[Journal] Duplex #1 - Ambrose Maurlias & Angelina Swanson

[Angelina Swanson]

"At least I... at least I know now..." she said muffled into him. She pulled back, wiping the tears from her face. "I had to know. Even knowing everything... Ambrose, if you were never going to leave here.. I'd rather be suffering through it with you."  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Ambrose felt his own eyes sting at that comment, his eyes widened in surprise as his face softened. He cupped a hand along the side of her cheek, and there was a small thumping noise on the edge of the bed. "r... really? You honestly mean that, Angelina? All things considered.... you're not upset that you came?"  

[Angelina Swanson]

Angelina smiled at him through her tears. "I'm not sorry I came... I'm sorry you came.. but if I had to chose this, or never seeing you again.. I would have been here sooner, love..."  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

At that response, Ambrose just held her tightly for a few moments, hoping that his sniffling wasn't that obvious from over her shoulder.

He breathed in her scent and closed his eyes. And, for just a moment, he was almost home again. Home where things were normal.. and safe. But like many good things, the illusion didn't last long at all. His heightened sense of smell quickly argued the scene with the faint odor of sea air, the stir of the air conditioning on his fur... and the thumping of his tail against the bed that, while mirroring his happiness, managed to screw it up all at the same time.

Finally, leaning back, he gave her a slightly more comfortable smile. It was really her, after all. "I... kept our photograph." He said randomly, gesturing to the framed portrait on the bedside. "I... I really didn't think I'd ever see you again. Since.... my most recent change... I knew that as much as I had deceived myself before hand that there was hope, that I was never going home again. And... well... I never in a thousand years imagined they'd bring you here..."
Emelyn was on his mind... and he hoped, that somehow carefully.. he could segue into it gently. Then.... she would know what needed to be known! And ... things could be okay....

... Except for Emelyn.. Ambrose was amassing a frustrating amount of guilt. He did care about her. There was no question about that. But he knew he LOVED Angelina, and it wasn't a matter of choice to his mind. It's just... he didnt' want to hurt Emelyn, either.... but .... was there any way to tell her what he needed to tell her without hurting her?  

[Angelina Swanson]

Angelina smiled at the photograph, wiping away her tears. "I hate that picture," she said, only half-meaning it. "I look so... preppy."  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Ambrose knew this, and found it amusing. He stuck his tongue out at her. "Well, I Like it. And it's not THAT different from your normal attire -just.... matched differently... and without all the jewlerey.." He smirked.

He took a breath. "Angelina.... I..." Hoo boy. "I... really didn't think I'd see you again..." He said this with a note of uneasyness...  

[Angelina Swanson]

Angelina, if anything, was a perceptive girl. She caught his tone, and she got a worried look on her face. "I... I was worried about that, too. Actually.. . I was... afraid I'd never see you alive again."  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Ambrose nodded, his eyes wandering away from her and onto the floor... the wall... the photograph...

Now was the time to say it. "I... Oh boy...." He breathed in a sigh. It was one thing to mentally prepare himself... another entirely to put words to the thoughts. "I hated myself for even considering it at first... but one month stretched into two... and then I changed again.... and.... well... I had several people talk to me... tell me I was being unrealisitc... living in the past... having faith - when that's not normally like me...." He squeezed his eyes shut so he couldn't see her face.

"Before I say anything... I want you to know that there is NO doubt in my mind where my loyalities... and my love... lies. But... I had begun to consider....m...mnm.... moving..on."  

[Angelina Swanson]

Angelina sat there and stared open-mouthed at him. "No..."

Now, normally Angelina was a pretty reasonable girl. And if she had been having perhaps... a better day... she would admit to herself that in all fairness, Ambrose deserved to attempt to move on. Especially if he thought he'd never seen her again. Angelina, certainly, had admitted to herself that one day she would move on if she could not see him again..

...but so soon? While from Ambrose's perspective things were probably much different.. but Angelina had been dying alittle every day for three months straight - and not to finally see him and to hear him say what he was about to say...

