I have been dumped.
It is a weird feeling really, as I had prepared for the disaster before it came. I really had no reason for feeling we would come to an end, I just... Felt it coming. It was the production of weeks--months even--what happened to us... But I suppose that before I talk about that, I should start from the beginning, so you know just how messed up I am.
Two years ago, I went out with this sweet younger boy by the name of Chris. We loved eachother--and why wouldn't we have? He was the submissive dreamer dying for romance--in fact he still is--and I was an unstable vat of hormones with a higher level of emotion than most individuals.
Unfortunately, due to our ages being a bit over a year apart, I ended up at the highschool the next year whilst he was still down at the junior high. So I decided we would take a break, then get back together and end up married like promised... But then, when I did get to see him, he acted cold, distant, and unresponsive, and it cut me deep, so I gave up on him.
Then, Curtis came ito the picture. He was an akward "goth" boy newly introduced to or school and our group. He made me smile, and I found him incredibly attractive, and a few months after I had finally broken things off with Chris, I pursued him and he complied. And all too soon, I loved him, and poor little boy that e was, he loved me, too.
I have pretty much determined that any person wishing to seek a meaningful relationship with me after getting to knw me wold have to be crazy. I have a a nice body, a pretty face, I am intelligent and talented, and I have a love-it-or-hate-it personality... I am one of those unique individuals that can b anyone at any given moment if I need to be... I do it to survive...
Curtis and I were together, and for some reason, at the very begining, I told him, "I don't know why, but I have the distinct feeling that we may end in disaster.." an ofcourse he assured me that it wouldn't be so, and I had to believe him. We felt as if we were perfect for eachother, and it was easy for me to forget Chris and that I had felt this way about someone before.
Then, another boy came into the picture that Curtis had every reasn to be threatened by--and what occured thereafter we do not discuss aside from the fact that he is not a part of my life anymore and I despise him.
And a month after that, I gave my love something... And I admit it was not the best thing to do.
And then, this year, Chriss came up to the highschool with all of his other tenthgrade buddies. And word went around--from a particular source--that I was cheating on my insecure boyfriend with my insecure exboyfriend....
And a few weeks ago, we went to the mall. He had been looking for a while for a place for us to go to be alone. So after going shopping, we went to a certain parking lot and id a certain something that my parents found out about and now my mother doesn't even want to look him in the eye... And then on Monday I got a call after school from him, and he was obviously distraught... And asked me if we woud work out and if he and my parents would be able to get along...
To which I could give no straight answer.
So, he told me that we needed to go on a break because we just weren't going to work out..
But, for some reason, though I did my crying and I felt my sorrow... And I confided in a few a week or two before hand that I was sure he was going to break up with me, I feel a little relieved. It is as if part of me was hoping for an out... Why, I have no idea, but I feel...
Free...
