she agreed, that he could stay, Kiefer gave out a nervous laugh. Thank god. The stallion half expected for her to kick him out of the cave and scream that she never, ever wants to see him again, and he might as well forget the idea of ever seeing his foals.

But before he knew it, they were leaving. The stallion ran over to the baskets. He didn't have wings like Journey to keep them warm, so he pushed them close to either side of himself, and rested his head on one, planning to change which one he warmed with his neck periodically. He vaguely wished they hadn't been born in the dead of winter.

"I won't. I know I'm not Mr. Trustworthy right now, but the last thing I would ever want would be for something to happen to them. Or you." he said, giving her a grin "Because they deserve a mother as well" he added, smiling slightly.

He would fight as hard as he could for his foals. Not that he would need too. This was a quiet area, and Journey had done a good job finding a well hidden cave. Kiefer wished he was there when they were first born. But there was nothing he could do about that now.

Soon, in a few weeks, he would see his wonderful foals. Out of their baskets.

He looked down at the baskets. They themselves radiated some heat, and very occasionally they would wiggle or make little noises, which absolutely delighted him. He knew as soon as they were out he would take them to see his parents. How proud his father would be. His mother would be so delighted. Attie and Tahlia would be wonderful aunts.