"You... oh my god.. you didn't - Ambrose..." Her mouth couldn't articulate what she was feeling, but the angry tears springing to her eyes spoke volumes.  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Why had he said that now?! Ambrose immediately berated himself. She was tired, she was stressed, he had just layed a dumptruck worth of issues on her, and now he had to throw that on the top?? Arrgh! he was stupid. But... now it was out.

HE got nervously to his feet, pacing a few steps back and forth in restlessness and discomfort. "I'm so Sorry! I feel... I feel miserable! But you have to understand! I knew where I was... I knew where you were - home! I thought they had told you I died! THey cemented in the fact I'd never go home! I was still holding out - that a ghost of a chance might bring us back together - until just a week or two ago when I had reality dumped on my shoulders."

"Angelina. I LOVE you. Nothing is going to change that. I'm NOT leaving you. I just..." He let a frustrated growl out. "I feel so damn guilty. I didn't... that... much... if... you... nevermind." He finished quickly. "Every day we were separated, I hurt. Especially after knowing the truth of this Island. And, what I was going through - what we were ALL going through... it's too much to deal with on your own. I made friends... some close friends! But... " He sighed, his shoulders sagging in defeat. "Yell at me... please... I deserve it."  

[Angelina Swanson]

Angelina stood as well. "Damn straight you deserve - Ambrose - its only been three months!! Three months were I spent every goddamn day on the phone or visiting ******** morgues. Staring at dead, decaying bodies... each time have to prepare myself for the realization that one of them, one day, was probably going to be YOU under there!" Her tears were freely flowing now as she paced in the opposite direction he was. "I couldn't even THINK about moving on, Ambrose - and I thought you were -dead- We've been together since we were seventeen and .... oh my gawd." She tangled her fingers in her hair, wanting to scream.  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Ambrose looked like he had been kicked in the stomach. His eyes were becoming more bloodshot by the moment, and he chewed hard on the inside of his cheek. He stood there, taking the fury with a hung head and a tucked tail.

"But... you had hope..." he finally whispered. "You were actively... looking for me... to find me... which is wonderful..." He whispered. "I... I had thought they told you straight out I died. I... I wanted you to be happy... I couldn't bear... the thought.." He shook his head, wrapping his arms around his chest and hunching his shoulders as he leaned against the wall. The thought of fleeing for the door briefly crossed his mind, but he knew that would only make things worse.

"For the longest time I held out hope that I would be able to go home again... somehow. But it became obvious quickly that that wasn't the case. Moreso... after this. I would be seen as a freak... and worse - I'd die if I returned before the treatments were done. The only other way I would be able to see you again... would be like this... if you came here... and with good conscience... given that I knew the fate of anyone who came... I couldn't even consider that without feeling so positively selfish and uncaring for YOUR future and needs."  

[Angelina Swanson]

What seemed to anger Angelina more is that she Ambrose was right. He had the right to try and move on. And deep in her heart she knew that if he was to be stuck here for the rest of his life it wouldn't be fair to say that he couldn't ever fall in love again.

But logic rarely stops the pain of the heart. THe overwhelming sense of betrayed dumped on her on top of everythein else. "I think I'm going ot be sick," she said, suddenly pale, and made her way towards the door.  

[Ambrose Maurlias]

Ambrose whimpered in the darkened room, supporting himself on the cold, unfeeling wall. His heart felt like it had been wrenched from his chest as well. Seeing the pain in her eyes... knowing that it was his fault. HIS fault for going against the instinct that told him that he was cheating on Angelina by trying to move on that 'soon.' Regardless of the unliklihood of seeing her... he should have held more faith.... a concept he rarely had the time of day for.... except when it came to the powers of Love.

He sunk to the floor, resting his elbows on his knees, and hoped she'd come back...  

[Angelina Swanson]

She sat outside. THe beach air helped ease her queasiness from the stuffy room. She sunk down and rested her head on her knees, sobbing. She was mad at Ambrose, mad at the world, and she felt so completely lost at the moment.

Finally she stood up and grabbed her bad. "I'm going to go put the stuff in my room," she said. She mosty just wanted an excuse to just mull things over in her own head, before Ambrose could dump anymore information on her.